Fading (19 page)

"Nothing, never mind." I let out a deep sigh and walk over to take a seat in the oversized chair that is next to the couch. I flop down and lean my head back. "I didn't know you would have company, or I would have called or something."

Laughing, Jase says, "Candace, I gave you a key so you wouldn't have to call. You can come over whenever."

"You okay?" Ryan asks me.

I turn my head to look at him, then back at Jase, whom I know is wondering the same thing. "I don't want to talk about it," I say as I shift my eyes to the TV, which is playing SportsCenter. "Where's Mark?" I ask as I continue to zone out on the football highlights that are currently playing.

"He's finishing up rehearsals with the band. He should be here shortly, then we are heading out to Malone's to shoot some pool and chill," Jase says. His cell begins to ring and when he answers it, he grabs his jacket and excuses himself to the balcony.

"So, I take it the rest of your day didn't go well?" Ryan asks.

Looking over at him, I say, "Not exactly."

Even though I was extremely uncomfortable the other night at Spines, I'm feeling a little more at ease after hanging out with him this afternoon at work.

"Don't want to talk about it?"

I shake my head and turn my attention back to the TV when Jase walks back in.

"Who was that?" I ask

"Just Mark. He's heading over now."

"Hey, did you get a chance to think about Saturday?" Ryan asks. When I look over at him he is taking a sip of his beer.

"Saturday?" Jase questions.

"Yeah, I asked her to come with us."

I wish he wouldn't have brought this up because I know Jase will hound me until I say yes. He is on a mission to get me out more.

"Oh yeah? You coming?" Jase asks me.

Eying him, I say, "I have a lot of studying to do before finals."

"Please, we both know you are way ahead in all your classes," Jase says. "You should come. We are hiking up to the Tolmie Peak Lookout."

Not wanting to argue with Jase in front of Ryan and make him wonder why I am so anti-social, I appease him with a simple, "Fine."

When I look up at Jase, he has a big grin across his face, and I shake my head at him. Honestly, I don't really feel uneasy about going hiking. It's November, so there more than likely won't be too many people there, and it's not that often that I go to Mount Rainier. I went over the summer to go running a few times. I have never hiked to this particular lookout, but I have heard that the peak has an amazing view of the Sound.

I hear my phone ring from my purse that is sitting on the floor next to me. Reaching down, I pick it up and see that it's my mother again. I hit decline as I did when she called earlier and toss it back in my purse.

When I look up at Jase, he is giving me a questioning look, so I go ahead and answer his unspoken curiosity. "My mother."

By the time Mark arrives, I am ready for sleep. Having been at work this morning by six, I'm exhausted. As the guys get ready to leave, I ask Mark, "Do you mind if I stay here tonight?" I feel like I need to ask Mark most of the time instead of Jase because Jase will never tell me no.

"Of course not. I was going to go back home anyway. Thursdays are early days for me, so it's better if I'm not here," he explains.

As I nod my head, he gives me a long hug, knowing that something must be bothering me or I'd just go back to my house. When we pull apart, I catch a glimpse of Ryan over his shoulder, and he is watching me with a curious look on his face. He's probably wondering why I have a key to Jase's place and why I'm sleeping here tonight. I'm sure it must look weird to him, but for me, this is my normal.

Throwing an extra set of clothes into my bag, along with a few toiletries, I go to my closet and grab my black hiking boots. It's another chilly and misty grey day, but that is nothing new for this time of year, and it doesn't stop people from being outdoors either. The plan is to hit a few of the trails before hiking up to Tolmie Peak. Afterwards, we are going to hang out at Mark's house for pizza and beer.

Today feels a little strange for me. I haven't gone out like this since this past summer. But, it also feels nice, and it is keeping my mind busy and focused. I've been warming up to Ryan as well. He blends nicely with Jase, Mark, and I. Last night, Ryan ended up hanging out with us over at Jase's. We just laid low and watched a series of 'Ridiculousness' reruns on MTV. It felt nice to laugh like that. I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed so much. Last night, even if it was just for a moment, I felt a little normal—and it felt good.

When I pull into Mark's driveway, all three guys are tossing their shoes and backpacks into the back of Mark's white Range Rover. I grab my bags, step out of the car, and lock it before walking over to Mark.

"Hey, Candace," he says as he pulls me in for a hug.

"Hey, here's my backpack," I say, and I hand it to him to put in the car. Holding up my other bag, which has an extra set of clothes and toiletries, I say, "I'm just going to run this inside and leave it in your room."

"Sounds good."

Saying 'hi' to Jase and Ryan, I walk inside the house to drop my bag in Mark's room so that I can shower and change when we get back. When I make my way into the kitchen, I run into Ryan.

"Hey," I say as he is pulling out several bottles of water. "Can you grab me one of those?"

"Yeah, here you go," he says as he walks over and hands me one.

"Thanks."

"No problem. So, are you ready?"

"Yep. I haven't been out to Rainier since this past summer," I say and then I open my water and take a sip.

