Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) (34 page)

     
Nick
wanted more than to push Luke, but didn’t tell Ava that.

     
“Who are
you pushing?” Luke asked as he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms
against his chest as he peered at Nick and his daughter suspiciously. Ava
looked up at her dad and then back to her uncle. Nick winked at her.

     
“It’s
time you sat down, brother.” Nick said flatly. “Me and the Pipsqueak would like
a word.” He eyed his friend. “Now.” He said firmly.

* * * * *.

     
Sam
reached for the pint of Lo-Mein, digging in with her chopsticks. She lifted her
gaze to Cara, who was poking around another container with her own set of
chopsticks, barely eating.

     
“There is
an unspoken rule, that, you have to pig out with your pregnant friend.” Sam
said as she filled her mouth with the noodles.

     
“I’m
eating.” Cara said defensively and popped a water chestnut into her mouth.
“See.”

           
Sam rolled her eyes as she swallowed her mouthful of
food. “Sure you are.” She put her carton down and pointed her chopsticks at her
friend. “Are you going to tell me what is wrong or am I going to have to force
it out of you?”

           
“Be careful what you wish for.” Cara said softly and then
blew out a breath. “Okay, okay.” She looked at Sam. “I’ll tell you, but you
have to promise not to hate me afterward.”

           
“I promise.” Sam said and leaned forward anxiously.

 
          
Cara
bit down on her lip as she placed her chopsticks down and met Sam’s waiting
gaze. “The night of your wedding, Luke and I, well, we slept together.” She
said with a sigh. “We barely slept.” She felt her cheeks flush as she
remembered Luke’s hands all over her body. She closed her eyes and relished in the
memory, his big palm sliding over her ass as she crawled onto the bed, she
needed those hands on her again or she would burst.

           
“I knew it!” Sam exclaimed happily pulling Cara from her
daydream. “Wait until I get my hands on my husband. He walked in on you guys
the next morning didn’t he? Oh, he’s going to pay for keeping this from me.”

           
“Did you hear what I said? I slept with Luke? You know
your
other
brother?”

     
“Cara I’m
pregnant, not deaf. I heard you. Was it good?”

     
“You
really don’t care.” Cara said in wonderment

     
“Are you
serious? Cara I knew you and Luke would eventually give into your feelings for
each other. . The man let me sign him up for dancing lessons, all because I
told him you wanted to dance. I have never in my life seen Luke crazy about
anyone the way he is crazy in love with you.”

     
“He’s not
in love with me.” Cara said sadly.

     
“He most
definitely is in love with.” Sam said confidently.

     
“No,
trust me, he’s not. He ended things between us.”

* * * * *

 
          
“Ava
can you give me and Uncle Nick a minute?” Luke asked his daughter.

Ava looked back and
forth between the two men, her eyes settling on Nick’s.

           
“Go ahead kiddo. We’ll be just a minute.” Nick said
reassuringly, letting her know he was on her side. Ava sighed before hurrying
into the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone.

           
“Way to go, getting my daughter involved.”

           
“Your daughter has more brains than you.” Nick said,
sensing the hostility in Luke’s voice.

           
“She’s seven.” Luke said incredulously.

           
“She’s smart, man. She knows you’re hurting. Shit, she’s
hurting too.” Nick stood up and walked to Luke, getting in his face. “For a man
who claims he reads women you’re pretty clueless when it comes to
relationships.”

           
“Nick…” Luke warned.

           
“You’re a dickhead.”

           
“Fuck you.” Luke spat back.

           
“You’re not my type. Now listen up jackass, I don’t know
what the hell you did to mess things up with Cara, but you’re going to fix them
before it’s too late.”

           
“She doesn’t want me!” Luke hollered.

           
“That’s the biggest load of crap I ever heard. You’re being
a complete pussy.” Nick said his patience teetering. “We all fucking see it,
even your daughter does!”

           
Luke shook his head. “Cara isn’t ready to move on, Nick.”

