Fighting Strong (9 page)

Adam followed her out and grasped her gently by the elbow. He led her to some chairs in the hallway and he sat her down. He reached for her and she leaned in to his embrace, welcoming his warmth.

“My God, Katie. He was so – so fucking monstrous. Are you alright?”

“No. But I will be.”

They sat quietly, just holding each other. Adam pulled back and searched her face.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” he asked.

“What?”

“Provoked him. Forced him to show himself.”

“Yes.”

“All to take that photo and then just – finally throw him away. Right?”

“Yes.”

Adam gazed down at her in his arms. “You are amazing.”

“You think?”

“I do.”

“Well, I’m starting to believe you when you say that.”

He kissed her now, gently. She took a deep breath.

“I have one more thing to do before we go, Adam.”

“OK. What is it?”

“I need to talk to my Mom.”

**

Adam smiled as Ryan brought him a coffee from the machine in the cafeteria.

“It’s not great,” Ryan said as he sat down. “But it’s hot.”

“Thanks.” Adam took a grateful sip.

They watched Katie and Susan for a few seconds. The women were sitting at a table across the room, their hands around their own cups of coffee. They weren’t touching but they were talking, listening to each other. At one point, Katie gave her mother a tissue and Susan dabbed her eyes.

“You think they’re going to be able to get past it?” Adam said. “Start again?”

“Honestly?” Ryan said. “I don’t know. Katie went through so much more than I did… more than Mom did in some ways, even. She’s got way more to get past.”

Adam nodded.

“But I know Katie misses our mother. I know she knows Mom was trapped in many ways. I’m hoping she can start to see her way to some forgiveness.”

“You think forgiveness is that easy?” Adam asked.

“No.” Ryan was very still. “It’s one of the hardest things in the world. It can’t happen just because someone else wants it from us or for us… it’s a gift, you know. It’s a gift we give ourselves, in the end, because we can’t go on feeling the way that we do anymore. It has nothing at all to do with the other person needing it or wanting it from us.” He smiled. “Mom never understood that, but Katie does.”

“Maybe she’s decided it’s time to give herself that gift,” Adam said.

“I think maybe she has. She’s already let herself accept you and what you’re offering her.”

“I hope so,” Adam said. “I want Katie to take what I have to give her.”

“Give her some more time, Adam.”

“She has as much time as she needs. I promise you that.”

The men looked across the room again and Adam sighed aloud with relief. Katie and Susan were holding hands.

That’s my girl.

**

“I want to go back to the hotel now,” Katie said to Adam.

He looked over at her. That was the first thing she had said since they left the hospital.

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yes. But I want to make one stop first. Pull over here, OK?”

“OK.”

Puzzled, he watched her go in to the convenience store and emerge a few minutes later.

“What did you buy?” he said as he pulled back on to the street.

“Condoms.”

He slammed on the brakes. “You what?”

“I want to go back to the hotel right now and get in to bed with you. I want to make love.”

He was thunderstruck. “Oh, Katie… you’re not ready. You’ve had a shock… it’s too fast.”

She shook her head. “I’m fine. I’m
better
than fine. Adam, you’re the first person who knows everything about what’s happened to me – the first person that I’ve been totally honest with.” She smiled. “I want to be totally open and vulnerable with you because I
can
be.”

“I don’t want to be one more guy who hurts you, Katie.” He swallowed hard. “I wouldn’t be able to live with that.”

Katie looked at him. “Do you care about me?”

“God, yes.”

“Then you can’t hurt me.”

He was silent.

“Please, Adam. Please be the first man to really make me feel good. Make me feel safe and loved.” She took his hand. “After today, I need you to do that.”

Their eyes met.

“You can do that, right?” she said.

“I can.” He touched her face. “Baby, I can do that.”

Chapter Eight

Adam stood in the middle of their hotel room, watching Katie take off her coat and boots. He was terrified.

Oh, shit. What if I hurt her? Scare her?

“Katie?”

She glanced up him, her eyes bright.

“What if I do something and by accident I – I trigger you?”

She looked at him, fully taking in his worry for the first time.

“If that happens, then just hold me.”

“Hold you? You’ll
want
me to touch you, not pull back?”

“Yes. Make sure I know it’s you. Make me say your name.”

He nodded. “OK.”

She stood up and went to him. He took her in his arms and held her.

“Adam. I want this. I’m not scared.”

“
I
am.” He spoke softly against her hair. “
I’m
scared, baby.”

Katie pulled back and touched his face. His eyes blazed down at her and she stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss him. He groaned as her sweet mouth moved over his, eager and open. His tongue slipped between her lips and she swayed on her feet.

Adam picked her up, kissing her the whole time, and carried her to the bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress, cradling her on his lap, his hands moving over her breasts and hips. She moved on him, her pert ass pushing down on him; he was rock-hard instantly and she felt it.

