Fire and Ice (46 page)

All the same warning bells that went off in my head when I first met him were ringing again, only this time too loudly to be ignored. The wind blew strands of rain darkened hair over his eyes. I fought back the insane urge to reach out and brush them aside. He was a predator. Maybe he was right all along. I didn't have any sense of self-preservation.

“We've already passed the point of no return, Lorelei… remember?”

My name was like melted chocolate when he said it. He moved closer.

I shook my head, disbelief pushing past my fear. It was too much, standing this close to him, a version of him I no longer knew. Anger simmered beneath my skin.

“Then why are you here? Because in case you haven't noticed I can't breathe… with you this close to me.” …
Can't breathe without you
. “You did this to me… so now what?” I tried to inhale, but the air caught in my throat, unable to travel down to my lungs. The unbearable pressure against my chest I'd felt since he left kept growing, threatening to suffocate me completely.

“I want to talk to you.”

“Talk?” I spat. “You want to
talk
to me?” I planted my fists on my hips. “What is it you want to say to me? Because I've been replaying this scenario over in my mind a thousand times and I'm dying to see which way it's going to go.”

Dozens of emotions flashed across his face. Anger… pain… frustration. Eventually he landed on regret. His expression stilled and darkened, the light faded from his eyes.

“I don't know how to begin, but…” He shook his head. “I shouldn't have come back. I was going to stay far away from you. That was my promise.” Thick lashes shaded his eyes as his gaze fell. “Once again, I failed.”

I frowned, biting my lower lip. His breathing was heavy and I watched the mesmerizing rise and fall of his chest under the damp white shirt. He was too perfect, standing here in the drizzling rain.

“Being away from you was more than I could stand. I had to see you.” He pushed the wet hair away from his face. “There was no life left in Mythlandria after you were gone. After I… sent you away. I couldn't breathe there without you. Nothing was worth that price. Not even my soul. Even if the spell binding me remains forever unbreakable, enduring an eternity of agony was nothing, compared to living another moment without you. I vowed I would find you and never again leave your side. I couldn't.”

My chest blazed with a new fury. Every muscle coiled in rage. A searing tear ran freely down my cheek. He reached out his hand, his thumb gently brushing it away. When his hand lingered I pushed it away, not wanting to feel his touch.

I opened my mouth to lash out but something stopped me… and my lips parted under the gentle weight of his kiss.

His hands pressed into the small of my back, pulling me closer. The ground spun uncontrollably. I closed my eyes, lost in the deliciousness of him. His warm fragrance was so intoxicating and so… familiar. My heart paused. I couldn't breathe. There was nothing but the feeling of him.

His kisses were softer. Feathery. Giving me a chance to catch my breath. But my mouth had other ideas. Leaning into him, I pulled closer, not wanting to break our magical bond. A low moan escaped his throat, sending a shudder sliding down the length of my spine. I was breathless, torn between my frantic need for air and my desperate need for him.

My chest heaved as by body and mind gave way, losing track of time and space. The heat from his lips burned with a different hunger… I clung to him, our bodies entwined.

Stretching up onto my toes, my fingers laced through the waves of his hair, drawing him tighter, arching as I leaned into him. The slow gentle glide of his hands seemed completely in contrast with the frenzied desire pulsing through me.

He pulled away slowly, and though I tightened my hold, he insisted. His breath ragged and uneven he drew back gently. My legs were rubber as I lowered my heels to the ground. Sinewy arms encircled me, supporting my shaky stance. His hands moved to frame my face, and he gazed deeply into my eyes.

I tried to remember how to breathe. I had access to air but had completely forgotten how to draw it in. Had my heart forgotten how to beat too? Slowly, I drew in a staggered breath, letting my senses return to some level of normal. My eyes locked on his as I tried to read what I saw.

Flecks of gold flashed as thoughts passed rapidly across his eyes. With a heavy sigh, he dropped his hands from my face. The sudden coolness felt uncomfortable. I hadn't realized how warm it was in his arms and how cold it felt to be away from them.

“I'm-I'm sorry…” was all he said. His words broke off, and he watched me struggle with an overwhelming array of emotions, no doubt seeing the anger, despair, and… hopefulness, I couldn't hide.

Branches swayed, gently caressed by the subtle breeze. Adrius bowed his head slightly. A dark wave tumbled boyishly across his forehead.

