Feather Light (Knead Me) (10 page)

Parker tried to lighten things up and sound more upbeat, not wanting to show that he was wound up so tight inside. He couldn’t believe he was going to put himself out there. Dating was one thing, but pursuing a woman in his present situation seemed to be a big hurdle.
 

“It’s your call, boss. But know this—once I move on, there’s no getting me back.”

He rubbed his neck and sighed. Why was she making it difficult for him? Parker thought they’d made things perfectly clear. On impulse, he reached forward, hoping to feel her emotions, but then pulled back.

“May I?”

Her head bobbed up and down. Reaching forward, his deft fingers followed the lines of her lips. The crease on either side of her mouth was pulled downward. He felt a stab of guilt he couldn’t explain.

Beneath his fingertips, Webster’s mouth twitched upward, and her laughter filled the room. “Gotcha, boss!”

Parker tightened the grip on her face, not to hurt her but to make sure he understood her. He traced her laugh lines to the sound of her mirth echoing around him. After another moment, he let go, rose to his feet, and shoved his hands in his jean pockets.

Stunned, he glared in her direction. “You’re such a jackass!”

Webster continued to laugh, oblivious to his growing irritation. He listened to her annoying cackle while he began forming a plan on how to get back at her. Strangling her with her favorite hot pink cuffs would be a good place to start.

“You . . .
ha ha ha
 . . . thought I was going to give you a hard time, huh?” she asked once she’d contained her laughter. Webster wiped the tears from her face that she’d shed at his expense.

“You’re an idiot. Watch out, Webster. Payback’s a bitch!”

Webster walked to the door, still laughing at him. “It’s that Baba chick, isn’t it?” She laughed and closed the door behind her without waiting for an answer.
 

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, indignant.

Left alone in his office, he thought about how it had all started between him and Webster. It had been a good run for them. They’d been friends for some time, even before he had succumbed to the disease. Their sexual preferences had brought them together by necessity. An agreement had been put into place that respected their quests to find their own partners, while still enjoying their own brand of play.

In the beginning, he hadn’t been sure if she was picking up on the signals he’d been sending her. It had been a silly gut feeling on his part that led him to see if his hunch was correct. One night, after a stressful day at the office, Webster had offered to help with the mountains of paperwork he had to go through. He’d ordered pizza and taken out a bottle wine to start the de-stressing process. One thing had led to another—the alcohol had reduced their inhibitions—and they’d started talking about kink. Looking back at it now, he’d almost fallen off his chair when he discovered they had the same desires in the bedroom.

It hadn’t taken long for Parker to realize he needed to be in complete control during their role-play. Webster seemed to understand his insecurity without requiring a long and embarrassing explanation. It wasn’t easy to admit he was afraid of losing control of everything in his life due to his blindness. He may not have been able to control things when interacting with people outside of the bedroom, but when they entered his domain, it was all about who was in charge.

Parker kept his rage at being the unlucky gene lottery winner under a tight lid. He’d made a silent vow never to show weakness. So far, he’d been successful, except for that one day a reporter had insinuated that he was bordering on being sexually inappropriate with his clients.

He’d gone home frustrated and had gotten carried away with the paddle during one of their role-plays. Although Webster had been a good sport about it, she’d caught a glimpse of the monster he tried so hard to hide. After that, he’d made a conscious effort to rein in his temper and had promised himself never to lose control again.

According to his talking watch, his next appointment would be waiting for him. As he made his way to the massage room, Parker was left with a niggling doubt. Pursuing a relationship with a woman he knew nothing about could very well be suicide on his part. He tried to push his fears away. No one knew how insecure he was since his blindness had taken over his life. Parker put up a façade, poised and self-assured, in hopes of masking the terror he felt inside. He projected an image of a man with confidence, even if deep down he often struggled with doubts. After Rebecca, his girlfriend of two years, had left at the onset of his disease, he’d taken care not to let himself be vulnerable again. A man could only handle so much rejection, and he’d had his fair share of pain.

He’d maintained a relationship with Webster, thinking he could handle the sexual experience without needing the emotional ties that went with it. Then Ann had come along. What was it about her that made him set aside his fears without giving it a second thought? The question had been rolling around in his head for several days. Was it the vulnerability he sensed in her? Or the fact that she seemed just as lost as he was? Wasn’t there a saying that ‘misery loves company’? If that were true, then he’d met the woman he’d been looking for.

Kelly woke with a start, disoriented and hearing the echo of her scream. She sat up, still shivering from the nightmare and drenched in sweat, her face wet from crying. Sweeping her gaze over the unfamiliar surroundings, she remembered where she was—her hotel room in Milan. Her heart rate began to slow to its normal pace while she struggled to regulate her breathing.

The nightmare still lingered. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. The memories were as vivid as if she were watching herself on a big screen—every single detail in full color and slow motion, so clear and heartbreaking.
 

It had been a gloomy, fall morning. The gray clouds had hung oppressively in the sky, intensifying the somber emotions that surrounded her. Her dress was of simple lace, as befitted the occasion. Her sister, Debbie, and her husband, Joe, Jessica, and several of her closest friends were gathered around the burial site.
 

