Fighting to be Free by Kirsty Moseley (45 page)

The loan shark. He’d told me that she’d gotten in trouble and he’d gone back to work for Brett to help her out - why the hell did he do that after what he’d just told me? “Jamie, why did you help her? Why did you start working for Brett again, just to help her? I…. I wouldn’t have done that, I would have told her to go screw herself and I would have left her to it,” I admitted. I guess Jamie was a better person than me; I wouldn’t have been able to help someone who let me go through that as a child.

He sat back on the sofa and shrugged, looking at me with sad eyes. “She’s still my mom,” he said simply, as if that explained everything.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “You’re an incredibly forgiving person, Jamie.”

He snorted. “She’s not forgiven,” he snapped. “But I guess maybe I owed her for leaving her on her own. Sophie and Ralf both died, I went to juvie, and she had to deal with all of that on her own.”

So she should, was what I wanted to say but I held it back. I scooted closer to him, pressing against his side and resting my head on his shoulder. “Jamie, I’m so sorry that you went through all of that stuff. Sophie was a lucky little girl to have you as a brother and have you love her so much. You can’t blame yourself for anything, it wasn’t your fault,” I promised, fingering the bottom of his t-shirt absentmindedly.

He shifted and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me impossibly closer to him as he traced his nose on the side of my face. “Why do you never react the way I think you will? You confuse me so much,” he whispered.

I smiled at him sadly as he ran his fingers through my hair, just looking back at me softly. “Maybe you should stop second guessing me and just trust me a little more with your secrets,” I countered.

A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. “Maybe I should.”

He shifted on his seat slightly, looking a little uncomfortable. “So, er… I guess you think I’m a pussy now huh?” he muttered.

I frowned, looking at him confused, not having a clue why he would think that. “What, why?”

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, avoiding my eyes. “For crying all over you like a girl,” he answered, cringing.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. Only Jamie would think that. “Real men cry, Jamie. I’d never think any less of you for it, ever,” I promised, putting my hand under his chin and tilting his head up so he had to look at me. His eyes showed his embarrassment and unease at this situation, and that somehow made me fall even more in love with him. He was so vulnerable and damaged; I’d just never seen it before because he never let me this side of his barriers. I loved that he let me inside now.

“Think maybe we could keep this between us? I don’t want everyone knowing that I blubbered like a baby.”

I smiled and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want your boys to know that you’re only human, huh? That won’t be good for the whole bad boy, car stealing reputation that you like put out,” I teased playfully.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips as his fingers resumed combing through my hair again. My hand unconsciously moved to his stomach, slipping under his t-shirt as my fingers found the biggest scar he had. I’d often wondered how he got it, but now that I knew the reason why he had it, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to hear it.

“Do you want to talk about these?” I asked, following the line of the jagged scar that ran across his hip and over most of his stomach.

His jaw tightened as he shook his head fiercely. “No. You don’t need to know that, it’s in the past, it needs to stay there.”

“It’s not good for you to bottle it up, Jamie,” I countered, looking at him sympathetically. “Maybe you should talk about it. It might make you feel better.”

He shook his head again, his eyes hard and determined as he spoke, “Ellie, I don’t want you to know those things because you’ll look at me differently. You won’t see
me
anymore; you’ll just see the knife wounds, the belt marks, and the burns. I don’t want you to look at me differently, I love the way you look at me,” he whispered, stroking the side of my face with the back of one finger.

I felt my chin tremble as I looked into his pleading eyes. He was silently begging me to let it go and not keep asking, maybe it was too painful for him to talk about; he couldn’t really be worried about me looking at him differently, surely. He should know me better by now.

“I love every part of you and if you want to talk about it then I’ll listen and be here for you,” I replied.

He smiled at me, his eyes telling me that he appreciated the sentiment. “I know that, thank you.”

We lapsed into silence, just sitting there looking at each other. His eyes told me everything I needed to know, I could practically see the love shining out of his big brown eyes as he looked at me tenderly. His fingers combed through my hair as he pressed his forehead to mine, his breath blowing across my face making my heart speed up.

