Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) (35 page)

           
“It was too final for me. I felt if I put a headstone
there, I was admitting she was gone. You have to understand Cara, I was so
messed up that a legit part of me really believed she wasn’t gone.” He sighed
and ran his hand over his slicked back hair. “By the time I straightened my life
out I went to her grave and saw the beautiful stone. It was real, she was gone.
I said my goodbyes once and for all and then got the help I needed. That’s when
I met Nancy.”

           
“One of the steps in my own recovery was making amends.
Why didn’t you try to make amends with me?”

           
“I never thought I’d be able to redeem myself in your
eyes. I didn’t want to be selfish anymore and use you in my recovery. I thought
it would be best for you if I just left you alone. I couldn’t taint you
anymore, I didn’t deserve you. I checked in on you from time to time after I
left Riverdale, mostly when my job took me through the town. From what I could
tell from afar you looked fine. You looked happy. I just…”He shrugged. “Why
rattle that cage?”

           
Cara didn’t know what to say. On one hand, she was happy
that he hadn’t completely forgot about her, but on the other she still wished
he would’ve reached out. Maybe they could’ve had some sort of relationship,
maybe if she understood the man he was and the battles he faced after her mom’s
death, she would’ve been able to handle Jake’s death differently.

           
“Excuse me one minute. I’m just going to use the
bathroom.” Jim said, breaking the heavy silence that fell over the room. Cara
nodded slightly watching him walk out of the living room. Once he was out of
sight she ran her fingers through her hair and let out a breath she hadn’t
realized she had been holding. She glanced around the room, taking in the
pictures that lined the mantel, she was just about to stand and get a better
look when Nancy joined her carrying a tray with a carafe of coffee and three
mugs. Cara smiled at her as she set the tray down on top of the coffee table.

           
“Help yourself, Cara. Are you hungry? I can whip
something up real quick.” Nancy said nervously as she sat down to hand Cara an
empty mug.

           
“I’m fine. But I’m a sucker for a good cup of coffee.”
Cara said taking the mug. She felt Nancy’s eyes on her as she poured and fixed
her coffee. She took a sip of the piping hot coffee and lifted her head. “It’s
perfect.” She said politely. She wasn’t sure what to say to Nancy so when Nancy
broke the silence she was grateful.

           
“He always talked about you. Even after that horrible
accident. He still always thought of you.”

           
Cara’s brows drew together. “What horrible accident?”

           
“Well, I’m not sure one would really consider it an
accident about seven or eight years ago your boyfriend followed your father to
a truck stop.”

           
“Jake?” Cara asked wondering why this was the first time
she was ever hearing about Jake meeting her father after all the years that had
passed.

           
“It’s as if it was just yesterday when the police showed
up here.” Nancy looked down as if the memories were too painful. “They were
very vague and when I arrived at the hospital, I wasn’t even sure he was alive.
They finally let me see Jim. He was so badly beaten that his face was swollen
and unrecognizable.”

           
“I’m sorry but are you saying that Jake beat him up?”
Cara asked, holding up a hand to stop Nancy from continuing until she answered
her question.

           
“Nancy…” Jim raised his voice in a warning tone causing
both women to turn and look at him.

           
“Is that true?” Cara asked not willing to retract her
question.

           
Nancy cocked an eyebrow at her husband as if to question
if he was serious speaking in that tone towards her.“I thought she knew at
first.” Nancy said firmly meeting Jim’s gaze with a steady glare.

           
Jim swiped a hand down his face, sighing heavily, he took
a seat beside Cara. “I was at a truckers stop right outside Riverdale one
night.” He began. “I was on my way to the Bronx and decided to stop off and get
a coffee before the drive. I was making my way back to the truck when he
stepped out from the shadows.” Jim looked at Cara. “That boy set a man like me
straight and I don’t just mean with his fists but also with his words, and that
takes guts”

           
“I didn’t know anything about that.” Cara said hoarsely
before nodding towards his face dragging her finger along the side of her own
face. “Is that how you got that?”

           
Jim looked down for a moment as if he was contemplating
his words and his actions that would follow. “Cara, I look at this scar every
day when I glance in the mirror and it reminds me of you. It reminds me of all
the wrongs I made in my life and most of all it reminded me that somewhere
there was someone who loved you fiercely.” He lifted his eyes to meet hers.
“I’d look at this scar and think, there is someone out there taking better care
of her than I ever could. He made me wish I was a better man.” He reached out,
with a hesitant hand, but quickly took her hand in his. “I’m sorry you lost
him. I’m sorry that I was never there for you when you needed me. I’m so
sorry.”

