Finding Love
Authors: Rachel Hanna
Finding Love
January Cove book 4
By Rachel Hanna
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Addison sat on the bed in her old room and remembered her younger years. Her walls were still painted a pale shade of pink, and her cheerleading trophies still adorned the shelves on the walls next to the closet.
She wasn’t quite the baby of the Parker family, but her brothers all watched over her as if she was. She felt bad for snapping at Jackson recently, but she was mentally and physically tired these days. And her brother could take it. He always took the brunt of her mood swings, being that he was like a father figure to her anyway.
Addison had only been four years old when she lost her father, so she had never really known the love of a Dad. Since her mother never remarried, she didn’t have that fatherly bond with anyone except Jackson. He had headed up their family in such a responsible way, and she was sure their father was proud of him. It occurred to her that she’d never told her brother that, and he would most certainly appreciate it. Just another thing on her “to-do” list.
She wasn’t used to feeling afraid. Even as a child, she was surrounded by her four brothers anytime she needed something. A close knit family, the Parkers survived the death of their father and continued to thrive despite every obstacle thrown their way.
She had watched her mother, Adele, overcome the loss of her husband, raise five children and build a business that had become a cornerstone in January Cove. The coastal Georgia town was her home, and she loved being back, although she had run out into the big world of interior design as soon as she was old enough.
Addison was the wild child of the family. Always had been. She was what most people would call a “free spirit”, and she craved a big life outside of the small town of January Cove. She wanted to be known for something, and she longed to use the creativity she had brimming from every pore of her being.
She was forever embarrassing her mother with her childhood antics such as toilet papering the principal’s house in high school, organizing a student sit-in to oppose the new dress code rules and even writing letters to the editor of the local newspaper with her views on just about every political decision in their town. Addison wanted her voice to be heard, and her ideas to be known. She had big dreams and an even bigger plan for her life.
As soon as she was old enough, she went to school to be an interior designer and headed off to Atlanta to make it big. Her mother was her role model, and she wanted to succeed just like her. But her plans were derailed.
At first, things went well. She became known for her superior sense of style as she decorated houses all over the Atlanta area. One of her living room designs was even featured in the local newspaper in the lifestyle section. She’d sent a copy of the spread to her mother who bragged about her all over January Cove for days.
When she met Jim, she’d been in Atlanta for about eighteen months. A client introduced her to him at a charity fundraiser, and she was taken with him from the start. He was an up and coming attorney who had just moved to Atlanta from New York. He was nothing like the guys she’d dated in the past, especially given the fact that he had a thick Northern accent and she was the epitome of a Southern belle. Well, a quirky Southern belle. She liked to think of herself as Scarlett O’Hara but without the hoop skirt.
They’d fallen in love hard and fast. Within six months, she found herself walking down the aisle at a small chapel on the outskirts of the north Georgia mountains. Her family didn’t make the wedding as Jim really wanted it to be a small affair with just the two of them, a minister and their witnesses. It wasn’t what she’d dreamed of as a little girl, but she had convinced herself that the wedding wasn’t important. The marriage was her focus, and she wanted it to be perfect.
So, she went to work making herself into the perfect wife. They bought a house in an upscale neighborhood and started getting involved in the Atlanta lifestyle. They belonged to all the most prestigious clubs, and Addison found herself getting further removed from interior design while Jim’s name was known all over town for his lethal skills as an attorney.
Whenever she spoke to her mother or one of her brothers, she pretended all was well. As far as they were concerned, she and her husband were jet setters, flying all over the world enjoying the finest of accommodations. In reality, she spent a lot of her time alone, cleaning their large empty house and waiting for her husband to come home. She was too proud and too embarrassed to tell her family about her loneliness, not because they would say “I told you so” but because they would worry. And she never wanted to worry the people she loved most.
Jim worked all the time, and he often traveled alone and stayed late at the office. She tried to be understanding because he was building a business after all, but it was hard. Trying to create the perfect marriage alone was impossible, and talking to a man who debated others for a living was far too tiring for Addison.
What bothered her most of all was how different she was becoming. Her personality was squashed, and her dreams seemed lost in the wind. Everything she had dreamed of - and the reason she left January Cove - was gone. She was stuck in a lonely marriage with a man who seemed incapable of loving her the way she needed to be loved. She was occasional arm candy at fundraisers and company dinners, but she was otherwise a single woman in a large house.
She wasn’t as close to her family anymore either, and that broke her heart. Looking back, she couldn’t figure out where she had gone so wrong to completely screw up her life so badly. Her family was her rock, and they had been through so much. Coming home to January Cove had not only been about trying to figure out what to do about her situation, but also to reconnect with her brothers and mother. She hoped she could repair what had been lost over the last few years.
The ocean offered her a sense of calm that couldn’t be matched by anything else. All the yoga and meditation in the world - something she did in Atlanta - would never equal the sound of the waves crashing into the shore over and over.
