Finding Love (10 page)

“Very funny,” Jackson said as the bartender slid a beer in front of him and then Brad.

“Look, she came down to the ferry to talk to me about something. I was closing up and didn’t want to make her walk all the way back home, so I invited her to dinner.”

“Clay, you can’t string her along or take this in the direction you want. Things are too…. complicated… for her right now,” Brad said.

Clay felt like they weren’t telling him something, but he was too angry to delve into it. Who were they to tell him who he could and couldn’t see anyway?

“Look, man, I see the way you look at my little sister. You always have,” Jackson started. “She’s not available right now. Just trust me on that.”

“She’s still married. I know that. We’re just friends, guys. Trust me on that,” Clay said sarcastically.

“You know what you’re problem is?” Brad said taking a sip of his beer. “You need a woman.”

Clay chuckled. “You’re one to talk. When’s the last time you had a date?”

Brad shrugged. “We’re not here to talk about me.”

“Well, I’m not here to talk about me either,” Clay said as he stood up and slapped a few bucks on the counter.

“Don’t be mad, man,” Brad said. Jackson said nothing and glared at his friend instead. What the hell was wrong with these guys? They were like his brothers, but suddenly he was the outcast.

Jackson finally spoke. “Clay, you’re like a brother to us, and we don’t want to see you get hurt or caught up in something that isn’t your fight.”

“If this is about Jim, I can handle that jackass,” he said. Neither of them spoke. “I gotta go check on my Mom before bed. See ya’ll later.” He walked out, completely determined to ask Addison for a date sooner rather than later. No one was going to tell him who he could see, including his best friends.

***

Addison stood in front of the mirror and turned to the side. Her belly seemed to have expanded in the last few hours. She wasn’t going to be able to hide this pregnancy much longer, and she really didn’t want to.

She’d had a lot of time to think after Clay dropped her off, and it left her wondering why she was hiding her pregnancy in the first place. She wasn’t ashamed of her baby, and she wasn’t really ashamed of herself as much anymore. Her actions hadn’t been right, for sure, but she had to accept what she’d done and move on. It was the only way to find peace.

Her cell phone rang and startled her, and she could’ve sworn the baby jumped too. It was crazy to feel movement in there now.

“Hello?” she said.

“Hey.” The voice was unmistakable. Clay.

“Oh, hey! Everything okay?” He sounded tired.

“Of course. Listen, I just wanted to tell you how much fun I had tonight. You were a great dinner companion.”

She smiled. “You don’t get out much, do you?” she said as she sat down on the edge of her bed.

“You’re a lot of fun, Addy. Always have been.”

“Thanks,” she said, feeling a little unsettled and curious about the reason for his call.

“I’m calling because I wanted to ask you a question,” he said.

“Okay…”

“Would you consider having dinner with me again sometime?” He sounded almost nervous.

“I’d love to. We’ll have to plan that soon,” she said softly.

“Great. I’ll be in touch.”

Addison hung up the phone and realized the butterflies she was currently feeling in her stomach had nothing at all to do with her baby.

***

The next morning, Addison went shopping with Tessa and Jenna. Addy wanted “non-maternity-looking maternity clothes” which were basically just big sweaters and leggings. And her belly still showed.

This wasn’t as much about hiding the pregnancy as it was about not wanting to get too fat. Addison had always been petite, and it was the one thing she loved about herself right now. She’d never struggled with weight, much to her friends’ dismay. But now she couldn’t control her figure at all.

As she was checking out at one of the stores, the cashier told her about a prenatal yoga class that was going on at a local church. She broke off from Jenna and Tessa to try out a class, hoping that she wouldn’t see anyone she knew. The church was one county over, which was a bit of a drive, but allowed her some anonymity for awhile. She could just be a new mommy-to-be instead of a pregnant woman in hiding.

Truthfully, she would be glad when the secret was out. Hiding it was becoming exhausting, and she wasn’t even sure why she was still hiding it! Procrastination had always been her one pitfall. It was probably how she ended up married to Jim for so long in the first place - she just kept putting off the inevitable.