           
“Wake up! She already did. Every minute the two of you
spent together was another step she took to move on. Maybe she didn’t realize
it, maybe you didn’t either.
 
Her getting
herself well, her spending time with you, were all signs of her moving on. The
morning after the wedding I saw you. I saw her. I saw the look in both of your
eyes, that shit was real Luke.”

           
“Maybe it was. Maybe in that room it was, but the minute
we stepped out of that safe haven everything went to shit. She wasn’t ready for
people to know about us, and I was done hiding how I felt. I can’t go on
pretending that I don’t love her with everything I’m made of.”

           
“Then don’t.”

           
“It’s not that simple.”

           
“Bullshit. She probably just needed time to get used to
the idea. You’ve had months to get used it, did she? I mean all the while she
was in Lakeview you were dealing with your feelings. Alright, so maybe you
didn’t do a bang up job at that, but still, you had the time to figure out that
shit. She was too busy getting well to give what was going on between the two
of you a second thought. Man she was grieving on top of that too. Cut the girl
some slack.”

           
“You don’t get it!” Luke said, frustrated as he combed
his fingers through his hair. “I pushed and pushed just like I did with Marie.
Only difference is I walked away this time. I didn’t give her the chance to
turn her back on me like Marie did because quite frankly, I don’t think I could
handle that again.”

           
“She’s not Marie, man.” Nick said, his voice softening at
the realization of his friend’s tortured past haunting him. “She’s just Cara,
the Cara we all loved and lost for a while there, until you brought her back.”

           
Luke swallowed hard and shook his head. “She brought
herself back.”

           
“With your help.” Nick added.

           
“I made a promise.”

           
“And you kept it.” Nick sighed. “It’s time to stop living
for the sake of the promise, and start living for the sake of your own
happiness.”

*
* * * *

           
“So after I woke up from the dream, everything was so
much clearer to me. I don’t know why. I know it sounds silly, but having Jake
visit me in my dream was the push I needed to know I was doing the right thing.
I didn’t feel so guilty for following my heart. It felt right and I couldn’t
wait to tell Luke. It didn’t matter to me who knew, it still doesn’t. I love
Luke. I love him like I never thought I’d be capable of again.” She laughed
sadly. “But it doesn’t matter because he ended things before I could tell him
the truth, I thought he so badly wanted to hear.”

           
“So tell him!” Sam shouted.

           
Cara’s eyes widened at Sam’s tone. “He doesn’t want to
hear it, Sam. He wants to be friends.”

           
“Oh come on! Luke doesn’t want to be your damn friend
Cara. He wants you! He wants to love you and have you love him back. My brother
is not a casual guy, he puts on a show, but deep down all he wants is to belong
to someone. He wants the kind of love families are made of. He has the family.
He and Ava, they are a family, maybe not the most conventional one, but still
they are
 
a family and they both are
missing someone that completes their family.” She paused for a moment. “You
both need to realize it’s not just the two of you who fell in love, but Ava did
too. I picked her up from school today and she broke my heart. I know you love
Luke and I know you love Ava too. What I can’t wrap my head around is why the
girl, who wanted a family so bad, doesn’t go and claim the one she already
has?”

Sam: How’s it going on your end?

Nick: I could really use a visual.

Sam: Make it work Nick!

Nick: We’re working on it.

Sam: We?

Nick: I needed back-up. Ava’s on
board.

Sam: Did I mention I love you?

Nick: You can tell me later when
you’re naked.

Sam: Deal.

Nick: You’re distracting me.

*
* * * *

           
Cara crawled into her bed later that night with Benny
tucked beside her. She petted her beloved pooch.

           
“You miss them too don’t you buddy?” She asked the beagle
who stared up at her with sad eyes. “I know you do. Mommy’s going to make it
better, I promise.” She vowed pressing a kiss to the pups head before leaning
over and turning off her lamp. Tomorrow would come soon enough, she thought. A
day to make amends. A day she’d make peace with her past, and focus on her
future. She sighed heavily, hoping she wouldn’t be too late and closed her eyes
letting sleep overcome her.