Katie pulled back again and smiled at him. “Undress me.”

Adam struggled to stay in control, to go slow. He took off her shirt and unzipped her jeans. Carefully, he tugged them down her legs and off. There she sat in her bra and underwear, her arms wrapped around his neck, kissing him like her life depended on it.

In one strong move, he turned and flipped her on to the bed. She gasped as her back hit the mattress and he stood over her. She watched, breathless, as he yanked off his shirt and that gorgeous chest emerged. His hands moved to his jeans and she bit her lip, waiting to see him almost naked. He pulled the jeans off and stood in front of her, letting her dark eyes run over him.

His cock was so hard that his boxer shorts tented out and away from his muscled stomach. For the first time she understood just how big he actually was and she wavered.

Adam saw her face change and he paused.

“Baby? You OK?”

Katie reached out and he shuddered at her touch. Her fingers ran up and down his length, stroking and rubbing.

“You’re so big,” she said.

“Does that scare you?”

“I – I don’t know.”

“Do you want to see me?”

At the thought, her lower lips pulsed and opened. “Yes.”

He held her eyes as he lowered his boxers and let them fall to the floor. She looked at his cock and almost moaned aloud. He was perfect.

“Come here,” she whispered.

Adam sat on the bed, leaving some space between them. She sat up and her hands moved behind her back, unclasped her bra. His eyes glittered as she reached for her panties and he stopped her hands.

“No. Let me.”

She lay back again. “OK.”

His strong fingers ran around the elastic at her waist, caressing her soft skin. She arched, her head pushing in to the pillow and he grinned. Slowly, he shifted the underwear down her body, down towards her thighs. As her pussy appeared, one glorious inch at a time, her breath got faster and shallower. She wanted his fingers on her, in her.

Adam threw her panties on the floor and looked at her. She was naked on the bed, shaking with desire for him. For
him
. The thought caused a rush of sex to pulse through his whole body and his cock hardened more than he ever thought possible.

Slow. Slow.

He lay down next to her and she rolled to meet him. Their mouths fused together, hot and plunging. He ran his hand down her body, cupping her breasts and flicking the pink buds. She gasped.

“Touch me, Adam. Please… touch me.”

“I’d love to. But you tell me to stop if you want me to. Promise?”

“Promise.”

His massive hand moved down her body and her legs opened to him. With one finger, he stroked her slit and she gave a small scream.

God, she was just so wet, so hot. No, she was more than that: she was actually soaked and burning. Adam had never been with a woman who was this ready this fast and he forced himself to touch her gently, slowly. Her pussy was wide open and begging and all he wanted was to be in there. But he had to make sure she was really ready. Not physically – emotionally. Adam had to be certain that she was comfortable with him being inside the most intimate part of her.

“I want to put my mouth on you, Katie.” He slipped his finger inside her, felt her response. “I want to kiss you down here, where I’m touching you. Is that OK?”

“Oh, God, yes. Yes, Adam.”

He slid a second finger inside her, watching her face, making sure that she was OK with this small penetration. She gyrated against his hand, begging him to go deeper. He kissed her now, his tongue plunging in time with his fingers, and Katie gripped his shoulders.

“Adam… I… oh, God. Adam!”

Without warning, she started to vibrate. He moved down her body and took her pearl in his mouth and she screamed. His tongue worked her clit and his fingers worked inside her and she was slowly losing her mind. When the explosion hit, she couldn’t even make a sound: she froze, every part of her was taut and straining for release. Her body jerked and twisted on the bed, her hands clenched in his hair and she came and came and he felt the spasms against his lips.

She collapsed on to the bed and he wiped his mouth and rose up on her body right away, wanting to be there when she resurfaced. His lips were on her forehead, his arms holding her trembling curves.

“Katie, I’m right here.”

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. He stroked her cheek.

“You alright?”

She gazed up at him. “Yes. Oh, yes.”

He relaxed. “OK, then.”

She closed her eyes again, loving being in his arms. “That was incredible.”

“I’m glad.” He kissed her. “I’m happy you enjoyed it.”

She kissed him back sweetly and his desire surged. Her hand moved between them and he tensed in anticipation. When her fingers reached his cock, he groaned against her mouth and he pushed hard, wanting more of her touch. She wrapped her hand around him, moving up and down, slowly and then faster. Adam closed his eyes and lowered his head to her shoulder. He licked her neck and she gasped.

“Adam?”

He lifted his head, his eyes glazed.

“Will you make love to me now?”

“Oh, God. I don’t know, Katie… I’m still not sure.”

“I am.”

She opened the condom and he took it from her and rolled it on, his fingers shaking. He looked down at her leg.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” She smiled at him. “You don’t know how.”

Adam raised himself up on his forearms, pinning her left leg down to the bed with his huge thigh. He lifted her injured leg and gently wrapped it around his waist and she arched against his body. His left arm was extended up over her head, his other hand guiding his cock inside of her.