It was nice to hang out with other pregnant women, just talking about their babies. She was about to become a member of a new club - the “mommy club”. The thought made her heart smile. One day soon, someone would say “mommy” and they’d be referring to her.

As Addison was walking to her car, her phone rang. She threw her purse onto the hood of her small car and started digging. Organization was never one of her strong suits.

“H… Hello?” she said, trying not to drop it as she struggled to press the button.

“Hey, Addy,” she heard Clay say. Something about his voice made her stomach immediately do a somersault.

“Hey,” she said as she unlocked her car and sat down. “How are you?”

“I’m good. And you?”

This conversation felt very tentative, like they were both walking on eggshells. Really, there was no reason for it. No matter how he made her feel, he was her friend, plain and simple. Her life was far too complicated to include a man - any man - in it right now. And Clay was too wonderful to wait around for her. Some woman needed to snap him up.

“I’m good.”

“How was your shopping trip?” he asked with a laugh. She could hear seagulls in the background. He must be at the ferry, she thought.

“Very fun. It always is with those ladies, though,” she giggled.

“I’d love to be a fly on the wall.”

“No, you wouldn’t. It’d probably bore you to death,” she said.

“I always have fun when I’m with you, Addison. Boring isn’t possible.”

Her heart jumped into her throat. Was he flirting with her?

He cleared his throat, anxiety apparent in his voice. “Listen, I was just wondering if you might like to have dinner again tomorrow night?” he asked.

“I’d love to,” she heard herself saying. What was she doing?

“Great. I was thinking we could grill some steaks. Maybe watch a movie? Or, if you want, we can go eat at a restaurant…”

“No, no… I enjoyed being at your place, actually,” she said, knowing that the less people she saw the better.

“Oh. Great,” he stammered. “How about seven?”

“I’ll be there!” she said, struggling not to say “It’s a date!”

When she hung up the phone, she couldn’t help but feel that she’d done just that - made a date with Clay Hampton. They were slowly creeping out of the “friend zone” and straight into something else. But he didn’t know her secret, and stringing him along wasn’t something she was prepared to do. No, she’d have to tell Clay something soon, and certainly before anything could happen between them.

Sometimes, things happen that you don’t expect. And sometimes, those things aren’t good.

Addison had no idea that filling in for Rebecca on her day off would turn into a not so good day.

It started like any other normal day at Jolt, with the regulars coming in for coffee and breakfast before their work days. Even Clay breezed through for his coffee, but he was in a  hurry since he actually had ferry riders that morning.

After the breakfast rush, Addison did what she normally did which was clean up around the counter. Christmas was just three days away, and Jolt would be closed both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so this would be the last big cleaning before that.

She had her back turned to the front door while she worked out her frustrations with life on the cappuccino machine. The bell dinged, and she didn’t even turn around.

“Welcome to Jolt!” she said in her friendliest voice before she turned.

Standing there was the devil himself. Jim.

“Well, hello, barista Addison,” he said with a sarcastic smile on his face. “Moving up in the world, I see.”

“Get out, Jim,” she seethed. Instead, he slapped a stack of papers down on the counter.

“You sign here, and I’ll leave and never come back.”

She stared at the papers, determined not to cry. “I’m not signing anything. I’ve already told you that.”

“Are you stupid? You’re going to lose your credibility when everybody finds out what a whore you are.”

“Whore? What about you, Jim? You were screwing Tiffani for months! What does that make you?” she yelled, pointing in his face.

“A stud, I suppose,” he said chuckling in that maniacal manner that made her wonder if he was mentally stable.

“No, it makes you a philandering bastard, that’s what it makes you. I can’t believe I ever wasted a moment on a sorry jackass like you,” she said, her eyes squinted as she stared him down. “And the crazy thing is I would’ve stayed with you forever because I took my vows seriously. I would’ve continued sleeping with you even though it was never good and you were seriously ‘shortchanged’ in some departments, if you know what I mean…”

He reached across the counter and grabbed her forearm, pinning it to the countertop. “Listen up, you bitch, I’m not messing around here. You understand? Sign the damn papers!” Shock overwhelmed her. Jim had never been physically abusive, but he looked like he could kill her right now.

