Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) (31 page)

           
He turned and looked at his parents expectantly.

           
“Come on, granddaughter. Let’s go get some ice cream.”
Joe said taking Ava’s hand. He gave his son a firm look before he turned to his
wife. “Deb, ice cream, now move it.” It was time he and his wife did a little
talking of their own.

           
Luke escorted her outside the French doors that led them
straight to the beach. He glanced around and dragged her off to the side of the
hotel. He wasn’t one for making scenes, yet he couldn’t seem to control himself
anymore. The waves crashed along the shore, the sound reminding him of the
night before when he took her with his mouth on the balcony of her room.

           
“Luke, I don’t…”Her words faltered as he turned around
abruptly and stared at her with not a drop of patience in his dark eyes.

           
“I’m done, Cara, so fucking done.” He said, combing his
fingers roughly through his hair. “I tried, believe me, I tried, but I can’t go
on like this anymore.”

           
“I thought we discussed this morning…” She said, shaking
her head, clearly confused. “I asked you to give me until we got back home.”

           
“Cara you’re all over the place. Not even twenty four
hours ago you were underneath me begging me to make love to you and now I go to
kiss you and you shove me away like I’m violating you. I tried to put myself in
your shoes. I tried to understand everything you were going through and for
fuck’s sake, I tried to be patient. But I can’t do it anymore. I feel like
Benny on a goddamn leash. I let you drag me along in hopes you’ll realize it’s
me you want. It’s me, you want to move forward with.”

           
“I do want you.” She said frantically trying to get her
words out. “I never said otherwise, Luke!”

           
“Right as long as I’m your dirty little secret,” he shook
his head. He felt out of control. He hated himself for exploding right now, but
he couldn’t find a lid for it. “I love you. There I said it.” He took a
retreating step backward. “I love you so fucking much that it is driving me
insane. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. I made damn sure I
never would either, but there you were with those damn eyes and I swear to God
I thought I saw forever in them. I thought I saw everything I told myself I
never wanted in those eyes of yours.”

           
Cara’s eyes softened and she stepped towards him, but he
held out his hand and took another step backward.

           
“There are two things in this world I didn’t exactly plan
on. There’s my daughter and there’s loving you. The two things that took me by
surprise became the two things I breathe for. I’ll say it again because I’ve
held onto it for so long. I love you, Cara. I love everything about you.”

           
“Everyone who loves me, I lose.” She whispered more to
herself than to Luke. She felt tears pool in her eyes and she forced them not
to slide down her cheeks.

           
Luke stared at her for a moment before he stepped towards
her. He tilted her chin upward and forced her glistening eyes to look into his.
“Get your head together Cara. Whatever you need to sort out, get it sorted. I
want you. I just don’t want glimpses of you and stolen moments, I want it all.
So when you can give me all of you, then I’ll be here.” He cradled her face in
his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. “I respect your past, but I want
your future.” He whispered leaning his forehead against hers.

           
“I’m sorry.” She said as she held onto his wrists. “You
should know that when I’m with you there is no place else in this world I want
to be.”

           
He swallowed as he stared at her lips. “Be with me then.
Give me all of you, Cara. I’ll spend my whole life making you smile. I’ll give
you everything you’ve ever dreamed of. All you have to do is let go of all your
fears. To hell, what people think, they’re entitled, but in the end it will be
just our opinions that matter.”

           
She wanted so badly to believe him, but the truth was
that Cara knew more loss and heartache than anyone else. She knew better than
to believe in dreams and promises. They were only ever ripped away from her.
Opinions did matter, especially when they came from the only people she had
left. She lived through losing her mother. She lived through losing Jake. She
was living through addiction, but she wouldn’t be able to live through losing
Luke.

           
She let go of his wrists and pulled away, the tears
falling freely down her face as she looked up at him. Gone was the relaxed look
in his eyes from the night before, and back was the defeat shining in those
dark pools. He deserved better than her. If she walked away now she wouldn’t
have to worry about losing him. He would be able to find someone who could be
the woman he needed, a woman that didn’t have reservations and a shitload of
baggage.

           
“I’m sorry.” She said through her tears.

           
“Don’t be sorry if you’re taking time. Be sorry if you’re
walking away.” He said hoarsely as he watched on while she wiped at her cheeks
with the back of her hands. He searched her face trying to find hope that she
was just going to sort her head out and not walk away from him for good, but
there was nothing in those hazel eyes. Maybe she really had nothing left in her
to give another person. He looked down at his feet, shoving his hands into his
pockets, he stepped around her and walked back towards the hotel.

           
He had months to come to terms with what he was feeling
for her. From that first night at Rudy’s, even though it wasn’t one of their
best moments, she had burned a spot into his soul. Even when he thought she
hated him, he couldn’t shake her from his system. The night of her accident, it
became clear to him that despite his best efforts to fight what was happening,
Cara became more than just a responsibility to him. Her time in rehab, those
phone calls they shared, it was everything to him to be able to hear her voice.
When she made amends with him at Lakeview hope was born within him. Since she
had been home, she wormed her way into his heart, a heart that had been under
lock and key for a long time.

           
He made peace with the fact that he was in love with her,
but not before torturing himself with guilt over his brother. It was her turn
to come to terms with it. He’d wait it out because she was worth it, because he
owed it to himself and to Jake to take hold of the gift his brother had given
him, the gift of Cara.

*
* * * *

           
Cara couldn’t sleep, she also couldn’t stop crying
either. She glanced down, blinking through her tears, at the blank pages of her
journal. Sometimes her words to Jake came easy, other times she stared down at
the pages not sure how to express herself. She needed him to talk her down,
tonight. She needed Jake because the other option was the bar in the hotel or
knocking on Luke’s door. Her body still burned from his touch. She closed the
leather bound book and placed it beside her.

