Falling to Pieces (3 page)

But Ivy and I have never had that kind of relationship. It’s always been strictly platonic, despite my attempts to make it more. I’ve never wanted to push it, because I’m just happy to have Ivy in my life any way I can. Even though she seems so tough
, I know how fragile she is, and she’s always seemed to need me. In high school she relied on me and trusted me more than anyone else. I never wanted to screw that up. Only eventually I did screw it up, and then she didn’t talk to me for a year.

When she gets off the bike after our ride, I can see in her eyes that she’s blocking me out again. The minute she turns her back on me, panic blooms in my chest. I know that I can’t just let her go. I’m afraid if I do she’ll never agree to go out with me again. After tonight, I’m not sure I can stand going the entire summer without seeing her. It’s been hard enough the last year, but at least I was in a new environment. I was in a place where memories of Ivy don’t linger at every corner. Here it will be more difficult.

So I reach out and grab her arm.  “Hey, don’t walk off just yet.”

She stiffens at my touch
, and turns around slowly. My heart sinks when I catch sight of the guarded look on her face.

“Aren’t you
going to hug me goodbye?” I flash her my best teasing smile, hoping to break her down. “I mean, I think I deserve at least that. I took you out on my bike and everything.”

“Of course.”
She steps forward, and I gladly sweep her up into an embrace. Her frail body trembles against mine, so I tighten my hold. A tiny sigh escapes from her lips as she nestles into my chest. Warm breath feathers over my shirt, and my heart flips.

“Whoa, what’s going on here?”
A girl’s husky voice calls out.

Ivy shoves
me away and turns toward a girl wearing jeans, a low cut top and a leather jacket. She has short black hair spiked all over her head.

“Billie?
” Ivy says. “You’re back early.”

The girl gives her a sour look
. “And you’re not inside reading magazines. What gives? Do you have some secret nightlife I don’t know anything about?”

Ivy laughs
. “No, trust me. It was a one night thing.”

“Ooh, this is getting juicier by the minute.” Billie
looks at me like I’m a slab of meat and she’s hungry. Honestly, she looks at me the way I wish Ivy would.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”
Ivy peers at me, her cheeks red like she’s embarrassed. I just shrug.  The truth is that I don’t care what her friend thinks of our relationship. I knew Ivy long before this girl did.

“Billie, this is Asher. Asher this is my roommate, Billie
,” she introduces us.

“
The
Asher?” Billie’s mouth drops open, and I feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that Ivy has talked about me.

“So you’ve heard of me
then?” I ask, curious.

Bil
lie giggles in a girlie way, which is such a contrast to her hard features and demeanor. “Oh, yeah, I’ve heard a lot of things.”

“I’d love to hear all about it.” I’m curious to know what Ivy divulged. Suddenly I’m very interested in talking with this friend of hers. Besides, she seems easier to wear down than Ivy.

“Um…” Ivy speaks quietly from behind us
.

“Yeah, come on upstairs and we’ll chat
,” Billie says. “I think I have some ice cream in the freezer. After my disastrous date, I planned to drown myself in it, but now we can all have some.”

“What a coincidence. I love ice cream.”
I wink at Ivy from over my shoulder. It looks like my night isn’t over after all. I still have more time to remind Ivy why she should keep me in her life.

Once we’re back in the apartment, Billie sheds her jacket and tosses it on the table.  Despite my best efforts
, my gaze lands right on the girl’s cleavage. It’s not like I want to look there, but she’s hanging out and it’s difficult not to notice. Why can’t Ivy be wearing a top like that? When I catch Ivy noticing, I quickly avert my gaze and clear my throat. She throws me a knowing look, and I feel like an idiot.

“So, mint chip or cooki
e dough?” Billie calls with her head in the freezer.

“I’ll have the cookie dough, but I know Ives will want the mint chip,” I say.

Billie pulls out two cartons and slams the door shut. She throws Ivy a wink. “A guy who knows your favorite ice cream, huh? You should keep him around.”