           
Luke leaned against the door of Ava’s room. He watched
his little girl sleep for a few moments before he stepped closer and brushed
away some of the hair that had fallen over her eyes, before gently kissing her
forehead.

           
“I’m sorry.” He whispered to his sleeping princess.
“Daddy’s going to make it better. I promise.” He rose to his full height and
walked out of her bedroom, careful not to wake her. He padded down the hall to
his bedroom and pulled his shirt over his head, chucking it to the side. He sat
down on the edge of his bed and grabbed his phone. He found Cara’s number and
debated on whether or not he should call. Could everything he had to say to her
really be said over the phone?

           
The wedding march began and like many of the times before
Cara descended down the aisle. It was the same dream she had since she was just
a little girl. The dress, the same just like the chapel was. She held her
bouquet and made her way down the aisle by herself. A smile spread across her
beautiful face as she gazed lovingly at the man she was about to marry. There
was something different this time, though. There was no faceless stranger at
the altar waiting for her. No, her groom’s face was clear as day, as was the
little persons who stood beside him. Tears filled her eyes as she looked into
the eyes of the man she loved and the girl who would become her daughter. Her
family waited at the altar for her. Luke and Ava stood smiling waiting for her,
to claim them as her own.

Luke: I miss you

           
Cara sat in her car gripping the steering wheel. She had
been in that same position for nearly a half an hour, trying to muster up
enough courage to face the man that she once called Daddy, the first man to
break her heart. She had watched him pull back into the driveway after dropping
his daughter off at the hobby store. He picked up the newspaper that had been
thrown onto the lawn and headed into the charming house that reminded her of a
home, a home she never knew.

           
It was amazing what you could find out with a little
digging on the internet. It actually made her wonder why she never made the
effort to look her father up before. She was able to find his address, his
phone number and even how much he paid for his house. He was married to a woman
named Nancy, and they only had one daughter, Claire. She wondered if Nancy and
Claire had any idea that she even existed. She wondered if her father had
hidden his past from his family. If she allowed herself to ring that doorbell,
would she be disrupting a family? She didn’t want to cause Claire or Nancy any
pain, knowing firsthand what her father was capable of. Still, she needed
answers, she was entitled to them wasn’t she? How could she ever completely
heal and get to the root of the problems that added in her becoming an addict?
She needed to face her past head on, in order to see a clear path to her
future.

           
She clutched the locket around her neck and silently
pleaded with her two angels to bestow on
 
her the courage she needed to make it up the two porch steps to the
front door. She glanced down at her phone and brought up the text she saw this
morning when she woke up. She hadn’t answered, wanting the next words she said,
to be face to face. The longer she prolonged her visit with her father, the
longer it would take for her to get back to Luke. She opened her car door and
without a second thought, she stepped into the cold air. She walked across the
pathway that led her to the front door. Her palms were sweating despite the
cold of winter. She drew a deep breath, lifting her fist she knocked on the door
loudly, to hell with her nerves.

           
She was about to turn around and walk back towards her
car when the door opened. Cara was sure her heart stopped or at the very least
she stopped breathing. Her eyes found the soft ones of the woman, her father
married. She smiled sweetly even as her brows drew a confusing line across her
forehead.

           
“Can I help you?” She asked politely.

           
“I um…” Cara swallowed. “I’m, never mind, is your husband
home?” She took her lower lip between her teeth and chewed nervously.

           
Nancy looked at Cara with suspicion. She didn’t break eye
contact as she called out for her husband.

           
“Jimmy? Someone is here to see you.” She called into the
house, her smile never wavering from her pretty face. “Your eyes…” She said
suddenly as if she noticed them for the first time.

           
Cara looked away, not ready for the woman before her to
make the connection she was seemingly on her way to making.