Did he have any idea how beautiful he was? I continued to remind myself to breathe while trying to make sense of what had — what
was
happening.

He reached out and stroked my cheek, his fingers still warm with the residual heat from our kiss.
Our
kiss
… I replayed the words in my mind like a favorite tune. It sounded impossible, and yet there we were, inches apart from one another with a desire that was proving hard to extinguish. This sort of thing just doesn't happen. Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy returns to kill girl, boy
kisses
girl…? It was a crazy plot line even by my overly imaginative standards.

“You're — sorry?” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat; breaking our gaze to stare at my hands. “Sorry for what?” It was pretty much near impossible to look at him and concentrate at the same time. It was especially difficult now that he was here staring back at me with a mixture of longing and confusion and… something else. I still wasn't sure what else lurked behind those eyes.

Adrius paused for a moment, like he was selecting his words carefully. He took a step back, away from me.

“I mean, I didn't intend to frighten you. I only…” Again he faltered, at a loss for words.

It was so odd to see his usually cool calm exterior so flustered. I smiled, feeling a spark of power.

He tilted his head, with a curious frown. “Lorelei.” A serious note was in his voice. “I could be friends with you… I could fall in love with you… I could make love to you…” His voice was barely above a whisper. “But I could never completely belong to you.” There was an unmistakable sadness in his words. He spoke slowly, thoughtfully, as if he didn't fully agree with the words. “I'm sorry. I… should go.”

A crow cawed loudly from the darkened tree tops and swooped down over our heads. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling a chill from the strength of its beating wings. A single black feather floated to the ground. The air stirred and I whirled around, hearing my name on the wind. But there was nothing, and the lone feather seeped into the endless blackness of the forest floor.

I nodded numbly and gazed back at him… wide eyes scanning his face for something…
anything
that would give me a clue as to what was really going on.

He turned away and stepped off the trail into the forest. He had nearly disappeared completely when I was jolted back to my senses.

“Wait!” I couldn't let him leave, let things go back to the way they were without knowing the answer.

“Don't go. Just tell me one thing,” I said, feeling my cheeks grow hot. “What was that? I mean, why did you…?”

I was staring into his eyes again. It's no wonder words were slipping from my consciousness along with the ability to put together a simple sentence.

He smiled. My heart skipped a beat. Devilish eyes raked over me briefly, then glanced away.
Focus
. “Why were you so willing to believe the worst?”

His smile faded as he returned to me. “You have to understand the panic factor behind discovering who you were… are. And what you did.” He frowned. “In one dark moment, you went from being my reason to live, to my sworn adversary. I saw my dreams slipping away, and my father's will growing stronger, our future destroyed. I lost hope.”

“But it was Zanthiel we're talking about,” I said. “How could you think…”

“Yes, Zanthiel… the dark lord of the shadow court,” he retorted. “The one who savagely twists the laws and magic of Faery for his own sick pleasures. I know you don't see it, Lorelei, but he's dangerous. You can't exactly blame me for being upset you kissed him.”

His words stung. The last thing I wanted to think about was Zanthiel.

Adrius cupped my face in his warm hands. “I thought I was doing the right thing. Letting you go meant your life would be spared. Giving you a chance at a normal life in the world you know so well. Away from the magic and mayhem,” he said, his voice even.

“You being a witch made it easier for me to ignore my feelings. I allowed the pain and bitterness of my mother's death to convince me we were better off apart.”

I didn't know what to say so I listened, wrestling with my emotions.

“My feelings for you were too strong. They refused to stay buried. I don't care what they say you are… or where you came from. None of it matters. I know you… who you are inside, Lorelei. That's the girl I love… the girl I can't live without.”

I exhaled slowly, letting the words soak in. Feelings of relief and elation vied for top position.

“So I'm asking for your forgiveness even though I know I don't deserve it. And a second chance at making things right between us, somehow.” He stroked my hair, pressing his lips to the top of my head. “I swear I will never hurt you again.”

“I thought you were sorry you had kissed me,” I said, sounding totally pathetic.

“How could something as amazing as kissing you ever be a mistake?” He seemed to be talking to himself. “I've never felt sorry for those moments. I'm only sorry they led to pain. Can you forgive me?”

I felt strangled by my own emotions. There was so much I wanted to say, or scream, or shout, and yet only one word came out strained and barely audible.