Ivy strokes the back of her neck nervously
, but doesn’t respond. When Billie hands me a bowl of ice cream and a spoon, I make my way to the couch and sit down. To my disappointment, Ivy sits at the other end of the couch and Billie takes a seat between us. I shove a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth and then raise an eyebrow toward Billie. “So, tell me all these things you’ve heard.”

Ivy shakes her head in protest, but can’t speak past the mouthful of mint ice cream.

“She told me that you were a total player.” Billie grins.

I feign indignation. “What? I am not.”

“Well, according to Ivy you dated every girl at your high school.”

Ivy’
s face pales, and I look pointedly at her. “Not every girl. I never dated Ivy.”

“Oh?” Billie’s eyes widen. “And why’s that?”

“Because she always turned me down,” I say, looking directly into Ivy’s eyes.

“What are you talk
ing about?” Ivy sets her bowl on the coffee table and fixes me with a challenging stare. “We went out plenty of times.”

“Yeah,” Billie interjects. “I heard about the time you tw
o snuck out and drove into the Bay Area for a rock concert.”

I laugh as the memory surfaces. “Did Ivy also tell you how she ended up getting caught and got grounded for a month?”

Billie chuckles, practically spewing ice cream out of her mouth. “No, she must’ve forgotten that part.”

“Well, it
wasn’t important,” Ivy says sharply.

I sit forward, setting my own bowl down. “I know we went out, Ives, but not on a date.”

“That’s because we’re friends, Asher,” she says in an exasperated tone.

“Yeah, I know.”  I bite my lip, wondering if maybe I went too far. When I used to ask Ivy out I always made it seem like a joke. I’m not sure that she ever took me seriously. If Ivy figures out how I really feel, I fear she’ll push me away again.

Ivy stands abruptly, stretching her arms. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m beat.”

Taking my cue, I stand too. Billie reaches for my bowl, but I shake my head. “No, please don’t wait on me. I’ll get it.”

“Wow, where are guys like you at my work?” Billie throws a knowing glance to Ivy.

“Where do you work?” I pick my bowl
up and carry it into the kitchen.

“Same place as Ivy. We’re both waitresses at
Sunny’s Steakhouse. That’s actually how we met.” She looks between us. “She didn’t tell you?”

“No.” And I c
an tell by the look on her face that she wishes Billie hadn’t either. I suppress a smile at the little knowledge I gleaned. Now even if Ivy refuses to see me again, I can catch her at work.

“Guys aren’t supposed to help us out at work, Billie,” Ivy points out. “We get paid to wait on people.”

Billie snorts. “Still. It would be nice to meet a gentleman like Asher every once in awhile.” She bats her eyelashes at me while I run my bowl under the water from the faucet in their kitchen sink. I really hope this girl isn’t getting a crush on me. She seems nice enough, but I have my sights set on someone different.

Ivy leans over the counter
, eyeing her friend. “You never did tell us what happened with Ryan tonight.”

Billie dismisses her words with a flick of her wrist. “Oh, it’s not worth talking about. He’s a jerk. We’re not going out again. End of story.”

“Well, I’m sorry your night didn’t go well,” Ivy speaks gently, reminding me of the Ivy she used to be with me.

Billie’s gaze travels over to me and she smiles. “Oh, my night went just fine.”

Feeling uncomfortable, I turn to Ivy. “Okay, well I’m gonna take off.”

“Thanks for the ride.” Ivy’s eyes sparkle like she’s remembering being out on my bike. I vow to make her eyes sparkle like that a million more times this summer. She
walks past me and opens the door to the apartment to let me out.

“Can we do it again soon?” I ask, leaning in close.

She shifts her face away. “We’ll see.”

It’s not exactly a yes, but it’s not a no either, so I take it. “Great.” I look up at her friend who is shoving the bowls into the dishwasher. “Nice to meet you, Billie.” Then I lower my face to Ivy’s. “And I’ll see you soon.”

When she closes the door, I slump against the wall, my pulse racing. Ivy’s the only girl who has ever had this affect on me. I only wish that I had the same affect on her.

