Finding June (32 page)

The sun was setting and it was starting to get darker earlier, so I headed back down the hill. I decided once I got back I would take a nice hot bath and have some tea. Maybe tea would help with this problem.

By the time Reece got home that night, I was already asleep. I was emotionally drained and I was partially avoiding him. I didn’t know if I had the strength to be around him and make an unbiased decision. I wasn’t proud to admit one look from Reece with his green eyes and that damn half-smile would easily convince me to stay. Feminists around the world would be chasing me with pitchforks with that statement. It was too new and I was too emotional, so avoiding Reece was a good idea. Right?

The next day I didn’t have to work, but Reece did and it was a double. I was okay with not having to see him today as much, again making me feel like shit. My mind was still a jumble over South America and I hadn’t talked to Reece about it. I made sure I was asleep, or at least pretending to be, when he got home that night as well.

The next day Reece and I both had the morning off; he was working that night and I was managing. I woke up to see he was already out of bed. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed some coffee, and suddenly felt his arms wrap around me. His mouth moved to my neck, my kryptonite, and I slouched into him. He moved up and lightly bit my ear, and then licked right below it, making me crazy.

Who would drive me crazy with a simple kiss when I was gone
? That statement made it sound like I was already gone and I tensed at the thought. I cringed. Fuckity fuck. I knew, too. I knew what I wanted to do. By the time I had gotten back from my walk to Camels Back, I knew my decision. I was just avoiding telling Reece.

I pushed away from him and walked to the table. Grabbing my phone, I pretended that I was busy checking Facebook or some crap while I drank my coffee, hoping that by not acknowledging anything, nothing would be said. I wouldn’t have to talk about it. Just keep looking at your phone, June. Take a drink of coffee. Yep, totally ignore it, June, no one will know …

“Spill it, June.” Reece eyed me from where I left him standing.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Yeah, that totally made me look guilty.

He stared me down and I glanced up for only second, but it was too much to take. I looked back down to the tepid coffee. He didn’t say anything for a couple of moments. “You’re being weird. I figured it had to do with everything about your place, but I also know you aren’t one to dwell on things. I am curious what is going through your head.”

This was a pivotal point for me. I had a couple of options; I could ignore it and not tell him about it, or I could be honest about it with him. I was much better with honesty so I fessed up.

“I had an opportunity become available to me.” But I didn’t say I was going to make it easy to get out of me.

“What was this opportunity?” Reece had moved from his spot in the kitchen and was now sitting across from me, at the same table where we had many conversations.

I looked Reece right in the eyes, his beautiful, moss-green eyes. “It’s a temporary job with a non-profit working with families to set up businesses and ways for them to make money. It would be from January to July.” However, I didn’t add in another country.

“That’s great! I know you have been trying to figure out what’s next, but even something temporary could be great.” He looked so happy about this. Now I just felt like an ass for not coming out with it because I was about to ruin the whole thing.

He smiled at me and grabbed my hand. “Do you think you can work both jobs? Is it full-time?”

Oh boy.

I took my hand back. “Yeah, you could say it was.”

“What aren’t you telling me, June?” Reece grabbed my hands again, not letting go, kissing each one so gently my heart swelled and broke at the same time. How could I leave this amazing man?

“June,” he said again.

Ready. Set.

“It’s in South America.”

Go.

Silence.

I started to count the seconds, one … two … three … I got all the way to twenty. Reece’s gaze never wandered away from mine. His hands that held mine continued to soothe, like I didn’t just drop a bomb.

“South America?” Reece finally said after what seemed like forever.

“Yep.”

“South America? Like the opposite of North America?”

“Yep.”

I felt sick to my stomach; the dread sunk into me and wouldn’t let go. This was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Telling Reece I had this amazing opportunity to leave was almost too much. I had never felt this sick before, even when Owen dumped me. That was nothing compared to the sickening feeling I had right now.

“When did you find about this?” Reece asked

And then there is the other part. I didn’t tell Reece right when I found out. I claimed to love this man, but I hid this from him.

“A couple of days ago.” The honesty didn’t help how awful I felt right now.

“At least that explains why you have been distant the last couple of days.”

“Are you mad?” I asked shyly.

Reece shook his head. “Mad about the possibility of going to South America? No. Mad about you not telling me? Not mad, but maybe a little disappointed you didn’t tell me. I understand, too.”

“But that’s not all …” I started to bite my fingernails, a nervous habit.

Reece pulled my hand away from my face.

“June, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Would he hate me? Leave me? The uncertainty of it all sat on my shoulders like a pile of bricks.

But I had to do this. I knew what I wanted and this decision was for me. For once, I was thinking of myself, shaping my story all by myself.

“I want to go.” There, I had said it for the first time out loud. My heart was racing because the thought no longer belonged to me, it was now affecting someone I loved.