It’s
funny, when she first found Jake’s journals she laughed out loud. She couldn’t
picture her sweet Harley loving maniac having the patience to write on a Post
It yet alone fill page after page in a journal. She understood now that it was
a release for him and when the words were too painful to speak, it was easier
to write them.

The
last six months of her life flashed before her eyes like a movie reel. The
steady beep of the heart monitor, signaling Jake had left her, sounded in her
ears. Every fistful of pills she swallowed, every bottle of booze she finished,
every disgraceful memory. She saw Deb’s pleading eyes when she awakened after
her accident. She heard her own voice ask Luke for help. She could almost feel
his arms around her as he hugged her at the entrance of Lakeview. She felt the
coldness that surrounded her as she shivered and begged for mercy while she
detoxed. She felt her eyes fill with fresh tears as she remembered the ones she
shed when she remembered feeling as if she betrayed Jake when she realized she
had first had sex with Luke at Rudy’s. She relived the moment Luke turned
around and handed her a bouquet of flowers. She could still feel his strong
embrace after she had made amends with him on the terrace. He whispers
“Spunky”, and a smile blossoms on her face. Every phone conversation that got
her through the lonely nights as she fought the power of addiction, they all
replay in her head. The first step she took into the Lanza home, hits her just
as the eager puppy who jumped into her arms that same day.

Cara
felt dizzy as the memories hounded her and when she closed her eyes all she saw
was Luke’s face. The way his cheeks reddened when she called him a Stud Muffin,
the gruff voice she couldn’t get enough of, the struggle in his eyes when he
tried to control himself around her. The way he looked at her that night when
she drove him home from Rudy’s, as if she was the most beautiful thing he had
ever seen. Their kiss in his truck, she still remembered how badly she wanted
him to remember how her lips felt on his. Somewhere she became the one
struggling to control herself around him. She became the one fighting the pull
she felt towards him, not sure if it was right to feel the way she was feeling
when it came to the man who picked up the pieces of her life. Luke may never
admit it, hell he may never even notice, but he was the reason Cara was whole
again.

She
was on the beach sitting with her knees drawn to her chest as she stared out
into the darkness of the ocean. Luke’s words echoed in her ears, telling her he
never planned for her, well, she didn’t plan on him either. Yet, somewhere he
had become her plan, the only plan that mattered. There was someone, somewhere,
who had a plan for Luke and Cara, who had planned for them all along.

A
hand closed over Cara’s shoulder, startled she glanced up at the figure that
stood before. Her eyes widened and she blinked through her tears. His lips
curved in a mischievous smile. She held her breath and waited until it came.
There it was. He wiggled his eyebrows at her, as only Jake ever could.

           
“Hey Babe…” He said as a gasp escaped her lips.

           
“Jake…” She choked out, reaching her hand up to touch
him. “Is it really you?” She whispered.

           
He took his hand from her shoulder and laced his fingers
with hers as he sat beside her in the sand. “Close your mouth Cara, or you’ll
catch flies.” He said with a smile and squeezed her hand affectionately.

           
“How?” She whispered in awe.

           
“Saw you re-enacting Dirty Dancing, thought maybe we’d
make it a Swayze marathon and do a little skit from Ghost.” He said with a
laugh and bumped his shoulder into her’s.

           
She couldn’t tear her eyes away from his face. He was
beautiful. There were no traces of sickness. He wasn’t pale, his eyes weren’t
sunken in, and his lips were pink just like they were in all the beautiful
memories she cherished. His skin glowed as if he had never been sick. He was
perfect. He was her Jake.

           
He slung his arm around her shoulders and drew her closer
to him, pressing his lips to the top of her head, reminding her of the night he
first took her for a ride on his bike. She closed her eyes and let the tears
fall from beneath her closed lids.

           
“I miss you.” She whispered.

           
“I miss you too, babe.” He squeezed her shoulder and
leaned his head against hers. “But that’s not why I’m here.” He kissed the top
of her head again before he pulled back and lifted her chin with his fingers.
“Talk to me, let me help you.”

           
She stared at him for a moment. “Why now?” She shook her
head slightly. “I mean of all the times I needed you, why would you show up
now?”

           
“Because you really didn’t need me then,” he said simply.

           
Her eyes widened as if death had even made him more nuts.
“I was addicted to pain killers. I crashed my car and went to rehab. My life
completely spiraled out of control after you died, but you didn’t think I
needed you?”

           
“No.” He shook his head, crossing his arms against his
chest, he was standing his ground. “You made it through all that.”

           
“Barely!” She shouted and then her shoulders slumped in
defeat when he raised his pierced eyebrow.

           
“Are you done?” He asked and she just scowled at him.
Jake rolled his eyes but smiled. “Luke was there for you.” He chuckled to
himself. “I was on the money with that shit.”

           
Cara peered at him. “What does that mean?”

           
Jake cleared his throat and stopped chuckling. “Before I
dipped out…”

           
“You mean died?”

           
“Dipped out, died… it’s all the same. Babe, focus, we’re
veering off track here.” He watched her raise an eyebrow yet she gave him her
undivided attention. “As I was saying…” he shot her a warning look, not to
interrupt him again. “Before I checked out, I had a heart to heart with Luke. I
asked him to look after you. I made him promise that you would go on to do
great things. You know, like live your damn life.” He pointed an accusing
finger at her. “Don’t try that shit again, Cara. I’m warning you. You of all
people should know that tomorrow is not a promise.”