Fascinated (34 page)

C
arstairs rested his head against the pillows and measured the seconds in the ticking of the clock, his thundering heartbeat, and the deepening of Alicia’s breathing as she settled into sleep. If he reached out the smallest amount, he would graze her drifting dreams and sense the echoes of sated desire.

“You may go now, Lucien,” he said.

“If you wish it, sir.” Gracefully, Lucien rose from his place at the foot of the bed, utterly unconcerned for his nudity as he bowed. “And thank you for the privilege of joining you.”

Carstairs nodded absently. He did not look up as the man took his leave. He watched Alicia in his arms. She cuddled close and pressed her cheek against his chest, right over his heart. He did not need to glance at the clock on the mantel to know that the hour was growing late. Soon the sun would begin to set. He was out of time, and so was she.

One careful motion at a time, Carstairs slid himself out from under Alicia, until at last he cupped her head in his hands so he
could lay her gently onto the pillows. He wrapped the duvet around her so she would not grow cold. The smile that formed as she unconsciously burrowed deeper into the silken cocoon was as painful as any wound he had taken in his life.

Carstairs decided he had better dress himself. Neither one of them would want to remain here…afterward. He should be ready to leave. He might buy them a few more precious moments by waking Alicia now and insisting she dress as well. But no. If he woke her, if she turned to him and smiled again, he would only be able to kiss her, to wrap his arms around her and hold her and look to see how her eyes filled with love.

But that was over. For her own safety, Alicia must be concealed from those who would use her. He would shelter her and care for her. She would want for nothing. He would never cease to love her. But her love for him…that was over.

The room’s wardrobe had a broad drawer at its base. This was normally used for storing any extra appurtenances the guests might need to enhance their sport. Carstairs pulled it open and removed the iron-banded strongbox he’d retrieved from Captain Smith earlier that morning. He set the box on the table where he and Alicia had so recently enjoyed their supper. They’d talked pleasantly of everyday matters, a little of politics, a little of books, and of travel. Alicia spoke of a wish to see Paris, and Florence. He wasn’t even sure how he’d answered her. All he remembered was the clear realization that this could have been his life,
their
life—sharing the comforts of companionship as well as the delights of passion.

On the bed, Alicia sighed, and silk rustled. Carstairs did not look at her. He did not have the strength.

Carstairs turned the key in the lock. The hinges on the strongbox were well-oiled, and made no sound as he lifted the carved
lid. The brooch lay inside, like a puddle of old blood obscenely framed in gold. He picked it up. The ends of the white ribbon dangled over the edges of his hand. The catch that Alicia had broken had been replaced. Smith had been planning on using this again. He had seen the necessity might arise, and planned for it.

A deep loathing for his captain and for himself rose so strongly in Edward that for a moment he thought he might be sick.

It is my duty. If I do not do this, I risk so much more than either one of us. I might be giving them the whole of Britain and the world beyond that. Nick’s death will have been for nothing.
Carstairs closed his fist around the amulet.
I cannot fail.

It was three steps from the table to the bedside. Alicia breathed four times, in and out, as he crossed to her. His shadow fell over her sleeping form. Her skin glowed rose and gold in the lamplight. Alicia stirred. She murmured something to whatever dream walked in her mind, and rolled over onto her back. The duvet’s cocoon fell open, leaving her naked to his gaze. She was beautiful. She was perfect. And he had to destroy her in order to save her.

“Forgive me, Alicia.”

But there was no forgiveness, and there never would be.

There was a small space between the curve of Alicia’s neck and the featherbed underneath her. He could slide the end of the ribbon easily through that. She would feel nothing as he wrapped it back around her neck. She would not even wake.

He leaned over her. He couldn’t breathe. The thunder of his own heart all but deafened him.

I must do this. I must. I cannot leave her to the Fae. I cannot leave us exposed. I cannot be weak now. Not now, not ever.

But as Carstairs’s hands held the amulet over her throat, memories flashed through him; of Alicia in the music room, in the
park, in his house on that first day when he’d been the one to carry her off.

Edward, help me!

I will, Alicia. I swear it.

