Extol of Agnatic Dreams (The Extol Series Book 1) (23 page)

“Luella, you are being dismissed.” Glais reminded her, which caused Luella to spin around and glare at him. It seemed she was at a loss for what to say so instead gave Glais a screaming noise of frustration before she stormed off. Luella left behind thick tension and Evangeline feeling very self-conscious. Her shoulder stung from where Luella had stabbed her with her finger. However, she didn’t want to show how much it hurt. Evangeline was uncertain if it was lust or anger she would now be forced to witness but regardless she needed to keep her wits about her.

Evangeline felt a little better that Glais had not dismissed her at Luella’s demand for her removal. It might not mean much but small victories were all she could come to expect. Since Luella had taken her leave Evangeline and Glais had been locked in a staring contest. The bravery that had forced her to speak at the entryway was quickly fading as they stood barely a metre apart and alone.

Glais broke the silence. “You are missing the party.” Evangeline could not return to the party after what she had just witnessed. This confrontation had been coming for a long time, and she was going to have it now. A fool’s bravery had brought her here; standing before Glais now took all the defiant words from her lips. The thoughts that had forced her feet to fly after Glais were now distant and pathetic mumbles. She felt confident that if she were to leave, Evangeline would never dare to return and confront him again. It was now or never. She knew within her own heart that she could never stand at his side while Glais bedded other maidens.

“I can give you what you want.” The words had barely left her lips but she could tell that Glais had heard her. It was subtle, the flare in his eyes and the spike in his posture that urged her to continue. “If you would allow it, I am yours for the taking.” She couldn’t believe she was making this suggestion and yet she continued. “You were promised my hand and the body it is attached to.” The last words came out in a rush, Evangeline barely having the courage to end the statement.

A calming breath helped but could not slow the hard beat of her heart as she reached for him. Her skin appeared so tanned when compared to his marble tone. Daring to follow the natural curve of his face, Evangeline’s body attempted to mimic the effortless drape of the girl who had stood here just moments before her. Her hand anchored on the back of Glais’ neck but she felt awkward and all too aware of where his body was pressed against her own.

“You know nothing of what I need.” It seemed Glais had found humour in this moment and not the allure Evangeline was aiming for. She could only nod at his words and disconnected from him just as awkwardly as she had attempted to seduce him. Everything about this moment proved that she did indeed knew nothing about his needs as he had pointed out. Also that there was more to flirtation and sex than Evangeline ever imaged was possible.

“It is true that I am innocent…” her thoughts tapered away at his scoffed at her admission. It was enough to turn her cheeks red from his apparent disbelief that it be true. “We have been engaged since we were children. Of course, I am pure when I come to you.” She could not believe that Glaid did not think it was so and was suddenly ready to defend her honour against a man who clearly had none of his own. Evangeline managed to raise her face in defiance but she could not meet his gaze. Emptiness sat there in his pupils and Glais would drag her in until she felt breathless and ill. “I belong to you. Take it from me, and no other. I will not fear whatever it is you feel needs to be hidden.”

Evangeline had caught his interest finally. She could tell from the newly controlled posture, the seemingly natural stance gone from his body as Glais regarded her for perhaps the first time as someone worthy of his time. His father had been telling him since her arrival that Evangeline could be trusted just as Kyleigh was trustworthy, but he had never believed his father's insistence until this moment. Glais stood at attention without even realising it, trying to find some logical reason to reject her once more. It should be simple enough for him to force her from this room and back to the other party guests with no story to tell. He would do this for her own life, even if Evangeline did not believe it. He did all of this to keep her alive. The less she knew, the safer she would be.

Evangeline dared a peek at his eyes and instantly she was breathless and had to look away. This was not the first time she would come to wonder if he liked her as a person. Could Evangeline ever be someone he thought of or was Evangeline simply someone to tolerate because both of their families needed this marriage to work? She felt him move, her breath caught in her throat as she feared, and also willed, his hands on her body. Instead, Glais reached for her hand which had stayed behind his neck, plucked it from its perch and steadied Evangeline on her feet.