He entered her cautiously, retreated. Then again, a bit farther. And again. She moaned.

“Oh, Adam… more. Please.”

Her right leg curled around him tighter, pulling him closer. Encouraged, Adam slid in deeper, making rocking movements now. Her pussy pulled at him, as strong as hands. With a groan of surrender, he pushed all the way inside her, filling her and stretching her to bursting. He dropped his head and his face was hidden in her shoulder, his weight pushing down on her chest.

Suddenly, something changed. She tensed up but this was different from earlier, when she had gone rigid just before orgasm. Adam pulled back and looked in to her beautiful eyes. He froze. She just wasn’t there anymore. Her eyes had a distant, vacant look and he felt genuine fear move through his body.

“Katie? You OK?”

She didn’t answer. Her eyes closed now and she started shaking.

“Hey, baby? You with me?”

Katie heard him from a distance. His voice sounded like he was talking to her from the bottom of a deep well.

Adam took her face in his hands. “Katie? Say my name. Say you know who I am.”

She shook her head, starting to breathe too fast.

“Say my name, baby.”

With a great effort, she tried to focus. She whispered, “Adam.”

“Again.”

“Adam.”

“That’s right. I’m here with you. That’s me inside you. It’s me.”

She nodded.

“Open your eyes. Look at me.”

Katie opened her eyes and saw Adam’s pale face. She blinked.

“I’m going to pull out now…”

“No,” she said. “No, wait.”

“I can’t, Katie. I can’t scare you like this. You’re not ready, sweetheart.”

It damn near killed him to do it, but he pulled out of her hot, sweet body. Her eyes filled with tears and she broke in to sobs.

“I’m sorry, Adam. I’m so sorry…” She shut her eyes, tried to turn away from him.

“No. Hey, no.” He rolled off her and on to his back, pulling her with him. “Stay with me, OK? Don’t go away again.”

“Oh, God. Why won’t he just
get out
of my head? Why won’t he leave me alone? All I want is for it to stop…”

“You have to let it take time, Katie. You can’t rush this, just because you want to.”

She cried, her head buried in his chest and he held her, cursing himself for doing this to her. He should have waited, he should have insisted. Rage at his own selfishness rose in his chest.

You asshole. You fucking dickhead asshole. You can’t rush this, just because you want to.

Katie wept, berating herself the whole time. She couldn’t believe how stupid she felt. She was the one who initiated the whole fucking thing, she bought the condoms, she pushed when Adam hesitated. And then she stopped almost as soon as Adam was inside her.

He is going to hate you for this, and you can’t even blame him.

“I’m sorry, Adam.” She raised her head, tears still streaming. “Are you angry at me?”

She was shocked when his eyes met hers.
Is he – crying?
She reached up and her fingers came away wet.

“Adam?”

He blinked hard as his eyes welled up. He felt like an idiot, but he couldn’t help it: he was just so overcome by shame and self-loathing. And here she was worried about
him
being angry at
her
; here
she
was apologizing to
him
.

“Katie, do not apologize even one more time. You hear me? This is not your fault. None of it.”

“Well, it’s not yours, either,” she said.

He was silent.

“It’s
not
, Adam.” She sat up. “It’s
his
. Just his and all his.
He
did this to me.”

He nodded reluctantly. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. But –”

“No ‘but’. I wanted this as much as you did. I thought I was ready. I – I liked it, up to a point.”

He took a deep breath. “OK. Come here.”

She lay down again and he held her. She listened to his heartbeat slow down and he felt her relax against him again. He stroked her hair.

“Do you know what happened to make you panic?” he asked softly. “What changed?”

“I think so.”

“Tell me.”

“It was – it was you being on top of me, I think.”

“That scares you? Someone being on top of you?”

“Not usually. But – you’re so big. Heavy. I couldn’t really move, and I couldn’t see your face all of a sudden, and I started to have trouble breathing when your chest pushed down on me. I just – I felt so small and overwhelmed.” She was quiet for a second. “Like a child.”

He swore under his breath. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Never again.”

“I’d be OK in a different position,” she said. “I just need to be more in control. And I need to see that it’s you.”

He shook his head. “Not for a while, OK? We take a few steps back.”

“Really?” She looked at him. “You still want to – to be with me? Even after all of this?”

“Yeah, of course I do. But I mean, what’s the big rush, right?” He ran his fingers over her back. “A lot of intense stuff has happened in a very short time between us, I know. But I’m not going anywhere. Are you going somewhere?”

“Um. No.”

“Exactly. So, we go back to Denver and we date. Go for dinner and watch movies on the sofa and have Sunday morning coffee at my place. We let your leg heal up properly. And when it does, you can climb on top of me like you did last night.” His eyes glittered. “You can do all the work, and I’ll just lie there and watch.”

She laughed. “OK, deal.”

He kissed her. “Deal.”