Falling to Pieces (6 page)

I stare hard at the ground
. “Well, you shouldn’t have. I’m really busy today.”

Pushing past Asher, I move
swiftly over to Peyton’s table. As I take the two empty glasses, I hear giggling and whispering spiraling around me. My cheeks warm, but I keep my gaze downward and try to block out the sounds. Only for some reason I’m having a hard time not letting it get to me. Maybe it’s Asher’s presence. I can feel him watching from across the room. As I turn from the table, my hands tremble and fill with moisture. I try to keep a firm grip on the glasses, but it’s a losing battle. One slips from my fingers and crashes to the floor. Luckily the cups are pretty thick and it doesn’t break. That doesn’t stop Peyton and her friends from erupting into a chorus of giggles though. I glance around the restaurant at the few other patrons in my section. They simply peer over in curiosity. I sigh, and bend over to retrieve the glass.

There is some soda on the floor, so I pull the rag out of the pocket of my apron and wipe it off.
I wish I could hide under the table and never come out. This whole day is turning out to be super humiliating. I only hope the rest of the summer isn’t this way. Even though I had been gearing up for everyone to come home from college for the summer, I never could’ve been ready for everything.

“Better watch out, girls,” Peyton calls out. “She might accuse one of us of dropping the glass. That’s what she does. She makes up stories about people.”

“That’s it
,” Asher’s voice rings out in the restaurant, causing me to stiffen. “You need to stop right now, Peyton!” Asher rushes in our direction, and gets right in Peyton’s face. “I won’t let you keep talking to her like that, so you can either be nice or you can leave.”

She recoils from the force of his words, her eyes widening like she’s stunned.

“Asher.” I stand, scouring the room. The other customers and a few of the waitresses are gaping in our direction.  “Stop making a scene.”

He
leans in close. “It’s fine. Let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help.”
Holding the glasses tight to my body, I swivel away from him.

He comes up behind me.
“I think you do need help. You were just letting them walk all over you.”

I spin around to face him
. “It’s fine, Asher. It doesn’t bother me.”

“Well, it should bother you. You don’t deserve it.”

“That’s just the thing though, Asher. I do deserve it.”

He reaches out an
d encloses his fingers over my arm. “No, you don’t. It wasn’t your fault. Cam never should’ve laid a hand on you.”

“He didn’t
hurt me.” I pull my arm back.

“Ives, I know you’re scared
, and I get it. He denied it and everyone said you were lying, but I believe you. I always have.”

“Well, you need to stop.”
I lock eyes with him. “Asher, what they said is true. Cam never hurt me. It was all a lie. I lied to you. The sooner you get that through your head, the better.”

“What?” He furrows his brows and tightens his lips, as if he’s trying to decipher what
I’m saying. “No, it doesn’t make sense. Why would you lie to me?”

“I’m so sorry,
but you were the one who jumped to the conclusion that it was Cam. And I tried to stop you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

“I know you tried to stop me, but that’s because you’re compassionate. Even after what Cam did, you didn’t want him hurt. It’s one of the
many things I like about you.”

I sigh. “I didn’t try to stop you because I’m compassionate. God, Asher, please listen to what I’m saying. It wasn’t Cam. It never was. That’s the reason I tried to stop you.”

“Ives, you don’t have to do this with me. You can be honest. I know you, and I know you would never lie.” Asher steps so close to me that our faces are practically touching.

My heart starts to race. I step backward and almost bump into the wall. I grip the glasses tighter between my slick fingers.
Behind Asher I can see Peyton and her friends chatting and laughing, and it turns my stomach. It’s crazy to me that I was ever part of that group. “I didn’t lie exactly. I just allowed you to believe something. Not that it makes it any better.” 

He runs a hand over his head
, studying my face intently. “You’re being serious?”

I nod. “Yes, I’m being serious. It really wasn’t Cam.”

Asher cocks his head to the side, appraising me. “Ives, you lied to me?”

I bite my lip
, willing myself not to cry. The look on his face is enough to break my heart. “I’m so sorry.”

Anger flashes in his eyes. “But if Cam never hurt you, then….” His words trail off
, and I know he’s thinking about what he did.

The expression of horror and guilt on his face
is enough to make me sick. My stomach churns, and bile rises in my throat. It hurts worse than any words he could say.

“I have to get
outta here.” Looking dazed, he turns around and walks slowly out of the restaurant. With every step he takes, I feel a piece of my heart breaking.

“You should have seen the
look on his face, Billie.” I lie back on the couch, my arms behind my head and my legs propped up on the armrest. The TV plays one of those reality shows Billie likes softly in the background.

Billie sits on the ground in front of the coffee table. “Isn’t that what you wanted? For him to finally know the truth?”

I roll my head to the side to look at her. “Yes, but I didn’t expect it to hurt so bad when he lost faith in me. I mean, he looked at me the same way everyone else does, as if I’m trash.”

“He doesn’t think you’re trash, Ivy. He’s probably just shocked. Give him time to process it.” Billie picks at a thread on her jeans. “I mean, you did drop a major bombshell.”

“It’s not like I haven’t tried to tell him before.”

Billie gives me an exasperated look. “You should be grateful to have a guy like Asher who believes in you like that. I mean, he defended you even when everyone else turned their back
on you.”

I blow out a ragged breath as the impact of her words hit me. “Well, that’s all ruined now
, so it doesn’t matter.”

Billie leans forward. “Ivy, I really think you need to tell him the whole story.”

“No.” I sit up too fast and all the blood rushes to my head. “It’s better this way. Now he can move on and forget about me.”

Billie shakes her head. “I don’t get it. I mean, if I had a guy like Asher I wouldn’t let him go.”

“I never had Asher. He was just a friend.”