Reece opened his mouth to say something and then closed it, rethinking what he said. Instead, he let go of my hands and moved to my face. His hand cupped my cheek and his tender touch eased up the dread sitting in my stomach slightly. His lips met mine and it was a kiss that was as tender as his touch. It was a kiss to reassure me. His lips moved against mine and our tongues met as we got lost in each other’s touch, as it seemed happened every time we touched. Reece pulled slightly away and kissed the corner of my mouth. So softly I almost couldn’t hear him say against my mouth, “Go.”

The simple word stopped me.

“You’re not leaving me?” was the first thing I blurted out.

Reece barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “What in the world are you talking about? What is going through your head right now?”

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. And in true June fashion, I rambled out all my thoughts. “I want to go. I had to make this decision on my own, this had to be for me and me alone. I have spent my life always being mindful of others, trying to please everyone around me and this probably won’t please everyone. You, mostly. I’m leaving for six months and I know our relationship is new. I understand if you want to leave me—”

“Stop. June, seriously, stop. You want to go to South America? Then go, my sweet June. I’m not going to stop you and the last thing I’m going to do is leave you. Right now, I am so ridiculously proud of you. Who gives a shit who you’re pleasing? You’re right, this is for you and I’m excited for you, this journey you get to go on.”

“What about us?”

“What about us? I will be here when you get back. You don’t have to worry about that, you don’t have to worry about
us.”

My head was down, but I lifted my eyes to Reece’s. “I’m scared. I want to do this, but it’s scary to leave everything I know for six months.”

Reece placed his hand under my chin, lifting my head. “Of course it’s scary. A place you’ve never been, a totally new world … yeah, that can be scary. When I moved from place to place, I was always scared when I first got there, having no idea what I would find, the people or jobs. It was frightening to know who to open up to. One of the things I love about you, is that you opened up to me, showed me what’s inside of you, everything that makes you vulnerable and strong, all of that makes me love you, that bravery you have. You can do this. The bravery inside you gave you the courage to make this decision on your own, to tell me about it and I know your strength will allow you to have faith in us, because you and me, we will always be each other’s home. You’re my home, June, no matter where you are in this world.”

“Come with me.” I was pulling at straws here.

“I’m going to throw some tough love to you here. You should go and you should go by yourself. I have responsibilities here; I have this house and I’m enrolled in school, plus my job. I had my time where I got to travel and now it’s your turn. This is good timing. You have this opportunity to take a shitty situation, your apartment burning down, and turn it into a good thing. You don’t have to worry about your stuff and what you do have I will take care of. You are in a spot in your life where you can go and do this. Take advantage of it because it might not come up again. Timing is everything, and this is good timing.”

His words washed through me, calming me, but I still felt scared as hell. And grateful, because I had no idea what I did to deserve someone like Reece. “You seemed shocked when I first told you. What’s going through your head? I don’t want it to seem like I’m the one leaving you, because it’s not like that. I hope you know that. I’m not leaving you because I’m scared of us or anything like that. I just feel like I need to do this. It seems unfair to you, though, leaving you behind. Because I’m not leaving you, I’m coming home to you.”

“You and I both know that life is unfair. But this? This isn’t about anything being fair, this is only a small hurdle we have to deal with. And it is an amazing hurdle to deal with. Six months apart in the scheme of things isn’t that bad. It’s a small blip in our lives and I can’t wait until you are home and you have had this amazing experience and I get you all to myself. I don’t know if I will let you go. But now, I’m saying go because as much as I’ll miss you, this is an amazing opportunity you shouldn’t pass up. This is an extended vacation, a leave of absence, classify it how you want, but the thing between us is strong enough to deal with being apart.”

“I’ll miss you.” Our hands were clasped together and our gaze didn’t wander from each other. We were Reece and June, sitting there as one. Reece was right, six months apart wouldn’t tear us down.

“June, I’ll miss you, too. There won’t be a day that goes by where I don’t think of you. Hell, there won’t be an hour the image of your beautiful smile and mouth won’t be imprinted on my mind.”

“My mouth?”

“Fuck yes, your mouth. I love your mouth. I love what you say, the honesty and the feistiness and I love taking your mouth and hearing you moan my name. Yep, I love your mouth. Speaking of.” And we were kissing again. It started out slow, cherishing the moment before it slipped away, but soon our kisses turned frantic as our hands made quick of shedding clothes. We stood and I grabbed his hand, pulling him into the bedroom. I pushed him down on the bed and straddled him as I kissed him. That didn’t last long and suddenly I was on my back.

Our lovemaking had moments of passion and tenderness. It was like we were saying good-bye here and now and I almost couldn’t take it. It felt too permanent. It felt too real.

Afterwards, as I laid there in Reece’s strong arms, the same arms that had grabbed me the first day I met him and never really let go, my mind started to wander. Trust was a funny thing. You say you want trust in a relationship, you want love and trust in the other person, but it is also terrifying. You don’t just trust the other person, you trust yourself to have faith in the love you have. When faced with uncertainties, how can faith, trust, or hope be the crutches you rely on? Trust is so easily broken or hopes are destroyed within minutes, but it can take years to build it back up. Reece and I had only known each other not even three months and I was supposed to put all the feelings I had on guard into his hands, into our hands as we dealt with being apart.