Exhale (17 page)

“Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?” I challenged, the banter between us feeling good. Normal.

“Not a thing.”

“That’s what I thought.” I grinned.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Mom, Darlene, and Aunt Stacy left a few minutes later for the grocery store, leaving Derek and me with Sarah and Grandpa. I gave Sarah the blueberry Danish I’d promised her as soon as the door closed behind them, which excited Sarah so much she was bouncing up and down. After she chowed down one strawberry and one blueberry Danish in a matter of minutes and then asked for another, I turned her down and finally had the wrath of Sarah rain down on me when she folded her arms and stuck her tongue out before stomping off to the living room.

“So what are you doing today? Planning on hanging out here all day?” I asked as I curled up on the edge of the couch and finished blowing my nose.

“Maybe,” Derek said as he finished braiding the tale of a My Little Pony.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Stay!” Sarah shouted, as she rocked on her knees beside Derek on the living room floor.  Her apparent sour mood was now gone as her sugar rush kicked in.

I laughed. “I think she likes you more than me.”

Derek looked up and flashed me a crooked grin. “Yeah, because I’m the one down on the floor playing with her.”

“So?” I said nastily.

“She’d probably like you more if you actually did something with her besides feed her junk food.”

“I will…later,” I said, reaching for the remote from beside my sleeping Grandpa.

Grandpa Elliot was dressed in typical old people clothes—a pair of khaki slacks, a white button-up, long-sleeved shirt, and a grey, fuzzy sweater vest. His arms were folded across his big belly and his tiny circular glasses were perched at the end of his nose. I didn’t know why he was asleep on the couch.  I thought he’d been awake before Mom and everyone left, apparently his spurt of being awake must have been short lived. Which was fine with me, he was easier to keep an eye on when he was asleep.

He had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a year ago. It had progressively gotten worse since, to the point that he had to move in with Uncle Tim and Aunt Stacy. They could afford it. Unfortunately, my parents couldn’t. I know this hurt my dad, but he never talked about it, instead he chose to say that Grandpa was in the best place he could possibly be, because Aunt Stacy used to be a nurse before she had little Sarah and decided to stay home. He said it was like killing two birds with one stone—Grandpa  needed a place to stay and a nurse, he got both at Uncle Mack’s and Aunt Stacy’s.

“What cartoons do you like, Sarah?” I asked as I hit the guide button on the remote.

“Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!” Sarah shouted, making me jump. I glanced over at Grandpa, surprised he didn’t wake up. Sarah had gotten louder than I remembered her to be, that was for sure.

“Mickey Mouse Club House…is not on,” I muttered as I scrolled through the channels. “How about The Wonder Pets?” I didn’t know what The Wonder Pets were, but it sounded like something she might like.

“Yay! Wonder Pets!” Sarah yelled as her eyes became fixated on the TV.

After about five minutes of The Wonder Pets, I was itching to change the channel. How the heck did they expect little kids to learn how to say things the right way and learn about stuff when one of the main characters was a duck with a speech impediment? How Sarah was so engrossed in the show was beyond me.

I stood up to go to the kitchen for something to drink and became acutely aware of the fact that Derek had followed me.

“Thirsty?” I asked him, glancing over my shoulder.

“Yeah, what do you got?  Any soda?”

“No, Mom purposely didn’t buy any because Aunt Stacy is kind of a health nut now,” I said and Derek chuckled. “I know, right? If she was such a health nut, you’d think she would be more concerned about the damages of going to the tanning bed every single day and what the heck they put in those whitening strips she uses three times a week.”

“Seriously,” he agreed. “I guess I’ll just take a glass of water then.”

“You know where the cups are,” I said with a little more attitude than necessary. I turned to see his expression. When I saw that his lips were twisted at the corners into a tiny smirk and he was looking at me from underneath his dark, heavy lashes, I knew that he hadn’t taken offense.

His eyes drifted from mine for a moment before finding their way back, a new emotion swirling within them—gratitude. “This is nice.”