Talking to her family about what had happened to her was going to be difficult, and she needed some down time to get her mind clear. She was tired lately, so waking up at six in the morning was challenging but necessary. As she slipped out the front door, the sun was just peeking over the dunes across the street from the Parker home.
Her long, flowing dress blew in the ocean breeze as she walked down to her favorite spot. She had wonderful memories of playing volleyball with her brothers and building sandcastles with Aaron when they were younger.
She slid down onto the sand and pulled her knees up. Wiggling her toes in the sand felt like heaven, even as the cooler temperatures whipped into her face. The smell of the salty sea air was a welcome departure from the smoggy conditions she was used to in recent years. There were no car horns honking, just the sound of sea gulls and waves lapping the beach.
While she loved big city life at first, she would never admit to her family that she missed home. She loved her career, but she loved January Cove more. Still, coming back would have seemed like failure to her, even though she was one hundred percent sure her family would have welcomed her with open arms. That’s just who they were. They were her rock, and for some reason she’d avoided their support in recent years.
Maybe it was her pride. Her mother had always said she was just like her father, although she didn’t remember him really. She was only four when he died, so her recollections were muddled at best. She had often tried to dig deep within her soul to draw out any little memories of her father. Maybe the sound of his laughter or the smell of his cologne. But she never could remember anything. All she had to go on were old photographs her mother had shown her from time to time.
Addison always dreaded Father’s Day when she was in school. She was supposed to be “Daddy’s girl”. As the only daughter in their group of five kids, it had been her right and privilege to be “Daddy’s girl”, but that had been taken from her at such a young age. Even now, there was a pain in her heart where her father should have been, and she wondered how that factored in to her choice of Jim as her husband.
From all she’d been told, Jim was nothing like her father. Her Dad had been kind and caring and attentive to her mother and siblings. Jim had turned out to be none of those things. But maybe she had been looking for a strong male figure in her life? She didn’t know, and she had spent so much time lamenting her choice in husbands that her head hurt.
A lone sea gull flew overhead as the sun continued to make its ascent over the horizon. She stared up at it, but caught a person’s face instead.
“Jackson!” she said, holding a hand to her chest as she tried to calm her pounding heart. “Good Lord! You scared me to death!” She was half angry and half relieved that she wasn’t alone - and that he wasn’t an axe murderer.
“Sorry, sis,” he said laughing as she reached out and slapped his leg.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as he sat down beside her.
“Well, I come down here every morning. This is where I do my yoga and tai chi.”
Addison stared at him for a moment before he broke into laughter again. Jackson’s jokes left a lot to be desired, especially so early in the morning.
“Seriously, were you following me?”
“Oh, get over yourself. I do come down here every morning because this is where I have my coffee,” he said holding up a thermal mug. “You know I’ve always been an early riser. But you… um, no. You’ve never been an early riser, so what gives?”
“Things change, Jackson. People change.” As soon as she’d said it, she regretted it. After all, Jackson had practically raised her, and he knew her better than she knew herself.
He studied her carefully for a moment. “I suppose that’s true. I mean, look at me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, just a few weeks ago, I was sitting behind a desk, piled high with papers, focused on work. Now, I’m in love with a wonderful woman and living most of the time in January Cove. Things can sure change rapidly…”
“I’m so happy for you, Jackson. Really, I am. No one deserves happiness more than you do, big brother,” she said, chucking her shoulder against his. She really believed what she’d said. Jackson had been the strong rock that she’d needed throughout her growing up years. He checked out boyfriends, set bullies straight and even took her to father/daughter dances at school.
“You deserve to be happy too, Addy,” he said, calling her by her shortened nickname.
“What makes you think I’m not happy now?” she asked.
“Because I know you, and I’ve played poker with you. And you have a terrible poker face.” She laughed and pinched his leg causing him to jump and wince.
“Jackson, I just need some time…”
“Time to do what? Look, Addy, whatever this thing is, it isn’t going to get better by you keeping it bottled up. You look like hell.”
“Thanks a lot!”
“Well, it’s true. You know I’ve always been honest with you, and you don’t look like yourself. You look tired. Actually, you look exhausted. It’s worrying me, and I know it’s worrying Mom. Let us help you.”
She looked at him for a moment and took a deep breath before putting her forehead on her knees. Being vulnerable was never her strong suit. She preferred to keep a smile on her face at all times. “Smile. It makes people wonder what you’re up to” was her motto.
Jackson sat there quietly, and Addison knew it was because he was sure she was about to break.
“Okay, I’ll tell you… all of you… but I want to do it as a family. I don’t want to have to repeat myself over and over. Can you get everyone together?”
“How about lunch?”
“Sounds like a plan. Now, do you mind giving me a little time? You know, to gather my thoughts?”
Jackson nodded, stood and kissed her on the top of her head before he quietly walked away. A single tear fell down Addison’s cheek as she felt the love of her older brother and simultaneously felt the weight of shame she was about to place on her beloved family.