Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary (6 page)

He
laughs and runs his hand through his hair. “Yeah, they’ve given me a hard time
about it for years.”

“Years?”
I mutter, breathless. “You said I was ‘off limits’—what did you mean?”

“The
summer before high school, we all started to notice that you were pretty
hot—but we also realized that you were our best friend. So we made a deal
that none of us would go after you so it didn’t ruin our friendship.”

“This
is some sort of joke, right?” I breathe out.

My
head is whirling and it’s not because of the playground toy anymore. I stand up
and move past him as he hurries to get up and follow me, but I spin around and
shove my finger into his chest.

“It’s
not for any of you to decide that I’m off limits to
anyone
. I decide
who
I go out with. And
what would make any of you think I’d want to date any of you anyway?” I yell at
him, though I’d like to yell at
all
of them. “I’m just Laila, there’s nothing about me that would end friendships
or cause dissension in the ranks. Are you freakin’ kidding me with this?”

“It
wasn’t like that,” he defends, but I stop him because I’m not finished.

“Where
was my choice in any of this?”

“You’re
right, and I have no legitimate excuse except that we’re guys and idiots. But
you’ve always been my choice. You’re the only one that I’ve wanted—don’t
you see that?”

I
shake my head in disbelief, but no words come out.

“Laila,
for so long I’ve wanted to tell you how I felt, but I guess I was scared.”

“Scared
of what?”

“Of
you.” He raises his hand at me and drops it.

“Me?”

“You’re
intimidating as hell! You do realize you’re pretty much the perfect girl,
right?”

I
shake my head and he smiles before he elaborates.

“You’re
smart and strong—I see everything you’ve put up with and you never let it
get to you. You’re comfortable being you. You cuss like a sailor, eat like a
guy, and have the looks of a model. From the time we were kids, you were always
the coolest chick I knew and I couldn’t help but fall in love with you.”

This is not happening.

Wake up, Laila.

Now!

“Wait.”
I put my hand up, trying to wrap my mind around all of this. “In love?”

He
steps closer to me and reaches his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear,
and his knuckles graze my cheek.

“Yeah—in
love.” He cocks his head to the side, uncertainty lacing his face. “I’m sorry
I’m not gay, but I am in love with you, Laila Nixon. Is there any chance you’d
be willing to go on a date with me and see if you might feel the same way?”

Okay, liking me is one
thing, I’m working on that one, but the in love part is crazy.

“I’m
sorry you’re not gay too, Searle, because it would make things a lot easier.”

“Easy
is boring,” he says as he steps even closer to me and reaches for my hand, “and
life is supposed to be exciting.”

“Yeah,
well, I have to admit, this was a twist to the story I wasn’t expecting.” I
finally smile.

“You
up for this?” He presses his forehead to mine and closes his eyes.

“I
might be.”

“Well,
let’s get you home and you can think about it.”

He
reaches for my hand as if it’s any other day, but it’s not. We walk back to his
car, and when he opens the door for me there’s a different meaning to the
action. I glide onto the seat, and as we make the drive back to my house, the
silence is deafening.

“Did
you think about it yet?” he teases when he pulls into my driveway.

My
pulse races and butterflies swarm in my stomach at the question. I haven’t
thought of Haden like this since eighth grade when he didn’t show any interest
in me. Yet sitting here with him now, it’s all I can think of.

“I’m
working on it,” I say quietly.

We
get out of the car and make our way up to the front door, but I pause before
entering. When I turn to face him, he’s so close that I can smell his cologne.

“You’re
killing me,” he whispers.

He
timidly wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close to his body. My hands
snake around his neck and we stand there together—familiar, yet strangers
in
this
way.

Nervousness
courses through my veins when he drops his chin and his lips meet mine. It’s a
brief kiss that holds so much potential and I want him to do it again.

It’s
as if the wind has been sucked from my lungs when he drops his hands from my
waist. Neither of us says a word as he takes a couple of steps back before
turning to walk down to his car. He leans his arm on the top of his car and
glances back at me, and it’s clear that simple kiss had an effect on both of
us.

I’ve
dated guys before and I’ve been kissed, but something about that kiss leaves me
feeling like I’ve been missing out all this time.

I
ultimately wave and start to turn to my front door but pause when I see him run
over to me.

“I
wanna do that again,” he says breathlessly before crushing his lips to mine,
and I all but melt.

When
we finally part, he kisses me once more, heads out to his car, and flashes the
lights at me before I walk inside the house. I watch him pull out of the
driveway before closing the door and rushing to my room to replay everything
and hopefully get some answers from the one person I know has them.

“Hey,” I rush out as soon as Joey answers
his phone.

“You
okay?” he asks.

“Haden
isn’t gay,” I inform him, because I’m still shocked by the revelation.

“No,”
he drags, “he’s not, but thanks for the confirmation.”

“Stop
it, Joey. I’m serious.”

“What’s
wrong with you?”

“I
went with Haden to his gallery opening tonight,” I reveal.