His hand trembled. She had fought so hard to win understanding and freedom. She’d trusted him with body, soul and self, and he was about to take it all away.

No.
Edward’s fist closed once more around the amulet.
No. I cannot. I will not.

He had to find another way. There must be some way. But as Carstairs drew back, the ribbon’s dangling end brushed against Alicia’s throat. She swatted at it sleepily, and her eyes fluttered open. She saw him, and she smiled.

Then she saw his hand, and what he held.

Alicia screamed. She scrabbled backward, clutching the sheet to her, her eyes wide and frantic.

“No,” he stammered. “Alicia, please…”

“What are you doing!” she cried, grabbing for the duvet to cover herself, to hide herself from him. “Get away from me!”

“I…”

But he could not make any answer while Alicia stared at him in such horror. As he had never done before man or Fae, Carstairs turned and fled.

T
he echo of the slamming door reverberated through the room. Alicia huddled against the headboard disbelief freezing breath and thought.

Edward had the amulet. She’d seen it in his hand. He was going to lock it back around her throat. Edward had planned to
use its enchantment to imprison her again. He would have done it, if she hadn’t woken.

“Edward,” she whispered. “Oh, God. Edward.” Alicia buried her face in her hands. If her thoughts had been frozen in place a moment before, now they tumbled over one another. How could this be? How could she have been so mistaken in his heart and hers? She’d been so certain. No. She’d been so naive. She knew nothing of the world of sense and feeling, and she’d let herself be goaded into trusting her own ignorance. She’d given herself into the hands of a man who meant from the first to betray her.

No. No. That could not be. Edward had loved her. She had seen it; she had felt it. In their passion, in the magic, yes, but also in the little things: the exchange of glances, the conversation, the simple ease she felt beside him. That had all been real too.

Except it did not seem to matter. She loved him but she did not know him. She’d let herself be carried along by the whirlwind of events and the heady discovery of desire. She’d allowed herself to be content with only what Edward decided to show her, and told herself there would be time for the rest later. Now time was up, and Edward was gone. Fled.

As this word sounded in her mind, Alicia’s sobs stilled. She lifted her face. He had fled. Taken to his heels as quickly as any coward discovered in a shameful act. But Edward was no coward. If she knew anything of him, she knew that. He would not shrink from what he believed to be right, no matter what the act or the cost. He certainly would not run from it.

Alicia took a deep breath, and another. Something was not right. Something more was happening than she had seen. But what? She had to think. She had boasted of her good mind to Edward once. She must use it now.

He’d had the amulet. If he didn’t mean to imprison her, then what? Alicia forced her mind back over what she knew of the enchantment. When the White Knight had given it to Mae Margaret all those years ago, he had told her it would hide a soul. When Mama had permitted Aunt Hester to place it around Alicia’s throat as a child, it had been to hide her from the Fae who might come to fetch her back again. When she took it off, the White Knight
did
come back. And he was still out there. She’d known it for herself.

What if Edward had meant to hide her again? What if he’d been ordered to by his captain to keep her from the Fae? Had they been warned that the White Knight was coming yet again to try to take her away?

No. Alicia stopped herself. Edward would never leave her alone if he believed her to be in danger. But he just might go to confront the danger before it reached her.

Alicia kicked the duvet back and scrambled out of the bed. The room had a wardrobe and she tore its doors open. As she hoped, several of frocks hung inside. She dressed herself quickly, her mind racing.

Edward had taken himself into danger for her sake, and she could not leave him alone. She had to find him. But how? Where could she turn for help? There was Lady Jane, but Alicia did not have the direction of her house. There was this Mrs. Rathe who was Lady Jane’s friend, and the mysterious Captain Smith, but she knew even less of where they might be found. She was utterly alone and without help of the ordinary kind, let alone the magical kind.

No. No, that wasn’t true. Alicia pulled hard on the bell rope. She needed a carriage. She would hire one if necessary. There
was one place she could go and demand help and they would not turn her away. She would not permit it.

“L
et me in! Let me in!” Alicia stood in the dark and hammered on the kitchen door of Hartwell House. It had taken seemingly forever for a carriage to be found and then to cross town to her family’s home. It had been scarcely eight o’clock when she’d left Mrs. Hamilton’s. Now the street was silent around her and the house was dark. Alicia didn’t care. She’d pound and she’d shout until someone answered her.