“Yes.” My fingers interlaced with his, and I stared at the way they
fit
. “I'd dreamed this moment would come. I didn't believe that it actually would.” I stared up at him and then pointed a finger at his nose. “But if we're going to do this you have to understand you can't leave when things get scary, Adrius. I can only be in if we're in this together.”

It wasn't obvious how tense he was until his whole body relaxed.

“Forcing you away… was a mistake, and the guilt of that decision haunts me to this day.” His voice cracked on the last word. “I'm all in,” he said softly, his hands sitting on my waist.

“If I had to choose between my love for you and the air I breathe, I'd spend my last breath telling you how much you mean to me.”

I shook my head, then tangled my arms around his neck, as his mouth found mine. He kissed me, gently at first, but becoming urgent and insatiable. It conveyed what we both intrinsically knew and feared — that we could never again be apart.

He smiled down at me, his hands still on my waist, and I hesitated for a moment, too flustered to think straight under his touch. He tilted his head until his forehead rested against mine. His hand touched my face, his thumb tracing across my lips.

“I'm all wrong for you,” he said quietly. “And if I wasn't so selfish I would refuse to let you risk your life to be with me.”

“You're perfect for me,” I replied.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then changed his mind, resigned to stroke my hair in blissful silence.

“Here we are again,” Adrius murmured, his lips tickling my ear.

Backstage looked exactly the same as it had last time. Only there were twice as many judges and the audience was four times as large. It was the night of the vocal finals, and it was a total déjà vu… minus the usual waves of anxiety that hit before something like this. I felt… Calm. Relaxed. Excited…

“What are you smiling at?” he asked, his brows quirking up.

“Er… it's nothing.”

“Are we doing another duet?”

“Of course.”

He grinned. “So what's the song this time?”

“'No Air,'” I said, suddenly feeling foolish. My face flushed. “It's just, I like the music. And it has a nice counter melody and…” I still babbled when I was nervous, that hadn't changed.

He ran his finger down the bridge of my nose playfully. “It's perfect,” he said, taking my hand seconds before the announcer called my name.

Our performance met with a standing ovation and it wasn't until Brianne came to congratulate me at the reception afterwards that I realized how secure I felt when I sang. There was no question I was in absolute control of my voice.

“You do realize this is the second time in a row you've performed in public without puking your guts out first, right?” Abby bubbled, grabbing me in a huge embrace.

“I know,” I said, less amazed. It was as though I'd known in advance there would be no problem. This time, my voice belonged to me and only me.

“You were pretty good,” Bri added, sidling up behind Abby. Then she whispered, “Told ya he'd be back. They always come back.” She said it with only a trace of jealousy in her voice.

“Thanks.” I smiled. Jealousy beat vengeance any day, not that I care which she offered. Like me, hate me… it didn't matter what she thought.

I craned my neck to search for Adrius who had vanished, and spotted his fabulous form across the room. He was leaning against the back wall, away from the boisterous crowds. I threaded my way through the swarms of students, performers, and their over-zealous family members getting ready for the firework display. The only thing on my mind was getting out of there and being alone with him. He would be leaving soon and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

“You want to get out of here?” he asked, reading my mind the way he always could. “The fireworks should be starting soon.”

I nodded, and as he slipped his arm around my waist, we made a break for the door.

“Hey, where are you off to?” A familiar voice stopped us in our tracks.

“Hi, Davin.” I smiled. “You remember Adrius?”

Adrius nodded in a typical guy greeting, but Davin barely looked in his direction.

“Lor, there was some random dude looking for you at Lemon Balm last night. Short, fat, bald, lots of bling?”

I stiffened next to Adrius. He peered at me from the corner of his eye. I could see the concern in his face.

Davin's gaze flicked from Adrius back to me. “He was asking a lot of questions about your mom and Camilla and stuff. I think he said his name was Peterson,” he added, watching me expectantly. “Didn't hang around long before Neil gave him the boot… Thought you'd wanna know…”

“Thanks Davin,” I said, absently.

Davin waited for me to confirm I knew who he was talking about. When I didn't say anything more, he shrugged, threw Adrius a look, the kind of look that inferred a history that didn't exist between them, and then shuffled away.

Adrius turned to me, his keen eyes narrowed. “You know who he's talking about, don't you?”

