Ever, Sarah (27 page)

There were a lot of weird blank spots, like segments were missing from my life as well as my diary. I read the next entry about four times and each time it got more and more confusing, it was like a page missing…

We were both tired and cranky.

After we argued over nothing, we made up, and no, you’re not getting the details. Brad put on my favorite movie, made popcorn and we watched it from beginning to end. I even think Brad liked it too. It’s so cute, now he says ‘As you wish’ whenever I ask him to do something for me.

              It seems to have skipped an entry or two here, as well.

Dear Diary,

I have a weird feeling that someone is watching everything I do. Maybe I’m paranoid, but it’s starting to bother me, and I’m feeling rather anxious, but until I know for sure, I’ll keep it between us.

Dear Diary,

Brad was in a very ornery mood today…or was it just me feeling sick and tired? He was acting very aloof towards me, and I witnessed him acting somewhat oppressive towards the staff. I tried to keep a cheerful outlook regardless, but his need to control things is worrying me. I did notice on the calendar that it is coming up on the date of

Something seems to be missing here. Like a page was removed. I looked closely and could see that there was a page cut out. Maybe I didn’t like what I wrote? Do over?

Dear Diary,

Something has come up and I know I can’t tell Brad, in fact, I won’t even write it down. I don’t know how he will react. I don’t want to make his mood worse, or put more tension on our relationship, so for now mum is the word.

Dear Diary,

I’m constantly worried and afraid. My stomach is rather queasy and I’m constantly tired. I want to be my happy self again, but it will be some time before that happens.

The good news is there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there always is. Right?

Dear Diary,

I think Brad suspects, but he hasn’t said a word. Maybe he doesn’t want a confrontation, or maybe he is not happy about it…or am I just being self-conscious and acting like a jerk? I have to admit, I’ve been such a bitch lately.

Dear Diary,

I don’t know what to do. I obviously can’t talk to Brad. But it’s getting a bit serious and I am beginning to get more than a little nervous. I need to tell someone, but I am just not sure my mother is the right person to tell. I don’t want her to worry any more than she already does. She treats me like I’m made of glass!

It’s at times like this, when I wish I had a friend to confide in.

I felt a chill run down my spine, and pulled the covers up over my legs.

I was glued to the pages; it felt like something ominous was about to happen. I continued to read.

Each day it seemed I got more and more paranoid. I was almost afraid to leave the house.

Dear Diary,

Why am I here? If I can’t live like I want to or should, then why am I here. Granted, I’m probably feeling sorry for myself. God you are saving my mother a fortune in medical bills. If not for you, I’d be telling a therapist all of this shit at an exorbitant rate.

Oh my, I sound so sad. Desperate actually. I am on a one-way trip to heartbreak.

Dear Diary,

It’s gotten out of control. I need to tell

I flipped the page, but the next entry didn’t make sense.

everyone that I am finally happy. The threat is gone. I feel comfortable again. The stress level is down.

After reading this woman’s, ‘my’, diary, I’m beginning to have a feeling for how she thinks, and this is not right. Something is just not right.

I heard the key in the lock and quickly jumped out of bed and shoved the diary back into the bottom pouch of my makeup bag, rapidly zipping it up. I walked softly into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I didn’t want Kevin to see that I’d been crying. I pushed my fingers through my hair, and brushed at invisible lint on my clothing. I was tense and worried and disjointed and I had to look like everything was dandy. Right? In either case, I left the bedroom and walked slowly down the stairs.

Kevin heard me approaching and turned to face me. He had a bit of a smile on his face and I noticed once again how handsome he really was.

“Hi.” I said.

He spun around. “Hi yourself. How’d you sleep?”

“Great. That’s the one thing I can’t complain about. I’ve slept like a stone since I got here.”

He smiled.

He looked so sweet. Like a child wanting approval.

“How about a movie tonight?”

“Only if popcorn is involved.”

“Always.” He smiled. Then pulled a DVD out of one of the bags he placed on the table. “The Hangover!”

“Sounds like a medical condition, not a movie.”

“It’s both. But it’s also very funny.”

“I’m in.”

We had take out—Chinese.

“Do I like Chinese?”

“You love it.”

“Well, thank you then.”

“My pleasure.”

“You’re good to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but really…Thank you.”

Kevin ordered for us both and I loved everything I ate, but then again, he, like Brad, new all the things I loved. They both had the advantage.

After dinner, Kevin put the movie on and we settled on the couch as we had the last two evenings. He sat down, and I sat next to him with my legs folded under me. Strangely, I still felt better keeping my distance. I don’t know if it was a defense mechanism, or I was just being extra cautious, but it was confusing to say the least. I mean I literally threw myself at Brad, without much provocation, and here was this man, treating me like a queen, bending at my every whim and I feel the need to maintain my distance. I have come to one conclusion. I am a very weird woman.

Just like Kevin said, it was a very funny movie, and I tried my hardest to stay awake. But it was like I was being drugged. My eyes were closing even as I willed them open. I was fading, but I fought it.

I caught the part where Phil, Stu and Alan took Doug to see the doctor. The doctor does blood work and tells Doug he found
Rohypnol
in the blood.

“Roofies?”

Roofies.

Roofies.

‘The date rape drug.’

Rooffies.