“Return to the party,” Glais commanded.

The dismissal was so complete Evangeline felt powerless to do anything more than obey. “I will come to you every moment you crave another.” She felt a sudden chill in the air but she pushed down that shiver that dared to dance on her shoulders. “We share a life
Glais. You must accept me eventually. It might as well be today
.” She paused for the barest of moments, hoping to see a softness appear on his cheeks. Bowing her head, she left. Refusing to run but her walking feet were not casual in their escape.

E
vangeline had not returned to the party, and she could not even bear to pretend that all was well. She ignored the pleasantries she had been taught growing up and returned to her rooms to hide from the embarrassment. On the long walk alone, she kept imaging Luella waiting for her, but thankfully she never appeared. Evangeline slipped into her own bedroom of safety without a collision with anyone. She would not cry again over Glais. She had suffered for far too long over something she did not understand. He deserved nothing from her.

She took a pillow from her bed, throwing herself into the mattress and she screamed out her pain. Everything she felt, the loneliness and isolation, the unfairness and finally how despicable her future seemed went into that scream. It turned feral, a howl that could not be human. Yet, it did come from her and the pillow did the job in containing it. Exhausted she laid face down, cowering on the bed and shaking just a little from the intensity.

It was barely heard, the knock, and she had a wild guess about who stood on the other side of the door. Teagan and Viviana would never knock, and Wick hardly dared to announce her arrival just as she refused to use her voice. Evangeline was sure that Teagan and Viviana had not even started to question her disappearance just yet. No other person on the grounds would wish to be seen with her. Evangeline’s self-loathing confirmed that for her. She was a disgrace; the ugly dismissal from Glais that still tainted her reputation was only the beginning of her shame.

Perhaps it was the King, Quintus, coming to tell her that the marriage was off and that he had found some other way to work out a long-term plan with her father which wouldn’t embarrass Crimah. If she were not to marry Glais, then she could not provide for Crimah. All she had done for much of her life would all be for nothing. She was quick to bury her face to hide the fresh tears before the doors opened. A pillow dropped over her hair, hiding her face but Evangeline could still feel the presence. This was worse than Quintus. Right at this moment she would have begged for Luella to come, then Glais.

“I apologise for the earlier disturbance.” With a pillow suffocating her apology Evangeline could not be sure he heard her. The bed gave way to his added weight, and she imagined Glais poised on the edge of the frame with a firm gaze and tired opinion on her childish and unknowing ways. What she did not expect was to feel the mattress catch his weight as he settled beside her, close like he wanted to be there. She fooled herself into thinking that he needed to comfort her. Barely opening her eyes, lifting the pillow only just enough to see him Evangeline found him looking at her and felt that breathless swoon take hold almost too quickly.

“Do not look at me, Evangeline.” Glais instructed her.

“I thought that was my line.” But she followed his orders and settled deeper into the mattress. Silence strung between them but she did not dare break it. She had no clue about what he wanted, and if he did indeed plan to take her up on her offer for sex, Evangeline was not sure on how she felt about that either.

Glais did not know what had brought him to Evangeline. Perhaps the confrontation had been building for so long that he was tired of the constant bickering. He tired of the lies, and the chase of hiding women from Evangeline. She believed he flaunted it, but really the girls that Evangeline did know was barely the beginning of a very intricate pyramid of connections that kept his satisfied most days. She had done no real harm to him, and instead, Glais should be proud that Evangeline had called him out for his bad behaviour instead of sitting by allowing it happen. True, it was not the role of a wife, however Glais did appreciate this new sway which had started today and haunted them both. Evangeline wished to be his equal. She desired his respect, but it would take more than demands to gain his confidence.

“What is your biggest fear?” Glais asked gently.

That was not the question Evangeline had imagined passing from his lips but she dared not ignore him. “Tonight, or for my lifetime?” She smiled to his chuckle, glad to hear it happen. He had been so cold. She could barely remember that he was not made of stone but was a man of flesh and blood. The first night and escorting her to her rooms seemed so long ago, and almost like a dream. She had seen so many faces on Glais that she was fooled into thinking what was true.

