Flutter (15 page)

“Where did you go that was so important you couldn’t
let me know?” Mae fixed her gaze on Jack because he had offered the
most up, and he shrunk back from it, wrapping his arms over his
chest. He shifted uneasily and glanced at me, but I shook my head.
I didn’t want any part of her hysteria.

“We just, uh, went to the club to look-” He’d barely
gotten out the word “club” before her eyes widened and she cut him
off.

“The
club
? Not the vampire club? None of
you would be that stupid to do something as risky and dangerous as
that without even letting me know.” Mae was completely aghast, and
Jack looked at his feet, so she turned to the rest of us. “What
were you thinking? Do you all have a death wish? Just because you
can live forever doesn’t mean you will!”

“We were going there after Jane,” I said quietly,
hoping to appease her some.

“If you all want to die, I can’t save you!” She threw
her hands up in the air. “I can’t save anybody!”

A fresh tear slid down her cheek, and I wanted to hug
her or comfort her in some way, but I didn’t know how. I was afraid
that anything I did would just set her off more.

“We’re really, really sorry,” Milo said.

“I can’t save
anybody
!” Mae wailed, her voice
cracking.

“Mae,” Ezra whispered. She sobbed, doubling over and
holding her sides. He wrapped his arms around her and held her up.
“Mae, love, it’s all right.”

“It is
not
all right!” Mae tried pushing him
away, but he held steadfast. “This is not how it’s supposed to be!”
She cried harder, her words lost completely in her tears, so she
turned and buried her face in his chest.

They stood that way for a minute, and the rest of us
stared at them. We weren’t really sure if we should leave or stay
there or speak or what, so we just stared.

“I don’t mean to be rude,” I said carefully when Mae
seemed more composed. “But, um, what is going on?”

“Mae went to visit her human family,” Ezra
explained.

Even though his words were meant to be soothing, I
heard the disapproval in them. He didn’t think that Mae should have
anything to do with the humans she had left behind when she turned,
but she insisted on driving out to check on them, although she
never interacted with them.

“Tonight, she found out that her great-granddaughter
is terminally ill, and she only has a matter of months to live,”
Ezra said, and he held her more tightly. Just hearing him say it
aloud devastated her.

Mae had been twenty-eight when she turned, leaving
behind a young daughter. Her change hadn’t been entirely by choice,
and she had to leave a family that meant everything to her. She had
been forced to watch her daughter grow up from a distance, and then
her granddaughter, and now her great-grandchildren.

Ezra tolerated her fondness for them because he loved
her so much, but he had given her a deadline. They were going to
have to move away from them soon, because she couldn’t spend her
entire existence watching her future generations getting old and
dying.

The hardest part for Mae was that she had had an
infant son that died several years before her daughter was born. It
almost killed her, and Mae swore that she would never outlive any
of her other children. Unfortunately, she had become immortal, so
she would have no choice.

But nothing could’ve prepared her for losing her
five-year-old great-granddaughter. I doubt she could even wrap her
mind around losing her adult daughter, let alone a small child.

I went to her, and she pulled away from Ezra just
enough so she could hug me. As much as she loved him, at that
moment, she wanted a child, and I had become a surrogate daughter
for her. She held onto me so tightly it was painful, but I said
nothing.

Eventually, she calmed down and apologized for her
behavior. By then, Milo and Bobby had snuck up to their room, much
to my annoyance. Ezra stayed by her side, in case she might need
him, but Jack had ventured into the backyard with Matilda to give
us space.

When Mae could speak clearly, she explained that
Daisy, her great-granddaughter, had been looking under the weather
the last few months, but it wasn’t until tonight that she was able
to overhear them talking and found out exactly what was going
on.

Ezra was convinced that rest was the best solution to
her current state, and he looked rather drained himself. He helped
Mae back down to their room, looking apologetically back at me as
he did. He cared about her very much, but he was still upset she
had any contact with them. Nothing good came from keeping humans in
your life.

I thought of Jane at the club, and Bobby upstairs
with my brother, and shook my head. Eventually, everyone would die,
except for us, and I could never tell if that was comforting or
terrifying.

