Finding the Way Back (Book 1 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (8 page)

“What’s the fun in that?”

“Come on; we need to get moving.”

Leslie shook her head. “It’s still early.”

“Am I going to have to carry you to the car?”

She smiled at him. “I dare you to.”

Lightning flashed in the distance followed by the rumble of thunder. “I’d prefer not to be a mile from my car when that storm gets here.” He reached out and tucked the loose strands of dark hair behind her ear. “You’re worse than a child.”

“I know, but admit it, you’re having fun.”

“It would be difficult not to have fun with you around,” he conceded reluctantly.

“Do you mean that?”

“Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it?”

“Lots of people say things they don’t mean,” she said softly.

Colton glanced away from her. “I try not to.”

Leslie moved closer and slipped her arm through his. “You know I like you, don’t you, Colton?”

That was an understatement. It had been impossible to ignore such blatant signals. The problem was he hadn’t discouraged them when he had a chance. It had been amusing at first; then it had become something else. Colton had rationalized his growing interest in Leslie as harmless. He had no intention of carrying out any of the wild ideas floating around in his head. She would return to Maryland, and this situation would die a natural death.
He bent to pick up her shoes. “It’s time for us to leave.”

“Have I made you angry?” she asked as she followed him toward the stairs leading to the parking lot.

He opened the car door. “No, I’m upset with myself.”

They rode in silence back to the hotel. When the sound of the engine died away, he said, “Be careful driving back, Leslie.”

She turned to him in the darkness. “Denying something doesn’t make it go away. Isn’t it time we stop pretending? You want this as much as I do.”

He glanced at her, his eyes stormy. “You’re not very subtle, are you?”

“Neither are you. I’ve seen the way you look at me. This is our last chance to be together. Please don’t send me home, Colton.”

* * * *

Laurel wasn’t aware of the heavy rain pounding against the roof of the car. She stared blankly out the front window oblivious to her soaked clothes and shivering body. All she could see was Colton’s ravaged face and the shadow of a woman in his arms. Over the loud ringing in her ears, someone had called her name. She couldn’t remember if she answered. The last thing that registered in her numbed mind was the pink envelope lying on the table by Colton’s phone. Had he even read it? Or had it simply not mattered?

Chapter Five

Present day…

Rose blew through the fold in the curtains surrounding the hospital bed. One look at her face told Laurel something momentous had happened.

“You’re not going to believe this, but I just saw Colton. What’s he doing here?”

“Seeing patients most likely.”

“Your husband, who you haven’t seen in who knows how long, is walking around in this hospital, and that’s all you can say. Aren’t you curious?”

“Not really. I want someone to come back and tell me when we can leave.”

“Oh, you’ve been seen already? What did the doctor say?”

“There’s nothing broken, thank goodness,” Laurel said lightly.
Except her heart which would never mend
. “Just a slight sprain. I should be back on my feet in no time.”

“Do you think he’s living here?”

Laurel gave up the struggle. She might as well tell Rose what happened and get it over with. “Colton is the doctor who treated me.”

Rose put her hands on her hips. “You weren’t going to say anything, were you?”

“No, and it would be better if you forgot about it.”

“Don’t you keep in touch with him at all?”

“I don’t want to. Can we leave it at that?”

Rose sat down in the chair next to the bed, her eyes shadowed with sadness. “You and Colton were together for two years. How can you not want to talk to him?”

“We’ve already had this conversation. Like many young couples, Colton and I grew apart. I can’t tell you when it started, or what we could have done to prevent it. Maybe we were never in love at all.”

Rose’s hand crept over to cover hers. “I don’t believe that, Laurel, and neither do you. You might be able to fool everyone else, but not me. You still love him.”

Laurel’s eyes fell as she once again tried to control the urge to cry.
What good had loving him done her?
“My love wasn’t enough.”

The curtains parted again to let in the nursing aide in the pink scrubs. “Okay, Mrs. Samuels. You’re free to go. I’ve got a wheelchair here to help get you to your car.”

It was an effort, but Laurel kept her eyes glued to the double-wide door in front of her.
She had no desire to see Colton again.
Over the pounding of her heart, she could hear Rose and the aide discussing a recent concert. She hoped it would keep them occupied until they reached the drop-off area where Rose’s car was parked.