“I fear not being good enough for you.” Somehow she felt safe at this moment. Evangeline dared to tell the truth from the safety of under her pillow. It was childish and they both knew it. Yet the mere covering of her face made it bearable for her to say the things she had been thinking for months. “I fear what it means for my family and my people if I fail. I am afraid what it would mean for us if we were not to marry.” Evangeline dared not sneak a peek at Glais as she made her final confessions. She did not need her eyes to know that her words had affected him. Like before the world betrayed him.

She had not said what he had expected and Evangeline had given him a moment of pause to digest it. She had his attention, but perhaps not in the way she wanted it.
Glais
had made it clear since her arrival that he did not wish to know her, and yet she continued to insist on inserting herself into his life and routines. Decisions were being made that neither could take back once the lines were crossed. Evangeline seemed to have managed a powerful stride forward while Glais still danced with the impossibilities which were getting harder to believe.

Cool air hit her face as the pillow was swept away; the back of his hand trailing up and over her hair to follow the arch of the decorative jewels that were now a tangled mess. Evangeline was embarrassed to be seen this way but she did not move to fix herself. If she moved, would she break this moment so completely they would never find it again? Evangeline believed so. She was so uncertain about what this meant that she was terrified. Her heart raced, her face flushed as Glais looked down on her. She couldn’t be certain he even meant to be laying so intimately against her.

“Do you fear a monster?”

She was shaking her head before he could finish the word. “You are no monster.” Glais laughed again but there was no joy in the sound now and she felt herself draw away from him again, reminded of his chambers with the self-righteous serving girl Luella. Attempting to rise from the bed, Evangeline opened her eyes although she was unaware of ever closing them and confronted him again. “You are no monster.”

“You know not what you say.”
Glais
sounded tired as he pulled away from her, but like before her bravery was forcing her to act a fool and she followed him until they stood toe to toe. “Evangeline, if you value your life you would flee this place and all of me. You ask for things you do not understand and I will hurt you.”

Times like this she found that old anger bubble within. “You hide behind your tongue.” She grabbed up the heavy skirts of the gown and pulled them away with her steps so they would not drag along the floor and threaten to slow her down. “You have done what you desired. Whatever motive brought you here, it is done” her words did not hold the same power his did. Her dismissal was completely ignored.

“I have done no such thing.” Evangeline gasped as Glais suddenly appeared too close. She could have sworn that she had walked away from him, and yet effortlessly his hands were on her hips, tugging her close and taking up the space around her so fully she felt claustrophobic. Struggling was useless, his reflexes were too fast and precise for Evangeline to battle her way from his grasp.

It was like sparring with a long held friend. He knew all of her moves and as she placed a hand on his wrists, his pulled them back and came to land more firmly on her body, more intimate than before. Any step that would be the beginning of a chase was stopped before she could fully form it and Glais held her back against him. Evangeline worked up a sweat trying to rid herself of Glais’ hands and yet she seemed so unsuccessful it seemed comical.

“Am I hurting you?” Glais asked and Evangeline nodded, head bowed as his fingers are crushed into her skin. The bruises would stain for days but he did not relent. “Do you still want me?” Nothing. She could not do anything while he waited; only crying out when his fingers pressed into her body again and nails bit deeper into her skin. “Do you still want me?” he demanded

“Yes,” She said in a sudden rush that shocked even herself. “I will always offer myself to you.” Wine made her head swim with the realisation of what she was saying. Glais must have some odd sexual fetish that forced him away from her and only into the arms of those he felt he could trust with the secret. It was all that made sense to her right now as Evangeline recognised that they were dancing the same argument as before. Glais had forced the tempo to a pace that kept her tripping in vain to keep up with him, and he didn’t seem to care that she was stumbling even as he held her. Evangeline’s heartbeat deafened her, blurred her vision, and as her knees gave way she fell into the dark breathless realm of his eyes.

