Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary (3 page)

“I
know—”

“Look,
I’ve seen some of your stuff before, so why can’t I see it now? If you really
don’t want me there, I won’t go, but can’t I at least go to your house and see
it?”

“Laila—”

“Just
me. You know I’m not going to say anything. I really want to be there, you’re my
best friend. You know you’re my favorite,” I tease. It’s something I tell all
of them, and they know it.

He
laughs and wraps his arm around my neck before kissing my sweaty hair. He
stares at me for a moment, considering it. “Yeah, yeah.” He lets me go. “I’ll
let you see, but not until opening night.”

“Really?”
I smile so big it almost hurts. “You’ll let me go?”

“But
don’t say anything to the others. Not yet,” he warns good-naturedly.

“Where
is it? What do I need to wear?”

“It’s
black-tie,” he grimaces. “Which reminds me, I need to find a suit.”

“Wow,
Haden. That’s pretty big.”

“Yeah,”
he says, furrowing his brow as he considers the gravity of what’s happening in
his life. “It really is.”

“You
didn’t say where.”

“I’ll
pick you up and you can ride with me.”

“Aw,
Haden,” I coo. “Is this a date?”

The
moment the words come out of my mouth, I regret them. Haden hasn’t dated anyone
since we started high school and I’ve wondered if there’s a chance he’s gay. I
asked Joey once, but he brushed me off and said that he didn’t know and didn’t
care.

But
I do care. I love Haden and the guys,
whatever
their preference is
, and I now feel bad knowing that I may have just made
him uncomfortable.

He
smiles and tugs at my arm. “Let’s get going. I told your parents we wouldn’t be
too long.”

I
exhale a relieved breath and a return his smile before we resume our jog in
relative silence. Five minutes turns into ten, and before I know it we’re
standing in front of my house, breathless and completely exhausted.

“I’m
gonna
get going,” he says through winded breaths.

“See
you tomorrow?” I say, sounding worse than him.

He
nods and starts to walk away but pauses and holds up his phone, indicating that
I need to get mine. I smile when I get his nightly text.

Haden: Night Nixon

Me: Night Surly. Sweet
Dreams

He
hates when I call him Surly, but it typically fits his demeanor. Besides, I’m
the only one who calls him that.

Haden
shakes his head and jogs down the street to his house and I walk inside, more
than ready for a shower and bed.

Being one of the guys is something I
revel in. I always
love having the inside track on what guys
are
thinking—even the gross stuff.
Typically, when we were younger, their conversations consisted of who was faster,
who could eat the most weird junk, and the mutual agreement that girls were the
enemy.

Except me, of course.

Sure,
over the years their thoughts have evolved to more mature things like farts,
sports, and girls—no longer the enemy—but they remain guys to the
very core.

It
has been a mutually beneficial relationship. They make me feel feminine, but
not weak.

One
thing I learned early on is that if I wanted to survive, I had to keep my poker
face on and give as good as I got. They taught me how to dominate when it comes
to video games, which is why I was the undefeated champ on
Halo
by the time I was ten. And most of all, they helped me learn
to defend myself.

I
was no action hero, by any means, but the guys made me watch
Underworld
half a dozen times because
they said she was the ideal woman. Selene took crap from no one and was still
hot. I decided that she would be my role model—except that I wasn’t a
vampire or a warrior, but you get the picture.
It wasn’t that I wanted the guys to see me like her; I just wanted
to be able to handle my own.

“No
guy wants a damsel,” Joey said the first time we watched it. I felt like I was
in
How to Be a Girl 101
and Joey was
my personal instructor. He would pause the movie, point things out, and insist
that I cataloged it to memory. I probably should’ve taken notes.

Because
of the boys, I rarely watch chick flicks, unless my mom begs me to. I prefer
the violent, raunchy, and offensive movies to romance any day of the week.

Why
do I mention this? Well, it was soon after my introduction to Selene that I had
the opportunity to embrace my newfound insight and show the girl population
what I was made of.

* * *

3
Years Ago

Freshman
year, the harassment from classmates started to increase because of interest in
the guys. Each had filled out, and girls had started to take notice. I no
longer looked at my boys like that—not that I was blind, but we shared
too much. They were all attractive, and I’d crushed on each of them at some
point in our years as friends.

