Fall On Me (17 page)

"I can take care of myself," he said and I
could tell that he was smiling as he spoke. "You're the one who
seems to need round the clock surveillance."

"I'm not an invalid, Kyle," I snapped. I knew
he was referring to my kidneys. "I did call the doctor, you know. I
didn’t ignore my health. I was misinformed."

"No, Lee, you're not an invalid," he said in
a serious tone. "But you are a target with a very high price tag
around your neck. Baby, you walking around the place on your own
right now, after everything that's been written about our wealth,
makes you as vulnerable as a lamb walking with wolves."

"No one wants…" I began to say, but he
interrupted me.

"People want money," he snapped and I could
feel the tension seeping into his body. "I have money and I have
one very obvious weakness. One guaranteed way of getting my money.
What is it?"

Me…
"Okay, Kyle, but it's a very small
risk."

"One I'm not prepared to take," he said with
a sigh. "I'm not taking any more risks. Not when it comes to
you..."

"Fine, so how about a compromise?" I asked
quietly. "I promise not to run off without telling you and you
promise not to push me to meet her?"

"You're gonna use your safety as a bargaining
tool against me?" he asked, his voice laced with disgust.

"Try and see it from my point of view, Kyle,"
I muttered, equally disgusted. "We're both doing things that are
hurting each other, so let's just stop doing those things. No more
lying to each other…
Both
of us."

"The things I do, I do with your best
interests at heart," he countered. "The things you do could
potentially…"

"Did you see Derek today?" I asked changing
the subject before we had a full on fight. I was too tired to argue
and he was too adamant. Kyle's body tensed and his arm tightened
around my back.

"He phoned me this morning ranting and
raving, but when I went to the house he wouldn't answer the door,"
he mumbled in a gruff tone. "He sent me a text earlier, so at least
I know he's conscious, but I haven't seen him since Thursday. He's
still refusing to come with us."

"Kyle, you know this isn't your fault,
right?" I whispered. "Derek's suffering from depression.
Unfortunately that's not an illness that has a quick fix. You can't
save the world, baby."

"I don't want to save the world," he replied.
"I want to save the ones I love who have to endure this world.
That's a pretty small list, Lee. One that seems to keep getting
smaller no matter what the hell I do."

I flinched at his words.
Cam.
My heart
ached. "You couldn't save her, Kyle. You weren't there. There
wasn't a thing you could have done…"

"I'm not just talking about Cam, princess,"
he hissed. Releasing my hair, he rubbed his face with his palm and
groaned. "There's our baby. My grandfather. My mom…fuck, I couldn't
even save your damn dog. And Derek? He's so screwed up that I don't
know what the hell to say to him half the time. And now Mike's all
fucked up, too. I shouldn't even care about Mike…I shouldn't give a
damn about him."

"But you do," I whispered. I watched Kyle nod
his head from under his arm. "You're not superman, Kyle. No one
expects you to fix everything." I pulled myself onto my knees and
looked down at him. He was thrown on his back with his arm tossed
over his face. Covering his eyes with his arm was something I had
discovered Kyle did when he was upset.

"Don't hide from me," I whispered as I moved
his arm away from his face. He looked up at me with the most
lonesome expression and my heart broke. It was a rare thing to see
his vulnerability. He hid it well.

"I'm just tired, Lee," he admitted. "Some
days I feel like I'm slamming my head against a brick wall. No
matter what I do everything keeps going to shit, baby. It makes me
feel sick to my stomach to know that my daughter is going to grow
up in a world like this. With all this…suffering."

"Kyle," I said quietly. "Sometimes, no matter
how much you try and plan and pray, things just go to hell. Life is
full of heartbreak and the world is cruel, but it's still a
beautiful place to be." I stroked his chest, right over his heart.
"It's beautiful because we have the ability to love. We love harder
than death. We love fiercer than hate. A human heart has more power
than any nuclear weapon. It is impenetrable, even when it stops
beating. You can break it, tear it to pieces, put a hole in it, but
you can't erase the feelings, and those feeling are contagious. The
contents can never be wiped clean. They spread in our thoughts,
words, actions and our memories. So, don't lose hope, baby." I
stretched forward and pressed my lips to his. "Because yours is the
biggest heart I've ever felt." I rubbed my nose against his cheek.
"We'll figure this out together, okay. You're not on your own in
this. I'm by your side. I'm on your side."