Only when several miles separated her from the hospital did Laurel relax. She would avoid this area in the future. Her apartment and the teaching job she would be starting in a few days were on St. Simons, a barrier island separated from Brunswick by saltwater marshes several miles wide. With careful planning, there was no reason she and Colton couldn’t stay out of each other’s way.

* * * *

As he walked back to the nurses’ station, Colton fought to restrain his spiraling emotions. His heart had nearly leapt out of his chest when he saw Laurel lying on the gurney, more beautiful than his memories had been able to do her justice. In those first joyous seconds, he thought she was glad to see him, too. That was before every bit of color faded from her face. Then he knew how wrong he’d been to entertain such a ridiculous idea.

For months, he envisioned every scenario in which he might meet her again, but had never thought it would be in the ER. From that reception a few minutes ago, it was difficult to remain optimistic about a possible reconciliation. Nothing in their conversation made him believe she would give him another chance.
How was he going to live the rest of his life without her?

He winced as he recalled her reaction when he’d bound her ankle. The stiffness in her body told him how much she hated his touch. It hadn’t always been that way. Colton closed off his mind to these tortuous thoughts. He was reaping the sorrow and misery he himself had sown. For the worst of reasons, he betrayed the woman he promised to love and honor. The injury he dealt Laurel wasn’t going to heal easily or ever without help. Only God could repair the damage and restore their marriage.

Turning to God hadn’t always been his preferred method of dealing with problems. But in the aftermath of his infidelity, when he didn’t know which way to turn, God became more than a remote being remembered once a week at church. In the unraveling of his relationship with Laurel, Colton discovered the unconditional love God has for His children. Gaining her forgiveness might never happen, but he sought and received it willingly from his Heavenly Father. He emerged from his self-made pit of suffering determined to be the man God wanted him to be. Whether or not his future included Laurel was something he must leave in God’s hands.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Amber return with the empty wheelchair.
A fitting symbol of my life without Laurel
he thought with a frown.

“I just realized something,” she said as she skipped past where he stood.

“Don’t keep me in suspense. I could use a laugh,” he retorted.

“That pretty lady you treated for the sprained ankle has the same last name as you.”

Colton glanced down at the gold band on his left hand. He’d been too busy dealing with the shock of seeing Laurel to notice whether she still wore his ring.
Why would she be wearing it? He’d been anything but a faithful husband
.

“Samuels is a common name. Did someone get Mr. Sinclair down to x-ray?”

“Took him myself. You owe me, Doc. I was supposed to be gone two hours ago.”

He smiled slightly. “I’m not supposed to be here at all. It’s my day off.”

If the other doctor on call hadn’t been ill, Colton wouldn’t have been anywhere near here. He’d never have known his wife was in Brunswick.

* * * *

Laurel gingerly made her way to the couch, closely followed by a concerned-looking Rose. Whatever they’d given her in the ER for pain had helped tremendously. If only there was a pill for sadness and disillusionment.

“I’m going to call Greg. You can’t stay here by yourself.”

“You worry too much. I’m going to prop my foot up and take a nap. Don’t you have plans for tonight?”

“It’s the monthly get-together with our Sunday school class. I wanted you to come along.”

If nothing else, this injury had given her an excuse to get out of that. The last thing Laurel wanted was to spend the evening with a bunch of happily married couples.
Talk about depressing.
“You’ll have more fun without a third wheel tagging along.”

“At least let me fix you something to eat.” Rose strolled into the kitchen and started opening cabinets. “How long has it been since you went to the grocery store?”

“I don’t know – two weeks maybe.”

“No wonder you look thin. Have you decided to stop eating?”

“I’ve been busy finishing that online class I let you talk me into taking. I also have lesson plans to prepare. In case you’ve forgotten, school starts on Monday. I haven’t had time to worry about such trivial things as shopping for food. I have, however, become decently acquainted with the Domino’s pizza delivery guy.”

“That’s not funny, Laurel. I’m going to the store; I won’t be gone long.

“You know how Greg hates to be late.”

“I can handle Greg.” With a wave, Rose slipped out the door.

* * * *

As he drove along the busy streets, Colton marveled at the way life has a pattern of bringing people together after long periods of time. Laurel was one example – Phillip was another. Colton hadn’t seen him since Juliet’s wedding. Then on the afternoon of his interview in Brunswick, he ran into his friend at the gas station. They ended up having dinner together.

When Phillip discovered Colton was moving there, he offered him the use of a condo he’d recently inherited from his grandmother. With Colton in it, he didn’t have to worry about renting it to strangers. The arrangement worked well for both of them.

