Fire and Ice (35 page)

I gasped, speechless. “I-I…” I wanted to be with him, more than anything — but to stay? In the Nevermore… forever?

“Adrius,” I whispered, “I-I don't…”My voice caught in my throat. “It has nothing to do with you, my feelings for you. I'm only seventeen, and…”

He stood up abruptly, not waiting for me to finish with my carefully rehearsed babble of excuses. I'd thrown them often enough at both my Mom and at Neil when the subject of marriage came up. I'd spent a long time forming my disdain for being tied down, remembering all too well the agony my mom went through when my dad disappeared. But this was the first time someone challenging it felt so — uncomfortable. As if there was far more at stake than either of us was admitting.

“Please, don't go. Yyou caught me off guard. I do love you. I can't imagine being apart from you ever. It's just…” I twisted a lock of hair around my finger then dropped it and shook my head. Why couldn't I just say yes? Why was it so hard to make that choice? Why did I have to choose at all?

He pressed his finger gently against my lips. “It's alright, Lorelei.” His eyes were heavy with melancholy.

“Wait, talk to me.”

Adrius pulled me up from the ground, lacing his fingers with mine, kissing the back of my hand. He seemed to recollect himself and his expression lifted.

“Let's go. It's getting late and
they'll
be searching for you soon. He kept his voice light and planted a kiss on my forehead.

I smiled weakly, not feeling any less guilt. He was in pain and as usual, I was the cause. It tortured me to know this, as I watched him disappear into the shadows as day swept over the island.

Amaryllis frowned as he breezed past her, and then she regarded me with questioning eyes. A faint headache tugged at the back of my head, partly from the Faerie wine but also from my conversation with Adrius. But I had to put all of it aside now, because this was what I had come for.

“I'm ready,” I said, my voice cracking.

She laughed and placed a large book in my hand.

I opened it, squinted at the text and gave her a quizzical glance.

“I can't read this.” It was written in a strange elongated script I couldn't read, but as I stared at the page, the symbols rearranged themselves forming words and then sentences in English. I gasped, but kept reading, afraid they might vanish completely if looked away.

Humans live under great limitations. Those limitations pervade their world, keeping them from experiencing their true power. They believe that there are no other worlds aside from the one in which they are living. We find that so interesting, when children and many others have witnessed so much of what they call make-believe. We wonder, how do they allow those conflicting beliefs to coincide? There is so much more that awaits them and yet they will never be able to access it as long as they believe it does not exist. Their limiting beliefs shape their limited realities. With believing comes seeing. And if they would look with believing eyes, they would find the doorway to Faerie and as friends of old we would bid them to enter.

I closed the book and waited for Amaryllis to say something.

“Now you are ready,” she said simply.

“Um, okay?” I stumbled after her.

We roamed under the canopy of trees down a grassy mound arriving at the water's edge on a beach of sparkling white sand that could have passed for diamond dust. With waters as clear and brilliant as an aquamarine gemstone.

“Let us begin with the basics, shall we?” Amaryllis fluttered toward me. She smiled, lighting up her eyes from within. “Tuning in to your magical field. It is with you at all times, and it obeys your every command. You simply need to decide, and it will form itself as needed. It can be seen as a glimmering light surrounding you. Change the color of the light, change the focus and intent. Like the colors of a rainbow each signifies a different strain of magic.” Amaryllis paused, keenly regarding my expression.

I nodded, trying to keep up, most of the time only pretending I had any idea what she meant.

“Red is most often used for physical safety and protection, orange for procreation, yellow for internalizing personal power and manifesting in the outer world. Green, as you would already know, is for matters of the heart and healing, blue accesses the power of the spoken or unspoken word, indigo taps into divination and intuition, violet is connection with the infinity of creation, and then there is white which is the color of all that is, the pure positive energy life force. There are other colors of course, but none that you will need to use so readily.

I blinked. Nothing she said made any sense at all. I didn't want to seem ungrateful, but I didn't get how imaginary light could possibly be of any use.

