Fire and Rain (20 page)

“Jos, it’s time to eat,” Isaac said and grabbed his hand. “Come on,” he coaxed, and he dragged Jos out of his thoughts and toward the dining room. He and Kip hadn’t expected things to go as they had with his aunt, so everything was set for a classy dinner. Kip grabbed the dishes and plates and carried them into the kitchen. Isaac climbed up into his usual place, and as soon as everything was in, Kip began dishing up. As soon as food hit Isaac’s plate, he began to eat. More than anything else, that was a reminder of what Jos had put his brother through.

“Hey,” Kip said softly, and Jos pulled himself back to the present. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking too much,” Jos answered.

“Don’t worry. Whatever your aunt decides to do, we’ll be ready for it.” Kip pulled out the chair, and Jos sat down. He remembered that he was always safe with Kip and did his best to put the questions and worries aside, at least for the moment.

ONCE THEY
were done eating, Jos helped Kip clean up, and then he took Isaac upstairs for a bath. He splashed and played in the tub, nearly soaking Jos in the process. They both ended up laughing until they were hoarse, and once Jos got Isaac dry and into his nightclothes, he put him to bed with his stuffed friends.

“I like it here with Uncle Kip,” Isaac said. “He’s nice… even if you kiss him.” Isaac made his yucky face and then giggled. “Why do you and Uncle Kip kiss?” he asked once Jos was about to turn out the light.

“Because we like each other.”

“I like him, but I don’t kiss him,” Isaac said logically.

“See, I like you and I kiss you,” Jos said and leaned over Isaac, planting a big smacking kiss on his forehead. “Don’t worry—you’ll understand about grown-ups when you’re older. I promise. Now try to go to sleep.” Isaac sat up and wound his small arms around Jos’s neck. This show of affection and trust from his brother always left a lump in his throat. Isaac was the best part of his life, and just the thought that he might not always be there was enough to rip at Jos’s heart.

Isaac lay back down, and Jos pulled up the covers and kissed his brother on the forehead again, lightly this time. “Good night.”

Jos stood and left the room, closing the door partway and turning off the hall light. He thought about going downstairs to look for Kip, but instead he went into the bedroom himself. He was really tired. His job was very physical, and on his day off he usually tried to rest, but he had been on edge all day because of his aunt’s impending visit and hadn’t been able to lie down. So instead of going back downstairs, Jos lay on the bed with one of the books Kip had loaned him to read.

He must have fallen asleep. When he slid his eyes open, he found the book resting on his chest and Kip gazing down at him.

“Everything is locked up.” Kip removed the book and set it on the nightstand. Then he leaned closer. The kiss began gently, but deepened quickly, turning heavy and deep within seconds.

Jos forgot about his questions and doubts when Kip held him and slowly divested him of his clothes. Jos was too busy soaking in the attention from Kip to reciprocate, but Kip took care of that quickly enough and joined him in bed.

“Everything is going to be okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” Kip said.

“How can you say that?” Jos asked. “You’ve only known me for a few weeks. How do you know that you’re going to want me around all the time? What if you get tired of me?”

Kip took Jos’s hand and placed it on his chest. “Can you feel that? It’s my heart racing like I just ran a marathon. You make it do that just by looking at me. Whenever I see you sitting in the living room with your head in a book, I have to remember that Isaac is in the house or otherwise I’d strip you naked right there and take you on the floor. It’s what I always want to do.” Kip released his hand and nuzzled the base of Jos’s neck. Jos stretched to give him better access, and Kip took advantage, sucking at the base just hard enough that Jos quivered on the bed. “See. You’re not the only one who can go looking for those kind of spots.” Kip chuckled and then licked the spot again. “You’re going to have a mark there.”

“Kip. If Billy sees it, he’ll know how I got it and….”

“I know he will, and everyone will know you’re mine and that I care enough and want you enough to mark you like that.”

“Is it a macho thing?” Jos asked, remembering how Kip had given himself to him. Kip was a guy who definitely liked to be in control.

“No. It’s a Josten thing. I can’t get enough of you.” Kip wiped his cheek. Jos had no idea why he was tearing up. “I’m not going to ask you to stay here with me—I understand that you need to be on your own for a while.”