           
“What do you mean someone is here to see me? I’m not
expecting anyone.”

           
Cara gasped at the sound of his voice. He didn’t sound as
angry as she remembered, instead, he sounded calm and curious. He stepped
behind his wife to see his visitor. Nancy pried her eyes off of Cara and looked
over her shoulder. She took a step to the side, allowing Jimmy a better look at
Cara. Cara lifted her head slowly to meet her father’s stare.

           
“Well, I’ll be damned. Cara.” Her name came out of his
mouth like a whisper. He stepped onto the front porch and looked her over
before settling on her face. “My God, it’s really you. Cara…” He lifted his
hand to reach for her, but hesitated for a beat before dropping his hand back
to his side.

           
“Hi…” She whispered, finally able to find her ability to
speak.

           
“Jimmy?” Nancy said from the doorway. “Why don’t you
bring your company inside? I’ll put on a pot of coffee.” She offered.

           
Jimmy turned around and looked at his wife. “Nancy, this
is my daughter.”

           
“I know, Jim. I know.” She looked back at Cara. “Why
don’t you come inside honey?”

           
Relief washed over Cara, which she thought was bizarre,
she shouldn’t care what they thought, but the idea that her father spoke of
her, that he didn’t forget she existed was comforting to her.

           
“Thank you.” Cara said as she stepped inside the house.
It was nothing like the home, she remembered growing up. It was neat and tidy
and smelled inviting due to the Yankee Candles burning throughout the house.

           
“Can I take your jacket?” Nancy asked, holding out her
hand for Cara’s coat. She watched as Cara looked back and forth between the
married couple, before shrugging out of the coat. She handed it over to Nancy.
She took the coat and hung it up on the coat rack before making her way towards
the kitchen, leaving father and daughter alone.

           
“It’s amazing how much you look like your mother.” Jim whispered
in awe before shaking his head as if to break the trance he was in as he looked
at his daughter. “Come, let’s sit.” He said and showed her into the living
room.

           
“I know, me being here is sudden and must come as a
complete shock to you.” She said as she took a seat on the sofa. “I don’t want
to intrude on your life, but I couldn’t stay away after I saw you.”

           
Jim sat down in the recliner positioned directly across
from the sofa and looked at her for a moment before he spoke. “When did you see
me?”

           
“Right before Christmas, I was picking up a present at
the hobby shop that your daughter works at. I didn’t know she was your
daughter, but even then I couldn’t stop staring at her.”

           
“You have the same eyes. You and Claire, that’s her
name.” He said softly.

           
Cara nodded and smiled slightly as his face softened at
the mention of her sister. Was there ever a time he spoke of her that made his
eyes soften the way they did when he spoke of Claire? “Anyway, after I
purchased the gift I ran across the street to get a cup of coffee before I made
my way back to Riverdale. I looked back towards the hobby shop and I saw you. I
watched you pull the gate down for her. It was snowing, and the forecast was
calling for a major storm.” She smiled faintly. “You wanted to make sure she
got home safely.”

           
Jim looked down at his hands on his lap and didn’t say a
word. Cara studied her father, debating if she should go on or not. She didn’t
remember her father having so many tattoos, but from what she could see through
the barrier of his clothing, he was covered in them. His hair had thinned some
and he kept the black and gray hairs pulled back into a neat ponytail. He still
wore glasses, just as she remembered. There was something different though,
something that marked his face, something she had never seen before.There was a
long, puckered scar that ran from his temple down his left cheek. The flesh no
longer puckered pink, bringing Cara to the conclusion it was from years ago and
not something new. “I was curious and the more I tried to push you or the fact
that I had a sister, out of my mind, I couldn’t.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve
had a really rough year.” Jim lifted his head and those eyes of his softened in
concern as he looked back at her curiously. They did turn soft for her too, go
figure. “That’s part of the reason I am here too.”

           
“Are you in trouble? Do you need…” He stammered.

