Finding the Way Back (Book 1 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (9 page)

“I’m not interested.”

“You’re not interested in saving our marriage?”

“Is there anything left to save?” she asked cynically. He reached for her, but Laurel backed away. “Don’t touch me, Colton. I can’t bear for you to touch me.”

His face paled as her words sunk in. “What else do I have to do? I’ve apologized until I’m hoarse; I’ve asked for your forgiveness. I even offered to confess my sin in front of the church.”

“There’s nothing you can do.”

She could sense his growing frustration and anger. In a way, it made her feel good to know he was suffering as he’d made her suffer. Had he really thought things would go back to normal because he said a few words? His behavior had been more than a lapse in judgment; it had been a rejection of her and everything they meant to each other.

“We can’t move on when you refuse to discuss anything.”

Laurel’s eyes darkened. “What is left to discuss? You had an affair with one of your interns. You of all people should have known the risk you were taking not only to your marriage, but to your job as well. I hope she was worth it.”

“Nothing is worth what I lost, Laurel. As far as Leslie goes, she’s gone. There will be no more contact between me and her, and you don’t have to worry about running into her.”

“What does it matter? The whole clinic probably knows about it. You’re naïve to the point of stupidity if you think she didn’t talk about what happened to anyone. And you must think me equally stupid to ask me to believe that you only slept with her one time when she worked with you for months.”

Colton began to pace the floor of the living room. “Isn’t one time bad enough for you? I may be everything you think me, but I didn’t lie when I told you it was a single, unplanned occurrence.”

“It’s hard to believe you resisted her all that time only to give in at the end.”

He threw his hands up in the air. “Do you want the sordid details of my downfall? Will it make you feel more righteous because you’ve never done anything so despicable?”

“I don’t feel anything right now. I’m dead inside and this isn’t helping.”

“Is shutting me out of your life helping? I want to know, because the way things are, we’re both hurting.” He took a step toward her, his voice low and pleading. “Let me come back home, Laurel. I’m miserable without you. We were happy once – we can be again.”

She drew a ragged breath. “Happily married men don’t commit adultery. You can spin things all you want, but it always comes back to that.”

“So this is how you want things to end between us?”

“You chose how things would end. I’m only following your lead.”

Colton grabbed his mail off the counter and strode toward the door. “You’re not going to let me forget it, are you?”

“I don’t think either of us will ever forget it. That being so, it will be easier if we don’t see each other for a while.”

He turned around slowly, tears in his eyes. “Don’t do this, Laurel. Please don’t do this.”

The ringing of the phone jerked Laurel back to the present. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone, but if she didn’t answer, her faithful sister would be over to check on her.

“Hello, Rose.”

“Everything okay?”

“You’ve only been gone thirty minutes.”

“I know, I know. I’m worried about you.”

“I’m not the first person to sprain an ankle.”

“It’s not that – it’s Colton. I’ve been thinking. Maybe his being here is a sign that you should give your marriage another chance.”

Laurel rolled her eyes. “Even if I was willing to do that – which I’m
not
– what makes you think he’d be interested? For all we know, he’s found someone else.”

“If he has, she doesn’t mind him wearing a wedding ring. So you tell me - would a man who doesn’t love his wife still be wearing a wedding ring almost a year after they separated?”

“Maybe he only wears it at work,” Laurel suggested flippantly.

“Yeah, that’s it. He remembers to slip it back on every morning while he’s shaving. Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?”

“It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“No, of course it doesn’t. The fact that you both still wear wedding rings, haven’t found anyone else, and have migrated to the same area hours away from where you used to live doesn’t mean anything.”

“Is this more evidence for your ‘it’s a sign’ theory?”

“No, I’m trying to get you to do something before it’s too late. No matter what happened between you and Colton, is it worth being alone?”

Laurel wondered if Rose would be urging her to get back together with Colton if she knew exactly what he’d done. It was tempting to tell her and end all the speculation. Then maybe all these painful discussions would end. But could she do it?
Could she admit how utterly she’d failed as a wife?

“You need to quit worrying about me, and give some attention to your husband.”

“Okay, I’ll stop nagging. See you tomorrow.”

* * * *

Colton retrieved the spare key hidden under a flower pot on the front porch of his friend’s house. As the deadbolt slid open, the barking started. By the time he reached the laundry room, the sound was deafening. He opened the door and prepared for the onslaught. Two golden retrievers flew out, almost knocking him down in the process.

“I wish my patients were this happy to see me,” he said with a rueful smile. “Okay, boys, let’s go outside and run off some of this energy.

The dogs followed him willingly through the back door. He watched them examine every part of the fenced yard as if they’d never seen it before. Only when this inspection was complete did they return to where he sat on the deck.

“What’s next? Dinner?” he asked. He laughed as they trotted to the door.

While the dogs ate, Colton strolled into the kitchen. Mallory always left food for him. As he unwrapped a humongous serving of lasagna and placed it in the microwave, he thought how blessed he was to have Spence and Mallory’s friendship. Their acceptance had made his transition to Brunswick easier.

The decision to move had been the hardest thing he’d ever done. Leaving Charleston meant leaving Laurel; it was an admission that his efforts to save his marriage had failed. He didn’t know which was worse – living apart from her in the place where they’d been so happy or living apart from her in a new place. Either way he felt as if his heart had been ripped open.

The beeping of the microwave interrupted his musings. Without thinking, he grabbed the dish and then quickly pulled his hand back. “That’s what I get for not paying attention,” he mumbled to himself, sticking two stinging fingers in his mouth.