           
Cara wiped away the tears from her cheeks with the back
of her free hand. “I don’t know what to say…” She said through a sob.

           
Jim squeezed her hand, his own eyes full of unshed tears,
too proud to let them fall freely. “Don’t say anything. I owe you that apology,
hell, I owe you a lot more, but that’s all I have. I can’t erase the past, but
I’d like to be a part of your life. I’d like to know who you’ve become.”

           
“I’d like that too.” Cara whispered. She turned to face
Nancy. “I’d like to know you too.”

           
Nancy smiled widely. “I think that would be wonderful.”
She looked at her husband and nodded reassuring him that she was happy he could
finally make peace with his first born. The front door opened and then slammed
as a young boisterous voice called out into the house.

           
“Parental units, I’m home! Hello?” Claire said as she
hung her coat in the hall. Cara went to pull her hand back from her father’s
but he held onto it as he turned around. Claire walked into the living room,
stopping short in the entryway.

           
“Claire.” Nancy said, rising to her feet.

           
The young girl looked back and forth between her parents
before her eyes settled confusingly on Cara.

           
“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Clair asked, cocking
her head to the side trying to place Cara.

           
Cara took a deep breath and looked directly into the eyes
that were so familiar to her. She smiled slightly. ‘We’ve met before. You held
a gift for me on hold at the hobby shop you work in.”

           
“I remember.” She raised an eyebrow. “Was it defected or
something? We don’t own the shop or anything. I’m just an employee.” She looked
at her parents confused.

           
“Claire, do you remember all the stories of the little
girl with a curl in the middle of her forehead? The little girl with the eyes
just like yours?” Jim asked his youngest daughter.

           
“Yeah…” Claire asked cautiously just as Nancy came to
stand beside her.

           
“That little girls name was Cara.” Jim explained before
pulling Cara closer to his side. “I’d like you to meet the girl from the story.
I’d like you to meet your sister.”

           
Claire’s eyes widened at her father’s words before she
turned and looked at Cara. There were no words spoken as Cara fell under the
young girl’s scrutiny. She felt her palms begin to sweat and she released Jim’s
hand so she could wipe them her denim cover thighs. If she could find the
words, she was sure she’d be a rambling mess. This had to rate as the top
awkward moment of her life.

           
“Sweetie?” Nancy urged, placing a hand on her shoulder.

           
“How weird is this?” Claire asked before slowly breaking
out into a grin. “And totally fucking awesome!”

           
“Claire!” Nancy cried out as Jim and Cara chuckled
slightly.

           
“Totally fucking awesome.” Cara agreed and winked at
Claire. She hadn’t really known what to expect coming there today. She had no
idea if she would be accepted or if she even wanted to be. What she found
though was a chance at a new beginning with a family she wanted to get to know
and hopefully be a part of. A father who had flaws, but maybe even he deserved
a second chance, a stepmother who welcomed her with no questions asked and a
sister who she saw shreds of herself in. It got her thinking about the family
she had back home, the little family, she was already a part of. The family she
missed and needed to get back to. The family she needed to claim as her own,
once and for all.

           
Joe Lanza walked into his living room carrying a full
plate of cold antipasto, taking a seat alongside his son-in-law. He leaned
forward, placing the plate overflowing with cold cuts and Italian cheeses on
the coffee table, nudging Nick with his elbow before motioning to the feast
before them.

           
“Did I miss anything?” Joe said, popping a thin slice of
dry sausage into his mouth.

           
“Jet’s intercepted the ball.” Nick said, reaching for a
piece of provolone cheese. “Does Deb know you raided the antipasto?”

           
Joe waved a hand, dismissing Nick’s question just as the
doorbell rang. “Deb! Someone’s at the door.” He hollered as the Jet’s took
control over the ball. There was no shot in hell he was getting off the couch
and missing the game. He had struggled with the decision to make a plate, in
the end his stomach won the war and he gave in, hence the little buffet he and
Nick were indulging in.

           
Sam strolled into the living room wearing a Jets jersey,
flipping through “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”. She eyed the food on
the table, snatching a piece of pepperoni before sitting down. “Mom’s going to
kill you guys for eating in the living room.”

           
“What do you call what you’re doing?” Joe asked amused.

           
“She won’t care about me, I’ve got a grandbaby to grow.”
She said with a smirk, laying one hand over her protruding stomach. The
doorbell sounded again.

           
“Deb!”

           
“I’m coming! I’m coming!” She hollered wiping her hands
along a dishtowel. She stopped short in her living room and took in the three
of them sitting on the couch, munching away. “Oh, you have got to be kidding
me.” She said in disbelief.