“Whatever you say.” Billie rolls her eyes.

“It’s true.”

“I saw you
together, and the chemistry between you two is crazy.” Billie pushes herself up to a standing position, and I fling myself back down on the couch. I want to deny her words, but I don’t know if I can. The truth is that I felt it last night too. Only I don’t want to admit it. There’s no point anyway. I doubt that Asher will ever talk to me again after today. As Billie heads into the kitchen, my stomach suddenly rumbles and I realize that I haven’t eaten since this morning.

“I’m starving,” I say.

“There’s leftover Chinese food in the fridge,” Billie says.

“Yum, that sounds great,” I say
, licking my lips.

“Well, don’t move
. I’ll bring it to you,” Billie answers sarcastically, opening the fridge.

I giggle
, sitting up. Resting my chin on the cushions, I watch Billie pull a carton out of the fridge and dump the contents onto a plate.

“You d
idn’t eat anything at your grandpa’s?”  Billie shoves the plate into the microwave and punches a few numbers.

“No, he wasn’t very hungry
, so I just heated him up a can of soup.”

“How is he?”

“Not great.” My stomach churns. “He’s getting weaker by the day. Mom is thinking of moving him into her house soon.”

The microwave dings, and Billie pulls the plate out. “How do you feel about that?”

I shrug. “Fine.”

As Billie heads into the family room, plate in hand, she gives me a weary look. “It’s okay to admit when you’re sad.”

“I’m not sad, though.” I take the plate and fork from her
, and place it in my lap. “I don’t know what I am. When it comes to my grandpa’s illness I just feel numb. Maybe because I’ve been dealing with it for so long.”

“No, I meant how do you feel about him moving in with your mom?”
Billie sits next to me as I stab a piece of sesame chicken with my fork. “Then you’ll have to see her and Frank every time you visit with your grandpa.”

My insides quiver at the thought of my
mom and my jerk of a stepdad, Frank. Billie knows I try to avoid them at all costs. “I’ll manage.”

“I know you will.” She pats me on the shoulder. “And at least now you can kill two birds with one stone. You can see your grandpa
, and get your mom off your back at the same time.”

I chuckle.
Leave it to Billie to see the good in every situation. That’s one of the things I love about her. Growing up wasn’t easy for Billie. Her parents are both alcoholics and pretty neglectful. She’s the youngest of four siblings, but the other three were already teenagers before she was born. According to Billie, she was the ‘oops’ baby, and she grew up pretty much alone. But the thing about Billie is that she never feels sorry for herself. She moved out the minute she graduated, and she makes the best out of her life. I’ve never met her family, and her mom has only called a couple of times since I’ve known her, but it doesn’t seem to bother her. If it does, she doesn’t say so, and I don’t press. I know what it’s like to try to forget your past, so I don’t make Billie talk about hers.

“Yeah, I guess
that’s true.”  I chuckle, and then shove a forkful of rice into my mouth.

“Well, f
or what it’s worth, I think Asher will come around. Just give him some time.”

I’m not sure if Asher will come around or not, but more importantly
, I’m not sure what I want. For the past year I’ve wanted Asher to leave me alone, but now that he’s back I feel drawn to him in a way that I’ve never felt before. 

6

Asher

It’s still light outside even though it’s almost nine o’clock. The sky is just now starting to dim, an array of salmon and violet colors washing over the clouds. Cole and I are sitting
on a rock overlooking the lake and sipping on a beer. Every time another person walks by we hide the beer under the crook of our legs. The last thing I need is to get caught drinking at the lake. Then my mom will never get off my back. Luckily, though, the only other people out right now are teenagers, and they don’t care what we’re drinking.

“
So, what did you do today?” Cole asks, staring out at the still water and taking a pull of his beer.

“Nothing much.”

“Really?” He cocks an eyebrow. “Because I ran into Peyton and she said that you were at the Steakhouse with Ivy.”

“I guess she’s still a blabbermouth, huh?” I grunt in frustration
, and take another swig of my beer. It’s bitter as it slides down my throat.

“Aren’t all girls?” Cole laughs, kicking a rock near the toe of his shoe.

His remark rubs me the wrong way, reminding me of Ivy’s confession. A day ago I would’ve said that Ivy was the exception to that rule. She never was one to gossip, but now I’m wondering how well I know Ivy.

“
What’s the story with you and Ivy, man?” Cole asks.

I shake my head, glanc
ing down at the beer in my hand. I’m not usually much of a drinker, but tonight I wish for something stronger. I peel back the label on the bottle and roll it nervously between my fingers. “There’s no story. I went to see her, that’s all. I probably won’t see her again.”

Cole sighs with relief. “That’s probably good. We all know what happened last time she got her hooks into you.”

I pick up a smooth rock and throw it out at the water. When I was younger I was great at skipping rocks, but today the rock hits the water, makes a splash, and quickly sinks. A couple walks past us holding hands and giggling, and for some reason it irritates me. “I just don’t get it, man. Why would she make that up about Cam?”

Cole shrugs. “You know how chicks are. She probably just wanted attention or something.”

His words just don’t ring true to the Ivy I know. “But I saw her bruises. She was hurt.”

“Ivy’s a daredevil, you know that. Maybe she just hurt herself on accident.”

I remember Ivy’s words when I first saw the injuries. She said that she fell. It sounded like such a flimsy excuse, like the kind of thing abused women say after their husband beats the crap out of them. But now I wonder if it was the truth. Cole is right. Ivy isn’t the type of girl to back down from a challenge of any kind. She loves the rush of doing something risky. I remember the time we went rock jumping at the lake. All of the other girls laid out on their towels soaking up the sun, but Ivy just stripped down to her bikini and stalked up to us.