Finding Jordie: Things aren't always what they seem. (The Love Lies Bleeding Series Book 1) (25 page)

“This is everything, from beginning to end, in a box. His entire life, baby pictures, high school diploma, birth certificate, death certificate, immunization records, and his entire military career.” I gestured to him with my free hand.

“Wow, Nate.” Frank smiled and shook his head as he opened the box. “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or wish you good luck with this one.” He winked at me.

“I think a little bit of both are in order.” Nathan let out a small chuckle and kissed my head.

I COULDN’T REMEMBER A
Saturday night that I hadn’t spent at the bar in the last eight years, so being home and seeing the action from the outside was definitely uncharted territory for me. Frank had left, so it was just me and Nathan in the apartment.

“So, what would you like to do, Ms. Spagnato?” Nathan approached me with that sexy as hell grin that tossed my stomach around.

“Wanna watch a movie?” I teased as I pulled the DVD of
Best of the Ball
from my purse.

“Oh, no, no, no, I don’t watch my own movies.” He shook his head and waved his hands playfully.

“Why not? What about premieres and stuff?” I cocked my head to the side.

“I walk the carpet, go in the front door, and walk right out the back door.”

“Seriously? You’ve never watched your own film?”

“Nope, never. Well, not entirely true. Every now and again I’ll flip through one on cable or something, but I don’t stop to watch.” He pulled me in close to him still wearing that grin.
Holy shit, my sexy beast.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him. I slid my hands up and into his hair as he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around him, and he made his way toward the bedroom. He stopped halfway up the stairs. We never made it to the bedroom.

I wrapped a towel around my hair and went into the bedroom to get dressed after our shower. I had forgotten that my wardrobe was limited so I let out a loud sigh when I opened my pajama drawer.

Nathan came out of the bathroom just as I picked up a piece of the sheer black thing and held it pinched between my thumb and forefinger. He had wrapped a towel just below his hips.

You’re panting again. I swear, I will never not find this man irresistible.

“Looks like you’re stuck with more frilly stuff until you get to do some shopping.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I threw the silk job over my head and stepped into the matching panties. “So, care to tell me why Rachel is so thrilled with you?”

“Like I said, bribery does work with her. I’m beginning to think you don’t know her at all.” He shrugged and raised an eyebrow.

“What exactly did you bribe her with?”

“I may have sent her airline and hotel accommodations for her trip.” There was a tone of achievement in his voice.

“No you didn’t! I’m beginning to think I don’t know who she is either.”

It was just about midnight. We lay down in bed and I snuggled up next to him with my head on his chest.

“Speaking of Rachel, you never did get around to telling me what she said to you at lunch Monday. Did she give you the ‘if you hurt her’ speech?” I chuckled, but I felt his body tense up for a moment and I think he held his breath.

“Nathan?”

He still didn’t respond.

“Hey.” I sat up, wrenching my neck to the side to see his face but I couldn’t because it was dark. “What? What did she say to you?” I could feel the panic rising in my stomach.

“Just what you expected, the ‘if you hurt her’ speech is all.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Okay, I may not know everything about you yet, but I do know when you aren’t telling me something.” I pushed the hair back from my face.

“I don’t want to talk about it, baby.” His voice cracked a bit.

We were silent for a few minutes while I racked my brain over what she could have possibly said to him. What would have been so bad that he didn’t want to talk about it? We hadn’t had a problem discussing any subject up until now, so what could she...

And there it was, like a ten-ton weight on my chest as the walls closed in around me. Clear as day, I knew what she’d said to him.

No, don’t be stupid. She wouldn’t dare tell him that. Rachel wouldn’t tell him something that private about me, especially only knowing him at that point for three days.

“Nathan, did she... did what she told you have anything to do with Jason?” I hoped I didn’t sound as mortified as I felt. He sat up against the headboard and pulled me to him so we were just about nose-to-nose.

“I told you, I really don’t want to talk about it,” he whispered and his lips found mine. But I pulled back after a second.

“Well, I do!” I raised my voice. “What did she tell you, Nathan?” There was no hiding the panic in my voice that time.

“Jordan, I can’t repeat what she told me. It makes me... angry.” He looked down at his lap.

That bitch!
“Tough shit, I want to know word for word what she said to you, now. Please.” I bit back the tears. I knew what she’d told him. My darkest and most mortifying secret. A secret only she knew. A secret I’d foolishly trusted her with.

“She told me that Jason used to get rough with you. That he would hit you and...” He blew out an over-exaggerated sigh and ran his hands through his hair.

“And
what?
” The tears rolled down in silent streams as the heat of my fury flushed my cheeks.

“Jordie, please don’t make me repeat this. It infuriates me for one, and two...” He looked tortured. “I don’t want you to have to relive any of it.”

“And what, Nathan?”

