Flight (14 page)

She turns as I enter. The stick pad automatically activates as my boots come in contact with her deck and make a ripping sound with each step. "Junco, can you help me for a minute?" I grab a few items that try and get past me and hold on to them as she gets everything secured down. "The fucking grav field in here is terrible. I've complained to Ryse so many times, but he's not interested in anything but his stupid–"

"Layla," I interrupt, "how likely would it be that I'm" – I stop and put up as many walls I can think of to screen my mind from Isten – "pregnant?"

She blinks at me. Several times. "Pregnant, Junco?"

I nod. "Yeah." I stop and sigh. "I've been sick and I'm no expert, but I have been – before – ya know? So I have an idea of what it feels like and it feels like–"

"Pregnant?" Her mouth stays open a little after the word comes out. "With Tier's?"

"It can't be Kush's child, right? That was months and months ago before I cut my chest open. And well, I'm not sure if it's even possible for Tier to get me pregnant, but maybe you could just check me out? I don't feel well, Layla. And maybe it's the nerves about the jump, but I haven't puked over a mission since I was fourteen. I'm nervous, sure, but this is not typical behavior for me."

"He'll never let you do the mission if I check you out, Junco."

"Well, we don't have to tell him,
obviously
."

She shakes her head at me. "I'd have to tell him, I work at his direction only, so if I run tests I have to report. It's not like it is with you guys, I have to–"

"OK, never mind then. I'm not gonna fuck up this mission over some stupid nerves. It's just nerves, right?"

She stares at me like I just grew an eyeball out of my armpit. "Right. Yeah, nerves. I wish I had something for nerves, Juncs. But I don't, sorry. I wouldn't even know where to begin, actually. I mean avians don't get – nerves. So, that's not something I've ever done before. Maybe there's a doctor on Earth that does that stuff? In the Northern Territories?"

I sigh and sit down on a stool that's stuck to the deck. "How the hell would I manage that, Layla?"

She shakes her head at me. "It's one week, Juncs. Can you sit on it for a week? I mean, it's ten days at the most. I'll up your anti-rad dose just to make sure, OK?"

I nod and stand up, inhaling the reconditioned air deep enough to make me sick. "Yeah, all right. I'm sure it's nothing anyway, right? I mean, is it even possible?"

She looks away. "Oh, it's possible, Junco. Just not something that ever happens with us. But you're not really" – she swallows – "no offense or anything, but you've got abilities I don't, so I have no idea. I'm not qualified to advise you on this at all."

"Don't say anything, Layla. It's very bad manners to say anything about this topic until the people involved want the news to get out. Understand?"

She smiles and walks over to me, then squeezes both of my shoulders. "I won't, Junco."

I leave with plans to go to the mess, then divert to the dorm when my stomach heaves and climb in my bunk instead. Lucan's ominous words filter back into my thoughts
Who knows what would have happened to that baby. It might not even have survived.
So the parts of me that are human allow me to get pregnant apparently. But the parts of me that aren't human make sure I'll never have a baby. If this is how it works, God is beyond cruel.

Isten walks in a few minutes later and I pretend to be asleep and stay out of his mind so I don't have to talk to him.

Eventually I do fall asleep, and eventually Isten comes back to pester me, but I keep my back to him and my mind to myself. He doesn't take the hint this time, and climbs in, pressing up against me. "Isten, I don't want you to sleep here tonight."

"It's not Isten."

I turn and smile, then peek through the opening in my curtain to see if Isten is nearby. "What are you doing in here?"

Tier lifts me up a little and slides his arm and wing under me, then pulls me close. "Shit, Junco – what good is being captain if I can't make my own rules?"

I sink into him. "True, I'm not complaining. Stay all night, OK?"

I feel him nod behind me. "I fully plan on it."

We're quiet for a few minutes and I wonder if Layla broke her word, or if Isten got wind of what I was thinking and told him. But I let it go. I doubt he'd have this much self-control if he thought I was keeping
that
from him.

"I'm gonna quit, Junco."

I turn to look at him. "Quit? How come?"

He drags his fingers across my forehead, swiping the hair from my eyes, and then traces the scar along the side of my head. "I'm tired too. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't even want to be on this mission right now, to tell ya the truth. But yer here and that's the only reason I agreed to come back to the 039. That and having a chance to get a nine again, especially since it's you. That's probably the highlight of my whole career, ya know that?"

He stops for a few seconds and I stay silent so he can continue. "To be honest, I was kinda loving the new Fledge team, Juncs. It was all so easy – trainin' them. Like a normal job. But being captain of the 039 is not a job, Junco. It's a life. Did ya know that we hadn't been back to Amelia in five years? I mean fuck, I was younger than you when I left Amelia the last time. I've spent more time on Earth than I have in the Band. Far more. It makes it hard, ya know? When we come home and have to settle in again. People don't know us, they don't really like our power and status, and they have a difficult time trusting us. Especially me."

I search his eyes. They aren't glowing at all, which, from my extrapolation over the past few months, means the topic is not eliciting wild emotions. In Tier, this means his mind is made up. "Yeah, I can see why that might suck. You're looking for a new normal."

He smiles and his eyes do glow a little this time. "Exactly, darlin'. That's exactly it."

"Lucan says you can be an Archer."

He huffs out some air and laughs. "Yeah, well, I got news for him – I'm not interested in being an Archer. Fuck, I'd rather stay captain of the 039 than be an administrator of some backwater habitat."

"Oh, is that what they do?"

"Well, ya know the ones like Rache, or Lucan or even Gib, they got it made with their appointments. Lucan runs both Aves and Fledge, Gib runs Clutch, and Rache runs Justice. They're like the power triangle as far as Archers go. I'd be a nobody, they'd just give me some newly created hab as far from Amelia as they could get me. They can't stand me, Junco. I doubt if Lucan even gives a shit anymore."

