Fall into Forever (Fall into Him Book Three) (7 page)

The relieved expression on Philip's face told her that she'd made the
right decision to ask.

“It wasn't like yours, I can tell you that,” Philip took a sip of his
wine. “When I was young, everything was great. Typical hard-working, middle
class family. But, that wasn't enough for my father.” He took a bite of his
steak and then motioned towards her plate with his fork. “You should eat.
That's a very good dish.”

Jennifer cut a piece of her chicken and ate it. He was right. She took
another bite as Philip went on with his story.

“My dad worked constantly to become a successful business owner, to
become more rich and powerful. And the stress – self-induced stress, most of it
– took its toll. He began to drink. At first it was just some scotch to wind
down after a bad day, but it became more and more as I grew older. By the time
I was six or seven, he had become the powerful man he wanted to be, but things
at home were... bad.” He tugged on his collar. “It wasn't much later that my
mother left.”

Even though Jennifer had already known this, hearing him say it tugged
on her heart. She reached out and lightly touched the back of his hand. “I'm
sorry.”

Philip nodded and pulled his hand back to take a few more bites of his
meal. When he started talking again, his voice was even, but Jennifer could
sense an emotional undercurrent. “I understand why she had to leave, but it
took me a long time to get to that point. At the time, I was just a kid who
didn't know why he'd been left alone with his father.”

Jennifer knew what was coming next and almost wished that she could
tell Philip that she already knew about the boarding school, but she understood
that this was as much about him telling as it was about her listening. Sharing
was difficult for him, but it showed the level of trust he had in her and the
level of intimacy he wanted. She owed it to him to listen.

“It didn't take my father long to figure out that he wasn't going to be
able to handle raising me alone. He tried hiring people, but it didn't work.
Pretty much the only person who I'd listen to was our housekeeper and
groundskeeper's daughter, Eloisa. I was ten when my father decided that he'd
had enough of trying and he shipped me off to a Paris boarding school. He sent
Eloisa too, partly as a thanks to her parents for everything that they'd done
for our family, and partly to keep an eye on me. Over the next eight years, I
was kicked out of every boarding school in Paris, then sent to several
different schools in Vienna, London, Madrid, and, finally, Switzerland.
Twenty-two schools in eight years.” He gave Jennifer a grin and she caught a
glimpse of the boy he'd been. “At the last school, the guidance counselor took
me under her wing and helped me see that I was hurting myself more than my
father. She helped me get into one of the best schools in the U.S. – it had
never been my grades that had gotten me in trouble – and she showed me that I
could make something of myself.”

“When did you decide to go into the hotel business?” Jennifer used the
segue-way to ease into the business, hoping that it would lead to connecting to
his father.

“About the same time. I realized that the best way to get back at my
father was to do what he did, only better.” Philip drained the last of his wine
and poured himself a bit more. “I ended up not only liking it, but being good
at it. Now, I don't even think of how it affects my father. Well,” he amended.
“I hadn't until recently.”

“What happened?” Jennifer knew where the story needed to go even though
she'd already heard this part as well.

“Because of events that happened when I was a child and the decisions I
made in my professional life, things between my father and I have always been
very tense. Recently, that's just gotten worse because my father is attacking
my business.” Philip met Jennifer's eyes for the first time since he'd started
sharing his past. “All of those calls I asked you step out of the room for, the
mysterious meetings, all of that was connected to my father.”

“Can I ask why…you haven't just met with him to try to work things
out?” Jennifer knew that she was verging on overstepping her bounds, but if the
father-son relationship was that damaged, she wanted to help Philip move past
it, to heal.

His smile was sad. “I don't think he wants to work things out. I think
he just wants to hurt me.”

Jennifer reached out again and placed her hand over Philip's. He didn't
pull away this time. “You won't know if that's true until you try. Believe me,
I understand being afraid of trying to resolve issues, though not to the same
extent as you, but I can imagine. Holding on to all of this, it's hurting you
just as much as it's hurting him. And you never know, maybe he wants to fix
things with you but is scared to make the first move. I know I would be.”

“And if he doesn't?”

For the first time since they'd met, all of the guards were down and
Jennifer could read the hurt in Philip's eyes, the pain of a young boy who
didn't understand what he'd done to deserve the way his father treated him.
“What if he doesn't want to fix things, only break them more?”

“Then you'll know that you did whatever you could, and you can move on
without any regrets,” Jennifer said firmly, her heart aching at what she saw.
“You'll have closure, and you won't realize how freeing that feeling is until
you feel it for yourself.”

“Dessert?” The waiter appeared, interrupting before Philip could
respond to Jennifer's advice.

“What do you say we split a piece of their Devil's Delight Chocolate
Cake?” Philip asked. When Jennifer nodded, he ordered it. As the waiter walked
away, Philip's gaze met Jennifer's once more. “I'll give your suggestion some
serious thought.”

Their conversation turned back to lighter things and remained that way
through their deliciously decadent dessert and during the car ride to
Jennifer's apartment.

“Amaury,” Philip addressed the driver as the car came to a stop. “Wait
here. I'm going to walk Jennifer to the door.”

Jennifer had to admit, as she and Philip walked up to the front door of
her apartment building, she was slightly disappointed that the evening wasn't
going to end with them in bed. It did, however, signify to her that Philip
wasn't just using her for sex. The flowers, taking her to dinner, sharing, all
of that hadn't been done just to get into her pants again. This was genuine.

“This was...” Philip paused as they stopped in front of the door. He
seemed to be searching for a word. “I actually can’t think of how to describe
it.” He smiled down at Jennifer. “It was like nothing I expected.”