Jack was outside, wrestling in the
fallen leaves and frost with Matilda. The moon was fat, but thin
clouds hazed over it. I stepped out the French doors, relishing the
chill in the air. Breathing in deeply, I tried to let the freshness
from the outdoors cleanse everything else. All of Mae’s tears, and
all the horrible images of Jane in the darkened rooms of
V
.

Jack grinned when he saw me and got up from a pile of
leaves he and the dog had been demolishing. Matilda had twigs and
leaves imbedded in her fur, and she loped around the lawn carrying
a big stick in her mouth. He ran a hand through his hair, freeing a
few leaves himself and walked over to me.

“How are you holding up?” he asked.

“Great.” I was exaggerating, but I did feel a lot
better being outside.

“You sure?” He looked at me seriously, and I picked
at some of the foliage that clung to his tee shirt. His bare arms
were dirty and cold from the ground, but I doubted he noticed.

“Yeah. Mae is the one having the rough night, not
me,” I said.

“How is she?” He looked past me at the house,
worrying about her.

“I really don’t know,” I admitted. “Ezra took her
back to their room to get some rest, but…” I trailed off and
shrugged. It was hard to say how she would hold up.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t help Jane more.” He returned
his concern to me.

“Me too, but you’re right. She has to want to help
herself, and she’ll probably never want to,” I sighed and rubbed at
my arms, even though they weren’t really cold.

“You’ve had a really long night. You should probably
get some rest, too.”

“That is true.” It was early for me to go to bed, but
I hadn’t felt completely rested since before I went to Finland. I
yawned and thought longingly about curling up in bed.

“Do you want any company?” Jack asked, wagging his
eyebrows.

“You know I do,” I chewed my lip. I always wanted
Jack in bed with me, especially after we had started earlier, but
my heart wasn’t really in it just then. “But we probably shouldn’t.
I’m probably not in control enough to handle what you would do to
me.”

“That is true,” he smiled a little sadly. “You go in
and go ahead to bed. I might come up in a bit to grab some clothes,
but I gotta get the dog cleaned up before I can take a shower and
crash on the couch.”

“I feel so bad about kicking you out of your own
bed,” I said for the millionth time since I had moved into his
room.

“Hey, I’m nothing if not a gentlemen, and I couldn’t
sleep knowing you weren’t absolutely comfortable.” He leaned down
and kissed me. His lips were cool from the night, but the kiss was
brief, stopping too soon. Still, my skin felt warm and flushed when
he straightened up. “Go on and get to bed. I’ll see you later.”

Reluctantly, I turned to walk back into the house.
Matilda chased after me, planning to sneak into the house, but Jack
stopped her. Her big white paws were covered in cold mud from
running around by the lake, and her fur was full of debris from
rolling around. I don’t know what his plan was for getting her
clean before they went into the house, but I left him to it.

I watched them for a minute before heading up to his
room. Matilda leapt happily over piles of leaves, and Jack charged
after her, laughing and egging her on. He was dirty and his clothes
were getting ruined, but he didn’t notice at all because he was
having too much fun with his dog.

It was weird how things like that could make me love
him so much. My heart swelled at the sight of him, and I turned to
go upstairs before I changed my mind about inviting him to go with
me.

In the middle of a horrible dream about crocodiles
chasing kittens, Jack came in and gave me a kiss. I stirred a
little in bed and invited him to join me, but he declined for
reasons that remain a mystery. I’m sure he told me, but as soon as
the words were out of his mouth, I was asleep again, but
thankfully, I managed to save all the kittens from the
crocodiles.

When I did wake up for good, I realized that one of
the things that Jack had said to me had been goodbye. Not “good
night,” not “see you in the morning,” but “goodbye,” which had way
too much finality in it for my taste.

I raced downstairs to find the den, a.k.a. Jack’s
current sleeping quarters, deserted, with all his blankets folded
up neatly, and he never folded up blankets or made his bed. I
thought about checking in with Mae, but I didn’t want to disturb
her.