While
they weren’t my brothers, they were the closest people to me, outside of my
family. It became so I couldn’t see them the way other girls did, or if I ever
started to, it was something I shoved way down deep so no one would see it.

They
were my
barmy
—my boy
army—and I liked it that way.

September
of our first year in high school was a big adjustment for all of us. We were
the little fish in a big pond and the coursework moved fast. Everyone fell into
their new roles within the first week of school.

Braxton
had football practice every afternoon and rode home with Joey’s mom after Joey
had finished tutoring students. Cole, Haden, and I had activities outside of
school, but they were only a couple of days a week, so we walked home together
almost every day.

One
day, while waiting for Cole to show up, Haden strolled over and surprised me.

“I
thought you had art today,” I said as he walked toward me.

I
was sitting in the front of the building at the fountain that had a statue of
our mascot, Ethon the eagle, in the center. It was gaudy and obnoxious, but it
had been there for years and served as our meeting spot after school.

“Mr.
Collins had some emergency at home so we’ll have to do it another day,” he said
as he took a seat next to me. “Where’s Cole?”

“I
don’t know. I’ve been here for ten minutes already.” I shrugged.

Cole
was never on time.

“If
he’s not here in five, we’ll head home,” he said with finality. “How was your
day?”

“It
was a day, I suppose.” I leaned my head on his shoulder. “How was yours?”

“I
could do without calculus and history,” he laughed. “There he is. C’mon, Cole,
get a move on,” he yelled.

The
doors were closing behind him and a few of the girls outside were watching his
swagger. It was always funny to see the looks the girls gave the guys, and Cole
wasn’t oblivious to their attention. In fact, he would milk it for his own
entertainment. He was, by far, the most shameless of all of them. He would get
an extra pep in his step or flex a muscle in his arm, even if it was barely
evident to anyone but himself.

For
some reason, it made girls like him more.

I
tried to contain my laughter as Cole headed our way and lifted his backpack
over his shoulder, making an effort to go slow and show off his bicep. You
would have thought you were watching him in slow motion. He even ran his hand
through his sandy blond hair to get it out of his eyes. Haden shook his head
and laughed outright, but only I could hear it.

When
he reached us, Cole held out his hand to help me up and pulled me in for a hug,
which I returned. Haden grabbed my bag and his and the three of us started
walking toward our neighborhood when I heard cackling behind us. Since I didn’t
know what it was about, I continued chatting with the guys until one of the
girls got my attention.

“Laila,”
I heard shouted from behind.

I
stopped walking and turned to face them, and the two that had been watching
Cole moments before were giving me an odd look.

“Yeah?”

“
C’mere
.” She waved me over with a friendly smile.

Me? Really?

I
didn’t have girlfriends, so it was new for me to be accepted into the
girl-world.

“Y’all
go ahead, I’ll come by your house when I’m done,” I told Haden with a hopeful
smile.

“You
sure?” he asked. “We can wait for you—it’s no big deal.”

“Nah,
I’m good. I’ll call you later?”

“Yeah,
see ya,” Cole said as he continued walking.

Haden
cocked his head to the side to make sure I was good, but I narrowed my eyes at
him playfully.

“Go,”
I ordered with a smile. “They probably want to ask for your number, so leave.”

“Whatever,”
he said as he turned to walk away.

I
watched while he caught up with Cole, and when they were a safe distance away I
walked toward the two girls that I’d known but never talked to.

“Callie,
right?” I asked, as I got closer.

“Yeah,
and this,” she pointed to the other girl, “is Cloe.”

“Nice
to meet you,” I said with a nod.

I’d
perfected the nod because of the guys.

“So
what’s with you and Cole? Or are you with Haden?”

“I’m
sorry?” I asked, confused by the question.

“No
judgment here,” she said in a totally judgmental tone as she threw her hands
up, “but you know it’s a little slutty to have two guys at once, right?”

Inside,
my jaw dropped, my eyes bugged out, and I was sweating profusely.

Outside,
I was the picture of calm.

“I’m
sorry, did I hear you right?” I asked, disgust evident in my tone.

“I
don’t think I stuttered.” She blinked and turned to her friend. “Cloe, did I
stutter?”

