Finding June (27 page)

I walked back past the kitchen and found Steve waiting for me.

“June, you need to go home.”

My mind immediately raced through every worst case scenario I could think of. My parents were in a car accident, or Michelle had the baby early and something happened, or something had happened to Daniel … even Reece. All of these situations raced through my head in less than ten seconds.

“What happened?” I asked with fear in my voice.

“There was a fire at your apartment. I don’t know the details, but the police called and said the fire department is trying to contain it. You should go and check it out. Give Jo your book and go.”

My eyes grew wide as I turned around, threw Jo my whole apron, and was out the back of the restaurant and running to my car. The whole short five-minute drive to my place I tried to think if I had left anything on, like my stove or a candle or anything. I was so thankful I had sent Morrison with Reece. I was shaking as I turned the street to see fire trucks and police cars blocking the view of the apartment building. It was a small building with only three units, mine on the end. Large billows of black smoke rose into the air. I parked the car down the road and ran through the people who were standing and watching.

As I rounded the fire truck, I lost whatever breath I had and felt my knees go weak, in all the worst ways. The firemen were spraying water on the fire; my apartment unit was consumed with raging flames, the whole thing burning away.

Panic set in as I started to hyperventilate, I couldn’t,
wouldn’t,
even believe what I was looking at. I was in shock as the firemen started to get the flames under control.

I had no sense of time; I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed with fear and dread. Suddenly, the flames were only small licks of white hot heat, and soon all that was left was blackness.

The whole thing was gone.

It was a giant black mass of hot coal, bits of red flashes coming through the remains.

The other two units were still standing, but the wall I shared with the middle unit was gone. A giant hole was left and I could see the inside of my neighbor’s apartment.

As people started to disperse, I was soon one of a few left standing there. Time was escaping me; I was a statue with wide open eyes, barely blinking. My mind was having a hard time trying to figure out exactly what had happened. A cop walked up to me and asked if I was okay.

“My … my … my apartment,” I stammered.

“Are you the one who lives there?”

The question registered in my head and I lost it.

“Isn’t that what I just fucking said?” I snapped as I put my hands on my head and grasped at my hair, the pain bring me a small amount of sense. Yep, I had totally just dropped the f-bomb in front of a cop. Though, at this point, I couldn’t have fucking cared less. What was he going to do, take my shit? Sorry, officer, it’s all burnt to a black crisp.

Oh. My. God.

It was all gone.

I felt the tears fall down my face as I lost all control of my emotions, a cry ripping from deep within my chest. It was all too much. I crouched down in the middle of the cold street as the tears fell. I couldn’t believe that it was all gone.

“Is there someone I can call, miss?” the cop softly questioned.

Who was I to call? None of my family was in town and Jo was still at work. I was alone and I had nothing in the world. I had only myself.

But that isn’t true
, a voice said in my head.
There was someone
.

“Reece.” I blindly reached into my purse, unable to take my eyes away from the lingering smoke rising in the cold air, and threw my phone at the cop. He could figure it out from there.

The cop tried to say something else to me, but I wasn’t listening. I could only silently cry and stare of the embers of what used to be my life. My life without Owen was in the apartment and I had just begun to figure out what it looked like, who was in it. My crazy animal mugs and my pictures from graduation were gone. My ugly couch and my precious books were gone. I guess I wouldn’t have to worry about that crappy door anymore. It was all destroyed. I only had my car, my purse, my laptop, and Morrison. The only clothes I had were the ones I was wearing and they were my fucking uniform for work. I was literally only a server at this moment. I couldn’t stop crying as my tears became more pronounced. No one would touch me or talk to me. It was probably a smart idea on their part because I am sure I was looking pretty awful as I sat there.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed until I started to feel something cold hitting my head. I looked up into the grey sky and saw snow starting to fall. Fucking perfect. The cold snow fell as the heat from the burning pile of ash warmed my skin.

The snow started to fall harder, but I couldn’t feel it. I felt numb; an impermeable wall shielding me from the outside world surrounded me. I could only hear the shallow breaths I was taking in. My focus was solely on the remains of my apartment. I was lost and just starting to find myself. I had already risen from the ashes that was the relationship between Owen and I, and I didn’t know if I had the strength to do it all again.

Life had this funny way of really fucking with me and I was getting pretty sick of it. I couldn’t catch a break. The cold snow and the heat from my place battled on, both attacking my senses, trying to see which would make me feel enough to bring me out of this daze. I wasn’t going to let either win. I was going to sit on this street until someone made me move. I was going to sit here and wallow in the loss and the shit my life had spiraled into. No one was going to make me move.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and only saw green. The panic disappeared a fraction and a small calm took over me.

“June? You okay?” The question that was always asked and rarely had a good response.

I looked away from the calming green and back to the black embers. I didn’t deserve the calm his green eyes brought. I didn’t answer his question, but it was obvious I was not okay. I was more than not okay. I was wrecked and lost at the bottom of a well. Reece, at one point, had been kind enough to throw a rope down the well and I had just started the rough climb up. But then this happened and I fell back down. I was stuck in this well and all I wanted to do was sit here.

“June,” I heard again from his deep voice. I wouldn’t look at those green eyes or the man who was calling my name. Instead, I felt him lift me up and cradle me in his arms as he walked me to my car. He reached into my purse and grabbed the keys out of it. I heard the car unlock and he sat me gently on the passenger’s side.

I don’t recall the drive to his house or getting inside. I know my tears never stopped. I wasn’t crying huge, sobbing tears, but silently cried tears that seemed to be bottomless. The next thing I knew I was laid down into an ultra-soft bed. I closed my eyes and let sleep take over.