“But I’ll know you’re here,” Jos said and pulled Kip into a kiss. “And that doesn’t mean we can’t visit.”

“And have sleepovers?” Kip asked, wriggling his hips, sliding his cock against Jos’s, sending a shot of ecstasy through him.

“Definitely sleepovers,” Jos agreed, and Kip got down to the sleepover part of the evening and very quickly had Jos forgetting about aunts, worries, questions, and everything else except the way Kip touched him, sending tingles through him. Kip rolled him over and found a spot just above his butt that if he rubbed a certain way had Jos humping the mattress like a madman and whining into the pillow. When Kip rolled him back over and slid two fingers into him, Jos gasped, and when those fingers were replaced by Kip slowly sliding into him, filling him up to the point he could hardly gasp for breath, Jos knew he was in heaven.

The way Kip looked at him, remaining connected with his eyes as well as his cock, sent Jos into instant orbit. All he wanted was more of what Kip had to give, and he got it.

“Jesus,” Jos whispered when Kip changed the angle and made his head spin.

“I know I’ll never get tired of you because I… I just know it.” Kip was mumbling and driving into him. Jos didn’t bother to correct his circular logic. All he did was hold on for the ride of his life.

MOVING DAY
for Jos and Isaac came much faster than Kip wanted, but he kept quiet and helped Jos carry the few things he and Isaac had out of his house and pack them into his car. After carrying out the last bag of clothes, he went back inside to check that all the lights and fans were off.

The house seemed so quiet and lifeless. He’d gotten so that when he came inside, he looked forward to Isaac’s footfalls as he ran toward him, and Jos’s smile when he first came into the room. Now the house seemed gloomier. Yes, he understood Jos’s reasons for moving into his own apartment. Jos had been dependent on others for enough of his life that he needed to know he could be independent. Kip understood that; he really did. But that didn’t soothe the part of him that was instantly lonely at the thought of coming back to the house once they were gone.

“Isaac is all set in his seat,” Jos said from behind him.

“Okay.” He turned and left the house, locking the door behind him, closing off the impending loneliness as he shut the door.

Then he drove them downtown. It was only half a mile at the most, but it felt like so much farther, like he was driving them away from him. Kip knew he was being stupid and that it was most likely his own fault. He should have simply told Jos that he wanted him and Isaac to stay and then gone on to tell Jos how much he meant to him and how he felt. But he hadn’t been able to say the words. He’d done it in a roundabout way, but he hadn’t wanted to scare Jos off, or rush into anything. All he’d ended up doing was denying himself what he truly wanted, and now it was too late. Jos was moving out, and telling him now would only muddy the waters and complicate things.

He and his friends had helped Jos get off the streets and get his life back on track. Jos was happy, and little Isaac had bloomed like a flower. Kip would do nothing to put that in jeopardy, and if Jos needed to be on his own in order to test his legs, then he’d be there for him. And he’d try to be patient, even though he had the feeling he’d spend a lot of time looking forward to Jos’s visits and those sleepovers they’d promised each other.

Kip pulled up in front of the building and began helping Jos unload. With his arms full, he followed Jos and Isaac through the door and up the stairs to the second-floor apartment. It ran across one side of the building, with two windows that faced the street in the front and then a hallway down the center of the building, with the kitchen, bedrooms and bath off of it. The living room was nicely sized. The rest of the rooms were small, but judging by the grin on Jos’s face, it seemed like a castle to him.

“Some furniture was here, and Donald helped me get some of the basic things,” he said as he opened the bedroom doors. Each room had a twin bed with a dresser, but from Jos’s excitement you’d have thought they were the living end, and maybe they were to Jos. Kip tried to be as happy for Jos as he could, but to him, this meant the end of something he hadn’t realized he’d come to count on.

“It looks great,” he said with a smile that he hoped like hell didn’t seem too forced. He wanted Jos to be happy—more than anything—but he also wanted to be happy himself. Hell, he deserved it, and Jos and Isaac moving out made him sad, but that was beside the point. Kip set what he was carrying on Jos’s bedroom floor where he told him to and then wandered back out to the living room and looked out the window. Sometimes people journeyed together through life, and then there were times when their journeys had to part. The counselor he and his dad had seen told him that. At the time he’d applied it to the loss of his mother, but it applied to his situation as well. Maybe his and Jos’s journeys needed to be separate for a while. He blinked a few times as the wind shook the tree that nearly reached window height, sending orange-brown leaves swirling up into the air and then falling toward the street.

