Fated Memories (47 page)

When he came back downstairs, Charlotte’s hand went to her throat as she watched him strap on his gun. “Eathen, where are you goin’?”

“
You don’t wanna know,” he breathed, walking out the door.

Jessie lay on her bed slamming her fists again and again into her pillow. The cries coming from her throat sounded as if they came from someone in the very depths of despair. Jumping up, she ran to the window. Lifting up on the handle, she pushed the window open wide, leaning out as far as she could and searching the grounds. As she spied Eathen striding toward the corrals, she called for him to come back. Begged him to come back. But he kept on walking, ignoring her screams of pain.

For many days no one in the Thornton household dared wonder where Eathen had gone. Then, late one evening, he walked through the door. Jessie sat at the dining room table, and as he walked past her chair, he dropped something into her lap. As her hand clutched the fallen object, her head snapped up. Her stricken eyes locked with those of the man watching her from across the room.

Pain such as she had never known welled up from somewhere deep inside. Stealing her very breath and squeezing her heart with such force she felt her body bend beneath its strength. Hot tears streamed down her face as she rocked back and forth trying to rid herself of its fury. A strange numbness settled over her as she heard herself whisper, “Mama, you can send the wire to Aunt Martha now, I’m ready to go.”

Chapter Thirty

Cut Bank, Montana 1904

“
Miz Charlotte, has you been sittin’ in dat chair all night?” Hattie stopped, when she saw Charlotte still sitting where she had left her the night before.

“
I’m afraid so, Hattie.” The book she had been reading slipped unnoticed to her lap.

“
Wuz you able ter finds out huccome Miss Jessie din’ wants to lives no mo’?” Hattie walked the rest of the way over to stand beside Charlotte’s chair.

“
I think she thought we’d all abandoned her.” The wound Jessie’s words had reopened still felt fresh and tender. “Readin’ her diary brought back so many memories. Almost like livin’ all those years over again.”

“
Is you gwing ter shows it ter Mist’ Eathen?”

“
Yes, Hattie, I am. I can see now we both share blame for what she did. Not just blame for her takin’ her own life, but for turnin’ to Two Spirits in the first place. I never realized how much she worried ‘bout her father wantin’ a son. Even though she said it more’n once, it never hit home until I read it here in her own words.”

“
Does you think de day will ever comes w’en Mist’ Eathen will accepts dat po’ lil baby Miss Jessie left behind?”

“
I doubt it.” She rubbed a hand over her tired eyes. “He’s a man filled with anger. Jessie’s child’d just be another painful reminder of everything he’s lost.”

“
Dat lil baby ain’ ter blames fer none of dis.” Hattie’s voice trembled, betraying her emotion. “Ah doan knows why he kain’ sees dat!”

“
I hope he can come to grips with his own pain. Jessie filled his world. It’s too bad she couldn’t see it.”

“
Ah kin still sees de anger in Mist’ Eathen’s eyes dat night he come back home. Watchin’ Miss Jessie a-sittin’ der, holdin’ dat necklace in her hands an cryin’ lak her heart bes broken, made me want ter takes her in mah arms and cries wid her.”

“
I think that moment sparked the beginin’ of the end for her, Hattie.”

“
Whut does you mean, Miz Charlotte?”

“
Accordin’ to what she wrote in her diary, she had given that locket Eathen dropped in her lap to Two Spirits.”

“
But, effen she gived it ter him, how did Mist’ Eathen gits it?” Hattie asked then grew silent as she realized her answer.

“
I think my baby felt so much pain right at that moment that what little strength she had just flowed out of her. From the day she came into this world, we gave her everything she wanted.” Charlotte leaned her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes for a brief moment. “If you never have to live with darkness, how in God’s name can you appreciate the light?”

“
Ah members, Miz Charlotte, how you used ter tells Mist’ Eathen not ter gives her so much. An Mist’ Eathen, he jes’ laugh an say, oh she bes awright. Ah’ll see to it dat she doan gits dis much nex time. Den w’en nex time come, he’d do it all agin.” Hattie sniffed, dabbing her eyes with a hanky she withdrew from the sleeve of her robe.

“
I think all parents can look back over the years and see where they went wrong with their children’s upbringin’. You love them with all your heart and you hate to refuse them anything. Even more when it’s so easy to come by. Eathen grew up poor. He had to fight his way to the top. He wanted to make sure Jessie never had to live as he did.”

“
Well, it bes fer sho’ we’ll nebber knows de why of it now. W’en dat chile tuck her life, she tuck all de answers too.”

“
Charlotte, what are you doin’ up so early?” Eathen asked, stopping beside her chair as he walked into the room.

“
I ain’t been to bed yet,” she replied, sitting forward in her chair to draw her shoulder blades as close together as she could.

“
Now your back’s stiff.” He watched her trying to work out her kinks.

More relaxed now, Charlotte ignored him to settle back to a more comfortable position.

“
Ah’ll go gits started a-fixin’ breakfast.” Hattie squeezed Charlotte’s shoulder.

“
Don’t bother fixin’ me anything, Hattie. I ain’t hungry.”

“
Miz Charlotte,” Hattie said, in her best scolding voice, “you ain’ had no sleep. Now you ain’ havin’ nuthin’ ter eats needer?”

“
Just bring some coffee and toast, Hattie. I’ll see that she eats.”

“
With a curt nod, Hattie turned towards the kitchen.

“
What’d you do, get caught up in a good book?” He smiled down at her. “Is that why you couldn’t sleep?”

Charlotte rubbed gentle hands over the diary. “It ain’t just a book, Eathen. I’ve been sittin’ here readin’ Jessie’s diary.”

“
Where’d you find it?” He took the seat next to her, his legs going weak as he recognized the diary as the one he had brought back for Jessie from Helena.

