Authors: Stephen M. Pollan,Mark Levine
Tags: #Psychology, #Self Help, #Business
Fire Your Boss (17 page)
Believe me, leads will develop from your expanded personal network. Become active in a church. Go to the gym and take classes or take part in a sports league. Seek out clubs for those who share your hobbies. Pick up the instrument you set aside after college. Learn a foreign language. Take cooking classes. Form a book group. Volunteer for a local charitable organization or institution.
By expanding your personal network you will meet and develop relationships with a much wider range of people than if your only interactions are with an alumni group, a professional association, and a business organization. Your personal network will include people from different ethnic groups, religions, communities, economic levels, professions, and industries. Because this personal network includes a wider range of people, it offers you access to more possible job leads. And because your links with these individuals will be personal ones, the leads that do develop will be more powerful and more likely to actually result in a job offer.
David Greenstein’s networking had run out of steam by the time he came to see me. A thirty - two - year - old reference librarian working at one of the larger branches of a big-city public library system, David had recently received his master’s degree in information-system management. While he believed an information professional like himself was exactly what corporate IT departments needed, he had been unable to land any interviews or meetings other than with other public library systems and a couple of university libraries. I suggested he focus on expanding his personal network instead. Since one of David’s interests was politics, he decided to get involved in the mayoral campaign of an independent candidate in the suburb in which he lived. One of the chief fund-raisers for the campaign was an older woman who ran a charitable foundation launched years earlier by a media entrepreneur. On election night she and David chatted and celebrated their candidate’s victory. They arranged to have lunch together the next week. Within a month of that lunch David was assuming the newly created position of information architect for the foundation.
Another objection clients sometimes voice to my idea of expanding and using personal networks to generate job leads is that it will take too long. There’s some truth to this point as well.
I readily admit that the downside to using your personal network to generate job leads is that those leads, while of a wider range and more powerful, will be slower to develop. While there are instances of love at first sight, and times when people strike up lifelong friendships quickly, it usually takes time for meaningful personal bonds to form. Business networking, on the other hand, is quicker to generate leads because its sole purpose is mutual self-interest. All that’s needed for a business relationship to develop is for the two parties to think they can be of some benefit to each other.
However, in today’s job market all business networking does is generate poor leads quickly. The speed of the process doesn’t matter, since so little is actually coming from most networking today. In addition, there is a way you can speed up at least part of the process.
As I wrote earlier, and will get back to in more detail in a subsequent chapter, answering classified ads and contacting employment agencies is the single best way to get a job — any job — in the short term. (See the box above: How to Find Temporary Relief.) If you need to bring in a stream of income as soon as possible I suggest you use these traditional techniques, and continue trying to generate leads through your business network, at the same time as you expand your personal network. The idea is to get enough income coming in so you can give your personal network the time it needs to generate potentially better job leads and offers.
HOW TO FIND TEMPORARY RELIEF
Signing up with a temporary employment agency is one of the best ways I know to quickly generate a stream of income. The days when temps were nothing more than replacement or emergency file clerks and administrative assistants are over. Today there are temp agencies representing every profession from attorney to xylophone player. In an effort to downsize and save cash, many larger firms have replaced full-time workers who provided support functions with either small service firms or temps. Others, trying to deal with a rapidly changing economy, respond to boosts in business by hiring temps rather than adding staff. Signing up with a temp agency offers a number of advantages. Some provide a better benefits package to their people than would be provided by many full-time employers. Temp agencies offer employees greater flexibility than full-time employers, allowing more freedom to do job fishing. Being a temp is one of the quickest ways to expand knowledge of different industries. And most important, it’s easier to get reemployed through a temp agency than on your own.
Don’t worry about this being time-consuming. Remember, you will be doing things you enjoy to expand your personal network. These won’t be chores, they’ll be pleasures. In fact, these are just the things you’ve always wanted to have the time to do. Now you’re making the time for them and getting both personal and professional advantages from it.
Erin Corbet knew moving from New York City to a small community upstate would complicate her work life. A pastry chef by profession, she was moving because her life partner had landed a tenure-track position at a college upstate. Erin and I worked out a job-fishing plan prior to her move. A week after moving into their new home, Erin answered a classified ad in the local newspaper and landed a job in the bakery department of an upscale supermarket. It was a far cry from the Upper East Side restaurant where she used to work, but it helped pay the bills. Slowly but surely Erin and her partner wove together a social network over the course of a year. At a potluck dinner fund-raiser for a local women’s shelter, she met the former owner of a local bistro who was looking to start a new catering business. She hired Erin a week later.
The most surprising objection I’ve heard from clients about my suggestion to expand their personal network was from Jeanie Murrow, a forty - three - year - old attorney who had been out of the job market for six years during which she was home caring for her daughter. “I don’t remember how to make friends,” Jeanie said to me. “For the past six years I’ve focused on my daughter’s social life, not my own. Before that everyone I met was an attorney, so all we talked about was the law or legal problems.” At first I thought Jeanie’s fear was unique to her. But then I heard variations on the same theme from other clients. I realized many people have so compartmentalized their lives that they’d either never learned, or had forgotten, how to socialize in social rather than business situations.
Entering a social situation where you don’t know anyone can be intimidating. But once you become comfortable wielding some very simple social skills you’ll be able to strike up friendships in almost any setting.
