Five Go Glamping (3 page)

It was a very ill-informed decision of mine to set up Steph on a date with Ken from work. Not my finest moment. I didn’t know about his liking for dinosaur movies or cleaning products before the date, but still, it’s never a good idea to set up your friends with work colleagues.

‘And he ordered a korma too,’ said Steph. ‘He said he didn’t really like spicy food.’

‘Oh no,’ Sinead looked at her with pity and touched Steph’s hand. Perhaps slightly overreacting.

‘I know,’ said Steph. ‘What a wuss. That is such a girly thing to do. Where are all the real men, for heaven’s sake?’

‘They’re not in here for a start,’ ‘I said. ‘Look at the state of them. I used to love it here.’

It used to be an old man’s pub before it got hipster-y and uber-fashionable, when the only food they served was a cheese cob wrapped in cling film. We would spend hours in here and treated it like our living room, meeting up after work and staying until closing at the weekends before heading into town. Me and Connor had our first date here. Now it was all black walls and chandeliers and blackboards full of cocktails and ridiculous tapas creations and I hated it. The people were different too. Once it had been full of all sorts of people, old men popping in and out of the bookies, supping pints of mild. Now it was full of hipsters, wearing the same sorts of clothes the old men used to wear but with designer labels on them.

Connor still liked it in here, he mingled with all the hipster types, but it didn’t feel real to me any more. It was all so pretentious.

‘I can’t believe we haven’t been on holiday this year,’ Sinead said, interrupting my thoughts. ‘We could all do with a change. A rest. We’re all overworked. We’re burnt out. I was reading about it on Goop. Women our age are tired because we want it all but what we really need is some fresh air,’ she announced. ‘We need fresh air, peace and quiet, country walks. A break away from it all. We could go camp–’

‘Forget it.’ I interrupted. ‘I know what you are going to say. I’m not going camping. Not after last time. If I could afford to go on holiday, which I cannot, I’d want to go somewhere warm or to a spa. Somewhere nice where you don’t have to put your coat on to walk to the showers.’

‘A break
would
be nice,’ said Steph wistfully. ‘A holiday would do us all good.’

‘Can’t afford it,’ I continued. ‘I haven’t budgeted for a holiday. I need to get this deposit saved and get this promotion at work and then I can go on all the holidays I want.’

A holiday did appeal to me massively; I wanted a change of some sort and maybe a holiday could be just the thing I needed. Time to get some clarity.

My thoughts ran through all the things I wanted to change: I was unhappy at work, unable to pursue anything I really wanted to do; I hadn’t saved enough for my own place; Connor was around less and less. My five year plan was already crumbling and I didn’t know whether a holiday would fix any of that. ‘I feel like I need a new thing, you know?’

‘What kind of thing?’ asked Sinead.

‘What I mean is, you have a thing Steph – you have a proper grown-up career and you are glamorous and can run in skyscraper heels. That’s your thing.’ I turned to Sinead. ‘And you Sinead, you have all your stuff going on. And your
interests.
’ I waved a hand up and down in front of her gesturing to her rose quartz jewellery. Steph and I had both said we would never speak to her again if she a) started wearing patchouli oil or b) started wearing any kinds of clothes that had mirrors in them. As it was, she was fairly stylish and a little bit quirky and we hoped it would remain that way.

‘But for me, everything is just so boring and repetitive! I haven’t achieved anything from my plan. I don’t have my thing. I haven’t found it.’

‘You have lots of things! Let’s see. You are excellent at cooking. And you are excellent at listening,’ said Steph.

‘That’s true,’ said Sinead. ‘You always listen to us and you come up with great solutions all the time. Plus, your new coat is nice.’ It was nice of her to say but Nice Coat wasn’t really the sort of thing I was looking for.

‘Maybe I should ask for a change at work,’ I announced.

‘But you hate change,’ said Steph, ‘That’s why you’re always moaning about this place. You’re always plotting and planning your way through everything.’

‘You should take small steps. If you want opportunities to come your way, you have to make room for them,’ said Sinead. ‘I know what you need,’ she continued, ‘I picked this up at the Himalayan Healing Centre. Listen, this could be the thing for all of us.’ She rummaged in her bag and pulled out a flyer and when I saw it, I knew that this was going to be the worst idea ever. Worse even than Steph going out with Jurassic Bleach.