He told Phillip about his separation as well as the reason behind it. On that point, he wanted no misunderstanding. Laurel had done nothing to deserve the hurt he inflicted on her. A series of selfish decisions had been responsible for that.

By the time he turned into the parking lot adjacent to Phillip’s condo, Colton had relived every minute of his meeting with Laurel a hundred times. Memories sliced through his tired brain, filling him with an inescapable desire for something out of his reach. He drew a long, steadying breath. He couldn’t allow the exhilaration of seeing his wife to undermine the peace he’d worked so hard to achieve.

For months after he moved out of their apartment, he prayed for some kind of communication from Laurel. He would have been happy with a text message or even an email – anything that would let him know how she was doing. There had been nothing. She cut him out of her life as if he never existed.

With an irritated gesture, he wiped away the moisture gathering in his eyes and leaned his head against the seat. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee,” he quoted in a soft whisper. “Thank you, Father, for the blessing of seeing my wife. Forgive me for not handling it well, and I pray Laurel isn’t too upset. Guide my thoughts and actions in the coming days, and if You grant me another meeting with her, please give me the strength to do only Your will. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”

  The phone lying on the car seat buzzed. Colton glanced at it and smiled faintly. He touched the speaker button. “Hello, Spence. How’s it going?”

“Great. I’ve got a favor to ask you.”

“Please tell me it’s not another invitation to dinner with your better half and one of her unattached friends. I’ve already told you; I’m not interested.”

“No, it’s not that, at least not this time. Mallory and I are going out of town tomorrow. Could you come over and keep an eye on the two mutts I allowed myself to be talked into getting? Mallory forgot to make an appointment with the kennel and they’re full.”

“Sure. What do I need to do?”

“The usual – feed them, let them outside, and if you feel adventurous, take them for a walk. You’re welcome to stay at the house. I think Mallory would prefer that anyway. She always worries something is going to happen when we’re gone.”

“I’ll be over tomorrow evening.”

“Everything you need will be in the laundry room. We’ll be back late Monday night.”

“Have fun and don’t worry about the dogs.”

* * * *

Rose set a plate of scrambled eggs and buttered toast on the tray in front of Laurel. “I expect you to eat every bite.”

Laurel laughed as she picked up her fork. “Why wouldn’t I? It’s not every day I have a meal cooked for me.”

“That’s going to change. I intend to do it until you’re back on your feet.”

“I have to admit the idea is appealing; pizza gets old fast.”

“Can I trust you to take it easy tomorrow?”

“Everything I need to do can be done from this couch.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Have a nice time tonight.”

Laurel’s smile faded as soon as the door closed. With a sigh, she pushed the plate away. The last thing she felt like doing was eating. All she could think about was Colton’s sudden reappearance in her life.
What was God trying to do to her? She didn’t need this complication – not after coming so far
.

It had only taken five seconds in his company for her self-possession to desert her. Every nerve in her body had been aware of him as if their parting had only been a matter of minutes instead of months. A wave of self-loathing rushed over her.
She should despise him for what he did. How could she for one second have been glad to see him?

The answer to that question wasn’t easily found. Perhaps it had to do with the nature of love itself. Just as she couldn’t blot out his betrayal, neither could she forget how happy she’d been with him. A mixture of memories had haunted her dreams and taunted her waking moments ever since he left.

Colton’s unfaithfulness robbed her of more than a husband; it destroyed her ability to trust. She’d believed him to be a man of integrity and conscience; there hadn’t been anyone she loved and respected more. All of that ended on rainy evening when he showed so clearly his lack of love and respect for her as his wife.

The words they exchanged at the hospital filtered through her mind. His comment on forgiveness was a familiar refrain.
What did he know about it?
He had no understanding of how his infidelity had damaged her confidence as a woman and left her physically and emotionally exposed.

Just like love, forgiveness is a word that’s easy to say and much more difficult to actually accomplish. Laurel had been fighting this battle for months. As a Christian, she knew it was the right thing to do, but knowing and doing weren’t the same thing. Perhaps she’d never be able to forgive him.

As she reached for the pile of mail Rose had laid on the table, she recalled one of the last conversations with Colton at the apartment.

“Your mail is on the counter.”

Colton made no move to get it. “Why won’t you talk about it, Laurel? I know there’s a way back from this.”