She jerked as hard as she could but couldn’t extract her arm. “Let me go or you’ll be sorry.”

“Ooh… I’m scared…” he said laughing. What he didn’t see was her brother Kyle outside of the glass window. But he did feel him when Kyle yanked him by the hair a few moments later and threw him into the opposite wall.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing to my sister?” Kyle asked through gritted teeth as he pressed Jim to the wall holding the back of his shirt collar in a knot.

“Just working out some business,” Jim said with a smile with his face pressed against the wall.

“Kyle, just let him leave. Don’t get yourself in trouble…” Addison pleaded. “Jim, you get out of here right now. If you don’t, I’ll have you locked up.”

“Whatever,” he said as Kyle released his grip. “This isn’t over.” He walked over to the counter and took the papers, smoothing out his shirt in the process. He looked down at Addison’s expanding stomach which had slipped out around her apron. “Well, well, well…. I see the baby is growing well. What does it feel like to have physical evidence of your whore behavior?”

“Get out!” Kyle yelled as he rushed Jim again. Jim held his hands up and grinned.

“Chill, man. I’m going…” he walked to the door and turned around, ready to unleash one more piece of his wisdom. “You know, it’s sad, really. You were such a beautiful woman at one time. You could’ve had any man you wanted. But now no one will want a dried up old whore like you. Once they realize what you really are, no one will want you.” With that parting shot, Jim walked out and drove his BMW down the street.

And Addison was left wondering if he was right about that.

***

It was 7:15. Her phone kept ringing and there were a couple of texts. She knew they were from Clay, but she couldn’t bear to answer them. He was probably worried, and then he was probably angry when he realized she’d stood him up.

It was the only way. She couldn’t explain right now. She was too upset.

Jim was right. She was used goods that no one else would want, and even if Clay thought he wanted her right now, he’d realize soon enough that she wasn’t worth the effort.

Thankful that her brother promised not to tell her mother that Jim had shown up at Jolt, at least Addison could be sure she wouldn’t add more stress to Adele. At least her Christmas could be joy filled.

She slipped out of the house and down onto the beach, wrapped in her favorite fleece blanket. Time alone was what she needed right now, and she’d apologize to Clay later.

She walked down to the shoreline, just outside of where the water could touch her toes and sat down. Today, even the ocean wasn’t soothing her soul. She felt so out of sorts, so lost. Why was this all so hard?

“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t find you here?” she heard a voice behind her say. For a second, she worried it was Jim again. But it was Clay, and in some ways that was a harder pill to swallow. She wasn’t ready to see him yet.

“Clay, I just can’t do this right now…” she said without standing up. He quietly sat down beside her and looked out at the water.

“If you didn’t want to eat my cooking again, you could’ve just said so,” he said. A sarcastic smile played across his lips as he looked at her.

“I wanted to come. And I’m sorry I stood you up. I just had a rough day.” She sighed.

“I know about Jim’s little visit, Addy.”

“How do you know?” she asked, turning to look at him.

“Kyle told me when I ran into him outside of Jolt. I tried to come find you then, but you were already gone. Don’t shut me out, Addy,” he said softly.

“Clay, this isn’t your problem. It’s bad enough I’m dragging my own family down. I’m not pulling you down with me too.” She stood and started walking slowly down the waterline being careful to keep her blanket tight around her.

Clay followed her. “Jim’s lucky that Kyle was there.”

“Oh yeah? How so?” she asked, smiling up at him as they walked.

“Because if I’d been there, he would be wearing two concrete blocks as shoes and taking a long nap in the ocean.” Addison laughed.

“You’d turn mobster for me, Clay?”

“I’d do a lot of things for you, Addison Parker.” She felt her heart flutter, but decided not to probe that question further. It would only lead him on and hurt him in the end.

“You know, seeing Jim brought back so many memories. At first, I really thought he was the one. He’s a great salesman. He sold me on being with him. But marriage with Jim wasn’t easy. It was hard. And lonely. As I sat out here on this beach alone, I realized that I’m not lonely here in January Cove. I feel surrounded by love and support even when I’m sitting here alone. And with Jim, I was surrounded by people and felt lonely. Go figure.”