Amaryllis watched my confusion and tried to clarify.

“You see, it is the colors you select from that will invoke the magic performed. Sometimes you may blend several colors at once. But that will only come once you have practiced for a time. Your white light surrounds you all the time, unless you focus to bring in another element. You see?” Her wings fluttered gracefully, as she patiently waited for a signal to continue. I nodded numbly and the Faerie went on.

“Imagine seeing the light as a blanket you will drape around yourself and others. Each color represents a different effect. It is as easy as knowing the desired effect, believing you can do it, and calling upon the elemental magic to assist you.

“Sure,” I mumbled. “Easy.” My head throbbed as I wondered in desperation how anyone could possibly be expected to understand such an explanation.

Amaryllis frowned, her disappointment evident on her pixie-like face. “It
is
easy. Your human self is not used to believing in easy. That's all. But once you get past that, then you are halfway there! Now shut your eyes.”

“Okay.” I took a breath letting my eyes drift closed.

“Good, good,” she said. “Now feel for the light. Do not think about it with your mind, but feel for it with your heart. It is all around you. Can you feel it? Simply relax. At times of great stress you will block the flow, which is when you need to access it most of all.

I continued to breathe, not entirely sure what else to do, but followed the instructions the best I could. I cleared my mind, allowing the blankness of the void to take over. Then I tried to feel the light as Amaryllis had instructed. I listened for my heart beat, and looked within for a white light. All that greeted me was blackness behind my tightly closed eyes. I sighed, growing more and more frustrated by the minute, and then the hour.

Over and over the same thing happened. Eventually, a barrage of thoughts filled my mind, bursting into the darkness with flashing lights and loud noises. After the fiftieth try, I opened my eyes, falling to the sand in exhaustion.

“I can't. I can't do it,” I panted. My tranquil mind had become a house party gone wild, in ten seconds flat.

Amaryllis stood eyeing me suspiciously, as if she thought my inability was part of a strange pretense.

“Yes, you can,” she simply replied. “Maybe it's a good time for a rest though. We can try again tomorrow, yes?”

We'd been practicing this one task all day.

“I don't have time to wait until tomorrow.” I exhaled. “I have to get this today, especially now, with so much more at stake.”

She looked reluctant, but I insisted.

“I'm fine, let's go again.”

Amaryllis was still unconvinced but agreed.

“If you are certain,” she said. “But this time let me guide you. Feel for me in the void, and I will help you find the light. Use the Inner Eye to help draw in my power. Just place your intention on it assisting you.”

“Alright.” I chewed my lower lip. “I can do this,” I whispered, as if that might somehow help.
I can
. With that I closed my eyes once more, inhaling deeply. This time, there was a strange tingling sensation flowing through me. The hairs on my arm stood on end, and a chill covered me with fine goose bumps.

I continued breathing until I was in that place of nothingness with a complete absence of thought. In the void, I made out the shape of two large wings. She was there. Her form came into full view and I smiled in relief. I reached for her, not fully prepared for what would happen next.

An explosion of sparkles swirled around us, lighting my mind in a kaleidoscope of vibrant multi-tonal hues. Frothy, glittering colors streaked by, enveloping us in their frenetic energy. I heard a distant voice.

“Now, open your eyes.”

I obeyed, reluctant to allow the spectacular light show to vanish. But when I opened them, I was amazed to find everything was surrounded in a halo of color. The trees, the flowers… Amaryllis herself, all surrounded in multi-hues of light that followed their every move. Even my own hands radiated a glistening white light.

“I can see it!” I breathed. “It's everywhere!”

“Yes, it always is, and manipulating the glamour and magic of faeries is as easy as manipulating the colors. Play with it. See if you can send your light out to embrace something. Start with this plant.” She pointed.

I stared at the diminutive, slightly wilting plant with large glowing green leaves; concentrating on my own light, trying to push it outwards to surround the small bush.

“Do not try so hard. Let it happen. Relax and let the energy be your guide.”