There was nothing that could prepare her for what was to come next. Evangeline could not register his movements and the sudden rush. Pain flowered in the darkness, her own hurried breathing mixed with a moan that was not only coming from his mouth but echoed the strangled noise that escaped her. His body was on hers, his hands crushed her skin, her life drifted in his arms and she was powerless. His name teased her tongue but she was not sure if it was in protest or encouragement as she called for him. The power to make him stop was long gone. She could not bring the words out into the world as finally she reached the pinnacle that Evangeline was not aware that she had been racing towards. She reached that peak and tumbled over it into nothing, her eyes fluttering closed.

-----------------------

Evangeline woke alone and tender, although not in the places she imagined she would be tender after sex. Her memories were blurred and only resembled a patchwork mess. The pieces seemed to drift further apart the more she tried to force them together. The sensation was similar to drinking too much wine or perhaps she had not slept for days. Images flashed but if she dared to reach for them, she could not give them focus. Instead, they ran from her and disappeared back into the impenetrable fog of her mind.

Water and bread were presented on a dish by the bed but she could not eat. Evangeline did not want to know who delivered the food, embarrassed to be seen in such a state by even those closest to her. Rising from the bed hurt and Evangeline quickly wanted to abandon the idea but she also needed to see the final damage done against her by Glais. Her garments were ruined, the fabrics crushed with what seemed to be telling scenes of passion.

She got an awful taste in her mouth at the thought of passion and what had happened. Evangeline swallowed hard but her mouth was dry and the taste remained and she tried to piece together her memory desperately she searched for a better word to describe what had transpired between them. Passion was not what Glais had done, and how she had been forced to participate, but she continued to fail to think of another

Evangeline had to concentrate just to move, and there was no chance of moving and thinking. She made the choice to be a witness. Looking down at her feet, Evangeline willed them to move and after a moment of meditation, she could make her feet obey. Crossing the room to stop by the mirror she could only see a stranger looking back at her.

The girl in the reflection was pale. Not only lacking a healthy glow but sickly. Her skin appeared almost grey when compared to the bright blush of dried blood that stained the side of her throat and lead down her collar. As she reached for memories to fill in the blanks, still Evangeline was greeted with only shadows. Far too slowly the realisation that the blood was her own and the wound of two puncture marks still sat fresh in her throat came to her. Myth and reality danced, coming together and pushing away but never truly separating. Campfire stories and midnight whispers became a chant of a single word that repeated over and over in her mind as fingers reopened the wounds that Glais had made.

Glais. He had done this. He had promised pain, scoffed at her innocence and he had been right with both. Her pain was flushed from her; confusion became a new clarity, but none of it could really make any sense either. Evangeline rejected the evidence that stared at her so damningly from the mirror. It was not sex Glais had taken from her, but her blood. The rumours of the Braykith demons were true in a way she had never actually suspected.

Evangeline got changed, dressing for perhaps the first time in her life. The actions were automatic and she barely even bothered to pause to decide on what to wear. It didn’t matter what covered her body as long something did. With this motivation seeming more important than anything else her hand reached out and closed around the skirts of the nearest dress. She climbed into it and secured the buttons closed as best she could. It stayed in place, and that was all she cared about.

She had no plan. Evangeline was just going through the motions without a fear of what may come to pass. That would require Evangeline to have feelings. She was nothing more than a shell, barely conscious enough to even recognise that about herself at this moment. Her motivation moved from getting out of the dress to destroying it. That would be simple, the fireplace burning brightly nearby. She gathered up the fabric and didn’t seem to give pause before throwing it into the flames.

The gems that adorned the bodice and sleeves gleamed and caught the light but Evangeline could not see it. She did not even think of perhaps saving the precious stones. Her emotional range did not venture that far. She watched as the dress started to catch the light. Shivering although she didn’t feel cold, Evangeline’s arm went around herself as if that would keep her from falling apart. She was in shock, still recovering from Glais and his attack. He had taken much of her blood and her body was frantic in recovering that as well as fuelling her mental state.