Finding Chase (Chasing Nikki) (7 page)

She had a sad expression. “I know it’s been difficult, but you’re healing better now. That’s good to see.”

“I’m only healing because you’re here with me again. I’m never going to let you go.”

She didn’t speak, but the glimmer in her eyes dimmed.

“What is it?” I asked, feeling apprehensive.

“I can’t stay. I only came so you would know you’re on the right track.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

She didn’t speak for a moment, but when she did, her fingers traced over my heart. “Stop looking at your past and the things you can’t change. They’re done and over with.” She brushed the side of my cheek. “Now is the time for you to look to the future, grasp it by the hand . . . ,”

“. . . And decide where you want to go,” I finished for her. “I’ve read the letter you left me in your journal so many times I have that part memorized. What future, Nikki? I’m doing my best to try and understand, but I’m just going through the motions.” I stared, memorizing the planes of her beautiful face, not wanting to blink for fear she’d disappear.

“Chase?” Another voice intruded on us, calling from a distance, and I sat up, not recognizing it at first. “Chase?”

I looked at Nikki and smiled. “It’s Brittney. Come on. She’ll be so happy to see you.” I pulled her to her feet and started running in the direction of Brittney’s voice. I saw her standing in the middle of the field between the creek and the ranch house, her light-yellow dress blowing in the breeze around her. “Over here, Britt!” I called excitedly. “Look who’s here!”

I turned, realizing Nikki’s hand had slipped from mine, and she was standing several feet behind me. She smiled softly, but there was a tear running down her cheek. “What’s the matter, Nikki? Don’t you want to see her?”

“This is as far as I can go,” she said, staying where she was.

“What do you mean?” I glanced toward Brittney then back to her, feeling confused.

“Go to her. It’s okay.” Another tear fell, racing down her face, but she smiled wider.

“I can’t. You’re crying. I need to stay with you.” I hurried over and grabbed her hand.

She shook her head. “I love you more than anything. You’ll always be with me wherever I go, because I hold you in my heart. You’re a piece of my very soul.” She started to fade away.

“Don’t leave me, Nikki. Stay here, please. I’ve tried really hard, but I can’t do this on my own.” I tried to hang on, attempting to grip her tighter.

“You don’t have to, Chase. You’re not alone.” Her voice grew softer, carrying away on the breeze, so I had to strain to hear. “Go to her,” she whispered. “I love you. Go.”

“Nikki! Nikki!” I bolted awake calling her name, searching the room frantically.

“Chase? It’s okay. You were dreaming. Chase?” Brittney’s placed her hand against my heaving chest. The sheets of her bed were tangled around us, and the morning light was coming in through the window.

“What am I doing here?” I was totally confused, staring at the images on Brittney’s wall.

“You heard me crying last night, and you came to comfort me. Remember? I think we both fell asleep. You were really tired.” Her stare was wide and full of concern.

“I remember.” I closed my eyes for a second, Nikki’s image still burning inside them. I felt Brittney’s hand stroking my stomach in a comforting gesture, immediately causing a not-so-comforting reaction. “I’ve gotta go.” I hastily threw the covers off, jumped up and hurried to the door, throwing it open as I headed down the hall.

“Chase,” Brittney’s voice called after me as I stepped out the front door, and I paused, afraid to look at her. I closed my eyes when I felt her hands slide over my shoulders. “Are you all right? You were calling for Nikki. You sounded panicked.”

“I . . . I . . . ” I couldn’t talk about it, not with Brittney. I wasn’t ready. “I can’t do this right now.” I stepped away.

“Chase, will you look at me?”

I clenched my teeth and took a breath, steeling myself as I turned. Her blonde hair was slightly tousled, and she had mascara smeared beneath her big blue eyes. She was beautiful, and I wanted to scream. When had I started noticing her this way? She was one of my best friends, nothing more.

“I wanted to thank you for taking care of me last night. It meant a lot. I’m not sure what happened in there this morning, but if you ever need to talk, please know I’m here for you.” She stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I slipped my arms around her loosely, not wanting to return the embrace—but wanting to at the same time. I sighed heavily as I laid my cheek against her hair. It smelled good, but not the same scent as Nikki’s.

“Are we okay? You seem different.” She pulled away so she could look at me, and I stared into her questioning eyes, not knowing how to answer.

“What the hell is going on here?”

We both turned to find Matt standing there, an angry scowl across his features.

This day was going from bad to worse, I could quickly see. I pushed Brittney behind me.

“I always knew you were after my girl, Walker!”

Brittney screamed as he threw his first punch, which I managed to dodge, but his second fist followed closely behind. I caught his hand and twisted it around behind him, grabbing him by the neck, shoving his face and chest against the plaster wall.

“If anyone deserves to be hit this morning it’s you, you jackass,” I whispered in his ear.

Brett appeared from our door rubbing his face, still dressed in his clothes from yesterday, followed by a bleary eyed Tana. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“I found your sister and Chase together,” Matt spat.

“No you didn’t,” Brittney quickly said. “You found me thanking Chase for his help. He heard me crying and came to check on me.”

“She was crying because she saw you making out with some bimbo at The Devil’s Pit last night,” I added, twisting his arm higher. “Who needs to be punched now? Say the word, Britt.”

“No. Let him go. I can deal with this.”

I pushed away as I released him, feeling my emotions boiling to the surface.

Matt slowly turned around, rubbing his arm as he took in our angry faces before finally settling on Brittney’s.

“Brittney, I . . .”

“Save it, Matt. Your actions spoke loud enough. We’re through.” She folded her arms as she stared at him.

“Just like that?” he asked incredulously.

“Just like that.”