“You are surrounded by support and love here, Addison. Your home is here and has always been here,” he said, touching her arm and turning her to face him. He was gentle, tentative, but she stopped and turned.

“I’m realizing that. Home will always be January Cove.”

Clay smiled. “I’m glad I won’t lose you again to the big city.”

“Lose me?”

“Damn, Addy, do I have to hire a skywriter for you to see it?” he asked, running his hand through his thick, dark hair in frustration. Before she could answer, he continued. “I’ve wanted to pursue you since you were about eighteen years old. Your brothers have always warned me off, and I respected that. But you’re the one I want. You’re a part of my heart and always have been.”

She couldn’t breathe. She literally couldn’t suck in a breath. “Wh…What?” she managed to finally choke out.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Addy,” he said softly as he finally reached out and brushed her cheek with his thumb. “I kept waiting for you to realize who Jim really was, and I can’t say I’m sorry your marriage fell apart. He doesn’t deserve you, and I’m not sure I do either.”

His words hit her like a lightning bolt. He’d been waiting for her? What did that even mean?

“Clay, this isn’t right…” she stammered, taking his hand and putting back down at his side. “You don’t know who I really am. Yes, Jim’s a terrible guy, but I’m not a good person myself.”

“Addison, that’s not true. You’re the best person I know.”

“You don’t know the real me,” she said softly, looking down at the sand. He put his index finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to his.

“I know you say you love Gone With The Wind, but really you love Rhett Butler. I know your favorite color is sky blue. I know you love blueberry pancakes with bacon crushed up in the batter. I know you love the smell of pine needles. I know you broke your arm at thirteen jumping on Jennifer Smart’s trampoline. I know you learned to drive a stick shift, but ripped the clutch out of your brother’s truck and had to finish learning on an automatic. I know you want to visit Italy one day….”

“How do you remember all that?” she asked, looking at him puzzled.

“Because I’ve made it my business to know you, Addison. Even when you weren’t physically here, I kept you here,” he said, putting his hand over his heart. “I realize this is a lot to take in, and you’re just catching up. But I felt like this was my chance to let you know that there’s one man on this Earth who sees you for who you are and loves everything about you. All the quirks, all the sarcasm, all the running away. I’m here, Addy. And your brothers might give me my own pair of concrete shoes before it’s over with, but you needed to know and I needed to say it.”

Before she could speak, he pulled her in closer and pressed his warm lips against hers, the waves crashing in the background as their lips crashed together. She kissed him back, enjoying his taste and softness, as she weaved her fingers through his hair. He wasn’t taking anything from her, she was willingly giving it. His hands slid under her blanket, making their way around her side and to her lower back. And then he froze.

As if in slow motion, her blanket fell away and she stood there. Clay looked down and saw her pregnant stomach and time stood still.

***

They stood there in silence for a moment, Clay staring down at her belly and Addison staring at Clay.

“Say something,” Addison whispered.

“What do you want me to say? How about why were you hiding this from me?” he asked, stepping back and putting his hands on his hips. “You didn’t trust me?”

“It had nothing to do with that, Clay. I’m embarrassed.” She picked up the blanket and wrapped it back around her.

“Embarrassed? Because Jim got you pregnant and then abandoned you?”

She took in a deep breath and sighed. “No. Embarrassed because this isn’t Jim’s baby, Clay.”

The look of shock on his face was painful to Addison. She’d just shattered all of the good things he thought of her. Shattered all of those sweet memories he had. Shattered her “good girl” image in his eyes. Another man who was disappointed in who she really was. A whore, according to Jim at least.

“What?” he said softly.

“When Jim cheated, I left him and got a job bartending. Some guy paid me attention, and I was craving it so badly at that time. I made a mistake, but the guy wants nothing to do with this. And that’s why I’m getting smeared in my divorce. Jim has no problem proving my infidelity, and he’s using this as leverage to ruin my professional reputation too. That’s why I came home, and that’s why my brothers are trying to protect me… and you.”