“I'm not sure,” I said, truthfully, the name seemed to ring a distant bell. I tilted my head upwards. “Why?”

“I didn't want to mention it tonight, but in the spirit of full disclosure,” the corner of his mouth pulled into a wry smirk, “I caught the scent of someone… someone from the Nevermore.”

“Here in Drearyton?” I stared up at him. “Who was it?” The words strangled in my throat as I considered the possibilities. Venus, Zanthiel, another of the Unseelie fey… my father…
his
father? There was no one from his world whose arrival in mine didn't spell major trouble.

He shook his head. “I'm not sure yet. But they were in your school today. And I intend to find out why.”

I exhaled a shaky breath and shrugged into the coat Adrius held for me to put on, feeling suddenly chilled. My hands burrowed into the pockets, and pulled out a folded business card.
Mr. Howard Peterson
. I was about to tuck it away again, when something came to me.

“Wait.
Peterson
… I
do
know that name. There was a weird phone call Camilla received on my birthday.” I unfolded the card and studied the gold embossed lettering. I remembered the guy Davin described handing me his card at the last vocal performance. The night I'd left with Adrius. I'd assumed he was the talent scout Mom had arranged to watch me humiliate myself. But nowhere on his card did it mention anything about being affiliated with Julliard or the music industry… just a name, phone number, address, and email, in a fancy gold font.

I reached for my phone and Adrius caught my hand. “What are you doing?” he asked warily.

“I'm dialing the number. This Peterson guy might know something about Camilla.”

“Lorelei,” he said softly, his hand folding over mine. “It's ten o'clock on a Friday night.”

“I know, but… ”

“No buts. This can wait.” He gently pried the phone from my hand, which had gone limp under his touch.

I watched him slip my phone into his pocket and retrieve something else. “This is for you,” he said, pressing a tiny box into my hand. “It's a late birthday present.” He grinned in that way that made my heartbeat falter.

I shook my head. “You already gave me a birthday present,” I said, remembering the shimmery magical necklace he'd given me in Mythlandria.

“The Inner Eye wasn't a present, Lorelei. It belonged to you. This is different. Open it,” he insisted before I could protest any further.

I tore open the box and pulled out a delicate gold chain. Hanging from the end, a tiny lemon charm sparkled under the lights. It was the one Gran had given me.

“It's a reminder of life's bitter and sweet moments,” he said, lifting my hair to clasp it around my neck. “A reminder that the two can coexist.”

I fingered the charm, fighting back a surge of emotion. “Thank you,” I managed without my voice cracking. He offered another dazzling grin.

“You'll have to give me some clue about what you want for your birthday… and when that is exactly.”

“There is only one thing I want,” Adrius said, holding my gaze. “I've been waiting all night to watch fireworks with the most gorgeous girl here.”

For a fraction of a second I wondered with a jealous twinge, who he was talking about.

He smiled, and opened the door for me. “The one with the incredible voice.”

I looked up at him through partially lowered lashes. His hand settled on the small of my back steering me out into the night.

“And a very sexy talent for healing,” he added in a whisper.

He laughed and pulled me into his arms as the music filled the night air. The warmth of his breath caressed my neck.

It finally hit me. Me. He was talking about me. The concept still seemed so foreign. The most beautiful guy in this world, and any other, only wanted
me
.

With one hand entwined with mine and the other at my waist, we swayed, locked in each other's arms to the slow rhythmic pulse of the music. Overhead, sparks of color exploded in the sky, lighting the night with streams of raining color.

“This is perfect. I don't want it to ever end.” I stretched up on my toes to kiss him, then leaned back, to look in his eyes. They were clear, liquid, and full of emotion. Getting lost in the moment was exactly what I wanted, but I couldn't ignore the way my chest tightened.

“Take me back with you,” I lowered my voice, not wanting him to hear how raw it was.

His gaze swept my face. “Lorelei, you know I can't.”

“Then stay here with me… Like we planned.”

He kneaded the bridge of his nose between two fingers, closing his eyes. “I can't stay. Not right now.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between us and it seemed silly to continue dancing when I felt like I was losing him all over again. Taking his hand, I pulled him away from the crowd.

“You won't stay, and you won't let me go with you,” I challenged, when we were out of earshot.

“No. That's right. I won't.” His voice was firm. “They'll try to kill you. It's out of the question.”

