Falling to Pieces (26 page)

“What will I do without him, Asher? He was the only family I had left.”

“That’s not true.” I stroke her hair, gently prying the wet strands off her face.

She lets out a bitter laugh
, and her voice is harsh from crying. “Well, I wasn’t counting Mom.”

“I’m not either. I was talking about me,” I tell her. “I’m your family now. I’ll always be here for you.”

Her eyes darken, and she pulls away from me. “Asher, I’m so sorry about how I acted the other night.” Ivy runs her fingers through her tangled hair.

“It’s okay. I understand why you were so upset.”

She walks away from me, retrieving the bottle of water she dropped when she entered the room. After picking it up, she deposits it on her dresser and leans her back against it. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Billie told me the whole story. I know you were just trying to help me.” She blows out a breath. “God, why do you even put up with me? I’m a mess.”

“No, you’re not, Ives. You’ve just been through a lot and you haven’t had anyone to help you.” I take a few steps forward and place my hands on the dresser on either side of her body. “That’s why I’m here. To be that person who helps you get through this.”

She lowers her gaze. “But you’ve always been so good to me, Asher, and I just cause you so much trouble.”

“Hey.” I tuck my finger under her chin and lift her head to face me. “We’ve both made mistake
s. But I want to be with you, Ives. I want it more than anything else in this world.”

“Why?”

“That’s easy.” I wink, running my finger along her jaw-line. “Because I love you, Ives. I always have.”

Her eyes widen
, and she sucks in a sharp breath. “Say it again.”

“
I love you, Ives.” I lower my arm and grip the top of her dresser. Brushing my lips against her ear, I whisper. “I’ve been alone in your room now with you for a few minutes, and it’s killing me not to kiss those sexy lips. I don’t think I can hold off for much longer.”

With a slight smile
, she nods. I slowly lower my face and swipe my lips across hers. Then I gently pull her bottom lip into my mouth. Letting go of her dresser, I bring one of my arms up to cradle her head, the other I snake around her waist. Then I run my tongue over her lips until she opens her mouth. She moans and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me even closer. My tongue slides against hers, and it’s like I can’t get enough. The thought of releasing her is almost too much to bear. I massage the back of her head, tangling my fingers in her blond hair while her fingers run along the back of my neck causing goosebumps to rise on my flesh. Little sounds of pleasure escape from the back of Ivy’s throat, causing desire to burn through my veins. With my mouth still locked on hers, I turn her body away from the dresser and guide her toward the bed. I explore every inch of her mouth with my tongue, and run my fingers down her neck. Releasing her for one moment I push her down on the bed and climb over her, straddling my legs around her body. I lean down and capture her lips again, keeping my arms pinned around her body. She arches her back up and kisses me with desperation. I taste all her sadness and pain, but I also taste her longing and passion.

“Asher,” she breathes against my lips. “I love you too.”

I growl with satisfaction and lower my body on top of hers. “God, Ives, you don’t know how much that means to me to hear you say that.”

“I do,” she says between kisses. “I have for a long time.”

I run my fingertips over the collar of her shirt, pressing into her collarbone. Her chest heaves with each labored breath. I want to touch her everywhere. I want to be with her in the most intimate way possible. I lower my hand to the bottom of her shirt and slide my hand across her taut stomach. She shivers and kisses the inside of my neck, causing a chill to run through me. I raise my hand grazing her ribcage and lighting on the edge of her bra. My heart rate quickens and pulses through my trembling fingers.

She stiffens
, pushing my arm down. “Asher, I’m not sure I’m ready right now.”

I nod
, and extract my hand from her shirt.

A look of panic crosses her face. “I’m sorry. I just
don’t think I can today."

Her
apologetic expression makes me feel guilty. I kiss her on the cheek, and prop my elbow up on the bed so I’m facing her. “Ives, it’s fine, really. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, Asher. I love being with you. I just need more time, that’s all.”

I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “And I’ll give you all the time you need.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course. You’re worth the wait, Ives. I would never pressure you. When we finally are together, I want us both to be ready.”

Ivy smiles. “And you’re not mad?”

“Mad? Not at all. I mean, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you right now. I mean, look at you. You’re gorgeous.” I nuzzle into her neck. “But that just means I have something to look forward to. When it does happen with us, Ives, it’s gonna be mind blowing.”

“You’re amazing, Asher.”

I laugh. “Wow, and I haven’t done anything yet. I must be even better than I thought.”

She giggles, and reaches out to tou
ch my face. “I mean that who you are is amazing. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I hope I never lose you again.”

“You won’t, I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

She furrows her brows. “Where were you the last couple of days?”

I sigh. “I went to the Bay Area to see Cam.”

“Wow.” Ivy sits up and pulls her legs up to her chest. “That’s crazy. How did it go?”

I sit up as well, resting my back against the wall that her bed is pressed next to. “It went okay. Better than I thought, actually.”

“What made you decide to go there?”

“You.”

“Me?” She purses her lips, and it’s so cute that it makes me want to kiss her again. “How?”

“I just didn’t want there to be anything standing in our way of being together. We’ve come so far, Ives, but I was scared. After you ran off to see your grandpa in the hospital I knew I had to do everything in my power to fix all the things that have gone wrong with us.
”

“Thank you, Asher.”

“Ives, Cam wouldn’t forgive me, but can you?”

“What do you mean?” Ivy purses her lips.

“Do you forgive me for going after Cam that night?”

“Of course I do. I know why you did it.” She gives me a pensive look. “What about you? Can you forgive me for lying to you?”