I tilted my head up and brushed my lips against his softly. He made a little moan in the back of his throat as he kissed me back just as gently, before pulling back and just looking at me in awe. My love for him was a little overwhelming as tears stung my eyes. He smiled at me, that beautiful smile that made me go weak at the knees, and I couldn’t help but smile back.

As his mouth inched towards mine again, everything seemed to fall into place. This boy in my arms was my whole world, my future, and I just prayed that he never stopped looking at me with that little glint in his eye.

He made love to me there on the couch but it was unlike anything I’d ever felt before in my life.

We’d had sex before, I would swear on the bible that he’d ‘made love’ to me before, but this, this was so very very different. It was beautiful. Every caress and kiss was different, like he was touching my very soul. The whispered words of love seemed to fill the room as the passion built to impossible heights. He literally gave me everything in that moment, everything of himself, all of his love and passion. It was the most breath-taking thing that had ever happened to me, and I’d never felt closer to anyone in my life. It was almost as if, in that moment, we were one person. It made my heart swell and ache in my chest. It was so special that a tear escaped my eyes, and he simply kissed it away as he whispered how much he loved me.

After, he just laid on top of me and pressed his face into the side of my neck, his hands continuing to trace the contours of my body as we both caught our breaths. I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to shatter this moment and take away the magic of what had passed between us. So instead I closed my eyes and held his sweaty body close to mine, letting his safety and protectiveness cover me as I drifted to sleep with a small smile on my face.

I felt him move, his warm body shifting away from mine, instantly making me feel cold. I was just about to complain when something soft and fluffy was placed over me, tucking up under my chin. I wriggled to get more comfortable and forced my tired eyes open to see him pulling on his jeans, moving slowly as if he was trying not to wake me or something. He’d put a blanket over me so I snuggled under it, his familiar scent washing over me.

I smiled to myself as I watched his muscles in his back tense and relax as he moved. When he bent over to grab his t-shirt from the floor I chewed on my lip as my eyes literally devoured his ass.

“Walk of shame?” I teased.

He jumped, turning and looking at me over his shoulder with a shocked expression. “Sorry, did I wake you? I was trying to be quiet,” he said apologetically.

I smiled and shrugged, rolling onto my side and putting my hand under my head. His sofa wasn’t exactly comfortable, especially now that I was on it alone. “S’okay. Where you sneaking off to anyway?” I asked, raking my eyes over his chest before he covered up his hotness with the stupid t-shirt. Clothes really should be illegal where Jamie’s concerned.

He smiled and knelt down next to the sofa, brushing my hair away from my face. “I have to go do this job. I’ll be back before morning though. Why don’t you go get some sleep in the bed and I’ll try not to wake you when I get in,” he suggested, bending and kissing my forehead.

“I thought you didn’t have to be there until eleven,” I countered, pouting because I could spend another couple of hours with him if he didn’t leave early.

He smiled, tapping the tip of my nose with one finger. “I don’t, sleepy head, but it’s almost ten thirty now.”

Ten thirty? Oh crap, I should have been home hours ago! I gasped, throwing off the blanket and jumping up, almost knocking him on his butt where I moved so quickly. “Oh crap, I’m so late! My mom’s gonna kill me!” I cried, panicking as I looked around for where we’d tossed my clothes.

“I take it you’re not staying here then,” he said, laughing quietly as he picked up my panties, swinging them around one finger with a smirk on his face. I went to grab them so I could hurry and get home, but he moved them out of my reach and grinned wickedly as he pushed them in his pocket. “I’m taking those with me, you’ll have to go without. It’ll make you think of me, and it’ll definitely make me think of you,” he teased.

I gasped and felt the heat flood my face because that was a little kinky. “You’re a pervert,” I scolded, laughing as wriggled my way into my skinny jeans, trying to be seductive because his eyes were trailing over my body slowly as I got dressed.

He shrugged unashamedly, holding out my shirt to me. “What time were you supposed to be home?” he asked.