“Yeah,
and?”

“Why
don’t you sound surprised by that?” I ask, knowing there is something he isn’t
telling me.

“I
knew about the opening tonight,” he admits.

“But
he told me not to tell anyone.”

“He
came to me the other day and asked what I thought,” he admits easily.

“Wait
a minute.” I sit on the edge of my bed and try to understand what he’s telling
me. “From the beginning.”

“What
do you want to know?”

“I
want to know how much you know,” I whine. “Did you know about his artwork? Did
you know he was going to ask me out?”

“The
art, no. Yes to the date part.”

“Joey
Parker the third,” I shout his full name for emphasis, “what are you telling
me?”

“Um,
I think I’m telling you what you already know. But to recap: Haden isn’t gay, I
have not seen his artwork for the gallery, and he wants to take you on a date.
Did I miss anything?”

“I’m
glad I can’t see you right now because I’m inclined to hit you. And I can’t go
out with Haden, he’s my best friend,” I protest.

“
I’m
your best friend. And do you have
feelings for Haden?”

“Honestly?”

“Yeah.”

“I
haven’t thought of him like that in a long time but—” I feel shy
admitting that out loud, but it’s true.

“But
now you’re starting to,” he finishes for me.

“This
is Haden we’re talking about. I can’t date him, and now things are going to be
so weird. Say we dated, everyone would feel awkward around us, and if we broke
up, it would ruin what we have.”

“Lai,
I hate to break it to you, but this is it, kid. This is senior year. In less
than eight months we’ll graduate, and three months after that we’ll all be
spread across different colleges. If you don’t take chances for fear that it
will change what we have, then you don’t give us enough credit.”

And this is why he’s my
best friend.

“Why
me?” I ask. “Why not some other girl?”

“You’re
kidding, right?”

“No,
he’s been on a dating hiatus for years. All this time I thought he was gay
because he didn’t have a girlfriend. He never showed interest in any of our
classmates.”

“Sure
he did,” Joey argues.

“Who?”

“You,
Laila,” he states in that tone that he knows drives me mad. “He’s had a thing
for you forever. I mean, at some point we’ve all had a crush on you, but we
outgrew it. Not Searle. We said a long time ago that you’re off limits because,
like you, we didn’t want to ruin anything. But he never moved on.”

“Yeah,
about this ‘off limits’ thing: what is that about? Why didn’t
you
ever tell me? That’s ridiculous!”

“We’re
guys, Lai. You know we’re idiots, what can I say? Besides, telling you would’ve
defeated the purpose, right?”

“He
kissed me,” I say in a rush.

“About
damn time,” he laughs.

I’m
grateful that I can vent to Joey because he’s always told me what I need to
hear, not what I want to hear. Well, until now.

“Do
you think we’d be good together?”

“Damn,
you need a girlfriend,” he teases. “Yeah, sure, I think you’ll be great.”

“I
gotta go,” I tell Joey, feeling suddenly out of breath.

“Just
think about it, okay?”

“Yeah,
I don’t think I can think about anything else,” I confirm before ending the
call and tossing my phone to the side.

I
lean back until my head hits the stack of pillows behind me, and let everything
that’s happened tonight settle. Joey confirmed what Haden said about having a
thing for me for a while, but I’ve never noticed it.

Have I?

Haden
has always been my quiet champion. He doesn’t always agree with me, but I know
he has my back. But that’s what friends do. Right?

I’ve
seen him looking at me, but I’ve never considered the looks anything more than the
silent conversations we have always had.

But
he has always been the one waiting for me after school or tagging along to my
swim practices when he’s free. Then there are the jogging trips we make a few
nights a week. Those are the times where he opens up and shares his life with
me.

I
walk over to my closet and pull out the yearbooks for the last three years and
thumb through them and find his inscription from freshman year:

You are the coolest girl I know.

No matter where life takes us,

always
know that I’m here, waiting.

Love, Haden

P.S. If any guy breaks your heart, I’ll
break his face.

“No
way,” I say out loud, completely shocked. I’ve read the inscription before, but
the meaning is completely different now.

I
skip tenth grade and go to junior year to see what he wrote:

Laila, I’m glad to have you in my life.

One more year together before everything

changes
.
Let’s make our last one the best.

 
I’ll always be here for you. Forever.

I love you. Haden

I
read his words again, but this time I
hear
them—I feel them. I say those three words to all of the guys because
I do love them. And when they respond, I’ve never read into them.

How could Joey not tell me
that Haden felt this way?

I
grab my phone and dial Joey’s number again and wait for him to answer.

“It
wasn’t my place,” he answers, reading my mind like he always does.

“But-”

“It.
Wasn’t. My. Place,” he repeats, punctuating each word as he says it.

“But
this is Haden we’re talking about. What am I supposed to do?”

“Go
on a date with him,”

“I
told him I’d think about it,” I admit, recalling our evening together.

“There
you have it.”

“What
are the guys gonna think?” I ask.

“Do
you care?”

“Well,
yeah,” I shrug, even though he can’t see me.