3

Ivy

After closing the door behind Asher, I whirl around to my friend. “Why did you do that?”

“Do
what?” Billie furrows her brows while wiping her hands on a dish towel.

“Tell Asher that I’ve talked
about him.” I walk away from the front door and lean over the kitchen counter, resting my elbows against the slick surface.

“Ivy, he was your best friend for years. I’m sure he assumes you’ve mentioned him.” Billie leans her back against the fridge and eyes me suspiciously.

“Still, you didn’t have to invite him up here.”

“I didn’t think you’d mind. You were all over him in the parking lot.”

I push myself off the counter, fuming. “I was not all over him. It was a simple hug goodbye. Not everything is sexual, Billie. It may seem like a foreign concept to you, but some people have platonic relationships.”

"Why? That seems like a waste of time." Billie flashes me a devilish grin.

However, I'm not in the mood for her jokes. "I don't expect you to understand."

Billie comes toward me. “What is going on here? He’s a really nice guy and he seems to care about you a lot. Why are you acting so strange?”

I sigh. “You’re right. He is a great guy and that’s why I need to stay away from him.”

“Ivy, c’mon, you really need to let this thing go. Maybe it’s time for you to tell Asher the truth about that night.”

“No way. I don’t want to.”

Billie throws her arms up. “Fine, maybe you’re still not ready. But you’re going to have to at some point.”

“I can’t.” My lips start to quiver, and I bite down in an effort to steady them.

“Well, you need to find someone you can talk to. This thing is eating you up inside.”

“I did talk to someone. I told you.” From the minute I met Billie I knew I could trust her. She was so different from all my high school girlfriends. Even when I was on their good side they were all shallow and wishy-washy. Not to mention the fact that they gossiped all the time. I was afraid to leave a party first or be the first one to leave the table in the cafeteria, because I just knew they’d talk about me behind my back. The only reason I kept hanging out with them is because they were fun and popular, and that’s what I cared about in high school. Besides, I had Asher, so at least there was one person I could rely on. After they shunned me, I felt totally alone. But then I met Billie, and I finally had a friend again. And not just any friend. She was the type of friend who would staunchly defend you and believe you to a fault. Actually, she reminded me a lot of Asher.

“No, y
ou told me bits and pieces,” Billie clarified. “I still don’t know the whole story.”

“Well, that’s more than I’ve told anyone else,” I say.
The entire truth is something I can’t say out loud. It is something I never want to admit to anyone. I’ve been keeping the secret for so long it has become a part of me, and I’m not ready to let it go.

“That’s the problem, Ivy.
You’re afraid to let anyone in, but you need to or you’re never going to be happy.”

“I’m happy now.” I cross my arms over my chest.

“Are you really?” Billie fastens me with a questioning look.

I lower my gaze. “Yes.”

“If you say so.” Billie doesn’t sound convinced at all.

“But I am
also tired, so I’m gonna head off to bed.” I walk past Billie toward the hallway.

“By the way,” Billie calls after me. “I like the outfit. It’s quite an impression you were trying to make for the boy who is just a friend.”

I bristle from her words and scurry into my bedroom. When I get inside I close the door and attempt to lower my racing heartbeat. Glancing at my reflection, I take in my outfit, my sleek hair, and the touch of makeup I hurriedly applied while Asher waited. It makes me wonder if Billie is right. I mean, why did I go to so much trouble to look nice for Asher? Of course I’m physically attracted to him. It’s no secret that he’s sexy. I’d have to be dead not to notice that. In high school he was the boy every girl was secretly in love with. But it’s never been like that for me and Asher. Even though I find him good-looking, I’ve never really desired anything more than friendship with him. Mostly because I’ve seen how easily he discards the girls he dates. I didn’t want to date Asher, just to lose him the next day. Staying strictly friends ensured that I could keep him in my life, and he didn't seem interested in anything more with me either. He was always sharing his latest crush with me, filling me in on the details of his dates and taking me for rides on his motorcycle. There were even times when I wondered if he noticed I wasn’t one of his guy friends.