Fall into Forever (Fall into Him Book Three) (3 page)

As she finished relaying that evening's activities, including the
reasons she was wearing a man's shirt and had hickeys decorating her throat,
she fell silent and nervously waited for her friend's verdict.

“That's – that's a lot of information to process.” Rachel's baby blue
eyes were wide. “I have to ask, did you not tell me about this before because
you thought I wouldn't approve?”

Jennifer shrugged. How could she explain to Rachel how much her opinion
meant? Fortunately, Rachel seemed to read all that Jennifer couldn't say in the
younger woman's body language and facial expressions.

“Jennifer, I want you to know that no matter what, you can tell me
anything, and I'll never judge you or be disappointed in you.” Rachel's voice
was firm. “Now, with that said, I only have one more thing to tell you. It’s
going to sound really cliché, but…follow your heart.”

Okay, that hadn't been what Jennifer had expected. She'd thought that
Rachel would come up with something deep and profound that would make
everything clear. She saw now how silly that had been.

“Let me guess,” Rachel once again displayed her uncanny ability of
knowing what Jennifer was thinking. “You thought that by telling me, whatever I
said would pretty much tell you how to decide between Brad and Philip, but
instead, I told you that it's your heart you need to be listening to and you
still don't know what your heart wants.”

Jennifer smiled. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” She started to say
something else when her phone rang. Her pulse jumped as she reached into her
pocket. Philip?

The moment she saw Brad's name, her heart sank. She sent the call to
voicemail and put her phone on vibrate. “It’s Brad. I'll call him later.”

“Jen,” Rachel hesitated.

“Ask it, Rachel.” Jennifer recognized her friend’s puzzled expression.

“It's about Brad.” Rachel put her hand on Jennifer's knee. “Before,
when you were telling me about the proposal and I asked you if Brad’s behavior
now outweighed his past behavior, you started thinking something that made you
upset.” She paused for a moment and then asked, “Did he hit you?”

“No!” Jennifer shook her head. “No, he never hit me. He was just... he
just got mean sometimes. How he'd talk, things he'd say to me. Remember when I
said he could be cruel? It wasn't just him calling me a name or two; he was a
lot more... descriptive than that.” Jennifer's face burned with humiliation as
she shared some of the things that Brad had said, the way he'd treated her, the
very things that she'd been thinking about that time. Again, when she was done,
she waited for Rachel to weigh in.

“I don't understand,” Rachel said after a few minutes of silence.
“After all of that, how could you consider letting him back into your life?”

“He's changed, Rachel,” Jennifer hurried to share. Rachel had to know
that Brad was different now. “He's listening to me, caring about what I have to
say. Everything that I told you before about how he's been since he came back,
all of that's true.”

“Jennifer, I don't know,” Rachel began.

“People can change, can't they?” Jennifer could hear the near pleading
note in her voice and hated herself for it. It shouldn't have been that
difficult to explain why she should be with someone, should it?

“Yes, I think people can change,” Rachel agreed. “But...”

For the tenth time, Jennifer's phone buzzed. She didn't even need to
look at it to know it was Brad. He'd called every few minutes since she'd first
sent his call to voicemail.

“Answer it,” Rachel said. “He's not going to stop calling until you
do.” She stood. “I'm heading to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow. We'll
talk more when I get back from work.” Rachel walked to her room and softly
closed the door behind her.

Jennifer took a deep breath before accepting Brad’s call. She didn’t
have to say a word before Brad started talking.

“Jennifer, I was worried because you didn't answer your phone.” He
sounded anxious.

“Sorry, I was just talking to Rachel.”

“Oh, the roommate, right.”

Jennifer couldn't get a read on how to take that statement. “Is
everything okay, Brad?” Jennifer asked hesitantly as she glanced over at her
shoulder to make sure Rachel's door was totally shut.

“Yeah, I was just calling to check in, see if you had any news for me.”
Brad's voice took on the persuasive tone Jennifer knew all too well. Her mother
used to say that Brad could sell ice water to penguins. “Maybe an answer of
some kind?”

Jennifer glanced at her empty finger. The ring was still next to her
bed. She hadn't even considered wearing it to work. “Not yet, Brad.”

“Really?” He sounded genuinely surprised. “I thought for sure you'd
just have to wrap your mind around it and you'd be all excited about the ring.”

“Well, I just had a lot to think about.” Jennifer danced around the
truth. No matter how much Brad may or may not have changed, she was certain
that he wouldn't be enthused to hear that she'd been fucking her boss,
especially considering one of those encounters had taken place less than
twenty-four hours after the proposal in question.

“Hmm, that's surprising,” Brad said. “I mean, you haven't been with
anyone else since we broke up, right? Nothing more than a couple of dates or
some one-night stand, anyway. Don't you think that means something? You and I
were good together, so good I think that no one else could ever measure up.”

Was that really what she'd done? Bailed on other potential
relationships because they weren't like Brad? Jennifer had to consider the
question because at least one part of Brad's theory was true. Whatever she had
with Philip was the longest relationship she'd had aside from Brad. The others
had never gotten past two dates and a kiss. And every single one of them, she
had compared to her time with Brad.

“We were good together, Jenny. You know that.”

“We had some good times,” Jennifer admitted.

“Hey, remember that day when you and I cut class to hike up to that
waterfall?”