Chapter Three

I suggested we all pile back to mine where I would cook us a midnight feast and we could discuss Sinead’s plan for us to attend ‘Fire up your life with Chelsea Aurora Moonbeam for £9.95’ on the way.

Steph and Sinead always marvelled at how I cooked up such treats on a shoestring budget and they jumped at the offer. It also meant we could swing by the off licence and I could make even more savings on my budget.

As we approached my flat, I saw Connor’s car outside. He was talking on the phone and as the three of us approached, he gave a wave and carried on his conversation on the telephone. I could see he’d had his hair cut and while he looked great, I couldn’t help but wonder how much it had cost. His beloved car, which I was never allowed to drive, seemed to look shinier than usual too and I wondered if he had paid for some ridiculous valeting service, further eating into our savings.

‘How much did that cost?’ I said as he got out of the shiny car.

‘I’ve missed you too, babe,’ he said, smiling.

That smile. And those crinkly eyes. And his general smoking hotness. At one time, it was all enough to make me melt, but I was still so cross about the anniversary dinner, he’d have to do a better job than that.

‘I suppose you want to come in then,’ I said.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. He tilted his head to the side and I admit I started to melt a little before I straightened myself up, determined not to be swayed by his charms. I needed to let him know how cross I was.

‘You could have called,’ I said.

‘You know I have to work, Fiona,’ he said.

It wasn’t that I minded he worked so late or even that I didn’t get to see him as often as I liked, it was the thoughtlessness. What was he doing that kept him so busy, he couldn’t even send a text? Yes, it was important that we both worked hard and put everything we could in the joint savings account, but the sociable aspect of his job meant a lot of the time these ‘meetings’ he went to were nothing short of going out clubbing. I reminded myself that once we had the money saved to get a place, he wouldn’t have to ‘network’ so hard, and I might get to have my Saturdays back.

Steph and Sinead looked a bit embarrassed and said a quick hello to Connor before saying their goodbyes, hugging me and walking back towards Steph’s house, leaving me and Connor alone.

‘Come in then,’ I said.

He grabbed his bag out the boot, a Luis Vuitton hold-all I hadn’t seen before.

‘Is that new?’ I said.

‘We’ve talked about this before, Fiona. I have to look the part, don’t I?’ Looking the part was one thing, but if he hadn’t even earned what he was spending, I was worried he wasn’t saving enough for us. I didn’t know if it even mattered to him any more. He seemed to be more concerned about status and being seen to be cool than spending any time with me.

We went into the kitchen where he dumped his bag by the washing machine and headed for the fridge.

‘Anything to eat? I’m starving’ he said, rooting through the fridge and freezer.

‘I cooked for you yesterday,’ I said.

‘I know, I know,’ he said ‘I’m sorry, but I was sorting out a really good deal. I’m doing it for us, for our future. Five year plan, remember?’

‘And what then,’ I asked, folding my arms.

‘How do you mean?’ he said picking with his fingers at the leftover lasagne I had earmarked for Sunday lunch.

‘Yeah, well I’m not entirely sure about the plan any more,’ I said. ‘I was thinking of doing something else. Leaving work, getting a different job. Maybe going back to college.’ I’d been thinking about it all day. Steph was right, I had spent too long plotting and planning and I was missing out on stuff.

‘We’ve talked about this,’ he said ‘We’ll get our own place first and then you’ll be able to do whatever you want.’

‘But I want to leave now, I hate it there. I’ve been there too long. It’s okay for you, you’re doing what you love. What about me?’

‘Fi,’ he said. ‘You know you can’t. I thought we were saving?’

‘Well maybe I don’t want to be saving, maybe I want to be living now.’

‘Maybe I could move in here,’ he said, spooning my lasagne into his mouth without any thought about what he was doing or saying. ‘Save some money that way?’

I thought about it for a split second and then his bag by the washing machine caught my eye. Did I really want him moving in here to my one bed flat, coming back at all hours, only to never see him?

I shrugged and leant back against the counter.

‘Maybe we should have a break?’ I suggested. I wasn’t sure whether this was what I wanted but I did want to see how he reacted.

‘Like a holiday?’ he said, ‘I don’t think we could afford that.’ I couldn’t believe he was so arrogant that he hadn’t even considered I meant a break as in splitting up.