I let go and watched as the light suddenly responded to my subtle shifts in feeling. As I felt for the plant, the white light grew to envelope the entirety of it. Instantly, it stood upright, growing healthier with each passing second. Amazed, I continued to play, stretching the light to other surrounding plants watching their response to my energy. The small puddles of water rippled, leaves whirled in a mini tornado, and the ground trembled as I shifted my focus to each of them.

“Very good, very good!” Amaryllis clapped her hands. “You have done well. Release it now, come back to where you are.”

It seemed a shame to stop now that I was getting the hang of it. I wanted to play some more, partially worried I may not be able to access it again.

But Amaryllis caught my errant thought. “This is something you can access anytime you choose. And overdoing it will only tire you out.”

With that the dazzling lights faded and the natural beauty of the Faery realm appeared once more.

Amaryllis peered at me intently. “You see, Lady Lorelei, this is but a mere taste of your Faerie abilities.”

As it turned out, that moment with Amaryllis was both an exhilarating and defeating experience. Because in the days and weeks to follow, that brush with magic on the beach was both my first… and last.

The pressure kicked up a notch when the Summer Queen came to my cottage to witness what she expected would be my great progress. From that point on the tension escalated.

“I don't understand,” Queen Titania railed on her third visit, several weeks after my training had begun. She cannot do
anything
? How can it be she has access one day and then nothing for days to follow?”

Amaryllis shrugged, cowering slightly. “I do not know, My Queen. It has never been the way before. But we have never worked with a human halfling before.”

The queen holding Amaryllis responsible for my failure only made me feel worse.

“Rubbish.” Titania scowled. “Octãhvia's strong hold is sweeping the Nevermore and The Chosen One is in my court and you bring me nothing but excuses.” She narrowed her merciless eyes. “I will have your wings if t
his is not rectified. Today,” she shot through pursed lips.

Casting a frustrated grimace in my direction, she left, just as Adrius and Tilak arrived.

All eyes watched me with a mixture of pity and concern. Beads of sweat formed and trickled down my back. I bit down on my knuckle and kicked the ground.

“I know what you all think,” I choked, fighting back tears of exhaustion. “That I'm a total failure. I get it. And I'm suffocating under the weight of your collective disapproval. So… I'm getting some air.”

Before I could leave, Adrius appeared at my side and wrapped his arms protectively around me.

“It will work, Lorelei. Don't be so hard on yourself,” he cooed, rubbing circles on my back. I was already shaking my head in disagreement, but the calm waves of his touch soothed my despair.

Amaryllis sighed and slumped onto a bench. “I'm sorry.” She exhaled, her wings drooping behind her.

“Don't apologize, Amaryllis. I should be apologizing to you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm like… defective, or something.”

Her luminous eyes clouded over. “I must be mistaken… overlooking something,” she mumbled to herself, forgetting I was even there.

I sighed. “I need to go upstairs and clear my head for a while… we can try again later.” I barely managed the last word as my mouth stretched into a yawn. Adrius rose to his feet, but I cut off his protest with my hand.

“I'd rather be alone. You can stay here, I won't be long. Really.”

He hesitated, scrutinizing me with those all-knowing eyes, but squeezed my hand lightly before returning to Tilak and the summer fey.

I didn't feel like practicing anymore, nor having an audience to witness my ineptness at what was supposed to be the most basic magic. I flopped down onto the bed and pouted. What was wrong with me? Every Faerie child could see and use auras to manipulate glamour.

Too restless to sleep, I paced while my stomach worked into a tightly coiled knot. I'd come so far and everything was hanging in the balance. This
had
to work. Period. Otherwise, Mom, Adrius, the Nevermore… would all be gone. I raked my hands over my face then clenched my hair. “There has to be another way,” I said aloud as I retraced my path.

“There is.” A voice jolted me from my inner thoughts. I whirled around to discover the little green Faerie peering at me.
Fauna
. The last time I'd seen her was outside the snowy gates of Noctria.