Finding Me: Book 1: All I've Ever Wanted (A New Adult Romance Series) (10 page)

 All of these thoughts alone raced through Maddie's mind as well, despite being the lucky one to have won the audition. What if they had made a mistake? What if she got there to Chicago, and they told her it was a cruel mistake? She had been taken advantage of before, in both love and other such. She knows fully well how deeply cruel people can be, especially if they don't have an invested interest in your well being at all. And even then, it's a gamble. What if one of the other girls took her place? While she was confident when she took the address from Mr. Thelaman, the male judge in the seats, she wasn't so confident when left to her own mind and her own insecurities. Quickly, she changed in the locker room in the back that the actors tended to use as a makeup room, replacing leggings with loose jeans, bare feet with socks and sneakers, and deciding her top was enough to suffice, she hurried to the door to leave, intent on packing quickly before anyone took the time to change their mind, not wanting to give anyone that satisfaction at all.

 However on the quick ride home through the public transportation that the town offered, her mind changed between all sorts of other thoughts. What about this small town? She grew up here. It was her home. Everyone she knew, and everyone she cared about was here. Her Mother, her Father, her friends. Jordan. All of them. Her parents she can see them beaming with pride. Her father having been the one to front the money originally when she was just a child for dance lessons, and her Mother encouraging her. Their strength is what led to her strength of character, enabling her to make decisions on her own and how she decides she wants to live. But, what about Jordan? How does she tell the news to him? While she no doubt believes that he would be genuinely happy with her having won this audition. At the same time, he's always felt, but never said, that he'll miss her when she leaves and be devastated by it as well. He's never said so, because he's wanted what was best for her, but she knew deep down, if she left. He'll be crushed emotionally.

 Still, she needed to get out, and she needed to see the world, and do all these things that she's always wanted to accomplish. So she resolved that she'll go, but she wants to say goodbye to Jordan. So when she returned to her home, the little apartment she kept with her room mate Theresa, she quickly rushed to her room to pack with the suitcases she had kept there, just in case. She was leaving behind everything she knew, and all of her possessions, so she had to pack light. Clothes, of course was the first thing to go. Pants, stockings, dresses, skirts, shirts, blouses, socks, two sneakers, and of course her under garments went into one suitcase. Stuffed to the top with her clothing as she went to fill the second suitcase up, filling it with her other necessities. Soap, perfume, trinkets she could not live without, knick knacks, photo's, a book series she's been attempting to finish, and all other various small things she needed with her on this adventure she is undertaking. Not forgetting of course her wallet with money within it, as she'll need what she can get. Her life savings with her of $200. All that she can afford from her part time job at the Library.

 Finally, before she headed out to rush to the Bus stop to meet destiny. She grabbed a hold of the phone in the living room, dialing the number of Jordan. Slowly swaying nervously where she stood as he had picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?" Came his voice, calm and collected in the evening as she replied to him. "Jordan.. It's Maddie." She said, almost nervously so. "That audition.. I got the part Jordan. They wanted to hire me."

"Hey! That's pretty good." He said, genuinely happy for her as he gave a light chuckle, continuing on. "So what? When do you leave? In a few months? Sometime closer to Winter?" 

"Jordan..." she said slowly. Her own voice trembling as she increasingly found it hard to say what she wanted to say to him, but finding the courage to continue on. "No.. Jordan. They want me to leave tonight. By Bus. To Chicago."

"T-Tonight?" he stammered in reply, the shock of it washing over him like a wave.

"Yea.. Can you...can you please come to the Bus station and see me off? I just want to see you before I leave. I have to go Jordan. Please.". And with that, she clicked the phone off, putting it back on the receiver as she quickly moved now, heading towards the Bus station, to get there in time for her to leave.

 Jordan himself was, as expected, devastated by the news. Slumping back within his seat, he numbly looked ahead for a few moments. His mind drawing a blank as he thought about this. He had hoped, prayed even, that she would win the audition. In fact, her winning was something he had wanted to happen, being her supporter and all. But for now? He didn't know what to think. He thought maybe they would have had more time together before she left. Weeks, months even maybe. Maybe he would have worked up the courage to tell her what he really thought of her. His true feelings for her. To remind her that even if she was gone, she could always have him in her heart if she ever returned. Now? Would she ever want to return? This small town of theirs never really offered anything that mattered to Maddie. She was a special person who wanted to see the world, and there was nothing here for her.

 Looking quickly to the clock, he realized that he still had time. He had to get out there to see her. Bolting up from his chair. He quickly went to get his sneakers on, tying and lacing them up tightly, spending no time to work on his attire. If she was going to leave tonight, he was going to tell her how he felt. He was going to let her know after all. Leaving through the front door, not even bothering to close it he sprinted down along the walkway from his front porch, bolting out to run down the street towards the bus stop. He needed to get there, and needed to talk to her before she left. His lungs filling with hot breath, his muscles aching the more he ran, but not wanting to slow down for even a moment as the sun slowly dipped down behind the horizon line, bathing the world in an orange red glow, and still he ran.

 However, as he got closer towards the Bus station, he saw something that sent his heart plummeting down into his belly, sinking his heart, and torturing his very soul with grief. The bus, the last of the evening had already started to pull out of the station, apparently having come early. What hurt the most for Jordan? In the back of the bus, he saw her. He recognized the fiery red hair from anywhere, the visage of Maddie Johnson, looking to the windows as if to look for Jordan Brett. So he continued on to run, but by then, the bus had picked up speed. Driving off into the distance.

