Existence (21 page)
Authors: James Frey
Even worse to imagine that she won't be.
“Declan, that's your family you're talking about,” Lorelei says. She loves his family, always has; she has none of her own. “Surely, if we just tell them how we feel, they'll understandâ”
He shakes his head.
He met Lorelei when they were both 22 years old. She was freshly out of college; he was adjusting to post-Player life, trying to decide what to do with himself for the next 50 years. He told her stories of his life before they met, but he spared her most of the gory details. He didn't want her to see that side of him, the soldier who would do whatever was necessary to survive. He regrets that now.
“Fine, Declan,” she says. “If you say that this is a problem, then I trust youâbut why is it a problem we need to solve
now
? Aisling is still a babyâthat gives us more than twelve years to figure this out.”
“No. No!” As soon as the stones choose their Player, the training begins. Everything begins. They'll mold Aisling into what they want her to beâand they will always be watching.
“We can't risk waiting,” he says. “We've got a small window of opportunity here,
maybe
. They won't expect us to make a move this quickly. That's our only chance.”
“So what are we supposed to do, Declan?” She's starting to sound irritated. “You want me to quit my job, abandon our family, take off with you for god-knows-where? Where will we go? How will we support ourselves? How long do we have to stay away? Have you thought any of this through?”
“We'll figure it out as we go,” he says. Another thing Lorelei doesn't
know: he has plenty of money, enough to support them for the rest of their lives. When he disavowed Endgame, he also disavowed the money he'd been gifted for serving his line all those years as the Player. Blood money, he thought. He and Lorelei have been raising their daughter in near poverty, but that was by choice, not necessity. Declan's choice, one of many he made without telling his wife. He regrets that now. He regrets so much. “We always figure it out.”
She shakes her head. “Pop was right,” she says. “I've let this all go too far. I've let you get carried away.”
“You talked to Pop about me? About this?”
“He's
worried
about you, Declan. He thought maybe you needed some time away, a restâ”
“I know what he thinks,” Declan snaps. His father wants to send him back to the old country, for what he calls rehabilitation. But Declan has heard stories of the isolated camp in the Alps where faithless members of the line are sent. None of them ever come back. “He thinks I've lost my mind.”
“You're not exactly sounding like a beacon of sanity right now, honey.”
“Endgame is a lie, Lorelei. You know that.”
“I know you believe that.”
With those words, he knows he's lost her.
“Can we take a little time?” she asks. “Sleep on it, maybe talk more in the morning?”
Declan gazes at her, this woman to whom he's sworn his lifelong love. The woman he fell in love with the first time he saw her, hunched over a book in an uptown branch of the New York Public Library, strands of hair curling over her face. “Of course we can,” he tells her. “We can talk about it as much as you want. You're right, we shouldn't make a rash decision. We won't do anything until we both agree it's the right thing to do.”
“You promise?”
He kisses her, takes her in his arms, and holds on like she's a buoy in rough seas, the only thing that can keep him from drowning. “I
promise,” he tells her.
Then he waits for her to fall back asleep, and kidnaps their daughter.
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JAMES FREY
is originally from Cleveland. All four of his books,
A Million Little Pieces, My Friend Leonard, Bright Shiny Morning
, and
The Final Testament of the Holy Bible
, were international bestsellers.
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