“I think Isaac and I can be happy here, and we can learn to live.”

“You have been,” Kip said, swallowing the rest of what he really wanted to say. For a moment he told himself it wasn’t too late, that if he told Jos how he felt he’d change his mind about all this, but as soon as Kip turned around, the excitement on Jos’s face killed that urge instantly. This wasn’t about him. It was about Jos and what he needed. “I’ll go get the rest of the stuff.” He hurried down and out to the car, then brought in another load of things. When he reached the top of the stairs, a loud, piercing giggle filled the room. Kip put down the bags and followed the sound to the back room, where Isaac stood barefoot, dancing in circles, Weeble held tight in his arms, crooning at the top of his lungs that they were home now.

“Uncle Kip,” Isaac called as he raced over. “Jos says this is my room. My very own. I like it, and Weeble likes it too.” He set his bear on the bed and picked up Pistachio, handing the horse to Kip. “Will you take him home with you?”

“Why?”

“Spistachio is sad and doesn’t want you to be lonely. He likes the room at your house.”

Kip resisted the urge to take the horse. “Why don’t you put him next to Weeble so they can help each other get used to their new home?” He wasn’t going to take Isaac’s horsey. He knelt down in front of Isaac. “You and Jos are going to be happy here, and I think Pistachio will come to like his new room as much as he did the one at my house. Don’t forget that you and Pistachio and Weeble can come over to visit whenever you want.” Kip pulled Isaac into a hug and stood, carrying Isaac along with him. Isaac wrapped his arms around Kip’s neck and held him tight.

“I love you, Uncle Kip,” Isaac whispered, and Kip clamped his eyes closed.

“I love you too,” Kip said, miraculously without his voice breaking. “You and Pistachio will be happy, and you’re going to have your own room with your own bed.”

“I won’t have to sleep with Jos?” Isaac leaned back. “He snores.” Then he did a pretty good imitation of his brother.

“I do not,” Jos said as he came in the room. “You take that back.” He ticked Isaac’s belly, and Isaac giggled and squirmed in Kip’s arms. “I don’t snore.”

“Yes, you do,” Kip said.

“See?” Isaac said in triumph.

Kip put him down, and Isaac grabbed Pistachio and Weeble so he could show them all around their new home.

“I have one more load in the car, and then I need to go and get changed for work,” Kip said. He knew he should go and get the rest of their things, but his feet felt plastered in place.

Jos stepped closer, hugging him around the waist. “I’m so excited about this, but you know I’m going to miss you.” He buried his face in Kip’s shirt. In that instant Kip knew how hard this was for him. Yes, this might’ve been something Jos thought he needed to do for himself, but that didn’t mean it was easy for him either.

“You know I’ll be there if you need me, but you aren’t going to. You’re going to build a good life for you and Isaac. This is a nice apartment.”

“And with the rent subsidy, my job, and Isaac’s benefits, we should be good as far as money goes. But I keep going over it in my mind and wondering just how I’m going to make it, and it scares me so much. I keep wondering what I’m going to do if I fail again the way I did the last time.”

“You won’t. You have a job and people there who care about you, just like you have friends who care and will be there if you need them. But I don’t think you will. You’re going to be able to stand on your own two feet. The only reason you didn’t before was because of some bad luck and people who took advantage of you.”

“But what if I can’t do it?” he whispered. “What if I fail again?”

“Then we’ll figure it out. But I know you can do it. We’ve gone over your budget again and again. You know it by heart. Sure, you and Isaac aren’t going to have the top-of-the-line cable or a really fancy phone with all the bells and whistles, but you’ll be able to take care of each other, and there’s money for having fun. Just keep working hard like you are.” Kip hugged him, and they stood still for a few minutes. He didn’t want to let Jos go. “I’d better get your things,” he finally said and then went to bring in the last of load of things.

“HOW IS
Jos doing?” Carter asked when Kip found him at his desk, behind his computers, a few hours into his shift.