Suddenly, I was in a darkened room that was only slightly familiar. I tried to move, but a hand was holding me close to a very warm body.
What the hell was going on
? I tried to wiggle away, but the hand holding me only pulled me closer. There was also a little warm furry body on my legs. Morrison.

Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I grabbed my phone, which was conveniently placed on the nightstand next to me, and looked at the time. It was almost four in the morning. Suddenly, the last twelve hours came rushing back as I remembered my apartment had burned down with everything in it. I felt my heart fall as the overwhelming emotions came flooding back. I pushed more forcibly against who I assumed was Reece and got myself out of bed. When I stood up, I realized I was only wearing my undershirt and panties. Looked like someone had undressed me. I saw on Reece’s dresser, next to my work clothes, was a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt. I grabbed them and threw them on as I walked out of the bedroom. I walked out to the table in the front part of the house and saw a coffee mug with an herbal tea bag next to it. A bottle of bourbon sat next the mug. A note next to it said that water was in the teapot and should be still warm. A small smile slipped out when I saw how considerate Reece had been. This was a lot for a new relationship. I poured the still slightly hot water into the mug and put the tea bag in, deciding against the bourbon.

After settling in on the couch wrapped up with a blanket, I took in Reece’s living room. There were framed pictures on the bookshelf; pictures of his aunt, a young lady with a small boy that could only be Reece. There were also pictures of Reece and Hannah as kids out at the lake, skiing on a mountain and in downtown Boise. A family picture of Reece, Hannah, and his parents on the front porch of his parents’ house was framed and hung on the wall. Reece looked like he was still in high school and Hannah was sporting braces and a high ponytail, both with big smiles on their faces. I had lost all of this. The few pictures I had that didn’t involve Owen, that showed my new life, were gone.

I threw the blanket off, suddenly becoming too hot, and walked over to his aunt’s large record collection. I thumbed through the different records, most coming from the late 60s and early 70s. There were a few modern artists, which showed additions Reece had made. I settled on a Donovan record and the song “Josie” came through the old record player. I turned it down low enough that it wouldn’t wake up Reece and moved back to the couch.

As I took another sip of the now cold tea, I saw Reece come out of the bedroom looking around, probably for me. Morrison was close behind. Oh, you’re looking for the girl who has lost everything and is pretty screwed up. I’m chilling on the couch, drowning my sorrows in the talented lyrics of old music and tea. Good luck trying to find me.

Reece came and sat next to me, grabbing my legs and putting them in his lap as Morrison settled back into his sleep close by.

“You doing—”

“Don’t ask me if I am okay. I don’t think I can take hearing that question one more time.”

“Okay. I won’t ask.” Reece pushed the sweats I was wearing up my legs, cooling me off. He slowly ran his hands up and down my calf, warmth from his hands one of the first things I had felt since I had left work. It was probably the only thing I had really felt, besides intense sadness, in the last twenty or so hours. I sighed as I snuggled deeper in the couch, the song on the record playing over and over again.

“Do you want to know what happened?”

“I guess I have to find out at some point,” I answered.

“Your neighbor, Mrs. Walkins?”

“The old lady?”

“Yeah, that’s her. I guess she forgot she left a candle burning on her coffee table. Her cat, Miss Sprinkles, jumped up on the table and knocked over the candle onto a couple of magazines. Mrs. Walkins wasn’t at home, and well …”

“My place burned down into a fiery pit of despair.”

“More or less.”

What else could I say? I couldn’t take it back or try to save it. I could only move forward, but I really wanted to wallow in my misery.

“I’m not going to ask if you are okay, but I am going to ask … how are you feeling?”

How was I feeling? Was I even feeling anything at this point? Could you classify the dread I felt in every pore of my body as an emotion?

“I feel like I did something wrong. I feel this guilt and panic over it all. You know how you feel when you get pulled over, or when you know you made a mistake? You feel this weight in the bottom of your stomach because you just want to fix it and forget it. That is what I feel.”

“You know it’s not your fault though, right?”

“Somewhere in me I’m sure I do, but right now I can’t even comprehend everything. I mean, what do I do now? I have nothing except my car and my dog. I will have to live in my car and only wear my work uniform around town because it’s all I have.”

“You’re not living in your car. And Hannah is pretty similar in size to you, so she is bringing you some clothes tomorrow when she gets done at school.”

“But where am I supposed to live? Jo lives in this shoebox apartment behind Boise High and there is no way two people can live there.”

“You can stay here.” He dropped that bomb like it was no big deal, my heart picking up pace.

“Here? You want me to move in with you?” That was a big step I didn’t know if I was ready to take. Owen and I had dated for almost two years when we moved in together and really it was something he had to convince me to do.

“You don’t have to stay in my room, I do have a spare bedroom. I would love nothing else but to have you in my bed every night, June. But if you think it’s too soon you can stay in the spare bedroom.” Which meant I would be Reece’s glorified roommate. I didn’t know if that was what I wanted either. Actually, I had no idea what to do about anything. I never really did, but my apartment burning down showed I hadn’t made a lot of progress on figuring things out. It was like all the work I had done on being positive and having bare walls to fill my life … well, that was shredded when those empty walls burned to the ground.

Life—the score was too high to count. Me—0

“I can’t move in with you.” Although, I only halfheartedly meant it. I really had nowhere else to go. I could always move back home to my parents’ house, but one of the main reasons I didn’t want to do that was sitting next to me, running his warm, steady hands over my bare legs.