“What is?” I needed him to clarify, this was one of those situations that I could twist a million different ways in my mind and still never come to the conclusion he had, to the reason why he had just said what he’d said.

“The way we’ve been the last couple of days.” He turned and reached into the cabinet for a glass and then leaned against the counter. He paused as he pondered his next words before turning again to face me. “The way we are right now.”

My eyes zeroed in on a smudge of blueberry that must have dripped onto the counter from someone’s Danish instead of looking at him. “I know what you mean.”

“Do you?” he asked bluntly. I flicked my eyes in his direction and nodded. “I feel like we’re getting back to where we were…before,” he said.

I smiled but kept my eyes on the smudge of blueberry filling that streaked the counter. “Me too.”

Derek filled his glass with water. He took a sip and then sat it down on the counter. “I don’t want to get too crazy or kill the…whatever it is that’s going on between us now, but I have to ask, does this,” he motioned with his hand between the two of us, “make you feel like you’re disrespecting Kyle in any way still?”

My fingers fumbled for the braided friendship bracelet twisted around my wrist. “No,” I answered honestly.

I didn’t add that what he’d said a few nights ago was what had changed my mind, my way of thinking, but instead left it at that simple answer. I wasn’t expecting what happened next. In fact, I was caught off guard more this time than I was the very first time.

Derek was next to me in an instant, his arms on either side of me, pinning me against the counter.  His face lowered and his eyes closed as he leaned in to kiss me. I waited until the last moment possible, when just the barest brush of his lips pressed against mine, before I closed my eyes too.

In the seconds between the moment when Derek’s lips touched mine and when I opened my eyes again, my mind was completely blank. Nothing mattered besides the fluttering warmth that slowly spread from the lower portion of my stomach outward and the feel of his lips pressed against mine.

“Wahoo, you two better stop all that nonsense before your mama comes in here,” Grandpa said loudly as he made his way into the kitchen, his comment and his finger directed at me.

I smiled, my cheeks flaming. “I should probably go check on Sarah now.”

Derek raised his eyebrows at me and took a big swig of his water. I interlaced my fingers with his and pulled him from the room behind me.

“You know you’re going to get sick, right?” I asked, casting him a sidelong glance.

“I thought I already told you I could handle it.” He grinned.

I laughed and shook my head as I curled back up on the couch and tucked my feet beneath me.  Sarah was still sitting in the floor, absently brushing the hair on one of her My Little Ponies, her eyes still glued to the TV screen. Derek sat beside me, letting go of my hand for only a split second before he reached back over and threaded his warm fingers through mine again. I smiled to myself, my insides feeling warm and fuzzy in a good way. I was just thinking of what this meant for us, if we were finally together for real, or if we were just taking things slow, when Grandpa came storming into the living room.

“Where’s all the damn sugar at in this house?” His voice boomed through the fairly quiet room. “I came here thinking I was going to get some sweets.”

“Mom didn’t buy that stuff this year,” I said, trying to stifle the laugh that wanted to erupt from my throat at his temper tantrum.

“It’s because of Stacy, isn’t it? She’s like a damn sugar Nazi now,” Grandpa grumbled. “Well, come on.  Get up. Let’s all go get some ice cream.”

“Ice cream? I love ice cream!” Sarah shouted as her entire face lit up.

“Mom and them should be back any minute. They just went to the grocery store,” I said, hoping to detour Grandpa’s idea.

“So, what’s your point?” he asked point-blank.

“I don’t think Aunt Stacy would want Sarah to have ice cream at 9:30 in the morning,” I said.

Grandpa smiled maliciously at me. “And you think I give a shit?”

My eyes grew wide at his choice of words and I chuckled. “Okay then, I guess we’re going to get ice cream.”

“Yea, ice cream!” Sarah yelled as she bounced up and down. “Can I get rainbow sprinkles, too?”

Grandpa winked at her. “Of course, you can.”

