Falling to Pieces (23 page)

“Whatever.” Billie chuckles as we get back on the elevator.

The minute I enter his hospital room I rush toward the bed. “Grandpa,” I breathe, so grateful that he’s still alive. I scoop up his trembling hand and cradle it in mine. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Grandpa says in a ragged voice.

“But Mom said you had a heart attack because of what Asher said.” I grip his hand tighter.

“No, I didn’t have a heart attack. I was just having some chest pains and your mom was worried.”

Irritation with Mom mingles with relief that Grandpa’s okay, causing me to feel dizzy. “Well, then that’s great. You can go home.”

“Not quite yet.”

I notice how weak Grandpa sounds, and it worries me. “Why not?”

“I have a heart condition, Ivy. They need to keep me here a little longer. I’m not out of the woods yet.”

I nod, swallowing hard.

“Pull up a chair. We need to talk.”

Shaking my head, I say, “Maybe you should just get some rest.”

“I’m always resting, Ivy. I don’t know how much time I have left
, and I want to say everything I need to say.”

“No
.” Tears threaten, and I blink them back. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Please
, Ivy.”

Obeying him
, I drop his hand gently on the bed and walk to the corner of the room to retrieve a chair. I pull it over to him and scoot into it before picking his hand back up.

“I need to apologize to you, Ivy.”

This catches me off guard. “For what?”

“I always knew you and your mother didn’t get along well. I had no idea it had escalated to the point that it had, but I had my suspicions. I’m so sorry, Ivy. I should’ve stepped in to help you.”

My chest tightens, and my body goes hot. I had no idea that he knew anything. I’m not sure what I feel at this moment. A part of me feels angry that he never tried to help me, but another part of me feels sad that he’s burdened with this at all.

“There are things you don’t know about your mom,” Grandpa continues.

My head jerks up at this, and I’m eager to hear what he has to say.

“You know, you look exactly like your aunt.”

I freeze, worried about my grandpa’s sanity. Is he going senile? “I don’t have an aunt.”

“You did. Your mom had a twin. She favored your grandma with her light hair and eyes, whi
le your mom favored me with her dark hair and eyes. Your aunt's name was Selena, but she didn’t live long. She died of SIDS when she was only six months old.”

“I’m so sorry.” I squeeze Grandpa’s hand in empathy. “How come no one ever told me?”

“It’s not something anyone ever wanted to talk about. It was so awful.” Grandpa takes a breath, and I want to tell him to stop talking and get some rest. Only now I’m so curious to hear what else he knows. “Your grandma never got over it. I think in some ways she blamed your mom for being the one to live. Your mom was a difficult baby, but Selena was the easy one. Your grandma wasn’t always very nice to your mom. I tried to make things better for her, but she really wanted the love from her mom. When your mom met your dad she fell in love with him hard, and I thought maybe she would finally find the love she wanted. But then when you were born your dad thought the sun rose and set with you.”

My stomach tightens
. I have such fond memories of Dad, and I miss him so much.

“And you looked a lot like your grandma and aunt. I could tell your mom was jealous of you
, and it worried me.”

I clear my throat. “But it wasn’t just that, G
randpa. Things were okay until Dad’s death. Mom just couldn’t forgive me for what happened that day.”

“Forgive you?” Grandpa cocks an eyebrow.

Pressing my lips together, I wish I had never opened my mouth. If Grandpa doesn’t know what I did, I certainly don’t want to tell him. What if it changes his view about me?

“Ivy, you know you had nothing to do with your dad’s death, right?”

I sigh. “That’s just it, Grandpa. I had everything to do with it. I killed him.”

His grip on my hand tightens. “Oh, Ivy. That’s not true.”

“Yes it is. He never would’ve been in the water if he wasn’t trying to save me. And we never would’ve been at the river if I hadn’t been so selfish that day.”

“Your dad didn’t drown, Ivy.”

I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. What is he saying? I was there. I saw Dad fall in the water. I saw his head split open on the rock. I know what happened.

“He had a brain aneurism. He would’ve had it no matter where he was that day. Your dad was a great swimmer. He didn’t drown. He died before falling in the water.”

“But-but Mom said…” my voice trails off, hurt and anger swimming through my veins.

“I’m sorry if your mom made you feel like it was your fault, Ivy, because it wasn’t.”

I sit there, stunned. For years I’d believed that I was the cause of my father’s death. Not once had anyone told me differently. It was almost too difficult to understand. The guilt I’d felt about that day had permeated my insides for years. Every day I would curse myself for begging Dad to go with me to the river that day. I would imagine that everything turned out differently – that we stayed home and Dad was safe. Could it really not have been prevented? If so, that changes everything.

After a minute
, I glance back up at Grandpa and notice his eyelids fluttering. I really do need to let him get some sleep. Leaning over him, I gently swipe my lips across his forehead. “Get some rest. I’ll be back soon.” I release his hand, and push back the chair. My legs feel like jelly and I struggle to walk to the door. After popping it open I step out into the hall and walk right into Mom.

“How is he?” she asks, her gaze darting toward the door.

I narrow my eyes and cock my head to the side. “He’s fine. He didn’t have a heart attack. Just like Dad didn’t drown in the river.”

Her eyes widen
, and I relish the look for a minute. “What are you talking about, young lady?”

I shove past her. “I’m talking about how you’re a liar.”

She grabs my arm and whirls me toward her. I see Billie jump out of the seat she was in and come toward us. My heart pounds, but for the first time in my life I’m not scared of my mom. I finally see her for who she really is. I yank my arm out of her grasp. “Let go of me, Mom,” I say. “Don’t ever touch me again. You understand?”