I winced. “Seven.”

He hissed through his teeth, cringing. “Ouch, she’s gonna chew your ear off. You sure you don’t want to stay here?” he offered, raising one eyebrow looking incredibly convincing.

I sighed. I would actually love to stay here, I loved waking up with Jamie wrapped around me, but I couldn’t. “I can’t, Stud. I have to finish packing and spend some time with my family before tomorrow.”

He nodded looking thoughtful. “Wait here a sec,” he requested, turning and heading off to the bedroom. He came back less than a minute later and held out a thick brown envelope to me. “Pack that in your case, okay? I have some in mine but I don’t want to put it all in one place, that would suck if my luggage went missing,” he said, laughing quietly.

I took the envelope and looked in it curiously, only to see money, hundred dollar bills to be exact.

The bundle of cash was held together with a band that said $10,000 on it. I gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. “Jamie, we agreed not to spend this money,” I protested.

He smiled sheepishly as he took the envelope out of my hand, grabbing my purse from the table and pushing the envelope inside. “Ellie, it’s just money. Please just pack it in your case for me, alright?” he pleaded.

I groaned and stepped forward, putting my face into his chest as I wound my arms around his waist.

“I hate that money.”

He laughed, the sound rumbling through his chest that I was pressed against. “Well maybe the money hates you too, but just pack it, okay?” he requested.

I nodded, knowing that it was no use arguing with him. If I didn’t put it in with my belongings then he’d just put it in with his so we’d end up taking it with us anyway. “Fine.”

“Fine,” he agreed, kissing the top of my head.

I smiled and pulled back, craning my neck to look up at him as his arms wrapped around me too.

His eyes locked on mine and I suddenly remembered how hurt he’d looked when I assumed he’d killed his sister. “Jamie, I’m sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion about Sophie. I shouldn’t have even considered the fact that you would hurt her, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight,” I whispered, looking at him apologetically.

He frowned, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “I wish you hadn’t thought that of me, that hurt a lot,”

he replied, tracing his hand up my back so that it cupped the back of my neck.

I winced and nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. So, I’ll pick you up tomorrow lunchtime,” he stated, obviously wanting to change the subject.

I smiled, excitement building inside me because there was just one more sleep. I felt like I was a kid again, I’d been counting down the days since we booked it. It was like I was six years old waiting for Christmas all over again. “So we’re still going?” I checked.

He grinned and kissed my forehead. “First stop, Rome,” he agreed. I couldn’t help the little squeal that escaped my lips and he chuckled as he pushed me away from him gently. “Get out of my place, Little Girl. I have work to do.”

I nodded and took my purse from his outstretched hand, stepping closer and smiling as he bent and kissed my lips softly, just once. The kiss was so sweet and tender that it made me wish it would never end - but unfortunately everything has to end at some point. I took a deep breath as I turned and walked out of the door, trying not to look back because it would make it harder for me to leave for the night if I saw him standing there again. Come tomorrow night I wouldn’t ever have to say goodbye to him for the night again, that thought made my heart squeeze in my chest and a goofy smile to stretch across my face as I headed to my car.

By the time I got home my smile had faded because I’d already seen that I had eight missed calls and four text messages, all from my mom asking where I was and if I was okay. I was in some serious trouble. I gulped as I turned off the engine to my beloved car and looked up at the house.

The downstairs lights were all still on so I knew they were waiting up for me.

I winced as I got out of the car and headed into the house. My mom had obviously heard my car pull up because she was standing in the hallway with her arms folded and an angry look on her face - or maybe she’d just been standing there for three and a half hours waiting to bitch me out, I wouldn’t put that past her to be honest.

I smiled sheepishly. “Hi. Sorry I’m late,” I apologised.

She raised one eyebrow, looking at me accusingly. “Your excuse?”

I knew I couldn’t mention Jamie, she already had enough reservations about us going away together, she’d be even more annoyed if she thought he’d made me late. “The party was fun, I had a lot of people to say bye too. I didn’t realise the time, I’m sorry, Mom.”