She could almost hear the smile on Brad's face and she found herself
smiling in return even though he couldn't see her. “I remember.”

And she did remember. It had been one of the last hot days of fall her
senior year and Brad had come back home to visit. He'd convinced her to skip
school and they'd hiked up to a secluded spot near a beautiful waterfall.
They'd eaten their picnic lunch then made love on the blanket. A few hours
later, they did it again while skinny dipping under the waterfall. She'd been
terrified that they were going to get caught but the danger had just turned
Brad on all the more. It had been an amazing afternoon and one of her fondest
memories from her time with Brad.

“It can be like that again,” Brad's voice was soft. “Think about it.
High school sweethearts getting married. All of our family and friends there.”

She could almost see it. She'd imagined it enough growing up. The big
church where all of the town weddings were held—whether the couple was Baptist
or not. Her parents on one side of the aisle, Brad's parents on the other side.
She could see herself in a beautiful white dress, facing Brad in his black tux.

Then, for a split second, Brad turned into Philip.

“You know we belong together, Jennifer.” Brad was still talking. “We
always come back to each other. You know you'll never lose me, not to another
woman, not to anything.”

Another woman. Eloisa flashed into Jennifer's mind. The note she'd
given Philip may not have been from her, but there was something there,
Jennifer was sure of it. Jennifer's wedding fantasy flashed into her mind again
and now it was Eloisa standing across from Philip, looking far more refined and
beautiful in her white dress than Jennifer could ever hoped to look. Every line
bespoke of expensive designers and material. It didn't take a rocket scientist
to see how much better of a match Eloisa would be for Philip than Jennifer. Men
like Philip don't marry women like Jennifer. They married women like Eloisa and
occasionally took women like Jennifer on as mistresses to throw away whenever
they wanted.

“I still have some things I need to think about,” Jennifer pushed the
image of Eloisa and Philip from her mind. “I'll have an answer for you
tomorrow, okay?”

“All right,” Brad said. “And afterwards we can go out to celebrate.”
Before Jennifer could protest his assumption, he added, “just thinking
positive. I really believe it's going to come back to us.”

The call ended as abruptly as it had begun. Jennifer went through and
erased his voicemail without listening to it. It would just be Brad wondering
where she was and if she was okay. There was no need to listen to all of that
again. Once she was done, she headed into the kitchen to reheat the leftovers
Rachel had put aside. She didn't really feel much like eating but it was
something to do while she processed the newest variables in her conundrum. It
was going to be a long night.

Jennifer still couldn't bring herself to put on the engagement ring the
next morning. She hadn't officially decided to say 'yes' but she hadn't decided
to reject the proposal either. She wanted one more work day with Philip to see
where things went, if the previous day's experiences – sexual and otherwise –
had made any difference in how he would be today. Perhaps it was foolish for
her to be holding on to what might be rather than accepting what she knew she
could have, but she couldn't bring herself to completely give up on Philip, not
after things finally seemed to be changing for the better.

When she first arrived at the office, Philip was already busy with
paperwork of some kind, so Jennifer decided to get started on the Carlisle
project. No matter how important the personal aspect of her relationship with
Philip was to her, she still had a job to do and wanted to do it well. She
wasn't going to half-ass the Carlisle assignment just because she was fucking
her boss. It took her longer than she'd expected to get through to Tom Evans
and even longer to convince him that she did indeed have the authority to
request the information she wanted. By the time she got off the phone, she was
ready for a break and assumed that Philip would be too. She turned to ask him
if he wanted a coffee refill and was surprised to see that he was still poring
over papers. It was only then that she registered the expression on his face.

A suspicion dawned on her and she left her files on her desk and
crossed over to his. The fact that he didn't even notice her approach just
supported her theory. He focused on his work, but was always aware of his
surroundings. This had to be personal.

“Philip?”

“Jennifer, hello,” Philip seemed almost startled to see her. “Sorry, I
just got absorbed in what I was reading.”

“Is that...” She hesitated. Should she really be asking him this?
Hadn't she told him the day before that she'd be willing to take whatever
information he'd give her, nothing more? Then again, she didn't know for sure
that what he was reading wasn't regular business, something she should be
involved in. “Is there anything I should take a look at?”

Philip's eyes darted down to the papers and then back up to her face.
“It's not hotel business, so I don't believe that would be necessary.” His tone
was polite but Jennifer could still sense the undercurrent of tension.

“Does it have to do with your father?” She asked the question before
she realized she'd decided to ask it.

Philip tugged on his collar, the same nervous gesture, Jennifer
realized, that he'd made the day before when his father had called. She waited
for the deflection, the dismissal, perhaps even the return of the distant and
cold Philip who refused to answer personal questions.

“Yes.” The word was terse, that one syllable speaking volumes. “It has
to do with my father.”

“Is – is he the one who called yesterday...?”

“Yes,” Philip answered again, this time not looking at her as he spoke.
“Johann Haas is my father.”

Jennifer had more questions, but she could read the tension in every
line of Philip's body and knew she needed to let the matter drop. This time,
when he pulled on his collar, she saw the same small scars on his neck that
she'd seen the day before and pieces began to fall into place.

A father with whom he had a poor enough relationship that a third party
had to mediate their conversations.

The nervous gesture at his collar where he had scars.

The scars on his back that he obviously didn't want to talk about, ones
that caused a reaction she only saw repeated just now when she'd asked about
his father.