“I know what you mean,” Jennifer agreed with a smile of her own.

Philip tucked Jennifer’s hair behind her ear and let his fingers brush
over her cheekbone before he cupped her chin. He held her face in place – not
that she considered moving – as he bent his head. His mouth covered hers and
she melted against him, her hands sliding up his chest to clasp behind his
neck. His own hands moved, one burying itself in her hair while the other pressed
against the small of her back, holding her against him. His lips moved slowly,
his tongue gently teasing at the seam of her mouth, but never trying to force
entry. When she opened her mouth, darting her tongue out to touch his, he made
a sound in the back of his throat that sounded suspiciously like a growl. His
grip on her tightened as he explored her mouth as if he’d never kissed her
before.

By the time he released her, Jennifer’s head was spinning and she knew
with one hundred percent certainty that she could never marry Brad. For better
or worse, her heart belonged to Philip.

“Until next time.” Philip smiled, his fingers ghosting over her lips.
“And we’ll make sure the night doesn’t end here.”

The wink he dropped before turning away made familiar things tighten
low in Jennifer’s belly and it was all she could do not to ask him to come
upstairs. She knew she couldn’t, no matter how much she wanted to. Aside from
the fact that she needed to be alone to call Brad, tonight was about building
something on more than sex.

She picked up her cell phone as soon as she put down her purse. She'd
left it on the charger by accident, though as soon as she saw her screen, she
was glad that she had. Not a single missed call from Rachel but six from Brad.
She listened to the first voicemail as she headed into her room to change out
of her dress.

“Why are you doing this to me, Jennifer? I've been waiting all day for
you to call and it's making me look really pathetic that you still haven't
gotten back to me. Are you sending my calls to voicemail on purpose? This isn't
how a proposal is supposed to be answered. I'm starting to think that it was a
mistake to give you my heart, if this is how you're going to treat it.”

Jennifer deleted the rest without listening to them. She was done with
all of that. She went back into the living room, dialing as she went. She had
to talk to Brad before she lost her nerve. She didn't get a chance to say a
word, however, as he was yelling as soon as he answered the phone.

“Where have you been?! The entire point of a cell phone is so that you
can have it with you when you go places. Or maybe you were with someone and you
didn't want him to see that I called. Was that it? This isn't the way to start
an engagement, Jennifer.” Brad's volume began to lower the longer he ranted.
“We're trying to regain what we had and you're just fucking it up. I suppose it
shouldn't surprise me. You were generally fucking things up, always thinking of
yourself instead of how things affected me. I don't know why I thought this
time would be any different.”

Jennifer was surprised by how little the words hurt this time. Before,
even though she'd been just as used to them, they'd never failed to bring tears
to her eyes, to rouse an apologetic response to the accusations. Now, she heard
them for what they were: the petty complaints and excuses of a man who couldn't
accept that he wasn't the center of her world anymore.

“I was just so worried,” Brad's tone still held an angry edge to it
even though the words were designed to excuse his behavior. “Why would you make
me worry like that? It's not like I'm just your boyfriend anymore. I'm your
fiancé now. I'm going to be your husband and you can't be doing things like
this when we're married...”

It was the continuation of that assumption that was the final straw for
Jennifer. “Brad,” she interrupted him. “Can I say something?” She may have
worded it as a question, but there was no doubt in her voice that it was merely
a means of getting him to relinquish control of the conversation.

“Of course.” Brad's voice was smug, as if he expected an apology and
then an explanation.

Jennifer couldn't blame him for thinking that way. It's how she would
have done it before. It wasn't, however, the way she was going to do it now.
“I've put up with this for long enough, Brad. It's time to stop.”

“Excuse me?” He sounded shocked.

“Do you realize that because of you, my parents and I have had to spend
the last couple years rebuilding our relationship? I lost friends who felt like
I was choosing you over them.”

“Come on, Jenny, you don't really think that's my fault, do you?
Clearly, they were either just jealous of our relationship or they never really
liked you that much in the first place.”

“You know what,” Jennifer felt the control that had held back years of
bitterness and anger snap at the last part of his statement. She kept her voice
calm, but her words took on a bit of bite. “You've made all of these excuses
about why you've treated me the way you did, but it’s all a bunch of bullshit.”

She heard him start to interrupt but kept going. She was going to say
it all now that she'd started. “I wanted to believe that you'd changed. I
wanted to believe you when you said that all of those cruel things you used to
say were just misunderstandings, that you'd only meant to help me but that the
words had come out wrong. I wanted to believe you so much that I'd almost
convinced myself that what you were saying was true. But you haven't changed.
You knew what you were saying back then and you know it now. You weren't
worried about me because you care about me. You were worried because when I
didn't answer, you didn't know what I was doing and the control freak in you
couldn't stand it.”

“Listen here you ungrateful little...”

“Shut up, Brad.” Jennifer flared, hardly able to believe that she'd
said the words. “I listened to you for years, telling me how worthless I was,
how stupid and ugly and bad in bed. I listened to you when you told me that I
should choose you over friends and family who loved me unconditionally. Now
you're going to listen to
me
. I see now that even those times that I
thought were good can't make up for everything I lost. Time with people I
loved. Relationships that I can never get back. My own self-respect and self-worth.”
With every word, Jennifer felt as if some poison that had been weakening her
was leaving her body.  “I can't go back and change what's been done, but I can
make sure that it never happens again. We're through, Brad. We are
not
getting back together and I am
not
marrying you.”

“You can't be serious. After all we've been through together, you're
going to just say 'no'? You can't do that.”