Make sure you have an open, inquisitive mind about meeting new people. Leave your stereotypes at home. Don’t think of people in terms of their professions, or their appearance, or their ethnic group. Treat everyone as potentially interesting and a possible future friend. The thirty-something millionaire software executive could be a selfish bore who does nothing for you, while the sixty-something barber could be a fascinating individual who provides just the connection you need.
While you shouldn’t make judgments about the appearance of others, take some care with your own. Appropriateness is what counts in social settings, not fashion. You should be wearing something that is clean and that fits the occasion.
More important than your clothing is your expression and manner. There is no single better way to make friends than to smile when you say hello. Look people in the eye when you’re introduced, give a firm but not obnoxious handshake, and repeat their first name back to them. (This is, after all, a social setting, so first names are fine.) For example, when someone says, “Hello, I’m Mark Levine,” you respond by saying, “Hello, Mark, I’m Stephen Pollan, it’s nice to meet you.”
Ask questions. Everyone has a story to tell, and most people enjoy talking about themselves. Try to frame your questions so they can’t be answered with just a yes or a no. When he or she starts to answer, listen closely and don’t interrupt. Look the other person in the eye and smile while he or she is talking to you. Nod every so often, and use verbal cues of support like “I see,” “yes,” “oh really,” and even “uh-huh.” When the other person stops talking, ask one further question to clarify what he or she has been saying. Any more than that and it will seem like an interrogation rather than a conversation. Don’t argue or disagree. It’s better to react a beat slow and make sure you’re laughing with someone rather than laughing at him or her. Avoid frowning or showing any outward signs you doubt what he or she is saying. Say you can identify with what is being said, but don’t turn the conversation to you. That will seem like you’re trying to outdo or one-up the other person.
If you can’t draw the other person out by asking about him or her, talk about something you share. That could be a mutual interest, such as what brings both to the occasion, or it could be something in the news. It’s better to talk about the weather than religion or politics, even if you’re in a religious or political setting.
By this point, any polite social person will return your sign of being interested in him or her by asking about you. Take your cue as to how long to talk and how much detail to reveal from his or her answers to your questions. If possible, point out similarities between you and the other person. For example, you could say, “Like you and your wife, I’m new to town.” Again, make sure you don’t one-up the other person while pointing out similarities. Talk about your current job and future job plans and goals, but don’t dwell on work issues. People will want to know what you do, but they’ll also want to know who you are. You want them to like you and to want to help you because of their personal connection to you, not because of the company for which you work or the profession you practice.
If the other party doesn’t ask you about yourself, or if he or she doesn’t look you in the eye when talking, feel free to politely excuse yourself and break off the conversation. There’s no need to find an excuse with such people, since they’re clearly not interested in speaking with you. Simply offer your hand and say, “I’m glad we met.” Then move off to chat with someone else.
Having made a terrific first impression, you should do all you can to keep it up at subsequent social gatherings. Make sure you’re always polite, saying “please,” “may I,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome.” It’s better to appear overly polite than boorish. Pay attention to details and praise people whenever you can. People like to know that the little things they do are noticed and appreciated by others. Continue to treat everyone as being important.
Offer help whenever it appears needed and don’t sulk if others fail to respond in kind immediately. But don’t rush to make promises or to take on tasks that you may not be able to keep or do in an effort to ingratiate. That smacks of desperation and only leads to mutual disappointment. Instead, pick your spots and make sure you deliver on your promises. You want to be known as someone who does what he says he’s going to do, not someone who tries to do everything.
Finally, make sure that while you’re cultivating friends you’re not also making enemies. Don’t engage in backstabbing or gossip. However, you don’t need to criticize it either. Simply don’t get into the conversation. If forced to say something, offer up a noncommittal statement like “I really don’t know him that well” or “I haven’t really thought about it.” Remain neutral in feuds and avoid petty politics — there’s enough of that at work. In a social setting you should have only friends, acquaintances, and people you don’t know.
The more often you speak with someone, the more detail of your work situation you can feel free to reveal. There will be some people who will feel a kinship with you right away and will try to help you find job offers. There will be others for whom it takes a bit of time to feel comfortable endorsing you to third parties. Continue to be a warm, caring individual and eventually they’ll come around.
There will also be some people who, while establishing a friendship with you, never extend the offer of assistance with your work life. Some people are uncomfortable talking about money or work, or mixing their social and work lives to any extent. Getting to know them isn’t a wasted effort, though. You can never have too many friends. And as long as they contribute something to your life, they’re well worth having. You never know where friendships will lead.
I received a telephone call from Fred Peters after he’d realized his networking was going nowhere and no one was eager to give him an informational interview. We met for an hour, and I told him about my concept of expanding his personal network and using it as a source of job leads. Fred, a very affable, warm individual, was perfectly suited to this strategy.
An avid golfer, Fred joined a second foursome and began spending more time at the clubhouse both before and after his rounds of golf. One of Fred’s son was active in a youth hockey league, and after years of being only peripherally active in the youth hockey organization, Fred volunteered to join the board. During college and for a short time after graduation, Fred had been active in amateur theater. He decided to return to that interest and got involved in a small local theater company. To help him get his “acting chops” back, he signed up for an improvisation class given by a local community college. Meanwhile, Fred kept an eye on the want ads and tried to stay in touch with his business network.