That left me hurrying back upstairs to check with
Peter on the off-chance he knew something, and Matilda trailed
after me, another sure sign that Jack was gone. Peter was gone,
too, but I wasn’t even sure if he’d come home yesterday.

In truth, I’d known Jack was gone the second I opened
my eyes. I could always feel when he wasn’t around me, like the
thread between us got pulled painfully thin. I couldn’t tell
exactly where he was at or anything; I just knew that it wasn’t
close by.

Before knocking on my brother’s bedroom door, I
listened carefully. After hearing what he’d been up to yesterday, I
didn’t want to walk in on them in the middle of something. From the
sound of it, Milo was still asleep. It wasn’t even six at night,
and in vampire time, that’s pretty damn early. Usually, I’m not up
before eight pm.

“Milo?” I knocked cautiously but didn’t dare open the
door. This was weird considering Milo and I usually just burst into
each other rooms. We had never any reason for propriety before this
Bobby character had come into our lives.

I was about to knock again when Bobby opened the
door. He wore pajama bottoms and nothing else, revealing his
heavily tattooed torso. Something in Latin was scrawled across his
chest, and ivy wound about just above his pubic area, not to
mention about a million others that I didn’t have a chance to
study. He hadn’t flat ironed his dark hair, so it stood up in a
crazy mess, but he looked to have been awake for awhile.

“He’s still asleep,” Bobby whispered and crept out of
the room, closing the door quietly behind him so we wouldn’t
disturb Milo. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Uh, maybe, I guess,” I said. He crossed his arms
over his chest, trying to protect his bare skin from the chill of
the house, and I wondered why he hadn’t just put on a shirt. “Do
you know where Jack is?”

“Kinda, actually,” Bobby nodded, looking pleased to
be able to help. “They had some emergency business thing. I didn’t
understand exactly, but the stocks were going crazy and they had to
go fix it. Ezra and Jack left a few hours ago, and I think Peter
was already on his way there. They should only be there for a day
or two.”

“How do you know all this stuff?”

“Oh, cause I have insomnia,” Bobby smiled a little.
“It kinda works out having a vampire for a boyfriend, but he still
sleeps, and I don’t.” He shrugged at the humor in it, but I wasn’t
sure if I found anything about him fun or charming.

“I see.”

Matilda finally decided neither of us were Jack nor
were we suitable replacements, so she wandered down the hall. I
watched her walk away, then went back to staring awkwardly at
Milo’s half-naked boyfriend.

He smelled delicious, but I didn’t really want to eat
him. I counted that as a good sign, but I didn’t like him. Still, I
didn’t really want to go back to my room just yet.

“So, are you up for the day?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Cool. Let me just get a shirt,” he said, as if I had
invited him to do something. I nodded and waited for him, like I
thought I had invited him too.

Bobby disappeared briefly into the room before coming
out with a slim-fitting zippered hoodie hanging open. I tried to
peer around him to see what Milo’s bedroom looked like now that he
was sharing it with someone else, but Bobby barely opened the door.
I’m not sure if he was trying to hide something, or if he was just
trying to respect Milo’s sleep. Either way, I decided that I didn’t
trust him.

- 16 –

“I was gonna get something to eat,” Bobby said,
zipping up his hoodie. He didn’t do it all the way to the top, but
from what I could tell about his penchant for low V-neck shirts, he
was a big fan of showing off his chest tattoos.

Not that I blamed him really. Bobby was actually very
attractive. If I was still human and didn’t have Jack and didn’t
know that he was shagging my brother, I’d probably think he was
hot.

“I wasn’t, but that’s probably better for you.” I was
kind of joking, but I was also trying to sound kinda threatening.
Just as a reminder that if he hurt my brother, I could totally kill
him.

“Right.” He gave a small laugh and went downstairs. I
went with him, because really, I had nothing better to do. “So… do
you ever miss food?”

“Not really,” I shrugged, following him into the
kitchen. “It’s hard to explain. I remember the way food tasted, and
I kinda crave it. But when I think about eating it, I feel
nauseous. Besides that, blood tastes a million times better than
any food ever could.”