I stared at him in disbelief for a second and then considered whether to push the issue. What would he think if I told him I wanted to split up? The thought of it frightened me, it was such a massive change. Steph was right, I did hate change. Connor had appeared in my life as I was formulating my plan and I had taken it as a sign that we were meant to be. I had changed my plan to accommodate him in it, adding ‘Get married by thirty’ to it. Splitting up with him now felt like I would be giving up and it terrified me.

‘So what exactly are we’re going to do when we’ve saved up all the money, at the end of the five year plan?’

‘You know,’ he said grabbing a fork and starting on another dish. ‘We’ll buy a place, live together.’ He paused and looked at me. ‘Live the dream.’

‘What’s your dream?’ I asked.

‘Being with you,’ he said. ‘You know. Marriage, kids and stuff, all of that. We can do what we want.’

‘How romantic. Is that a proposal?’ I said.

‘If you like,’ he laughed.

‘When?’

‘When we have the savings. When the five years are up. Going to grab a shower, yeah?’ he said.

I headed off to bed feeling exhausted and was dozing off when Connor returned from the bathroom, got under the covers and went to sleep.

‘Happy bloody anniversary,’ I said to him.

*

Connor was taking up the whole of the bed in the morning and I knew he wouldn’t surface until noon so I sloped off to the living room and began the day lying on the sofa watching Country Tracks, wishing I hadn’t had that last glass of wine last night.

After Connor had gnawed the corners off all my food last night, I would have another day’s cooking ahead of me, rustling up some new creations for the week. Maybe Connor would let me use his precious car to go to Waitrose for some posh ingredients. I was still cross with him for missing our anniversary dinner and not calling, but after I’d slept on it I felt happy that at least he’d said he wanted to marry me, even if it was the most half-hearted proposal ever. At least he was trying.

The landline phone ringing startled me, but at least I knew who it was. ‘Hello, Mum.’ Who else uses the landline?

‘Have you forgotten you’re to come to dinner?’

‘No, of course I haven’t.’ I had.

‘I bet you’re not even dressed, are you? Is Connor with you? Will he be bringing you in that lovely car of his?’ I could hear the exasperation in her voice.

‘Yes, he’s here, and we’re leaving now, in fact.’ I lied again as I struggled out of my pyjamas.

‘Oh, how lovely,’ she said. ‘I’ll be delighted to see him. You’ve got a real winner there. A real winner!’ I actually thought at one point she might even applaud.

‘Yep. Really lovely, Mum. Have to go, I’ll see you in a bit.’ I hung up and ran up the stairs to Connor.

‘Wake up,’ I shouted on the way up the stairs. ‘We have to go to Mum and Dad’s.’

He stirred under the duvet, his brand new haircut had messed up during the night.

‘Come back to bed,’ he said.

‘I can’t, we have to go, come on get up.’

‘I’ve got a meeting,’ he said. ‘I’ve got to go as soon as my washing is dry. Will you stick it in the dryer for me?’

‘As soon as your washing is dry?’ I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. Just when I had decided to be a little more sympathetic about his long working hours and putting his lack of contact down to forgetfulness, he came out with this.

‘Is that all you’ve come here for, to get your washing done and somewhere to kip for the night? You absolute utter knob head.’

I dashed back down the stairs, pulled all of his still wet washing out the machine into the basket and ran back up the stairs as fast as I could. Then I tipped the big pile of wet clothes all over the bed.

‘Here’s your bloody washing!’ I said.

‘Don’t be like that Fi,’ he said, struggling to get out from underneath. ‘I didn’t mean it that way.’

‘Well how did you mean it then?’ I said. ‘What could you possibly mean other than you’re treating the place like a hotel? I don’t see you for a week and then you turn up with your shiny car, your hundred pound haircut, and your crap proposal.’

‘Come on Fiona, please?’ he said, standing up. ‘I want you to help me out a bit.’

‘And I want you to make an effort,’ I said, thinking about how if I did have four cats, they wouldn’t expect me to do their washing for them.

‘I’ll make an effort, I promise, give me a chance. It’s almost September, things will quieten down soon,’ he pleaded with me.

‘I have to go,’ I said, turning and leaving the room.

‘At least let me give you a lift,’ he said.

Despite not wanting to be anywhere near him, I did want to get to Mum’s on time, so I reluctantly agreed. But I ignored him the whole way there.