“Let me in!”

Agonizing moments later, the door creaked open to reveal Follett’s bewildered face.

“Lady Carstairs!” he exclaimed. “What…”

“I’m sorry, Follett,” said Alicia hastily as she pushed past him into the kitchen. The fire had been banked and the night turned the usually warm and fragrant space cold. “I need to speak with my aunts immediately.”

“But they are abed, my lady!” Follett protested.

She spun on her heels to face him. “Then either you will wake them or I will.”

“There is no need.”

Footsteps sounded on the narrow back stairs, and slowly Aunt Hester descended into view, with Eugenia behind her. The flickering of the single candle she carried made a shadow mask of her harsh features and it took much of Alicia’s strength not to shrink back from her.

“Go back to bed, Follett,” said Aunt Hester as she stepped onto the worn flagstones. “I will deal with this.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Follett sounded distinctly relieved. He made his bow, and shuffled quickly away. Alicia did not watch him leave. She did not dare take her eyes from her aunts.

Leaning heavily on her cane, Aunt Hester moved to the hearth. She had aged since Alicia had left the house. Just two days ago, her back had been straight and she carried herself with the swift assurance of a much younger woman. Now, she sat heavily in the spindle-backed chair by the hearth and groped for the poker. Alicia looked to Aunt Eugenia. She too was watching Hester, her face screwed up tight, her expression impossible for Alicia to read.

“What do you want here, miss?” Aunt Hester stabbed the poker into the banked coals. A single flame sprang up.

“I need your help,” said Alicia. “I need to find Edward.”

“So, your man has deserted you already, has he?” Aunt Hester’s smile was thin and triumphant as she broke open another coal, causing the fire to rise and spread. “This came more quickly than even I would have believed.”

“No. It is nothing of that kind.”

“Of course not. He loves you,” said Aunt Hester to the fire. “That he is gone Heaven knows where and you have returned home is a small matter.”

Her words struck hard against Alicia, but she held. If she gave way to doubt now, it was all over for Edward and for her. “I don’t know why he has gone,” she answered through clenched teeth. “I suspect he may be trying to confront the Fae King.”

Alicia waited for Aunt Hester’s answer, but none came. She just stared at the fire, her jaw working back and forth as the flames danced before her.

It was Aunt Eugenia who finally spoke. She had not moved
from her place on the stairs. “If he has gone to challenge the king, it is already too late for him.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s walking into a trap—that’s why,” snapped Aunt Hester. “The king means to use him as bait to catch the man calling himself Smith.”

Clarity, harsh and unwelcome, opened inside Alicia. It made perfect sense. What could the Fae King want with her? For herself, nothing. But she could be used to capture Edward. Edward understood the magical defenses of the country. His captain would want him rescued or ransomed before the Fae claimed those secrets. Captain Smith himself might even take part in that rescue, and if the Fae captured or killed him…

“We have to stop this,” breathed Alicia.

“Why?” Aunt Hester asked the fire bitterly. “It is no business of ours.”

“How can you say that!” She spoke to Aunt Eugenia as well, but Eugenia only curled her twiglike fingers around the railing, as if to hold herself in place. “You know what they can do!” Alicia shouted. “You saved me from them when I was a child!”

Hester shrugged irritably. “Only because I trusted that fat fool, your aunt Mary. She said it was safe to let you live, despite the fact it was too late to remove your curse from you.”

“What curse?”

“This curse of magic!” Aunt Hester slammed her cane against the stones. “Were it not for this, we could have lived in peace. I could have…We could have…led normal lives. But no.” Her lips curled back from her teeth as she snarled. “We must be forever on guard. There is no respite. We must give all we have to
ignorant fools who despise us for keeping them alive. Until they need us, that is. Then it’s ‘Oh, please, Hester. I’ll do anything, Hester.’ Just like you are doing now. Well, it is too late for any of that.” She leveled the tip of her cane at Alicia. “The king will have your man, and he’ll come for you in his own good time.”