Using a towel, he removed the hot plate to the counter and began to eat. As he stared into space, he remembered how he used to rush home from work in the evenings. He couldn’t wait to be with Laurel. Now he stayed late at work, putting off the moment he’d have to face the empty rooms. There was no one waiting for him: no one to laugh with, no one to talk to, and no one who cared what kind of day he had.

Why hadn’t he thought of this before he risked everything? Why hadn’t he been able to resist? Colton had asked himself these questions over and over. The answer was always the same. He’d become wrapped up in himself and grown away from God. He alone created the snare that entangled him and ignored the One who could have helped him escape. “The pleasures of sin last only for a season,” he whispered, not realizing he’d spoken aloud. For those pleasures, he lost the love of his life.
What a fool he’d been!

With a heavy sigh, he took his plate to the sink, feeling guilty at his inability to do justice to Mallory’s lasagna. His hunger wasn’t for food – it was for companionship. Without Laurel, Colton was only half alive. In order to not go completely crazy, he’d abandoned the treadmill set up in the living room and taken up running.

Looking down at the two pairs of eyes watching him intently, he wondered if his canine friends would enjoy some exercise. With a shrug, he went into the laundry room and grabbed the leashes. In no time, he was jogging down the sidewalk, his companions looking as if they’d been transported to doggie heaven.

This new hobby gave him an outlet for his restlessness and also allowed him to clear his mind. Just as his body grew physically stronger, so did his spiritual relationship with God. The result had been a rediscovery of the joy of being in close commune with his Heavenly Father.

Colton didn’t run as far as he usually did out of consideration for the dogs. On the way back to Spence’s house, he noticed a young woman strolling toward him. Remembering Laurel’s request, he hoped his sunglasses would be enough to keep his sister-in-law from recognizing him. Just as they drew level, she halted.

“Colton Samuels! I thought that was you.”

He had no choice but to stop. “Hello, Rose. How are you?”

“Great. Are they yours?” she asked.

He glanced down to find the dogs taking advantage of the delay to lie down. “No, I’m watching them for a friend.”

“Do you live around here?”

“I’ve got a place in Brunswick.”

“I saw you at the hospital yesterday. Isn’t it strange that you and Laurel left Charleston and ended up here?”

Laurel was living here? Why hadn’t she said so when he asked her?
She’d let him believe she was visiting Rose. As the realization of her omission registered, he swayed as if he’d been dealt a body blow. With an effort, he struggled to regain his composure. “How’s her ankle doing?”

“The swelling is almost gone. She was able to put weight on her foot.”

“That’s great as long as she doesn’t try to do too much too soon.”

“She’s extra motivated because school starts on Monday.”

“Where’s she teaching?” he asked.

Rose bit her lip. “That’s something she should be telling you.”

He nodded. “You’re right; I shouldn’t have asked.”

“What’s going on with you guys? All I get from Laurel is some nonsense about growing apart. There has to be more to it than that.”

Colton looked past her, not able to meet her eyes. “It’s not for me to tell you, but Laurel isn’t to blame in any way for what happened.”

She laid her hand on his arm. “Isn’t there anything you can do?”

“All I can do is pray. It was nice running into you. Tell Greg I said hello.”

As she watched him jog away, Rose tapped her cheek thoughtfully before turning back the way she’d come.

* * * *

The last day of Laurel’s first week of school ended with a rousing pep rally in the gym. Her ears were still ringing as she made her way back to her classroom. One of the other teachers caught up with her and tapped her on the shoulder.

“I’ve been meaning to introduce myself. I’m Patty Livingston, and I’m around the corner from you. I attempt to teach algebra and geometry.”

Laurel held out her hand to the older woman. “It’s nice to meet you, Patty; I’m Laurel Samuels. I teach American History as well as Creative Writing.”

“Do you think you’re going to like it here?”

“I like the smaller class sizes. I’m used to having thirty students; eighteen is a nice change.”

“Are you new to the area?”

Laurel nodded. “I moved here from Charleston about a month ago.”

“I’ve lived here all my life, so if you need any advice on anything, just ask. I know almost everyone in St. Simons.”

“Do you know Rose Hilverston?”

Patty grinned. “Sure do. She goes to my church.”

“She’s my sister.”

“Now I know why you look so familiar. You’ve both got long blonde hair and blue eyes.”

“You left out the part about us being almost six feet tall. We definitely stand out in a crowd.”

Patty laughed. “I was trying to be diplomatic, something my husband says I still haven’t mastered. Anyway, I was going to invite you to church, but I’m sure Rose has already done so.”

“Yes, she has. I was going to come last weekend, but I twisted my ankle falling down some stairs. I should be there this Sunday.”

“I noticed you walking a little gingerly. My husband is the music leader so I usually sit near the front.”

“I’ll look for you.”

They stopped at the door of Laurel’s classroom. “Has our esteemed headmaster asked you to sponsor any afterschool activities yet?”

“He’d like me to consider the debate club. I did that at my previous school so I’m familiar with the routine. He also wants me to head up the school’s participation in the 10K run for the Arthritis Foundation coming up in a few weeks.”

“That’s just the beginning. As a school, we’re very active in the community. Last year the senior class did a project with Habitat for Humanity.”

“I did one of those in college – it was a great experience.”

Patty glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to run. Roger and I are going out to dinner tonight. Between our jobs and our kids, we don’t have much time alone.”

A shadow passed over Laurel’s face. Just before the incident with Colton, they’d been talking about starting a family. After he moved out, she’d been relieved there weren’t any children to be hurt by their separation, but that hadn’t lessened the ache in her heart. Would she ever know the joy of being a mother?