"Where the hell did you come from, Lee
Bennett?" Kyle shook his head as he pulled me onto his lap.
"Seriously, how the hell did you turn out so pure?"

"I'm not pure, Kyle," I giggled. "You saw to
that remember?"

"Baby, you're like snow to me," he purred.
Sitting up he tugged on my hips and pulled me forward until our
chests were touching. "I love that you were a virgin. It's sexy as
hell knowing the only thing that's been inside you is me."

"You're always holding me up, Kyle," I said
in a serious tone, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Let me hold
you up, too. You don't always have to be the strong one. You don't
have to carry all the weight. Let me help you."

He stared into my eyes with such intensity
that I could feel the atmosphere in the room changing. "Jesus, you
pull on my goddamn heart like a guitar string," he said with a
shudder. "When we first met, I knew you would be my downfall," he
said in a hoarse tone as he cupped my neck and pressed his forehead
to mine. "I'm glad I was right," he whispered before sealing my
mouth to his.

"I love you," I said against his mouth as he
rolled me onto my back. My legs fell open of their own accord and
Kyle slipped between them, his body in sync with mine. My whole
body trembled from the feel of him on me. The size of him, the
sheer strength of him…I never felt safer than I did when I was in
his arms. He was my addiction. My utter absolution. I wanted to
climb inside of him. There wasn't a physical interaction powerful
enough to portray how I felt for him. He coaxed my mouth open and
slid his tongue inside at the same time he pushed inside me.

"I love you too," he breathed.

****

Kyle

"Do you believe in god, Kyle?"

Derek's question caught me unaware. We were
sitting in the living room of my old house. Well, I was sitting.
Derek was sprawled out on a mattress on the floor with an empty
case of beer–and a woman's bra–at his feet. It was beyond me as to
why he was camped out here when there was four perfectly good
bedrooms in the place, but the guy was acting so strange lately I
didn't ask.
I was afraid of the answer.
I'd dragged myself
out of bed at three in the morning and rushed straight here when I
read the text message he'd sent me.

*Cupid's gonna kick my ass, dude.*

I was as confused about the meaning of that
text as I was about the question he'd just tossed at me. At least
he was docile tonight. I never knew what version of Derek I was
going to get when I came here. His mood swings were impressive to
say the least.

Derek's suffering from depression,
Kyle….

Lee told me she thought Derek had depression
and, to be honest, the word alone scared the hell out of me. She
said there wasn’t an overnight cure for what he was going through
and even contemplating agreeing with that statement went against my
natural disposition. I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing. No
way. There was no way in hell I was going to leave him here alone
with his demons…

"I don't know," I told him while I thought
about his question. I wasn't an overly religious person. I'd lived
with families from various religious backgrounds over the years and
nothing had appealed to me. My grandfather's religion had been
money. Hell, money had been his god and he'd been damn good at
making it. Worst grandparent ever for keeping tabs on a kid, but
Frank Henderson had the golden touch when it came to doubling
profit. "I believe there's something out there," I told him. "We'll
all know someday I guess."

"I do," he replied as he sat up and reached
for his beer. "I went to mass every Sunday when I lived at
home."

"Uh…good for you, man." What the hell was I
supposed to say to that?

"You mind?" he asked as he waved a box of
cigarettes in the air before taking a sip of his beer. I shook my
head and watched guiltily as he lit up a cigarette. I hadn't
realized he'd started smoking again. Derek smoking was something
else that I was responsible for...

I was fresh out of high school and flat broke
when I first met Derek Porter. I'd moved out of Frank's swanky pad
in Denver the day after my high school graduation and into
University Hill in Boulder. To be fair it had been my choice to
move out. Frank had gone along with it knowing that place had never
been my home.

