Fall From Grace (25 page)

I pulled my eyes back up to meet his, feeling very raw in my honesty but glad I just got it all out on the table.

"So you're indebted to me eh? How much so?"
 

We both started to giggle.

"Perhaps I could have used a less desperate word to describe it."

"Oh I don't know, I like it actually. I like holding one over you," he said with a catch in his voice. Meeting his eyes, our giggling tapered off and it felt like the world just stopped spinning for that few seconds. We were completely alone out here, knowing full well what the other was thinking. Before my anxiety took over, he pulled me in for a kiss.

One moment I'm in front of him, leaning into his chest, the next, I'm sitting on top of his lap, on my knees, straddling him in an embrace that makes me burn from my head to toes. His hands are pulling at me with an intense need to touch my skin. Roaming every inch of my back and neck pulling my hair out of its bun and letting the loose waves float around us. Tugging on the back of my hair he pulls me even closer, as if were even possible.

My hands have ravenously weaved their way around his neck and through his messy hair, searching and exploring all the inches of him I've wanted to touch for weeks now. All self control seems to be blown right out the window which is just fine by me - it's about time really. He runs his mouth down my neck and into my neckline as waves of pleasure consume my body. Pulling his lips back to mine, my hands begin to snake their way down his chest unbuttoning his shirt, feeling my way down to his tight muscles. I feel overwhelmed with the need to remove all that extra fabric that's separating the skin to skin contact that we are both craving. A strange sense of deja vu comes over me, but I push it aside and live completely in the moment. He leans backward as I peel back his shirt and trembles at my touch on his flat stomach. I take in every inch of his amazing skin, making it impossible for him to slow down. I can see in his eyes that he's way past first base and unwilling to stop tonight.

He tears down my jacket, tossing it to the side never losing my eye contact. It only takes him like 3 seconds to unbutton my shirt peeling it back over my shoulders and on to the blanket. I should feel exposed, being the first time I've been semi naked with a guy, but instead it empowers me even more. His hands are trembling over my skin as he runs his fingers up my back pulling me even closer as we come back to full on kissing and losing ourselves in one another.

In a swift, smooth movement he flips me onto my back and hovers above me never stopping the kiss. I lift my hips to him and encircle my legs around his waist as he groans in anticipation. His right hand is finding it's way to my waist band and playing with the denim as he dips his hands just below the surface. I can no longer form a coherent thought, I just want to give myself to him and feel like this forever. I pull him down on top of me with more force then I anticipated as our bodies meld into one. I am on fire, I feel like I'm in the centre of a tornado, like the earth is moving, as my hair is lifting in a wind storm. It is the most incredible I have ever felt.

Abruptly Ash jumps off of me to the side and leans back on his knees looking around him frantically as if sensing some danger.

"What's wrong? Is someone there?" I sit up and grab for my shirt in anticipation of an embarrassing intrusion. Ash jumps up and looks around in the dark as if trying to sense the threat and darts in front of me to protect me from it.

"Did you hear something?" My voice wavers as dread envelops me with the thought that maybe my Dad might be here looking for me. Ash moves forward and then turns back to look at me with the strangest look in his eyes. It was almost like it was fear. I move forward to reach for him as he quickly moves back away from me. What the what?

"It's you," he whispers.

The sound of his voice in the quiet woods, mixed with the adrenaline of possible exposure, makes his voice sound foreign to my ears. Confusion is starting to show on his face with a mix of definite apprehension. What the crap is going on?

"I don't understand Ash, what is wrong? Why do you look
afraid
of me?" I half laugh at the ridiculousness of my last statement, but he doesn't laugh with me at all. He actually backs further away.

"This isn't funny Ash, you're giving me definite mixed messages you know!" My insecurities start prickling back as he doesn't defend his actions, or try to say anything at all. He's staring at me with a blank stare as if internally trying to figure something out. I jump up, re-buttoning my shirt, but with shaking hands, it's near impossible to complete the task. My anger is bubbling into a hot pit of lava, ready to explode. He has GOT to be kidding me.
 

"I can't believe I didn't piece it together until now. How could I have been so stupid? All this time, the signs were clearly pointing to it and I just sat back and didn't get it at all..." He's begun pacing in front me, deep in his crazy tirade, running his hands through his hair in confusion.

"Ok now you're scaring me," I trail off as he returns my look with an expression that I will never forget. The face of someone you care about disgusted and terrified of you. This horrific look isn't something you ever want to see, let alone after an intense make out session that is going horribly wrong.

"Please tell me what is going on?" I squeak out, wrapping my shirt closed and folding my arms around my waist to ward off the intense chill that's settled between us.

"I have got to get the Hell out of here." Ash flies over to grab his shirt and swiftly buttons it up so fast I can barely make out the motions. He flicks his fingers to blow out the candles in one fell swoop, leaving two ignited, one for me and one for him.

"Look Stella, I had no idea, I'm sorry but this isn't going to work. You need to forget about this power you have and just go back to what you... were."

My impatience is growing as my pissed off mood intensifies, crushing with embarrassment. A fury that I've never felt before begins to build in my chest as I lash out at him.
 

"I don't know what sick game you are playing Asher Grey but let me tell you that it sucks and if you think for one second you..." Suddenly the ground is shaking beneath me as I look around me to see the rumbling of an...an...earthquake? Looking back up to Ash, I continue my tirade.

"Give me a Fucking break! If you think using your stupid powers is going to scare me into stopping a rant, you have got another thing coming! I..."

"It wasn't me Stella." He cuts me off.

This stops me in my tracks. What did he say?

