Falling Into You (37 page)

There’s something w
rong with her voice. T
he alcohol is making me crazy and I can’t figure it out, any of it.

“Hey,”
Sophia
says, looking deeply into my eye
s. “It’s all going to be okay.”
She’s been running her nails all up and down my arm while we’ve been talki
ng. I should bolt from the room.
I should find
Hallie
and demand an explanation, but the sight of her and him on the roof makes me want to break everything in this room instead.

“It’s not like you guys were
really
together or anything,”
Sophia
adds.
She’s creeping closer to me and
before I even know it,
she’s practically sitting on my lap.

S
he’s right.
Hallie
made sure that
things never went that far
. I had thought that it was because she wanted to live in the moment, but it was actually because she just wanted to play with me for a
week or
before returning to her real life.
To be with the person that she was actually in love with
.

Sophia’s winding her arms around my neck, curving her body into mine and running her hands through my hair.

“No.”
I push her away from me, and s
he pauses f
or a moment and pouts prettily.

“You can use me, too, you know.” She
positions
her
self into the crook of my arm, and h
er mouth is
all over mine
, her tongue tantalizing, teasing, tracing the corners of my lips.

I push her away again
. “
Sophia
. Stop. Now.”

“You can’t fight history,”
Sophia
says
, running her fingers up the side of my face
. “They have history.
But we have history, too.
”

H
istory meant something to
Hallie
. I remember the ways her eyes lit up at the Natural History Museum,
the way her fingers had lingered
on
the relics at Ellis Island. History
was everything to her
, and we had none. Just the present, I
think
bitterly.
I’m staring at
Sophia
’s open mouth and it’s an offer. Damn it. Damn it all to hell.

“We have history, too,”
Sophia
repeats.
She’s won a minor victory and I feel her mouth curve into a smile as I yank her closer to me.
S
he’s dragging me to the bed and
grasping
furiously
at my shi
rt
.

Before
I even know what’s happening, she’s
kissing
me
and s
he tastes like cigarettes and tequila and not like honey and mint. It’s all wrong, but I keep going anyway.

A
nd then I feel her skin on mine.

I know that this isn’t going to work. It’s never going to work.

Our clothes
have fallen to
the floor and she’s on top of me an
d I’m pushing at her to get off, but she’s tangling herself up in my limbs, trapping me beneath her.

“Baby,” she murmurs and it sounds nothing like
Hallie
. The sounds of her disgusts me.
I’m trying to get
her off but she’s resisting me.
I’m about to shove her harder than a woman should be sh
oved when I feel the
change in the air and look to the doorway.
Hallie
’s
standing
there and her face is ravaged
.
I’m calling her name out desperately, but she’
s running away, turning from me
, lost to me.

Chapter 25

HALLIE

I manage to erase some of the day’s tears from my face
and slide into my most
comfortable pair of jeans and the sweater that Sophia insisted that I wear to the party
.
Ben
whistles appreciatively at me, and I giggle at him. “You should have seen the red dress. I was trampalicious.”

He laughs. “I do wish I had seen that.
”
He wiggles his eyebrows at me, which makes me laugh. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I take a deep breath. “I will be.” It’s a promise. I have to go to this party, even though I’d rather just curl up on the couch. I have to see Chris.
I have to make me forgive me
. His text from earlier is a promising start.
You’re perfect.

It’s laughable how far from perfect I am, but
there are moments that
I
feel that way, in his arms. M
aybe the best
that anyone can do is to try to be perfect for another person
.
I know that I have to try.
I’m the object of someone pretty fucking spectactular’s affection and that’s not something that you just throw away.

“Come on,” I say to
Ben
, pulling him behind me
into the elevator
. “I’ll show you my newly discovered cab hailing skills.”

Ben
’s peppering me with questions about Chris and shaking his head at my answers and I’m shushing him and we’re laughing
as the city passes
by all around us
in the cab. I
t feels like old times
, except for the being in New York thing
. He whis
tles again when we get to Sam’s
apartment.

“So, thi
s is how the 1% lives,” he says
as I lead him through the party
.

“I think we’re actually looking at more like the .1%,” I offer.

As I search for
Chris and
Sophia
,
he stares
at
the girls in towering high heels and party dresses
with mingled horror and amusement.

“I don’t see them,”
I say, disappointed
.

“Didn’t you promise me a spectacular view?”
Ben
asks. “I me
an, this is pretty spectacular,” His eyes linger on a girl in a backless dress. “However
…”

“Come on,
Romeo.
” I
drag him behind me
, because I did promise him a view.
“We’ll go up to the roof for a minute.”

