Finding Chase (Chasing Nikki) (8 page)

“Will do. Catch you later.”

I sighed as I tossed the phone back into the cup holder, feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. I knew I needed to stop moping around at some point and face things in my life, but I didn’t feel ready to take that leap yet.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew Nikki was never coming back, no matter how much I hoped and wished for it. No matter how much I loved her and wanted her, we were done—through. Fate made the choice for us, and there was nothing I could do about it. I knew I needed to move forward, but I didn’t want to. I’d been happy where I was—well, sort of.

My thoughts continued to eat at me as I drove my truck down the now-familiar route to my apartment. I parked in the numbered space reserved for my vehicle and grabbed my duffle bag from the passenger seat before I hopped out.

I slowly made my way up the stairs, pausing on the top step of the second floor landing when I saw Brittney sitting on my doorstep. She was staring at me, and I couldn’t read the expression on her face.

“Hey, Britt. How are you?” I asked, my mouth going dry. Even dressed casually in shorts and a t-shirt with her hair pulled back, she was still extremely pretty.

She stood without speaking and opened the door to my apartment, going inside. I followed after—so much for avoiding her. She didn’t look too happy. Instantly I worried maybe something had happened with Matt while I was gone.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, tossing my stuff on the floor when she flopped down onto the couch. I sat in the chair to her left—distance was a good thing. “Brett called and said you were all going to dinner. What happened?”

She sighed as she toyed with the frayed edge of her cutoff shorts. “I asked them to leave me behind when they said you weren’t coming. I’m tired of being the third wheel tagging along with them all the time. Things aren’t as fun when you aren’t there.”

I hadn’t considered that when I’d been ditching her. I hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable.

She looked up, her expression hurt. “Why are you avoiding me?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“I’ve gone over things in my head a billion times, trying to figure out how I might have offended you, and I can’t think of anything,” she continued. “Something is different, and it has been ever since you spent the night with me. I mean, I understand if the whole argument with Matt put you off, and you don’t want to be caught in the middle of it, but he hasn’t tried to call me since then. Brett says there haven’t been any issues at practice, so I’m not sure what else is going on. You took off this weekend without asking the rest of us if we wanted a ride home, and then you backed out of dinner as soon as you returned. There’s no way you’re
that
tired. You spent half of last week holed up in your room sleeping. You didn’t do anything with us.”

She stopped, clearly waiting for me to say something.

“Sorry, Britt. I’ve had some things I’ve been trying to work through. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I took my ball cap off and rubbed my head, knowing I was making a bigger mess of things.

“I told you that you could come talk to me about things. You seemed so much better, and then all of a sudden you’re avoiding us again. Why can’t you talk to me like before? I want to help. That’s what friends do for each other.”

I grunted in frustration, more of a feeble attempt to laugh really. “I know, and I appreciate it. This was just something I needed to try and figure out on my own.”

“Did you?” she asked.

“Did I what?”

“Get it figured out?”

I stared, my gaze resting on her appealing mouth before I quickly looked down, only to find it settling on the rest of her perfectly curved form. “No, I didn’t,” I replied with a sigh as I slumped in the chair. I was clearly attracted to her. I’d been happy for one second when I’d seen her there, on the doorstep. This was extremely irritating. I couldn’t feel this way. Her friendship was invaluable right now. I didn’t want to mess it up by coming on to her. Hell, I wasn’t sure if she liked me at all. Plus, I felt like I was cheating on Nikki in the worst way by entertaining these ideas in my head.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” She appeared truly concerned.

I gave a wry smile and chuckled mostly to myself. “Nope. I think you’re . . . you’re doing good just like you are.” Sitting up quickly, I patted her on the knee in what I hoped was a reassuring gesture and got up, grabbing my bag off the floor. I went to my room, dropping it onto my bed and unzipped it. I began putting away the clean clothes my mom washed for me while I was home.

She stepped inside my door, taking a few steps toward me, and I tried, unsuccessfully, not to feel excited she was there. “If nothing is wrong, then why do you keep leaving when I’m around? Seriously, I’m starting to feel like you’re mad at me or something.”

“I’m not mad at you, Britt, okay? Let’s leave it at that.” I yanked a shirt over the hanger in my hand and took it to my closet before repeating the action.

“You’re acting like you are.” She was biting her lip in a worried gesture when I glanced at her.

“Well, I don’t mean to.” I reached into the bag for another shirt, pausing when I felt her hand on my arm.

“Please tell me what’s wrong.”

She was too close. I could smell the perfume she wore, and the soft scent called to me. I clenched my hands, balling them into fists as I closed my eyes, fighting the temptation.

“Chase?”

I lost the battle with that one word. I turned around, grabbed her face and kissed her, pressing my mouth hard and fast to hers before breaking away, stumbling a step backward.

She looked at me in shock, her trembling hand moving to brush against her lips.

“Go ahead. Yell at me. Tell me what a jerk I am for stealing a kiss. I deserve it. I need to hear it.” I glared, straightening my spine—ready for her attack.

She moved toward me, looking me straight in the eyes. “I can’t.” She slid her arms around my neck and popped up on her tiptoes to kiss me again.

I groaned as I relented, wrapping my arms around her. This couldn’t happen now. I was too needy, and I craved the feeling she was giving me. I crushed her body to mine, as our mouths tangled together, heat and passion running furiously to the surface between us. I felt her fingers digging into my skin, my shirt bunching beneath them. I broke from our embrace and pulled it over my head dropping it to the floor before stepping into the circle of her arms again, loving the feel of her hands sliding up against my bare skin. I pushed her back, brushing my bag off the bed before the two of us toppled together onto the soft mattress.