           
“What?” Joe asked innocently. “You’re being very rude to
the person on the other side of the door, dear.” He said as a matter of fact.
“It’s not like you to keep company waiting.”

           
“We’re not expecting company and I don’t see you getting
up to answer the door.” Deb said, putting her hands on her hips to emphasize
her point.

           
“That’s because I’m busy helping the cause.”

           
“And which cause might that be?” She asked, her eyebrows
drawing together in suspicion.

           
Joe lifted a piece of salami wrapped around a mozzarella
ball to his daughter, elbowing her to take a bite. “I’m just helping grow the
grandchild.”

           
“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Deb shook her head and walked
into the entryway. She pulled open the door and smiled. “Cara! Oh, honey, I’m
sorry for keeping you out here. Come inside, you must be freezing.” She said,
moving aside to let Cara walk in.

           
“I hope it’s not a bad time.” Cara said and then heard
the cheering from the living room, causing her to laugh.

           
“Football,” Deb explained with a roll of her eyes.

           
“Is everyone here?’ Cara asked nervously as she hung her
leather jacket up in the coat closet. She tried to listen to the sound of the
voices, trying to make out who was in the living room.

           
“Luke isn’t here yet. He had to take Ava to an
ice-skating party.” Deb replied watching Cara’s body language intently. She
watched her shoulders slump before she turned to face her, smiling.
 
“But he’ll be here afterwards.” Deb added.

           
“Well I um…actually came to talk to you and Joe. If now
isn’t a good time, I can come back.” Cara offered as she shoved her hands into
her back pockets.

           
“I’m pretty sure a bomb wouldn’t get Joe off the couch
right now, but I’m all ears.” Deb smiled and nodded towards the kitchen. “Come
on, I’ll make you an espresso.”

           
Cara smiled in return and started to follow Deb.

           
“Deb, who was it?” Joe called out.

           
Cara stuck her head into the living room and waved at the
three amigos stuffing their faces on the couch. “It’s just me.”

           
“We’ll be in the kitchen, having some girl talk.” Deb
said over Cara’s shoulder.

           
Sam met Cara’s gaze and received a wink in return. “How’d
everything go?” Sam asked concerned.

           
“It went well, surprisingly. I’m working on what we
discussed the other night.” Cara told her with a smile playing on her face.
“I’ll tell you all about it later, but right now I’ve kind of got to get
something off my chest and see someone I’ve sort of left hanging.”

           
Sam smiled. “Get to it than, girlfriend.”

           
Cara laughed slightly before turning around and following
Deb into the kitchen.

           
“What was that all about?” Nick asked, reaching for his
beer.

           
“Oh, nothing…” Sam said innocently leaning against the
cushions of the couch with a broad smile on her face.

           
Joe turned around and looked at his daughter for a moment.
“You know too don’t you?”

           
“Know what?” Sam asked not meeting his stare.

           
“Nothing.” Joe said with a hint of a smile before turning
his attention back to the TV. It was pretty comical to him that his whole
family thought the wool was pulled over his eyes most of the time.

*
* * * *

           
Cara followed Deb into the kitchen, the scent of whatever
she was cooking, assaulted her senses, causing her to remember she hadn’t eaten
since early that morning when she scarfed down a bagel in the car driving to
see her long lost father. What a day, she thought, knowing it was nowhere near
over either. She took a seat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar and
watched on as Deb worked the espresso machine.

           
“Is everything okay?” Deb asked as she measured out the
black coffee.

           
Cara tapped her nails on the counter trying to figure the
best way to discuss what she was about to, with the mother of the two men she
loved. She shrugged her shoulders and decided the blunt truth would have to do
because she was exhausted of running in circles.

           
“I need you to know that I am so unbelievably grateful
for everything you and Joe have ever done for me. From the moment I became
Jake’s friend you have done nothing but greet me with open arms. You’ve been my
family. You swept in and without so much as a question, you took me in and
became like a mother to me.” Deb placed the measuring spoon down on the counter
and braced her hands along the edge. Cara watched her cautiously, but continued.
“I don’t remember much of my mother, and it’s always made me sad, but the one
thing that breaks me away from that sadness, has been knowing that I have you.
I’ve never felt like just a friend in this house and it’s important for me to
know that you now know, how very much you all mean to me. How much Jake meant
to me.”

           
“Cara…” Deb said softly interrupting her as she turned
around, her eyes meeting hers. “I’ve always known that.”