 Jordan stood there for the longest time. Crushed, as storm clouds slowly rolled in from the east to cast a darker shadow on the evening, a reflection of his soul at this very moment. He had missed his opportunity to tell her he loved her, and he always would, and while he wanted her to be successful, he would always be there for her. She was gone from his life, and she never even know how he truly felt about her.

 Several months had passed since Maddie had seen her small town, and seen any remnants of her old life in that town. It al seemed a daze, almost like it was a dream. Almost like it was something that happened to another person, that it felt so surreal to her. She had been different, back then. A little naive, a little bit more gullible, and a little bit more inexperienced, but she had learned so much in her time with the traveling dance troupe that she almost feels like an entirely different person indeed. At first. It was difficult for her to adjust to the hectic day to day lifestyle that was required of her. Back in her home town, she had so much free time all to herself. All the time in the world to practice, to swim, to talk to friends, cook, sleep if she wanted. But now? None of that, she has not had a few day to herself in so long.

 First and foremost when she turned up in Chicago and paid the last of her money for a cab ride to the location that Mr. Thelaman had given her, it had been a whirlwind of things going on ever since she walked in through the door. Introducing herself to Ms. Georgina, who was in charge of the dancers and their routines, and letting the woman know who she was, she was led to her quarters, which was nothing more than a closet where she had a small bed, a mirror, and enough room to turn around and take a deep breath. She was told of the schedule that all dancers were to adhere to, their diet, and exercise regiment to keep them flexible, and the time to learn new dance steps, as well as expected pay and what she was to learn. Being herded with roughly 50 other girls in a dormitory of sorts, she was told to not get too comfortable in Chicago, as she was expected to be able to pack, and leave almost at a whim. In fact, orientation within Chicago only lasted two weeks for her as Maddie got use to the routine and expectations of what it meant to be a dancer in this world.

 Expectations were high indeed, Maddie had found out. Over the course of several months, she rose through the ranks of the dancers, besting out other girls that were hired to earn spotlight dances, and routines. Leading several of them, and being in charge of coordinating with the other dancers in her small little troupe as well. First becoming a team leader, and then a group leader eventually. However, it all came with new responsibilities as well that were expected of Maddie. Not only did she have learn a new routine every few weeks, with endless, grueling choreography lessons, but that was interspersed with various different exercise regiments that she had to keep as well, as well as studying yoga, and training her body to be as durable as steel, but as flexible as a napkin as well to reduce stress on her body.

 While the pressure continued to mount, moving up to become one of the Troupes rising stars, Maddie found herself strangely encouraged by it all, as for the first time in her life she had to work hard for what she wanted, and within the adversity, she flourished. Finding personal satisfaction in her work, and the people she had worked with as well. Happy with how her life was turning out, which of course was only helped by the healthy pay check she was given as well. No longer needing to scrimp and save for what she wanted, but having enough money to satisfy her dreams of being secure for the future.

 All of that of course was helped also by the fact that she had met a man while she was there traveling with the troupe and all. While she never forgot Jordan, and the mixed feelings she had in regards to him, the man she had met, Brad Miller, ended up being everything she had wanted in a man to love. Brad Miller was one of the male dancers of the troupes, who worked in the same capacity as Maddie did herself. He was tall, broad shoulder, with a chiseled face beautiful enough to have been carved by angels to Maddies eyes, with light, bright blue eyes, and a cunning humor that always caught her off guard, but kept her laughing. Good looking, handsome, intelligent, and a dancer much as herself, Maddie found herself falling in love, A love she never anticipated to have ever been involved in.

 Meeting him was one of the highlights of her time with the dance troupe at that point in time as well. Having met Brad after several shows where they were assigned to dance opposite one another, and spending time in choreography lessons to learn the dance that they'd be doing together. Almost awkward at first as they were introduced, but slowly growing more and more sensual as their own emotions started to mix with each other. Culminating after several shows where Brad and Maddie had found themselves behind the stage together after the audience had left, and the janitorial services had cleaned up and went home for the evening as well. Their bodies entwined with one another, kissing each other as their hands caressed and searched over each others bodies. Tightened muscles straining from their cool down, the smell of their sweat and passion heating up, as they kept their growing relationship a secret from everyone else on brads insistence so as not to draw attention to them both, and to continue to work with each other. A reason Maddie was all too willing to acquiesce so as not to jeopardize her quickly expanding career in dance.

 However, growing upon the six month anniversary of her joining the troupe after winning the Audition, Maddie's required vacation time was coming up, and she started to find herself day dreaming while working on where she should go for vacation. Sure, she could return home, and fill her friends and family with stories of what she's seen, and where she's been. But she's now a citizen of the world. Free from the shackles of normality that she had fought so hard to escape from. She wanted to go places, and see the world a little bit. Everywhere was open to her at this point, and she wanted to live a little more. Being only 22, she was still young. Plenty of time later on in her life to settle down fully.

 Talking it over with Brad, as well as the friends she had made within the troupe, she eventually settled on Cancun, in Mexico as her destination. Missing the summer evenings she had spent swimming, she figured beaches, tequila, sun, and swimming was exactly the sort of vacation that she had needed. Her mind made up, she thought of askingBrad to come along with her. Both of them spending time together, she thought would have been highly romantic. Something that she eagerly wanted to experience with someone that she started to feel so strongly towards, and whom she knew she wanted to get to know better. However, soon she would have found out more about Brad than she had ever anticipated, and would have wished to know despite how in the end it was better for her this way.