"What are you talking about? Is someone else here? There couldn't possibly be an earthquake, you know who my father is and what he does, and you damn well know I'm at least not dumb enough to believe something like that could happen here. Do you actually think I'm just some stupid bimbo who knows nothing!" I lift my arms up in exasperation letting my shirt fall open. I grab it and tag it closed again, almost ripping the seams.

"I mean, it wasn't me Stella who did that. It was you," he said in barely a whisper.

"Me? How? How is that possible?!" My anxiety was rising to epic levels as the air around us seemed to crackle with electricity and a swift breeze rushed in and around us.

The nervousness in Ash is visible even in the darkened forest as he looks at me with revulsion.

"Please calm yourself down Stella. Look I think it's better if you don't know, but seeing how pig-headed you are, I guess you'll find out at some point." He takes a big breath. "I know what you are Stella, I know your power now. It makes perfect sense but you have got to just forget about it and live like a human and forget I ever told you this."

"Told me what? Am I like you? That doesn't sound that bad.. ." I trail off as my voice no longer feels my own. I feel like my world is tumbling down around me and cutting off my air supply. Sometimes when I look back on this moment I wished he really would have never told me.

"You're an ability absorber. You can take on a demons' ability with just a touch. You can harness any power you want from any demon in any dimension. This is scary shit Stella." Ash begins pacing again, still looking through the dark forest as if something evil is lurking around the pines. "Your power is a curse and extremely dangerous. You need to stay off the radar and forget about it completely." He stops to look at me as I process this information.

"Why are you freaking out on this Ash, how could it be that bad?"

"Look I don't know exactly how it works, when or even why, but I think when we were in that bar with the Lycanthropes you took on the werewolf powers and right now when we were... um, anyways you definitely took on mine. I didn't cause the ground to do that Stella. All I know is that it's a very unique and highly volatile power to have; one that you DO NOT want getting around the demon water cooler. That must be what happened in your kitchen that night..." he trailed off in thought for a few seconds before shaking it off and continuing to yell at me. "You just can't
handle
this. To control it you would have had to been trained from birth. At this point you are better off just leaving it alone." Pulling on his jacket, getting ready to leave, I feel like I am falling into darkness.
 

"Why won't you help me? Why are you running away from me?" I know I sounded pathetic but I couldn't help myself.

"I can't. I just can't help you with this, I don't know the first thing about this. I just know it is bad, very bad. Something that could start to control you and you just can't use it or people will find out and you'll hurt them and then you'll hurt yourself." For a moment his look turned to pity, and then he went cold. Cold and dark as a statue. He was gone before he even left.

The warning in his eyes terrified me. He shoved one of the lanterns into my hands being careful not to touch me and took the other for himself. He's actually going to leave me out here, leave me altogether. I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak; everything starts to spin as I stumble forward reaching for his arms. He jerked back as if I had been infected with Ebola, I was a freak, I am a total freak, just like I've always known.

"I have to go. Now. You ok to find your way out?" He hastily blurts out, meeting my eyes for just a second before be bolts. I think I am going to throw up. I lean back on a big boulder feeling my legs about to give way. When look up, he's gone. Maybe this really is a nightmare, one I just can't wake up from.

I'm standing on a ridge deep in the gorge with the wind swirling around me, wind whipping my hair against my face and dirt flying at incredible speeds. What amazes me is that nothing penetrates my eyes like in a real storm, it's like I have a thin protective shield covering my skin so that I don't get filthy or my hair doesn't get completely full of burrs and twigs. It still feels unreal to me that I can do this.

Every afternoon since I was dumped, abandoned, given the old heave ho, thrown to the curb, left like a piece of garbage (you get the picture), I've come out here to experiment. I can't think about Ash at all anymore and when I accidentally do, the crushing weight on my chest sends me reeling back to that moment. The moment he ditched me. Left me alone. Left me to deal with the gi-normous 'power' bomb and said - opps see you later... I guess I can't really handle this; translation: I am a dick.
 

These days, my solitary afternoons are the only high points to my day. I've built up my strength, on my own I might add, thank you very much, to a pretty impressive skill if I must say so myself. It began with some leaves I could get flipping about, then some small rocks and wood pieces and now I can pretty much uproot a tree if I wanted to, but I don't cause I still gotta protect the environment and all that granola.

My grounding is now over, seeing as Dad could no longer see a punishment when 'so & so' wasn't in the picture anymore. I think he could tell that I suffered enough and was pretty relieved to see things get back to normal. Although I wouldn't exactly call it normal at all. Sure I get up, brush my teeth and go to that awful human school every day, well most days. But I feel anything but normal or any semblance to that dumb, naive girl I once was.

Now when I walk the halls I can only see a bunch of pathetic and childish
kids
yammering on about how sad it is to leave and go to college, how they will miss everyone SOOOO much. It makes me want to gag. I've kept to myself, my iPod permanently rooted into my ears, just so I don't have to hear about the upcoming summer and all the super fun times they're going to have. Bleech. Gabs and I are also SO over, I can't believe I was actually friends with that bland waste of space. I'm just biding my time until I can escape this hell hole and go out to have some real fun.

As the dust settles in the ravine to a calm silence I can feel the vibration and energies slowing down through my body as it returns to it's 'dead' level as I've started to call it. It is when I feel mostly human again, once I've reined in the power and tucked it into my supernatural library. I've tried to push through the werewolf ability but it's a no go. I've come to the conclusion that seeing as it happened before I turned 18, perhaps I wasn't able to grab hold and 'store' it properly which totally sucks.
 

I pat down my locks and start heading back home to get ready for the dreaded graduation night. A lame 'celebration' filled with sappy memories, crappy up-dos, and stupid stories of the great times we've had and the better years to come. Puh-lease. All they have to look forward to is an expensive student loan, crappy marriages, alcohol addictions, whiney kids and then they kick it; the proverbial bucket.