           
“Yes, maybe you have, but for my own sound mind, I need
to reiterate it.” Cara swallowed. “I loved Jake for the friend he was to me and
for the man he grew to be. I would’ve loved to have been his wife. I would’ve
loved to have grown old with him.” She heard her voice catch and forced a
smile. Her words rang true to her heart, a bittersweet revelation. “He’ll
always have a special place in my heart until this heart of mine doesn’t beat
anymore.”

           
Deb wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes, but did
not look away from the young woman before her. “I know, sweetheart.” She whispered
hoarsely.

           
“I’m in love with Luke.” Cara said firmly before
releasing a breath. She let the words that escaped linger in the room. The
silence gave her a moment to relish in the truth. She felt free and she waited
for the shame to engulf her, but it never came. It was okay to love him. It was
natural. It was part of life. Cara was now a firm believer that one couldn’t
control who the heart fell in love with. It was destiny.

           
“I know that too.” Deb said and leaned over the counter
and took her hands in hers. “I’ve known that for a while too.”

           
“You have?” Cara asked surprised.

           
“Yes. I know you’ve been struggling with your feelings
too.”

           
“At first I felt like I was betraying Jake and then it
started to feel as if I was betraying all of you.” She shook her head. “I don’t
want that. I don’t want you ever to think that I ever intended for this to
happen, but I couldn’t stop it either, and I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t. I
can’t take back what happened to Jake. I can’t bring him back, no matter how
much I want to. But I can make peace with the fact that he is in better place
and he isn’t suffering anymore. I can believe in my heart that he’d want me to
be happy. He’d want his brother to be happy too, and if we could be the people
to make one another happy, I think Jake would be okay with that.”

           
Deb nodded and for the first time she broke eye contact,
looking down at the counter top. “My Jake, had a big, big heart.” She smiled
sadly, still keeping her eyes down. “After your accident, I told you that Jake
would want you to live your life. He’d want you to experience life’s greatest
milestones.” She finally raised her head and met Cara’s hazel eyes. “I believe
that with my whole heart. I also believe that he’d want the same for his
brother. Way before Jake even was diagnosed, he wanted those things for Luke.
The heart wants what the heart wants, Cara I of all people know that better
than anyone.” She released a shaky breath. “I was engaged before I married
Joe.” Cara’s eyes widened in surprise but she recovered quickly. “I was engaged
to his brother Vincent.”

           
“Wow, I didn’t even know Joe had a brother.” She said
softly, wondering why no one had ever mentioned this before. If her head wasn’t
spinning from her visit with her father, it sure as shit was on a merry go
round now.

           
“He passed away before we were ever able to set a date.”
Deb explained. “He was in a fatal car accident that took his life. I never even
got to say goodbye. By the time Joe had picked me up and we went to the
hospital, he was already pronounced dead.” Her heart suddenly felt heavy for
all the loss she and Joe had endured. “I don’t remember much, most of it I
blocked out of my head years ago. I remember the pain, though, and I remember
the one who brought me out from that dark place I was headed was Joe.” She let
go of Cara’s hand and walked around the breakfast bar, taking a seat beside
her. “My children don’t even know. It’s something we never really discussed,
Joe and I. I guess we never really saw the point after all these years. We both
have a hollow place in our hearts for Vincent. I still think of him from time
to time, in fact, that’s where Sam gets her blue eyes from.” She smiled. “Every
time I look into the eyes of my daughter, I think they are a gift from Vincent,
that, he never really left us, because his spirit was within our family. The
family Joe and I created.”

           
“I don’t know what to say…” Cara said honestly. Did she
say she was sorry for her loss? And then she wondered if down the line, after
the years had passed her by, would she tell her own story, and people would
feel the exact same way she did at that moment listening to Deb’s. If Vincent
hadn’t passed away, would Deb and Joe have had a chance at the love they
shared? Would they have had the family that they did? She thought back to her
dream of Jake and how he had told her that he wasn’t meant to be her forever
but to be the one that led her to her forever.

           
“Losing Vincent must’ve been very hard on you.” Cara said
and then hesitated for a moment before she gave Deb a gift from her son, his
words. “But maybe Vincent wasn’t meant to be the man you spent your whole life
with. Instead, he was meant to lead you to the person you would.”

           
Deb looked at Cara, letting her words sink in, she
smiled. “That may be true.” She tilted her head to the side and looked at Cara,
tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “Just like Jake led you to
Luke.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips to her forehead. “My only wish
for you and Luke is that you have a long lifetime full of love and happiness,
just as Joe and I have. Make each other happy and love one another with
everything you have.” She pulled back, cupping Cara’s face, she stared into her
eyes with a soft smile on her face. “I love you, sweetheart.”