Ben
gasps when he sees the city laid out before him. The wind is whipping behind us and I shiver. H
e puts his arm around me and drags me to him.

“Well, this is absolutely beautiful.” He’s staring at me, checking my face for something
which he doesn’t seem to find, because
he si
ghs and releases me from his grip
. There’s a long pause and then he speaks again. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

I nod up at him. “I
am sure I am going to be okay.”

We stand together for long, silent minutes.

“I could spend forever looking at this view,” he admits, turning to me.

“There’s something to be said for the 1%, then?” I’m grinning at him and he’s shaking his head.

“We’re a long way from Ohio, that’s for sure. Be careful with all of this, Hallie. There’s something to be said for the afghans on your mom’s couch and the garish Christmas displays, too.”

He tells me about the new family down the street from his house and their goal of putting on the most garish display of holiday consumerism ever known to mankind before
we fall
silent again. It’s a long time before Ben says anything else.

“All right, well, let’s get out of here before you freeze. I’m sure Mr. Perfect is waiting.” It’s a new name each time and I’m laughing and joking with him about being
jealous
as we ride down in the elevator.

“There
’s also your potential sugar mama,
”
I say as we make our way through the throngs
and
into the kitchen.

“There is always that.”

The apartment has gotten even more crowded and I groan. “Why don’t you wait here?” I ask. “I’ll try to find them.”

“I think I can handle
that
.
” He’s eyeing the girl in the backless dress, who gives him an oversized wink.

“Susan? Your girlfriend?” I say, poking him in the gut.

He opens his mouth
to say something
, but
promptly closes it and nods at me
. “Go. I’ll manage to entertain myself for a few minutes.”

I glance back at
Ben
as I make my way out of the kitchen.
Part of me wonders whether or not this is a good idea—the whole mixing-of-worlds things
, introducing him to Chris and Sophia
.
I really hope he doesn’t call Chris Mr. Perfect to his face.
He does owe me some payback for some of the things I’ve said to his former girlfriends, but I’m hoping that he and Chris can at least make some effort to get along
.

I’ve made my way through the crowd on the dance floor before I realize that I have no idea what I’m going to say to Chris when I find him
. Thank you for the good times? Maybe I’ll see you again? I love you?

And
then
I remember h
is words, desperate:
“
Come to Prague. Promise me that you’ll be with me forever.
”
The glint of a diamond on a silvery chain claws at my memory. Fairy tale notions.

D
on’t I deserve the fairy tale?

There was
need
in his voice
, and something else—love, I think—
when he said those words.
I suddenly know for a fact that he was serious about Prague and forever.
I’ll
have
to explain what happened, why I freaked out,
but I’m strong enough to do that now. And it can wait until after I fall into him, to tell him that practicality be damned, I’m coming to Prague and letting the chips fall where they land, for once in my goddamn life.
Ben
suggested therapy, and while shrinks have never held much interest for me, it’s worth a shot.

But t
he
first, and most important,
part of my
being okay
is to tell the boy that I think I’m in love with (I might have to take back my whole love at first sight is crap thing) that I want as much of him as he can give.
It seems crazy, but
I’m pretty sure that he’s in love with me,
too—
miraculously
, incredibly,
ridiculously
in love with me.

Neither
Chris nor
Sophia
is in any of the obvious places. I don’t want to leave
Ben
alone for too long,
because I remember exactly
how out-of-place I felt that first night on
Sophia
’s balcony. So,
my
eyes are laser beams, glancing and disregarding anyone who isn’t one of the two people I seek.

I turn
the corner, and I hear a voice
whispering something
. It sounds like
Sophia
.
Unfortunately, the walls
in our suite
are paper-thin, so I had to listen to a couple of loud nights before investing in some noise-canceling headphones.
Probably another conquest, I think to myself, with a little smile. Apparently, she wasn’t waiting
to seduce Ben
after all.

“Baby.
”
Her voice
is low and soft and needy. For a second, I think it might not be Sophia, because of the need in her voice that’s never been there before and because of the word itself
.

“Come on,” she said to me as we watched a girl wrap herself around a guy in the cafeteria. “I hate that word. Someone needs to tell me why some girls think it’s cute to totally emasculate their boyfriends by comparing them to helpless, crying, totally dependent creatures. I want a man who doesn’t feel the need to sob all over me and girls like that
just ruin them for the rest of us.”

A
smirk crosses my face
even though no one is around to see it.