Cloe,
to her credit, appeared as shocked by Callie’s words as I felt, and shook her
head slowly.

I
took a deep breath, straightened my shoulders, and fixed my glare on Callie.
“First off, there is nothing
slutty
about being friends with guys. And second, your jealousy is showing and it
looks a little pathetic. Maybe Cloe can help you get your head out of your own
ass so you can grow up.”

I
spun on my heels and started walking away when I heard her shout a few nasty
expletives my way,
whore
being the
last one I heard before I was out of earshot. I never turned around. I kept my
head high as the tears rolled down my face, but they would never know. I’d
never give them the satisfaction of knowing that they had gotten to me.

It
was the first time someone had called me a name because of my association with
the guys, but it wouldn’t be the last. As I rounded the corner, Haden was
leaning against an old oak tree, staring at his phone, and I stopped. My
fingers swept under my eyes quickly to hide the tears, but my red nose gave me
away.

“I
thought I was going to meet you at your house.”

“I’m
not sure if Mom is home yet. She had a late shift last night, so she might be
sleeping—wait, what’s wrong?” he asked, pulling himself away from the
tree
as I got closer.

“Nothing.”
I shrugged, taking my bag from his shoulder. We started walking toward our
neighborhood and he shook his head.

“Liar,”
he said, keeping his eyes off of me.

“It’s
not a big deal. Just next time I think I want to be friends with girls, remind
me why I need to stay away.”

“What
did they say?” he asked in an even tone.

“Well,
you’ll be happy to know that you and the guys are
really
lucky to have me.” I smiled through the tears in my eyes.

“Lucky,
huh?”

“Yeah,
I mean
,—
you have a resident concubine in your
group. Did you know that?”

He
stopped walking and reached for my arm to turn me around to face him. My tears
finally spilled out and he wiped them away.

“Why
do you care what they think, Lai?”

“I’m
a girl, Haden, and despite my unofficial ‘guy’ status, of course I care!”

“Yeah,
you’re a girl. But you aren’t like other girls.”

“But
I am.” I swiped at my eyes and showed him the mascara that had run with the
tears. “See? Girl! And if that’s not enough, I have the same girl parts, I get
the monthlies, and I have crushes on boys that will never find out.”

His
shoulders slumped and he stepped into my space and wrapped his arm around me.
“I didn’t mean it like that. You’re special, Nixon. We all know it. And you
know there is nothing we wouldn’t do for you.”

“I
don’t need saving.”

“You’d
think with all the time we’ve spent together, you’d have thicker skin by now.”

“Why
is that?”

“We’re
guys—we have no filter. I’m sure we’ve said worse than they could ever
say to you,” he said honestly.

“Y’all
haven’t
tried
to hurt me or gone out
of your way to make me feel like a complete loser.”

“No,
but we both know you’ve seen and heard your fair share from us.”

I
couldn’t help but laugh and Haden became uncharacteristically animated. He
jumped back and clapped his hands together. “A smile! I’ll take it.”

“Weirdo,”
I shot back as we started walking.

“You
know it,” he said. “And you still love me.”

“I
do,” I admitted, linking my arm through his. “So where did Cole disappear to?”

“I
may
have told him the girls were
interested in him,” he laughed.

“Haden
Searle,” I admonished. “You know what a sucker he is for attention.”

“Yeah.
I’m a jerk,” he admitted. “But it was funny to watch him run home. He’s
expecting a call with numbers, by the way.”

“What
am I supposed to tell him?”

“Nothing.
Just let him wait by the phone all night.” He winked and I laughed.

“You
guys are terrible.”

“See,
it’s
not just chicks,” he retorted.

“I
guess not,” I agreed and leaned my head on his shoulder. “So how long are you
going to let him wait?”

He
looked at his watch and shrugged, “Forever?”

“I
may need to rethink this friend situation—Lord knows what you guys say
when I’m not around,” I said only partially joking.

“Nah,
I’d never let them do that to you.”

“Always
looking out for me—jeez, I need to set you up with someone.” I squeezed
his arm, trying to think of someone good enough for Haden.
Perhaps Jason Gentry, the new guy?

“No
need—I’m all taken care of,” he protested quickly.

I
would have argued, or begged to know who he was talking about, but I knew he’d
let me know in his own time.

So
I let it go.