“You don’t talk back to me like that, young lady,” she says.

“I know everything, Mom. I know about Dad, I know about your sister, I know it all. You have no power over me.” I press my face close to hers. “And if you ever hit me again, I’m calling the cops.”

Mom staggers backwards, fear evident in her eyes. I just glare at her and whirl toward Billie.

“Let’s get out of here,” I say.

“Alright.” Billie smiles, while taking a hold of my arm. “That was awesome! Man, I wish Asher was here to see it. You should totally call him and tell him what you just did.”

I smile, thinking that she’s right. Asher would be proud of me for finally sticking up for myself against my mom. As we head to the elevators, I pull out my cell phone and shoot him off a text.

26

Asher

I can tell Cole is surprised when I knock on his door. He’s even more surprised when I tell him why I’m here.

“Can you take a couple of days off work? I need you to go on a little road trip with me,” I say.

He raises one eyebrow. “Are we going where I think we’re going?”

I nod, certain that he’s figured it out.

“Wow, what made you decide to finally see him?”

“It’s a long story. I can tell you on the drive.”

Cole leans against the doorframe of his house. “Okay, just let me make a couple of phone calls and pack. Meet you out front in an hour?”

“Sounds good.”  I walk away from Cole’s house feeling lighter than when I first walked up. I know this won’t be easy, but it’s what I have to do if I have any hope of Ivy and I having a future together. As I head back to my house, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I snatch it out and read the text.

Hey. Call me.

My stomach clenches at the cryptic message from Ivy. I’m not ready to talk to her. She was so angry when she raced away from me at the restaurant. I don’t want to call her back just so she can break things off. No, I need to take care of business and then go to her so we can hash things out face
-to-face. Maybe by then she will have cooled off. I shove the phone back in my pocket and step across my front lawn. My feet squish in the newly watered grass. Mud cakes the bottom of my shoe and makes a squeaking sound as my foot plunges downward. I track dark footprints across the cement walkway. When I get to the front door, I wipe my feet on the front mat, coating it in wet dirt before walking inside. As always, the scent of potpourri washes over me.

The faint smell of dinner cooking lingers in the background, so I head to the kitchen to talk to Mom. I find her standing over the stove, wearing sweat pants and t-shirt
, half her hair pulled up in a clip. Her back is to me as she stirs a pot on the stove. Steam rises from it, and she bats it away with her hand as it comes close to her face.

“Hey
, Mom,” I say.

She glances at me from over her shoulder
. “Asher?  Are you gracing us with your presence tonight?” Even though she says it in a joking manner, I can hear the hint of irritation underneath. My mom has always had a hard time with my brother and me getting older. I think she would be happy if all four of us could eat dinner together every night for the rest of our lives. I can’t think of anything worse.

“Sorry
, Mom. I can’t.”

Her face falls. “Oh? What do you have going on tonight?” She faces me, but keeps her hand on the wooden spoon she was using to stir with. Liquid drips from it onto the tile counter.

“Cole and I are going on a little road trip.”

I can tell this surprises her. Not that I blame her. I have been spending almost all my time with Ivy lately. When I remember Ivy’s pained face earlier, it causes my insides to coil. “Really? Where are you two going?”

“The Bay Area.” I take a deep breath. “To Cam’s house.”

Mom inhales sharply. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

I nod. “It’s time, Mom.”

Her face
smooths out and she returns her attention to the pot on the stove, but I can see the slight tremor in her hand. “Well, I think that’s probably good then. You two were friends for a long time, until that girl got involved and ruined everything.”

“Mom,” I warn harshly.

“I’m sorry,” she says, even though she sounds anything but. “It’s just that our whole family was affected by what happened, Asher.”

My shoulders sag. “I know, Mom. I’m sorry.”

Mom peers at me. “Do you even know why she did it?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Why?” Mom fixes me with a curious look.

“I can’t really say. It’s not my place. But you have to trust me, Mom. Ivy had her reasons
, and I understand them.”

She nods. “Okay. Well, be careful. I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“Don’t worry. I do.” I exit the kitchen and head up to my room to finish packing. Mom’s words ring out in my head. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I do know one thing – that I don’t have any other choice.

“So, what’s the story? Why now?” Cole doesn’t waste any time before cutting to the chase. We’ve barely turned the corner of her street when he asks the dreaded question.

I take a deep breath as I turn the steering wheel. Cool air spills out of the air conditioner and circles me. “I finally found out who really hurt Ivy.”

“Why am I not surprised that this has to do with Ivy?”

Frustration burns through me. “Do you want to hear this or not?”

Cole rests his head against the closed window. “Sorry, man. Go ahead.”

“So I went after the person who really hurt her. Only now she’s pissed at me.”

“That girl is a piece a work,” Cole mutters under his breath.

I choose to ignore him, keeping my eyes trained on the road. Guiding my car forward, I head toward the freeway. “I realized that if I want things to work out with Ivy and I, then I need to make things right. I need to finally deal with everything that happened.”

“Are you sure about this man?”

Brake lights splash in front of me, and I ease my foot down on the brake pedal. The car slows down, staying at a steady pace behind the row of cars in front of us. “Yeah, I am.”

“I mean, if she’s pissed at you for taking matters into your own hands again, won’t she be angry with you for going to see Cam too?”

I clench my fists around the steering wheel. The thought had crossed my mind. “I don’t think so. She knows we were friends before. I think she’d want me to make amends.”