Known as
Rohypnol…

Date rape?

I stiffened a bit when I realized what they were saying, but quickly recovered.

“What the hell is a roofie?” I giggled, “sounds like some made-up name.”

“Who the hell knows? Hollywood.” He sneered. I turned to face him and for the first time since meeting him, I wanted to be anywhere but here with him. Just a feeling I had.

“I am so tired; I have to go to sleep.” My head lobbed backwards on the sofa.

“What am I thinking? Of course. Here, let me walk you up.”

“Thank you, but I can go by myself. Finish your movie.”

“Nah. No fun without you.”

I don’t know why, but that sounded totally disingenuous.

“Well, we’ve watched it this far, let’s see it to the end.” I said as I sat back down.

Chapter Twenty

I forced myself to keep my eyes open until the closing credits.

“Let’s get you up to bed.” Kevin stood and pulled me up to him. I felt his arms wrap around me and I stiffened.

He kissed my forehead and when I didn’t respond in any way, he looked at me with confusion in his eyes.

“Do we have any chocolate ice cream?” I tossed it out there, knowing full well we didn’t have any. I had looked through the fridge earlier while I was waiting for the water to boil for my tea.

“Um, I don’t think. No. I didn’t know we…you, of course, liked… like chocolate.” He seemed confused, out of sorts. Somewhat like I’d just caught him off guard. “I must have been in such a hurry to get home that I totally forgot you loved it. Do you want some? I can go out and…” He looked at me with a peculiar expression in his eyes, like he was trying to figure something out.

“Oh no. Of course not. It’s late. I wouldn’t want you to go out now…” I trailed off.

“Don’t be silly. I’m more than happy to get you some. There’s a Baskin Robbins in the strip mall, no more than a few miles down the road. I could be back in no time.” He was eager to please, I’d give him that.

Maybe a little too eager.

“Really, that close?” I waited a moment or two, then turned on the disappointed puppy eyes. “It’s late. I can wait until tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?” Was that relief I saw in his eyes?

“Yeah. Positive. Tomorrow is fine. Really.” I was angry with myself. I should have acted more disappointed.

“Good, let’s get you upstairs to bed.”

“Okay.” I turned to go upstairs. I’d have to be quicker the next time. Have it planned out a little better.

He said goodnight and kissed me outside my bedroom door. It was obvious his impatience with me was fading. He brought his face closer, his lips less than an inch from my own. His breath was hot and humid.

His breath was not as sweet as….

His tolerance for me to turn into a sexpot was waning and it felt like I wouldn’t have much more time before he’d run out of patience. I had to come up with a plan, since my chocolate ice cream plan failed.

With his arms still on my shoulders, I turned and walked inside. I could feel the tension in his fingertips and he tried to hold on to me. It was a bit more forceful than he’d been during my stay here.

I smiled my warmest smile and yawned. “So tired.”

He finally stepped back and I closed the door with him standing there in the doorway. I can’t swear to it, but I thought I heard him curse under his breath.

I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Afterwards, I sat down on the toilet seat for a few minutes. It seemed to hit me out of the blue that there was something about this arrangement that wasn’t right. I don’t know what it was, but there was something I wasn’t comfortable with.

I walked out and paced the floor from the bathroom to the window and back again. I heard the noise on the top of the armoire and without looking at it, walked to the window to look outside.

A definite mechanical sound emanated from that dark corner. I walked back to the other side of the bed and sat down. I listened closely and again the mechanical noise hummed.

Television my ass.

I tried to act normal, and avoided looking in the direction of the armoire, but if I had to guess, I would say that Kevin was now watching every movement I made. I pulled my socks off and climbed under the covers and turned off the lights.

I turned my back to the wall with the armoire and pretended to go to sleep. Keeping my breathing as even as possible. I lay still.

Several minutes later, there was more talking on the other side of the wall, albeit a bit lower in volume than the other day.

“Fucking cunt. Fucking teasing cunt.”

My brain froze and a cold chill worked it’s way up the length of my body, from my toes all the way to the top of my head, and all at once I was scared. No, I was petrified. There was something seriously wrong here and I could feel my desperation build. I didn’t know what I could do. No one knew where I was, although I did tell him I told my mother who I’d be with. The doors were locked with a key that only Kevin had, the windows must all be locked. The few I did try were solidly shut and I wasn’t able to move them an inch.

I couldn’t fathom why he was doing this to me. I was more than confused. Could it be that I was being overly dramatic, building something that didn’t exist in my head. Or maybe it was just my own distrust. But I
was
positive he was watching me somehow. Maybe a camera, maybe a hole in the wall. Either way I felt violated. I shuddered as I thought there was no way out of here. Was I in danger? Would he hurt me? I needed to keep my wits about me. I needed to come up with a plan. I tried to stay awake, listening for any unusual sounds, but I just couldn’t keep my eyes opened, even with the amount of adrenaline coursing through my veins. I gave in to the darkness.

I was running. I was running away from someone. Someone was trying to hurt me. I ran into a room and hid behind a chair. But then he found me. He found me and pulled me out from behind the chair. Blood.

He was laughing. The sound echoed in my brain. It was so eerie. I fought; I tried to pull his hands off of me. I reached out and scratched his face. I pushed him back with all my might and ran back outside into the hallway towards the stairs.