The sensible side of my brain was screaming obscenities, trying to stop me, but I didn’t want to. I hadn’t been with a girl in well over a year. I was tired of waiting, of feeling alone. I’d waited for Nikki, and look where it had gotten me. I was going to lose myself for a while in the arms of Brittney.

I broke away from her mouth, trailing kisses down her neck, along with a few nips against her skin. My hand slid up under her shirt, feeling the smooth satin of her stomach as I feathered kisses against her collarbone. Pushing her shirt farther out of the way, I trailed my tongue down to her belly button, and she arched against me.

“Chase,” she breathed. “Chase, wait.”

I didn’t want her to stop me. “Shhh. It’ll be fine, Nikki . . .”

She stiffened, and I froze in horror as I realized what I’d said.

I punched the wall, and she gave a slight shriek as I got off the bed. I grabbed my shirt off the floor and threw it back on before grabbing the keys to my truck off the dresser.

“Where are you going?” she asked, propping up on her elbows.

“Out. I can’t do this right now.” I headed for the door.

“Chase wait!” she called.

I spun around. “You wanted to know what the problem is? Well, there it is. I’m attracted to you, but I’m still in love with her! What am I supposed to do with that?”

Her eyes were wide and round. “I . . . I don’t know.”

“Well, neither do I.” I slammed the door on my way out. I left the apartment, and ran down to my truck, peeling out of the parking lot. I tried to calm my raging hormones as I drove—I was so turned on I could hardly see straight.

My tires squealed into the parking lot of the gym, and I jumped out and ran inside. I went to the first available punching bag and started hitting it as hard as I could, not caring who was there or watching. All the blind rage that needed venting spilled from me as I hammered away, slamming my fists into the bag. It swung about wildly as I pummeled it over and over. The skin on my knuckles split open, leaving blood smears behind, but I kept going, too pissed off to stop.

I hated myself for betraying both Nikki and Brittney with my actions. I didn’t deserve either of them. Everything inside me was too dark, tainted with something that smothered the good it touched. People like me didn’t deserve to be happy, which is why I lost everyone I cared about. Well, if I was going to lose Brittney, it would be because she was angry with me, not because she was dead. I was determined to never allow myself such close attachment to another person that losing them would destroy me this badly.

Sweat dripped down my face as I poured all my exertion into beating the swinging device as if my life depended on it. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to keep going until I couldn’t feel anything. I needed to find that place of blissful numbness once again.

There was no way for me to tell how long I’d been there when strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me away from the bloody bag. “That’s enough slugger. It’s dead now. It’s dead.” Brett’s voice said softly.

I dropped to the mat, breathing heavily. The area had cleared but several of my teammates stood around the edges of the room casting cautious glances at me. I wondered which of them had called Brett.

He settled down next to me. “Talk to me, Chase. What can I do for you, bro?”

I felt like I was going to start sobbing. “Get me some damn blunt,” I croaked. “I can’t take this shit anymore.”

Chapter Ten

I was in bed with the covers over my head in an attempt to block the brightly shining sun. I didn’t have practice this afternoon, and I was determined to stay inside as long as possible. There was no way I was going to risk running into Brittney, who’d managed to safely vacate my room before Brett returned home with me last night.

Brett had tried talking to me while he bandaged my cracked and swollen knuckles. I’d managed to conclude that Brittney was the one who’d called him. He’d deduced I’d gone to the gym, and it ticked me off further that everyone seemed to read me so well.

My phone buzzed on my nightstand, and I groaned, debating whether or not to check it, but curiosity finally got the better of me. I felt a brief shot of panic when Greg’s number popped up. He rarely called me from his cell phone, preferring to join my mom’s calls instead.

“Hello?” I answered, hoping she was all right.

“Hey, kiddo. How you holding up?”

I relaxed instantly at his easy demeanor. He wouldn’t be so laid back if something was wrong.

“I’m doing okay, I guess. How are you and Mom?”

“Really?” he continued, ignoring my question. “Because I heard you beat a punching bag to a bloody pulp last night. I thought maybe I should call down and see how things were going.”

I was going to kill Brett. “I’m fine. Just needed to blow off some steam is all. How’re the wedding plans going? Everything still working out? It’s not too long now.”

“It’s still too long if you ask me. I’m more than ready to be married to your mom. I hate watching her things move in here without her.”

I smiled, even though I didn’t want to. “I’m glad the two of you found each other. She seems really happy when she’s with you.”

“I’m glad you think so. I never thought I’d be this lucky again. I was prepared to live my life as an old unmarried bachelor.”

There was a pregnant pause between us as his words sunk in.

“Is that really a bad thing?” I asked, needing to know. I’d never gone to Greg for advice—outside of some casual football talk—but suddenly, given his history and how he’d lost his fiancée, he seemed to be exactly the person I needed.

“Very bad. I shut down until I cut myself off from any possibility of finding love again. I didn’t want to date or do anything remotely like it.”

“But you found my mom.”

“I know. She struck me differently, or maybe my heart was finally healed. I knew when we met I had to know her better. Everything else happened on its own. If it’s right, it won’t have to be forced. It’ll develop naturally.”

“Didn’t you ever feel like you were cheating on your girlfriend?”

“Not by then, but I’m sure I would’ve had I tried dating early on. It’s hard to get over losing someone you love like that. You have these intense emotions for the person and nowhere to direct them anymore. It was a very confusing time.”

“It has been for me too.” It was nice to connect with someone who finally understood exactly what I felt like. “What helped you through it?”

“Let me ask you a question instead.”

“Okay.”

“Do you love your dad?”