“
Hattie found it.” Charlotte could hear the tension in Eathen’s voice. “She gave it to me last night.” She held the book out to him. “I’m through with it, if you wanna read it.”

He made no move to reach for it; instead his hand moved to the pocket of his shirt to withdraw a cigar. “I always thought a diary’s supposed to be private.” He bit off the end, spitting it into the flames then struck a match holding it to the tip of the cigar. “I don’t think she’d like us pourin’ over all her cherished secrets.”

“
I thought I could find some answers, Eathen. Otherwise, I’d never have invaded her privacy.”

“
What’d you find out?” He blew a long stream of blue smoke towards the ceiling.

“
I can tell you this much. Jessie told the truth when she said she knew how bad you wanted a son. She really believed you wanted a son more than you wanted her.”

“
I don’t deny I’ve always wanted a son, Charlotte. Hell, you of all people know that. But that mornin’ I came home to find her layin’ in your arms, I thought her to be…bar none, the most beautiful thing I’d ever laid eyes on. I vowed right then, to give her the world if she wanted it.”

“
Eathen,” she said, turning to face him. “It ain’t too late to still have a part of her. It’d break Martha’s heart to give her up, but Jessie’s child can be ours to raise if you say the word.”

“
I thought we already settled that, Charlotte.”

Her stomach tightened as she saw her last chance to bring Jessie’s child home where she belonged slip from her grasp. “We never settled anything. You said what you felt about the matter and thought that would be the end of it.”

“
Far as I’m concerned, it is.”

Trying to hold on to her temper, she implored him. “All right. If you won’t bring her here, will you at least go with me to visit her?”

He cast her a sideways glance filled with amazement. “No, Charlotte. I won’t. Far as I’m concerned she don’t exist.”

“
But, Eathen,” she leaned towards him, “that’s just it. She does exist. And as much as you would like to pretend otherwise, the fact still remains we have a granddaughter who needs us!”

“
With Martha and John raisin’ her, she don’t need anybody else. They’ll see she has everything’ life has to offer and then some.”

“
That’s what I’m afraid of!” Charlotte cried, scooting from her chair. “With Martha as her mother, she could grow up like Jessie.”

“
Would that be so bad?” he tapped the ashes from his cigar into the ashtray sitting on the end table.

“
Eathen! For goodness sake, ain’t you learned anything from this whole mess? We gave Jessie everything she ever wanted. She never heard the word ‘no’ in her life until right at the end! Do you want the same thing happenin’ to her daughter?”

Accepting the plate of toast and cup of coffee Hattie handed to him, Eathen placed them on the table within Charlotte’s easy reach. “Thank You, Hattie,” he told her. “If you could, I’d like some coffee too.”

With a quick glance at Charlotte, Hattie hurried to do as he had asked.

“
To answer your question, Charlotte, I couldn’t care less what happens to her. She’s John and Martha’s problem now. I’m content to leave it at that.”

“
Well, I’m not!” She pulled the cup of coffee over closer. “Tia’s my granddaughter and I intend to see to it she grows up knowin’ I love her.”

“
Love her all you want, Charlotte, but don’t ever bring her into this house. The day you try’s, the day I walk out that door.”

“
In a matter of speakin’, Eathen, I think you already have.”

“
Would you mind explainin’ that?” He took the cup of coffee from Hattie.

“
The day we got the wire tellin’ us about Jessie’s death, I saw somethin’ die in you too. Maybe there ain’t anythin’ left for us anymore. If Jessie filled the most important part of your life, where does that leave me?”

“
I’ll be honest with you, Charlotte. Right now I don’t know, cause a part of me did die that day.” He rubbed his stubbled jaw. “When I read that telegram, I felt a coldness well up inside me so strong I felt numb. I can’t yell enough or drink enough or even cry enough to make it let go of me. Believe me, I’ve tried. It’s gettin’ so I’m afraid to go to sleep, ‘cause I know when I do, the dreams’ll start.”

“
What kinda dreams, Eathen?” She slipped off the chair and onto the ottoman.

“
Dreams about Jessie at different stages of her life. Her first Christmas. How she looked surrounded by all the toys I got her. Then her face all covered with soot after she almost fell into the fire. My God,” one hand covered his eyes, “she coulda been killed that day and it woulda been all my fault.”

“
But that didn’t happen. You had no idea somethin’ like that might occur. I shouldn’t’ve accused you like I did.”

“
No,” he held up his hand, “you had every right to say what you did. I’m the one who should have protected her, but I didn’t. Now look what happened to her.”

“
We raised her the best we could, Eathen. What happened to Jessie ain’t all our fault. You have to believe that or else you’re gonna drive yourself crazy with guilt.”

“
All our married life I kept hammerin’ at you to give me a child. When you did, I wanted another one. Hell! I couldn’t protect the one you did give me!”

“
I shoulda given you more children, Eathen. I’m the selfish one here.” She leaned forward, rubbing her face against his propped up legs. “I kept the pain of Jessie’s birth fresh in my mind ‘til you couldn’t reason with me. If I’d only let it go!” She tapped her fist against her forehead. “Now it’s too late.”

“
For another child, yes, but maybe it ain’t too late for us, Charlotte.” He pulled her close to him.

At the feel of his strong arms holding her close, she felt all her anger at the man she still loved loosen its hold on her and she turned to the strength she so needed in her life. “Eathen, I’ve heard it said if a person will allow time to heal the pain that comes with losin’ a loved one, sometimes a new beginnin’ can be born. Let’s hope the sayin’ holds true for us.”

“
A mens ter dat,” Hattie whispered, blowing her nose softly on her apron, and allowing the kitchen door to ease shut.

Coming Soon