"He does, Tier. I can tell."

He smiles and then leans in and kisses me, his hand grasping behind my neck to urge me closer. When he pulls back his words come out in a whisper. "He loves you, darlin', and you love me. It seems that love, with Lucan anyway, is completely transferable."

I laugh. "Whatever works, right?"

His eyes brighten with his upturned mouth. "Right. I'll take what I can get these days."

"I was planning on quitting too. As soon as Isten said we're not allowed to be together if we're on the same team. I was ready to quit that first night at the sniper camp. But I promised to do this and everyone seems to think I can make it happen." I shrug. "So, whatever. I told Lucan I'd do it, but I don't want a life of missions anymore."

He breathes out and looks up. "Exactly. A life of missions is hardly a life." He slips his hand under my shirt and it slides inside my pants and rubs the sensitive skin that covers my dock. I have a brief moment of panic. "Ya don't take it out much. How come?"

I slow my heartbeat and then internally thank God he's talking about my weapon and not my possible change in health status. "What's the point? I'm not going to use it on anyone around here. Like Isten said, my only real skill in battle is killing people. That really hit home for me. And he's right. I'm not a warrior, I'm a killer. I can't protect myself if I can't kill."

"Nah, Juncs. Ya did a fine job in the Deliverance fight. I was watching most of it."

"Yeah, but what you don't know is that I made the decision the minute my feet came unstuck to kill them all–" I stop when I realize what I said. "Except Kush, I mean. I never intended to kill Kush. That was an accident."

He nods and brings his hand back up to my waist to pull me in. "I get it. And that's the real reason you don't want to use the SEAR. Isn't it?"

I haven't thought about it, but it must be pretty obvious to people. "Well, maybe some of it is. But believe me, if I see that fucking Aren on Earth, he's getting his head sliced off again no matter how done I am with this life."

He doesn't meet my gaze. "We'll worry about him when we have to. But tonight," his hand slips back down inside my pants, "Isten and his high and mighty rules can go to hell." And then his mouth covers mine and I close my eyes and allow myself to enjoy him like it's our last night together.

Chapter Thirteen

Isten is the height of military professionalism the next day and I feel a little guilty for breaking our agreement. He carefully helps me suit up and sends me encouraging thoughts as helmet time nears. I'm not worried about the fucking helmet. I'm not even worried about the jump really. I mean, sure, it's a little crazy to think of how long we'll be falling, but even if the chute fails, and it won't, but even if it did, I have a perfectly good pair of fucking wings.

My head is back on straight as far as the mission goes. I roll my neck until it cracks and then stretch my wings out as far as I can in the cramped staging room, giving them a good flap for emphasis. But I'm a little worried about all the other fucking shit stacking up around me.

I check that everything I carry is secured enough to withstand the wind force we'll experience as we fall and feel satisfied. We are packed up good, but I carry the most because I'm the lightest and the extra weight will get me on the ground about the same time as the rest of my team. If the suit dock wasn't in light-G, I'd be on the floor right now from the extra weight.

My mini-plasma is strapped to my thigh, Big Boy, my full plasma and my projectile assault are on my back, and my 50 cal is strapped to the front. I have just enough cartridges, mags and rounds to get me through a ground battle at landing. My other thigh carries enough field rations for a week, and a few other emergency provisions.

Arel carries Isten's 50 cal and he and everyone else has an extra assault rifle plus their own weapons and the bulk of the ammo and rations.

When I turn around to see where we're at as far as time goes, everyone but Isten and I has their helmet on. The on-board computer is counting down the minutes to the jump when Layla enters. I watch as Monk helps Isten with his helmet and begins the pressurization of his suit.

"Everything going well?" Layla's smile is big, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"If you've got bad news for me, Layla, save it for another day. I'm not in the mood right now."

She slips a small packet into a pocket on the sleeve of my suit and seals it closed, then gives me a pat on the shoulder. "No, just wanted to make sure you're OK."

Isten is fully pressurized now and Monk calls me over to him. "I'm fine. I'll talk to you once Arel gets the coms set up, OK?"

She nods and steps aside so they can seal me up.

I nod to Monk and push the helmet over my head, then watch the guys snap me up and start pressurizing. My vision screen lights up with details of the process, the temperature of the outside air, vitals, and positioning coordinates. A map floats on screen and the primary and alternate landing beacons are blinking.

"Com check. One." Tier's voice comes through my helmet as thin and tinny, but clear. We sound off in order and when they hear me say com check nine every helmet nods and the good lucks and back-slapping start flying. Isten grabs my suit and clips me in front of him.

His voice comes through my coms. "Normally I have you behind me, Juncs. But since you're so small, might as well just put you in front. When we disengage I'll push off and then fly out in front, so you can follow me. OK?"

I nod. "Sure. Sounds good."

"Don't extend your wings until I'm clear, got it? We'll do this at 1,000 feet. Check your altimeter on the way down. If you have a problem, let me know, but I checked it this this morning. It works."

"All right, 039." Tier's voice is back as Isten and I take our positions on the small circle that will flush us down to the lower deck, then out into the stratosphere. "Change your fate and meet your destiny." The guys all repeat it back to him, a small tradition I was unaware of until now. "Godspeed, Junco." A purely human good luck meant only for me. "I will see you all on Earth, enjoy the ride."

I whisper Godspeed to them and then the timer reaches zero and we drop down into the intermediate hold where there is a minute pause as the upper hatch closes and the locks disengage for the push, and then we are falling.

Isten calls our fall in his faraway voice that now has moments of static. "Departure altitude, 135,000 feet. Acceleration is 745 mph and increasing slightly. You OK, Junco?"