           
“No, I’m fine.” She interrupted quickly.

           
“You said you had a rough year.” Jim probed, crossing his
right leg over his left knee.

           
“Yeah,” She nodded before smiling sadly as she thought
about the journey her life had taken her on. “Jake Lanza died this year, you
remember him don’t you?” She watched as her father’s eyes widened while he
shifted in his seat. “He had cancer, Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.”

           
“I’m sorry. I assume you two were still very close.” Jim
said before clearing his throat, uncomfortably.

           
“I was going to marry him.” She whispered and
sub-consciously reached for her locket. “He tried to fight it.” She shook her
head. “He was the strongest person I knew. He was more scared of what his death
would do to me, than actually dying. For a long while he was all I had.”

           
“I know.” Jim said sadly.

           
“Do you?” Cara asked sincerely. “Because it didn’t have
to be that way, I had already lost one parent, I didn’t really have to lose my
father too, did I?”

           
“Cara I… I’ve done things I am not proud of. I was a
pathetic mess after your mother passed away.”

           
“You made me feel like you wished it had been me instead
of her that died.”

           
“I know and I can only hope you believe me when I tell
you, I am not proud of the man I was. The truth is I didn’t wish it was you
that died, I wished it was me. The fact that Corinne had died and left me to
raise you, killed me. I didn’t know the first thing about being a father. It
should’ve been me. I became an alcoholic about a year after your mom passed. I
couldn’t control myself. I had no regard for anything, least of all you. My
only concern was washing away the pain and the only way I knew how was the
bottle.”

           
Cara swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in
her throat. “I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” She stared into
her father’s eyes. “I’m an addict too. After Jake died, I became addicted to
his prescribed pain medication.” Jim closed his eyes for a moment a pained
expression crossing his face. “Like I said I had a rough year, I was a bit of a
mess, but I made my way out of it.”

           
“That’s good. You didn’t waste years being an addict like
I did. That’s real good, Cara. I was drunk your whole childhood, and when you
became old enough to answer me and point out what
 
a failure I was. It was too late for me to
get those years back. You already knew the real me, the man that was a
monster.”

           
“I didn’t know that you had a problem.”

           
“I didn’t either, until the night I raised my hands to
you.” He looked away trying to mask the emotion that clouded his eyes,
struggling with his truth. “I’m so sorry.” He said with a slight shake of the
head, not for one moment did Jim believe saying he was sorry would ever be
enough. “The following day was a wake-up call for me. I had been up the whole
night trashing the house. I broke everything, everything that reminded me of my
beautiful Corinne, I was about to pass out from exhaustion when the front door
stormed open. I didn’t even know you had left that night, not until the Lanza’s
were picking me up from the living room floor.”

           
“Deb and Joe went to see you?” Cara said as a tear
cascaded down her cheek.

           
“Yes, they came to tell me that they were taking you away
from me. They told me I was… I forget the words they used, but they told me
something along the lines that I wasn’t good enough to be your father. They
were right. Mr. Lanza offered me money to get into a rehab. He told me that I
had a gem of a daughter and I should straighten up my act, so that I could be a
part of something spectacular. Those words I remembered.” He smiled faintly.
“They loved you.”

           
“They’ve been wonderful to me.” Cara said through a
sniffle.

           
“That’s good. They were good people as far as I can
remember.”

           
“Did you get help after that?” Cara asked quietly.

           
“Not immediately, I didn’t see the point. They were going
to take care of you. They were going to be everything you needed, leaving me
free to be with my Corinne. I never tried to kill myself. I never had the
balls, but there were nights when I would drink myself silly until she appeared
to me. I lived with your mother’s ghost. I thought she was real at one point.
Out of nowhere she stopped showing up, it was as if I lost her all over again.”

           
“Can I ask you a question?” Cara threaded carefully.

           
“Go ahead.” He urged.

           
“Why did you never put a tombstone where she rested?” It
was a question she wanted to know answer to for a good part of her life.