"I didn't know you liked to hike."

"I like most things athletic, although the majority of that is inside the confines of the ballet studio. I mainly just run the trails there, but I've been hiking a few times as well."

Picking up the waters, he says, "You're a runner too? I'm impressed," while walking towards the door. I walk over and open the door for him when he says, "You should come running with Mark and I sometime. We've been going early Tuesday mornings before hitting the gym."

We walk out, and Ryan tosses the waters into the car. I still haven't responded when he questions, "What do you think?"

I look down before looking back at him. "I haven't been out running in a while. I'd probably just slow you guys down. It was always something I did alone anyway."

Jase comes up to me, puts his arm around my shoulder, and asks, "What do you do alone? Besides everything."

I elbow him gently in the ribs and smile as I walk around the car and hop in the back seat. "I'm ready to go," I teasingly announce before closing the door and putting on my seatbelt.

Ryan gets in the front with Mark, and Jase slides in next to me. For most of the two-hour drive, the guys talk amongst themselves as I doze in and out of sleep. I have been spending a lot of overtime in the studio, and last night I was there pretty late, so I didn't get much rest.

When my body suddenly jerks out of a restless sleep, and I gasp in a loud breath, all eyes turn to me, but Ryan's are the only ones filled with questions. Mark turns around and starts talking to Ryan to take the attention off of me while Jase undoes his seatbelt and slides up next to me, wrapping his arm around my neck. Resting my head on his shoulder, he whispers in my ear, "You okay?"

I nod my head, close my eyes, and concentrate on my breathing. I feel embarrassed, and attempt to force out the thoughts that are creeping through my head. I just want to have fun today. I need to have fun today. For the remainder of the drive, I sit in the comfort of Jase's arms.

When we get to the turnoff, we have to drive about twenty minutes on a pot-holed gravel road to get to the Wonderland Trail that will lead us to Tolmie Peak. When we finally arrive and park the car, Mark opens the hatch, and I sit on the bumper while I tie up my hiking boots. It is lightly raining, and I pop the hood on my raincoat up and over my head. This time of year, the lower trails can become extremely muddy with the increase in rain. Ryan hands me an extra bottle of water to throw into my backpack before I sling it onto my back and wait for everyone else.

Once the guys are ready, we start making our way over to the trailhead. Mark told me the hike should be around four hours. The terrain isn't too difficult to navigate as we start on the trail. We are all keeping a pretty decent pace and Mark is talking about the last show they played at Ryan's bar. I have never been to Blur. Jase has invited me a few times to go watch the band play, but has never pushed too hard.

A couple hours into our hike, the clouds open and it begins to rain. As we continue to trek on, the ground becomes marshy beneath our feet. I start to fall behind a little, but I yell to Jase to keep going and I'll catch up. I pull the hood on my jacket further over my head, so I don't realize that Ryan has stayed back until I almost pass him. Stopping, I look up at him, and he doesn't have his hood over his head. Rain is dripping off the ends of his hair, and it reminds me of the first night he came into the coffee shop with his rain soaked hair.

"You don't have to hang back. You can hike on ahead."

"Don't worry about it," he says as we continue to make out way through the trail. "I would hate for you to fall and hurt yourself and nobody be around."

Turning to look at him, I give him a grin and say, "Thanks."

"This shit's freezing."

I start laughing and agree with him. The rain is really cold.

After about a half hour, the rain finally lets up, and at this point, I am soaked from head to toe. I stop for a moment, take the hair tie that is around my wrist, and pull up my stringy wet hair on top of my head. Ryan walks closer to me. Laughing, he swipes his hand across my cheek, and the gesture makes me a little uncomfortable, until I see the brown mud on his fingers, and I laugh with him.

"You are covered in this shit," he chuckles, and all I can do is shrug my shoulders. You can't expect to not get dirty when you are hiking in the rain.

"Yeah, well, you're covered in it too," I say as we keep moving forward.

We manage to catch up with Jase and Mark near the incline to the peak. It's a mile hike up, and there is a light dusting of snow throughout the trek. When we reach the top, I climb the stairs to the lookout house and take in the view. I look out at the Sound and just stare. It's a breathtaking view. I walk back around the lookout, sit on the stairs, and grab a protein bar out of my backpack. Jase sits down behind me and kisses the top of my head. I look down to Mark and Ryan who are standing down below and catch Ryan looking up at us before he walks around to the other side of the lookout.

"Having fun?"

Turning my head to look at Jase, I say, "I actually am."

"Good." He wraps his arms around my shoulders, and I lean back into him as I eat my snack and rest.

"We should start heading back," he says after ten minutes or so.

"Okay."

We walk back down the stairs and find the other two.

"You guys ready to head back?" Jase asks them.

Everyone agrees, and we start the trek back down after we have all taken in the spectacular views. The walk down the peak is a slippery one from all the rain earlier. It isn't long before my feet slide out from underneath me, and I fall back into the mud.