“All I will say is I think I understand why you don’t like being pinned down, especially on your stomach.” He pulled me onto his lap.

I sprung out of the bed.

“Where are you going?”

“To fucking kill that bitch.” I answered him calmly as I searched for my jeans on the floor.

“What?” He got out of bed and came toward me. “No. Jordie, please. She was just trying to protect you.”

“Really, Nathan? You’re going to justify her betraying me like that? Embarrassing me like that? That was
not
her business to tell. Not even you. Not even to
protect me
.” I used air quotes around the “protect me” part. “Who the fuck does she think she is?” I croaked the words out through my sobs.

“Baby, calm down, please.” Nathan tried to put his arms around me.

“No, that was wrong. She had no right, Nathan. None!” I pushed him away.

“I know you’re angry at her, but she only told me because she wanted me to know how strong you truly are. That and to pretty much warn me that if I laid a finger on you she’d personally rip my boys off and cram them down my throat.” He chuckled nervously.

“Well.” I clamped my jaw shut for a second. “
That
makes it all right then.”

“Really?” He searched my face suspiciously.

“Of course it doesn’t!” I screamed, causing him to jump back a bit.
Take it easy, you’re teetering on the line of psycho here, Jordan.

“Baby, you weren’t supposed to know I knew—” He held out his hands, palms up.

“Secrets? You were supposed to keep it a secret? Yay! More secrets!” I threw my hands in the air, exasperated, and headed for the door. “Don’t wait up for me.” I yanked my sweater off the back of the chair and flew down the steps. I grabbed my keys and flung the door open without thinking and the alarm began to blare all around me.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I screamed and stomped my foot as I scrambled for the button to shut it off. By that time Nathan had punched the code in on the panel to disarm it just as Charles buzzed up to check on us.

“Everything is fine. Just needs some getting used to is all. Thanks.” Nathan responded coolly. His eyes never left mine. Something about the way he looked at me, so cautious yet worried, broke me. My sobs turned into a meltdown of emotions. I was desperate to catch my breath as I cried harder and harder. My chest hurt and my eyes ached. He dropped my keys back onto the table and scooped me up like a child in his arms. I buried my face in his shoulder as he carried me back upstairs. He pulled my boots off and tugged my jeans down to the floor then gently worked me out of my sweater until I was back in just my frilly PJs. I lay down and he climbed over to the other side of me and rubbed my back. Neither of us spoke. After a while I pulled myself together and sat up, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands.

“I’m okay.” I exhaled loudly. “Sorry you had to witness that. I’m so embarrassed.” I scowled.

“Why are you embarrassed?”

“Uhh, were you here for that whole episode?” I sniffled and laughed.

“It’s natural for you to be upset.” He kept stroking my back softly.

Might as well get it over with.
“Look, yeah, Jason did do some pretty shitty things to me sometimes. Not all the time. He was under a shit ton of stress so I dealt with it.” There was no way I was coming out of this looking like a victim that was for damn sure.

“It really is no big deal.” I shrugged and held my chin up. If I acted confident he had to believe me, right? He wouldn’t see that I was fully aware of the fact that the things Jason had done to me were more than a ‘big deal.’ Yes, Jason had smacked me around and took it a bit further than just “rough sex. “Did I have to stay for that? No, but I was his wife, I chose to marry him only after knowing him a few months. Who could I tell anyhow? Who would believe that an upstanding decorated military man beat and forced his
wife
to have sex when he was having a bad day?

Despite it all I was okay. I didn’t have any deep-seeded man hate brewing within me; I wasn’t going to be hateful to all men because he did those things to me. For better, for worse is what I agreed to. It made me the person I am today. As crazy as it may sound, even with the abuse I held on to the hope things would change. That we could work through whatever he was going through and be the man I first met and adored again. Getting pregnant definitely changed things though. He didn’t lay a finger on me after that and then he was deployed. By that time I knew, without a doubt, once she was born, if it started happening again, I was strong enough to leave. Having Emma was a game changer for me. If I wanted to stick around and put myself in danger for the sake of commitment, fine, but my daughter would not be at risk. It never came to that though; he died before I had to find out.

Nathan lay down on the bed, his face a few inches from mine. “I would never hurt you, Jordan. Ever.”

“I know you won’t. Don’t worry, I’m not all screwed up from it. I don’t have like any weird intimacy issues or man hate because of it.” It was my turn to assure him of something.

“Clearly.” He smiled
my
smile and I melted inside. “You’re pretty badass, Jordie.” He chuckled.

“Why? Because I didn’t curl up in a corner and become afraid of the world, Nathan? Shit happens, bad things happen. You pick yourself up, brush yo’ shit off, and keep going.” I grinned. “How many times do I have to tell you I am not some friggin’ damsel in distress before you actually believe me?” I chuckled.

“I love you so much.” He put his forehead against mine.

“I love you, too.” I smiled. This time I kissed him.