Everything around her was white—everyone’s clothes and even the tiny roses she’d requested. White, the color of purity, was fitting for a chaste soul, and that was how she wanted to remember her child. When they lowered the coffin into the ground, her cries grew louder and more intense, as if her heart were being torn in two and then shredded to pieces.

Even though it had been a year, she still hadn’t gotten over her loss. That all-too-familiar feeling of guilt and heartbreak forced its way back into her soul, making her relive the past year. Matthew had been filming out of town when she’d received the good news. They had decided to start a family even before getting married. Although they’d been together for two years, just like every other relationship, they had their own set of challenges, but they were in love—or so she’d thought. Starting a family hadn’t been in the forefront of their plans, since their individual careers demanded so much of their time, but the idea hadn’t been an unwelcome one. Belonging to a small family that consisted of her parents and her sister, Kelly had always dreamed of having a big brood of her own, so when she’d found out she was carrying a child, she’d taken the first flight out of LA to the hotel in New Mexico where Matthew had been staying while filming a western movie.

Armed with a bottle of apple cider for their celebratory drink, she’d decided to surprise him with the exciting news. They had on occasion surprised each other in the past, so it wasn’t something she hadn’t done before. What she hadn’t expected was to catch him in bed with another woman.

As much as she would have loved to stay with him, rumors had been flying about his philandering ways throughout their relationship. The gossip, in her opinion, had been unfounded in the beginning, so she’d chosen to ignore the earlier signs until she’d seen him humping a woman with her own two eyes.

Matthew never found out about her pregnancy. No one knew about her condition except Jessica, her sister Debbie, and Dave, her publicist. With their urging and support, she’d taken a hiatus, leaving everyone to speculate that the breakup was the main reason for her disappearance. She’d wanted a peaceful pregnancy and a chance to recover way from public scrutiny.

Turning on the light, she glanced at the clock on her nightstand. It was always the same dream that plagued her. As upsetting as it was, sometimes it comforted her. In that short moment, she felt real.

Kelly had been in her eighth month of pregnancy when she’d noticed that the baby hadn’t moved for some time. The tumbling and kicking had disappeared. After conferring with her doctor, she went in for a quick checkup. Nothing had prepared her for the shocking news that followed.
 

Everything had happened so fast. She was whisked into the emergency room when the ultrasound failed to register a heartbeat, and labor was induced, only to deliver a stillborn baby. Kelly had cradled her dead child in her arms before she was taken away.
 

A lump formed in Kelly’s throat while errant tears trickled down her cheeks. She brushed them away. She’d only had a few minutes to hold her daughter—a few measly minutes, and then a lifetime of misery. What had she done wrong? The question still haunted her even after a year.

However, life as she’d known it had changed. Gone was the trusting Kelly; she vowed never to get involved with anyone, keeping herself out of reach. But why did it seem like her resolve was about to break? What was it about Parker that drew her to him and made her want to try her luck with a man again?

Shaking the jarring dream away, she wiped her tears and began her morning preparations for another long day of promotions and photo shoots. Kelly chose a crisp, dark brown blazer over faded jeans, along with some complementary jewelry, and she was ready to go. She was meeting Damiano, the Gucci representative, in the hotel lobby. They made it a point to get together over a cup of coffee every time Kelly was in town and always before any business was conducted. As a result, they’d grown very close over the last few months.

He smiled and opened his arms wide for her. “
Buongiorno, mia bella ragazza
!”

Kelly rushed into his welcoming embrace and felt the warmth she wished was Parker’s. She held on a moment longer than necessary.

“Good morning, darling.” She pulled back and took an appraising look at his crisp beige suit. “
Il tuo vestito è stupendo
.”

Damiano laughed and pulled her to the lobby exit. “Your Italian is getting better, sweet cakes. Thank you. My baby boy chose it for me.” He rolled his eyes.

“He chose very well.” Kelly looped her arm through his. They emerged from the lobby to find a sea of paparazzi and fans waiting for them. She groaned inwardly. Taking a deep breath, she plastered on a dazzling smile and waved.

“I love you, Kelly!”

“Hearts Afire will be your Oscar ticket.”

“I can’t wait for your new film. Kelly! We love you.”

She kept waving and acknowledging their praise and encouragement. Pictures were taken, blinding flashes snapped in her eyes, but Kelly continued smiling until she reached the open passenger door. Then she heard it.

“Got over Matthew yet? Isn’t his wife pregnant? How do you feel about it?”

The pap smiled with forced sweetness, as if he were just asking some innocent, ordinary question.

Kelly shrugged and waved him away without answering.

Once they were in the privacy of the car, Damiano patted her hand. “Don’t worry about those, um . . . how do you Americans say it again? Assholes?” He laughed at his own joke, and Kelly joined in.

“Yes, that’s what most of them are.” She took a deep breath, intent on forgetting what she’d just heard. She and Matthew were through.
More power to him!

“Oh, darling! You’re the media’s sweetheart, and the public adores you. Don’t let a few idiots ruin your day.”
 

“
Grazie, tesoro
. Now, let’s grab a latte and some
dolci
before the torture begins.”