Frank Henderson had taken me out of the
system before my thirteenth birthday. He'd provided me with a roof
over my head and a college education, but I never forgot. I never
let myself forget where I came from and who shared the blood that
ran in his veins. The five and half years I'd lived with him had
been a stopping gate for me and we'd both known it. I was never
going to be Frank's golden grandson–he had Mike for that–and he was
never going to hang my fucking moon. We'd both known he'd taken me
in over guilt and I'd stayed out of desperation.

I'd worked my ass off the summer before
starting college, but the rent in Thirteenth Street had crippled
me, so after about a month of living on toast I'd placed an ad for
a roommate online. At the time I hadn't known the place was mine
and the rent I was paying was going into a bank account my
grandfather had set up for me. If I had known that I would have
packed my bags and left. I'd appreciated his help, but I never
planned to fall at his feet for it or take handouts. My future had
been the one thing that I had control over. The one thing I'd clung
to when I was a kid. I'd never intended following him into the
family
business. I hadn't wanted that life.
I still
didn't want that life.
Before Frank died, and I inherited his
fortune, I had plans and goals of my own…

The day Derek moved in with me I remembered
thinking
this is a mistake
as I watched him saunter through
my front door, six weeks before our first semester at C.U, with his
baseball cap turned backwards on his head and his football shirt
stretching over his muscles.

I'd answered the door with a cigarette
hanging out of my mouth, a towel wrapped around my hips and the
hangover from hell. I remembered feeling amused as hell when I
watched as his mommy kissed him on the cheek and then cry all over
my kitchen table as she came to terms with the reality that her
precious baby boy was moving in with
Mick Jagger
–her words
not mine.

I hadn't made the best impression on Mrs.
Porter that day. The first black mark against me was when I handed
her–
lord forbid
–underage son a beer from the fridge. The
second was when she met my houseguest from the night before when
she sauntered into the kitchen in nothing but a G-string. I'd
almost choked on my beer when Derek muttered,
"Dude, I think I
love you already,"
and Mrs. Porter pulled out her rosary beads
and started blessing herself.

I was wary of Derek in the beginning, but
then again I'd never been into the whole trusting people deal. I
was used to being let down, but Derek was different. For starters
the guy never shut the fuck up, and second, he never let me down.
He used to yap on and on and he was so full of life and positivity
that I got infected with it. His word was his word and he stood
by–and up for–whatever he believed in.
And apparently he'd
believed in me….
Everyone loved the guy, my grandfather
included. Frank gave him a job working with me in the bar at the
hotel over the summer. We'd gotten along okay, but what had really
bonded us was when Derek discovered he hated my father as much as I
did.

The day Derek punched my dad in the nose, in
the middle of the bar, after being caught hitting on my stepmom was
the day that sealed our friendship for life. I'd been so impressed.
David had thrown some smart comment and Derek had flipped out and
punched him. Then Mike had punched Derek for hitting his
daddy
and I had punched Mike for hitting my…Derek.

We were both fired and thrown out of the
hotel and I'd coaxed Derek to the dark side with booze, house
parties and girls. I gave him his first cigarette that night. I
also filled him up with a wagon load of Jacky D before setting him
up for the most memorable night of his life with the Sullivan twins
from down the street. At the time I'd thought it was hilarious to
hear the jock hack up a lung and watch him morph from being a
focused athlete into a horned up teenager who'd just figured out he
was in a parental free zone.

We ended up spending the rest of the summer
getting drunk and getting laid until we realized we couldn't take
care of ourselves or the bills…Cam moved in a month later and
whipped both our asses into shape.

I lost my wingman the second she walked
through our front door with those horrible pink suitcases. I swear
I'd never seen so much pink in my life until Camryn Frey walked
into our lives. She snared Derek that very first day with a flick
of her blonde hair and had enforced a no-smoking-in-the-house rule
within a week of moving in. I'd protested but it was pointless and
ended up quitting a few months later. The queen had taken residence
and had confiscated our balls in the process. Within a month she
had the house under order and I'd learned more shit about pores and
female beauty products than would ever be deemed acceptable for a
man.