“I already have. That’s why I did all this. I want to be with you forever, Ives, and I knew that as long as Cam was hanging over our heads that couldn’t happen.”

Ivy lifts her arm and holds her hand out to me. I grasp it in mine and squeeze her fingers tightly. “I never thought I’d hear anyone say they wanted to be with me forever. I’ve always felt like a burden to the people in my life.”

“You’re not a burden, Ives. You’re everything to me.” I raise her hand and run my lips over her knuckles.

“I want to tell you something, Asher,” Ivy’s voice is quiet and unsure.

I nod. “Okay.”

“I didn’t kill my dad.”

I stare into her eyes. “I never thought you did.”

“Well, that makes one of us. I always thought I did.” 

“That’s because your mom has poisoned you. She’s taught you to see yourself in a negative way. I don’t see you like that. I’ve always been able to see how amazing and wonderful you are.”

Ivy’s eyes shine with tears and she blinks them back.
“I want to tell you what happened that day.” She swallows hard. “I’ve never told anyone before.”

I run my thumb along the inside of her palm, hoping to give her encouragement. “I’m right here, Ives. You can tell me anything.”

“A group of my friends were going to the river. I wanted to go so bad, but my dad wouldn’t let me go unless he came with. My mom didn’t think it was a good idea, but I begged and begged him. Finally he said yes and took me to the river. My friends and I were goofing around on a raft.” Ivy keeps her gaze trained on the pattern of her bedspread. “I fell off, and the current pulled me under for a minute. I guess my dad freaked out and came running toward me. The next thing I remember is him falling into the water and hitting his head on a rock. Blood was everywhere.” She shakes her head and bites her lip. “We called 911, but it was too late. He was gone by the time they arrived.”

“Oh
, Ives, it was a horrible accident, but it’s not your fault.”

She locks eyes with mine. “That’s just it. It wasn’t an accident. I always thought it was. My mom told me for years that it was my selfishness that killed my dad. But my grandpa told me he had a brain
aneurism and died before he even fell in the water. Don’t you see? He would’ve died that day no matter where he was.”

I am once again sick
ened by Ivy’s mom. How could she allow her daughter to believe something so horrible for so many years? Anger courses through me. “That woman better hope I never get my hands on her.”

Ivy smiles. “She can’
t hurt me anymore, Asher, not now that I know that truth. I told her off the other night in the hospital. She’s pretty much ignoring me now.”

“That’s my girl.” I beam at her.

“Your girl, huh? I like that. I’ve always wanted to be someone’s girl.”

“You’ll always be mine.” I kiss her on the tip of her nose.

“You know, I’ve always kept everything to myself. I was so scared that telling anyone would make it all worse. But the truth is, that you finding out helped me get free.” Ivy releases my hand and swirls her finger up my arm, tracing my veins. Her fingertips graze my shoulder and stop when they cup my face. “You gave me freedom, Asher, and I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”

I catch her hand in mine and hold it against my face. “You already have. Just being with me is payment enough.” I kiss the inside of her palm. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. I choose to be with you because it’s what I want. And I want you to be with me because it’s what you want.”

She nods. “It is. More than anything.”

I frame her face with my hands and draw her to me. “I love you so much, Ives.”

“I love you too, Asher.”

Drawing her to me, I gently bite at her lips with my teeth. She giggles
, and I smother it with my mouth. Her hands rest on my waist, and my fingers catch on the back of her shirt. I run my tongue along her lips and then dart it inside her mouth. I swirl it along her tongue and think how I’ll never get tired of kissing her. I’ve kissed so many girls, but nothing has ever felt like this. Nothing has ever felt so right and pure; so meant to be. I want to be the only person she ever kisses. I want to be the only person she ever loves like this.

29

Ivy

I snuggle into Asher’s back
, inhaling the musty scent of his leather jacket. Wind whips into my helmet and brushes over my collar bone. Cars zip past, their tires grinding on the asphalt. I bunch my fingers up in Asher’s t-shirt, and I feel his muscles flex beneath my palms. He rounds the corner of his street, causing our bodies to sway together. When his house comes into view I feel disappointment sink into my gut. As I take in the trees with rust colored leaves that are already falling off, I think about how crazy it is that the summer has come to an end. This will be our last ride together for months. I want to cry at the thought.

Asher guides the bike into his driveway and kills the engine. I pull the helmet off my head and fluff my hair with my fingers. When I glance up, Asher is looking at me with that hungry smile I’ve gotten to know so well.

I flash him a half smile in response.

“Are you going to make me beg?” He says leaning in close.

“It is kind of sexy when you do,” I respond coyly.

“C’mon, you know it’s hard for me to go very long without kissing you. Maybe you should start covering up those lips. They are seriously distracting.”
Feeling bold, I run my tongue over my lips, and Asher groans in response. “What are you doing to me?”

I giggle as he bends toward me, grabbing my neck. My giggle is silenced when his lips cover mine. The rest of the world falls away the minute his tongue starts exploring my mouth
, and his fingers dance along my neck. I’m usually so cognizant of my surroundings, but for some reason Asher has the ability to make me forget about everything else. All I can focus on is the way his mouth and hands feel. It’s like the rest of the world ceases to exist; like we’ve entered our own alternative universe. I never thought kissing could render me useless like this. It certainly never did with anyone else.

When we part, I take
a deep breath and grab onto the bike to hold myself steady. The world seems to spin on its axis, making me momentarily dizzy. I am gripping the helmet so hard in my left hand that it has left a mark on my skin.

“Well, how was the last ride of the summer? Everything you’d hoped it would be?”