“We’ve been together for over two years now. I can’t believe you’d throw it away because of one small indiscretion.”

I wanted to pound his face, but I remained still.

“How do I know it’s only been one? That’s the thing—if it’s been one, it could be more. It violated my trust in you, and now I can’t believe anything you say. You could’ve been hooking up with people this whole time.”

“So could you. We all know Walker’s been desperate to get into your pants from the first day he saw you.”

I immediately jumped forward. “You son-of-a . . .”

“Chase!” Brittney stepped between us, pushing me backward, and I was surprised how strong she was. “I’ve got this.” She turned to face Matt. “Everyone here knows that’s not true, Matt. Chase was always crazy about Nikki. He never made any kind of advances toward me. That’s the difference between you and me—if he
had
shown interest, I would’ve broken up with you before I moved on to him. I’m not a cheater.”

“Whatever. Just stay clear of me. All of you.” He started walking toward the stairs.

“See you at practice, Matt.” I couldn’t help adding the goad. I’d be more than happy to take out my aggression on the field.

He paused for a moment, glancing back to glare at me, before he turned and headed down the steps out of site.

Tana wrapped her arms around Brittney. “Are you going to be okay, sweetie?” she crooned.

“Yeah,” Brittney replied, glancing at me as a few tears ran down her cheeks.

“Good riddance, if you ask me,” Brett grumbled.

“No one asked you,” Tana snapped before steering Brittney toward the apartment they shared.

“Come on, Brett. Let the girls work it out together before we mess things up worse.”

He nodded, and we walked inside our apartment.

I shook my head. “First two weeks here, and people are already in beds they don’t belong in.”

He laughed. “In my defense, Tana and I fell asleep together on the couch watching a movie. We were trying to be super quiet so we wouldn’t wake you.”

“Well, I wasn’t here. I was asleep in your sister’s bed.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about that,” he said, eyeing me.

“I’m not sure how I feel about it either, but if you’re going to hit me, can you wait until I get up again? I’m going back to bed to see if I can start this day over.” I pushed open my door and walked in.

“Chase?”

“Yeah?” I turned to find him standing inside.

“Do you like, Brittney? I mean in
that
way?”

My breath caught, and I suddenly felt like a ball of nerves about to explode. “I don’t know how to answer your question right now.”

He nodded and stayed there for a second staring.

“Was there something else?” I asked.

He sighed. “No, not really. I only wanted you to know I’m cool with it if you do decide you like her. She can’t do any better than you. If I’m being honest . . . I’ve kinda been hoping something might eventually happen between you two.” He moved into the hall, shutting the door behind him and left me staring at the spot where he’d stood a moment ago.

I took a step backward and sat heavily on my bed before leaning my elbows on my knees and thrusting my hands into my hair.

What the hell was happening?

Chapter Nine

It had been a week, and I didn’t know how much longer I could manage to avoid her. I’d thrown myself into football practice with a vengeance. Matt never made any attempt to egg me on, other than to give me vicious looking stares. Part of the reason may have been there were strict no tolerance policies regarding fighting amongst team players. If we did it, we risked getting kicked off the team, but whatever, Matt wasn’t my problem.

I’d gone home for the weekend and moped around, spending a good chunk of time sitting by Nikki’s grave while I tried to decipher the crazy dream I’d had about her and Brittney. I didn’t dream of her often, and when I did
,
it was usually some sort of nightmare involving her car accident. But even those dreams had faded after a few months. I’d never had a dream like this before.

While I wasn’t sure I believed in messages from beyond the grave, this dream had certainly seemed to carry one. It had opened my eyes to something I’d refused to acknowledge . . . something I was still having difficulty acknowledging.

It wasn’t possible for me to have feelings for Brittney. My heart wasn’t in my chest anymore. It was buried in a grave next to the girl I loved, and I didn’t need anyone else in my life. I’d had my chance at real love and was content to live with the memory of it forever. The few months we’d been together had filled me with enough warmth to last a lifetime.

Sure, I felt like the sun would never shine again, but knowing I’d held its heat for one brief moment made it worth it. I knew if I had the chance to live it all over again—knowing what the outcome would be and the pain I would suffer—I’d do it in a heartbeat. Only this time I’d make sure every single moment was counted and enjoyed to the fullest possible measure.

Brittney. Her face resurfaced in my mind for the millionth time. Images of the two of us in her bed flashed through as well. I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter—tried to tell myself the strangeness I felt was simply the result of waking up in bed with her. Any red-blooded guy would’ve been turned on a little, not just me. She was Brittney . . . one of my best friends. I couldn’t feel that way about her; I shouldn’t feel that way about her.

My phone rang, and I picked it up out of the cup holder next to me. “Hello?”

“You almost home?” Brett’s voice said.

“Yeah, coming in on Country Club now, about to get on the freeway. Why?”

“The girls and I are getting ready to head to dinner and thought we’d wait for you if you were close.”

I hesitated. I was starving. “No thanks, man. Go without me. I’m beat. I’ve been helping my mom set up her things at Greg’s this weekend, and Grandpa had me weed the vegetable garden for Grandma. I think I’ll go straight to bed, so I won’t be tired for practice tomorrow.”

“It’s like five P.M., bro. You’re turning into a grandma yourself if you’re going to bed this early. Come eat with us.”

I laughed, nestling the phone against my shoulder as I quickly checked my side mirror and switched lanes. “Grandma or not, I can still kick your butt any day of the week.”

“That may be true, but even old ladies need to eat.”

“I’m okay. I’ll grab a sandwich before bed if I need to. Have fun. Tell the girls hi,” I added hoping not to seem standoffish.