“I can protect myself.”

He laughed, dark and humorless. “Really… I know how many strong and impossible things you're capable of. It doesn't change the fact that I want you to stay here, where it's safe.”

“You know, you're the one being stubborn this time.” I clenched my teeth together and folded my arms.

“Imagine that, I don't want a psychotic witch or my insane father exacting their particularly deadly brand of vengeance on the girl I love. Call me crazy.” His expression changed, taking on a harsh edge. “Not to mention…”

“Let's not mention him.”

Zanthiel was the farthest thing from my mind and I wanted to keep it that way. Which meant mentioning my father was off limits too, for now.

“But all of that proves it's even more dangerous for us to be apart.” I shifted my weight and focused on the floor. “Without you, my life doesn't make sense.”

“I know,” he said, bowing his head. The desperation in his voice surprised me.

“So just consider it.” I looked up, sensing a ray of hope. But only found his steely resolve reflected in the moonlight. The boom of fireworks vibrated the ground under our feet.

“There's nothing to consider, Lorelei. I will not risk your life. Not for anything.”

“Not even for us to be together.”

“Not even for that. What about your mother? …and Camilla?”

I exhaled a frustrated sigh, absently toying with the business card in my pocket. I hated that he was right. We hadn't been apart that long. Nowhere near as long as it felt. And his immortality gave him the benefit of not having years tick away like a time bomb, shortening our time together.

“
What are you thinking?” A warm hand brushed a curl behind my shoulder, his fingers lingering at the base of my neck.

“That I don't care what happens to me… As long as I can keep you safe.”

“You'd throw your life away… for me?” Adrius struggled to rein in his anger.

“Yes.” I gazed up defiantly. “I'd give my life to save yours.”

“So everything you said… about wanting to be with me… for eternity. It meant nothing if you don't even plan on living long enough to see it through. To become…” His voice trailed away.

I shook my head. “I meant everything I said Adrius. But I'd do anything to keep you alive. Even if it meant…”

“I'm an
immortal
, Lorelei.”

“I know that. But you can still be hurt. Or killed.” I choked on the word, the mere thought of it paralyzing me with fear.

“Do you remember
nothing
of the horrors of my world?” he ground out, clenching his hands. Anger rose in his voice. His eyes cast by the shadows became impossibly dark. “You think giving up your life to save me is noble? Some sort of selfless act of love? —It
isn't
. It's an act of selfishness.”

I shrank back a step. “But
you
wanting to save
my
life… That isn't selfish?”

“That's right. I have lived for over a hundred of your years. I know what I'm giving up when I make that choice. Something you couldn't possibly know, because you've barely even begun to live. Returning to the Nevermore for me… to save me… That's not heroic, Lorelei. It's suicide.”

“Adrius.” The frustration crept into my voice. “I'm not choosing death. I'm choosing you.” Why couldn't he see that?

For a moment fury lingered in his eyes, then a deep sadness descended over him. “They're one in the same.”

“You said you would never leave me again. Were those empty promises?”

“Of course not… I will never leave you. But I can't stay here. Not yet.”

He placed his finger on my lips before I could respond. “There's nothing more I can tell you right now, so you're going to have to trust me on this.
Do
you still trust me?” His face looked vulnerable, unsure as if there was even the slightest possibility that my answer would be no.

A piece of me melted. “You know I do.” I sighed, leaning my head against his chest. I didn't want to waste our night arguing.

“I get it, you have to go. We haven't been apart that long. Only a couple of weeks.” Heat rose in my cheeks. I was overreacting. It only seemed longer to me. “What's a few more?” I mumbled.

He pressed his warm lips to the top of my head and kissed me, just a quick peck that ended too soon. His fingers toyed with my hair.

An icy voice echoed on the wind as it whipped through the trees. Even though I shuddered, the cold had no lasting hold over me. It faded into the recesses of my mind, as I let myself drown in the olive eyes gazing down at me. He was like hot chocolate on a cold winter's night, warming me from the inside out.

“…Nine days, sixteen hours, and thirty seven minutes, today.”

I frowned up at him in silent confusion and leaned back against the brick wall halting me.

“How long we've been apart.” Sadness lingered in his voice.

He stepped forward and spread his hands against the wall on either side of me. Palms splayed against the uneven brick, he imprisoned me with his arms.