“Then
talk to them—trust me, they can handle it.”

“Thanks,
Joey.”

“Anytime,”
he says before we end the call.

For
a moment I consider calling Braxton, but the weight of everything that’s
happened crushes me and I decide to call tomorrow. Right now, all I want to do
is sit in my room and give myself time to think.

My
phone vibrates at the end of my bed and I hesitantly reach over to see who is
texting.

Haden: I forgot to thank
you for coming with me tonight.

I
stare at the screen and contemplate how I’m supposed to respond.
Am I his friend?
Do I acknowledge
everything that happened? I opt to go the safe route and give a simple
response.

Me: Anytime

I
press send and see the three little dots flash, indicating he is responding,
and wait.

Haden: Then can I see you
tomorrow night?

I backed myself into that
one.

Me: We’re all supposed to
go to Cole’s for a BBQ

Haden: Forgot.

Me: Rain check?

Haden: Meet me outside
tomorrow? 8am? Run?

I
know that this isn’t our usual run, this is a talk—a talk I’m not sure
I’m ready to have. But maybe after some sleep I’ll have a clearer perspective
on things.

Me: 8:30?

Haden: See you then. Night
Nixon.

Me: Night Surly ;) Sweet
dreams

I’m
trying my best to lighten the mood and get us to the place I thought we were
earlier.

Haden: All of you

I
think my heart actually just skipped a beat.
Am I flirting with one of my best friends via text?
I’ve texted the
same thing a million times, and never once was there a flirtatious tone behind
it.

* * *

“Hey,
where are you going?” Haden asks, tugging my hand and pulling me to his chest.

“I
have to get to class,” I smile, trying to walk away again.

“No
you don’t.” He kisses my nose and tugs my hand so I move with him as he starts
to walk. “I’m walking you to class.”

“You
two are weird,” Braxton says from the other side of me. “I can’t believe it
took you this long. Hell, I can’t believe you thought he was gay, Lai.”

“Gay-Lai,”
Cole says and laughs at the rhyme.

Joey
rolls his eyes and holds Bailey’s hand as we walk past them. “Grow up,
Cameron.”

Cole
shrugs his shoulders in response before walking into the classroom as we pass
it and Braxton disappears at the door after. I’m not sure where everyone went,
but it’s just Haden and me, standing in the hallway alone.

“I’m
glad you decided to give this a try.” He smiles and leans down to give me a
kiss.

I
have no idea what comes over me when I pull him as close as possible to give
him another kiss. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be here, with
Haden of all people. Yet it’s exactly where I am.

“Me,
too.”

“I’ll
see you later?” he asks, though he already knows the answer.

The
bell rings obnoxiously overhead and I stand there watching him walk away. I
start to walk toward my classroom, but the damn bell won’t stop ringing and
it’s annoying me. I look around and no one else seems to mind the alarm, but I
do.

“What’s
wrong with this thing?” I ask aloud, but no one responds. “Make it stop,” I
say, but my own voice is muffled as I repeat the request.

“Laila,”
I hear Mom’s voice call to me and I look around.

“Mom?”

“Laila,
are you going to sleep through that thing? It’s waking everyone up,” she says.

I
sit up, and for a moment I’m lost and confused.

“It
was a dream,” I mutter to myself and see my mom looking at me with concern.

“Bad
dream?” she asks.

I
shake my head and recall as much as I can before she walks further into my
room. They were asleep when I got home last night, but I really could have used
a girl talk with Mom. I tried to rationalize a way out of my run with Haden,
but if I want to keep our friendship I need to at least talk to him.

“Honey,
are you sure you’re okay?” She sits next to me on the bed and I nod. “Wanna
talk about it? How was the show last night?”

“It
was—surprising,” I admit before lying back on my pillows.

“Surprising,
huh? Okay, well now I need details.” She lies next to me.

The
clock reads seven-thirty, so I have plenty of time to tell her about the
evening.

“Yeah,
surprising. His work is amazing but it shocked me.”

“How
so?”

“You
know I’ve seen his stuff before, but nothing like this. There were pictures of
his parents, of all of us hanging out,” I look at her and wince as I finish,
“and me.”

“What
do you mean—you?”

“I
mean, there were drawings and paintings of me. But the one that really got me
is one of Haden and me—it looks like we’re about to kiss. Mom, all this
time I figured he was gay—he’s not dated anyone and I guess I just made
assumptions—but he’s not.”

“What
made you think he was gay?” She looks at me with a raised brow.

“Am
I the only one who thought this? Anyway, that’s not the point—today we’re
supposed to talk about things because he wants to see if there is a chance for
something between us.”

“Is
there something between you?”

“I
really don’t know. I mean, when he kissed me last night, I’d be lying if I
said-”

She
rolls up to a sitting position and faces me with wide eyes and open mouth. “He
kissed you?”

“Yeah.”
I smile, recalling the kiss.

“And?”

“You
remember when I had a crush on him ages ago?”

She
nods and I continue.