“Feel like driving us to get some ice cream?” I asked Derek, because I didn’t.

“Sure, why not.” He smiled.

“Ah, the boy doesn’t have to drive…I’ll drive us there,” Grandpa insisted.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind,” Derek said, his eyes flashing, he knew all about Grandpa Elliott’s sickness.

“Derek’s right, Grandpa. Why don’t you go ahead and let him drive?” I stood and walked to the door to tug on my brown boots. “So when are
your
crazy relatives getting here?” I asked Derek with a crooked grin.

He sighed. “Tomorrow.”

“Awesome,” I said sarcastically.

After getting Sarah ready and finding Aunt Stacy’s keys so that we could get Sarah’s car seat, we walked across Derek’s yard and were finally all climbing into his Jeep. Grandpa sat in the back with Sarah and I sat in the passenger seat.

I glanced at Derek as he cranked the engine and put his Jeep in reverse. I felt like things were finally returning to some form of normal between us. He caught my stare and smiled shyly. His hand reached across the seats for mine. I intertwined my fingers with his and returned his smile. I was right where I wanted to be.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

My house came alive around seven the next morning. I’d taken some nighttime medicine Mom had practically forced down my throat the night before so I would be able to sleep, because apparently she needed me up bright and early in the morning to help prepare for dinner that night. Groggy, I sauntered down the hall and into the kitchen in a pair of stretchy Capris and an oversized T-shirt. Mom and Aunt Stacy were already bustling around full force and the air smelled heavily of coffee.

“Morning, sunshine,” Mom greeted. “Pull up a stool and start peeling.”

I didn’t argue or complain because I had expected this. It was the same every year. I ended up peeling an entire mountain of potatoes, diced them up, placed them in the largest pot we had, and then filled it with water before clearing out a space in the fridge for it. An hour flew by and then another.  Come 9:00, everyone from both households was awake and congregating in our tiny kitchen.

Derek’s Aunt Sharon came with her two kids, Marcus who was now fourteen and Ashley who had just turned twelve. His Grandpa Lou and Grandma Betty came, as well as his Uncle Jared and his new wife Marisa. We had seen everyone just a few months ago for Kyle’s service, but from the way everyone acted, you would never have been able to tell. I kept watching Derek from the corner of my eye, but every now and then, I would sneak a direct glance his way, because I couldn’t help but wonder how he felt celebrating the holiday without his brother. I also noticed how Darlene and Tim seemed somber one minute and happy the next, the two emotions seemingly at war within them.

Kyle’s absence was like a big elephant in the room nobody talked about. It was there. He was there, in everyone’s heads.

It wasn’t until later that night, when we were putting the finishing touches on our feast, that someone finally breached the subject of Kyle.

“Rolls are done,” Aunt Stacy said as she pulled them from in the oven and poked at them to make sure they were soft. “And they’re soft…remember that one year when we put Kyle in charge of making the rolls and they came out rock hard?” She smiled, oblivious to what she’d just done. My mouth dropped and the room grew eerily silent. She’d mentioned the person we were all thinking about, but had refused to let his name pass from our lips, unsure if just the sound of his name would bring someone to the verge of tears. “Oh…  I’m sorry,” she said, looking directly at Darlene who stood beside her, stirring the gravy with unfocused eyes.

I watched Darlene closely as I waited for her reaction. She surprised me by laughing.

“I do remember that!” Darlene nodded. “Remember that, Tim?”

“Yeah, we took them all out back and lined up some empty soda cans for target practice with them.” Tim laughed.

Everyone laughed then and soon all of us were speaking at once to add in our own memory of that moment. More tales of previous Thanksgivings were told as we all made our plates and they continued being told throughout dinner. Derek sat beside me at the table, his body shaking as he chuckled lowly at some of the stories while he ate his food. My eyes dropped to the friendship bracelet still around my wrist. I had yet to take it off. My vision blurred and I blinked rapidly—Kyle would be happy that we were all remembering him this way.