Flutter (17 page)

Bobby didn’t feel comfortable hanging out with Mae
when she was like that, and that made sense. She was nearly
inconsolable, and he hadn’t known her that long. I ended up making
an escape once Milo had her sitting up.

He put on
Houseboat
starring Raquel Welch on
her TV, and that got her talking about her plans to buy a houseboat
someday. Her cheeks were puffy from crying, but I hadn’t seen a
real tear in hours. With Milo there, she had even hinted at a smile
a few times.

That left me to further bond with Bobby. We played
some war game on the Xbox, which I seriously sucked at, but he
didn’t yell at me once. When I played with Jack, he could usually
manage about twenty minutes of it before suggesting that I sit out
a turn and let Milo play instead. It was nice being tolerated and
killing Nazis.

Before going to bed, I called and texted Jane a few
times. She didn’t answer or reply, but I hadn’t expected anything
different. I’m pretty sure she was pissed at me, although I didn’t
know why.

Maybe she hated me for introducing her to vampires,
or maybe she hated me for not introducing her sooner. I don’t know.
She was usually easy to get a read on. Her life revolved around
boys, clothes, and getting drunk or high. I hadn’t interfered with
any of those things before today, so she didn’t have anything to
hold against me.

Jack texted me letting me know he loved me and they’d
be getting on a plane soon. I thought about staying up to wait for
him, but then I figured that falling asleep would make the time go
faster. I crawled in his bed and couldn’t wait for him to get
back.

I felt him the instant he came in the house. My heart
pounded with happiness, and I opened my eyes.

- 17 –

As soon as I stepped out of my room, I heard them
arguing. They weren’t shouting, but they weren’t doing anything to
be quiet either. I wanted to run down and greet Jack, but I decided
to wait at the top of the steps, eavesdropping.

“Oh, come on, Jack!” Peter said, sounding frustrated.
“I did not take your pillow!”

“You did too!” Jack insisted. “You were flirting with
the stewardess and conned her into giving you the last pillow on
the plane, which happened to be mine.”

“Even if that is true, I didn’t
know it was the last pillow. And she shouldn’t have given it to me
if it was
your
pillow,” Peter said. “And I think they prefer the term ‘flight
attendant.’”

“Or, maybe, just maybe, you could’ve given me that
pillow when you realized what she had done,” Jack said, ignoring
Peter. “Maybe she was a shitty stewardess, but you saw what
happened. You could’ve done the right thing for once in your
life.”

“Why? I wanted the pillow, and I had the pillow. It
didn’t have your name on it. Why should I give it to you?” Peter
asked. “Or are you the only one allowed to take things?”

“I didn’t take anything!” Jack snapped. “I had one
blanket and no pillows. What exactly was there for me to take?”

“I don’t know, Jack. What in the world could you have
possibly taken that didn’t belong to you?” Peter replied icily, and
I could hear both of their heartbeats speed up.

“Will the pair of you knock it off?” Ezra asked
warily. From the sounds of it, they were somewhere near the bottom
of the steps, in the kitchen maybe, but Ezra was walking past,
going to his room. “People are sleeping, and I am so sick of
hearing about the damn pillow.”

“It’s not about the damn pillow,” Peter said.

“Why don’t you tell me what this
is
really
about?”
Jack asked, but he knew exactly what it was about. I was getting a
hint myself, and it made me nervous.

“I know you two are having some kind of … scuffle,
but so help me, if either one of you wake up Mae or disturb her in
any way, you’ll be sorry. Do I make myself clear?” Ezra warned
them.

There was silence, then I heard Ezra walking down the
hall to his room. Jack and Peter waited until they heard his
bedroom door shut before speaking.

“You’re an asshole,” Jack said when Ezra was
gone.

“You’re the asshole!” Peter whispered fiercely.

“I just wanted a pillow!”

“I just wanted you to leave
her
alone!” Peter
shouted.

The silence felt too thick, and my heart was barely
beating, which was good, because I didn’t want them to know I was
listening. I thought that maybe I should interrupt and stop them
from whatever they might do, but they had to hash this out
eventually. They hadn’t really spoken through everything that had
transpired, and they had to have a lot of things bottled up.

“But I didn’t. Now what do you want me to do about
it?” Jack tried to keep his voice calm, but there was a definite
edge to it. “Is stealing my pillow really making it even?”

“God dammit, Jack! Will you shut up about the fucking
pillow?”

“What do you want me to do? What’s done is done!”
Jack started shouting but remembered Ezra’s warning and quieted
down. “Seriously. I don’t know what you expect me to do at this
point. I can’t change what’s happened, and frankly, I don’t want
to. So… that’s what it is.”

“I don’t want anything from you,” Peter sighed,
sounding defeated. “Just never mind. Next time I’ll make sure you
get a damn pillow on the plane.”

I had expected them to continue talking for longer,
but I was wrong. Peter turned to climb the stairs, his bag slung
over his shoulder, and I didn’t have a chance to hide. When he saw
me, his expression was blank. I smiled sheepishly at him, but he
just exhaled and came up the stairs.

“Good morning, Alice,” Peter said louder than he
needed to, letting Jack know that I had been spying on them. “You
should’ve come down and said hello.”

“I just woke up.”

“Mmm, yes, I’m sure you did.” He opened his bedroom
door, but I stopped him.

“Peter, I’m really sorry,” I said.

“You’re not the one that needs to apologize.” He
looked at me for a minute, his eyes uncharacteristically
vulnerable, then he glanced down the steps. The French doors off
the kitchen suddenly slammed shut as Jack went outside with the
dog. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get some rest. It was a very
long flight.”

“It sounds like it.” I attempted to make a joke, but
he just turned and went into his room, closing his bedroom door
quietly behind him.

I sighed and went downstairs. Jack’s irritation was
no longer just directed at Peter. Somehow me apologizing to him was
a slight against Jack. I hated the idea that they were two teams,
and I always had to pick one side or I’d be deemed an enemy.

Jack opened the shades over the French doors to step
outside, and bright sunlight streamed in. I hadn’t slept very much
to begin with, and the sight of the sun made me want to curl up in
bed again.

Outside, Jack ignored his own fatigue. He stood on
the stone patio, his hands shoved in his pockets, and watched
Matilda root around for some long gone animal. It was wonderfully
cold when I stepped out, contrasting with the warm fall day
depicted out the window.

“So it was a long flight?” I asked, wrapping my arms
around me as I walked up to him.

“Yeah, but I’m sure Peter feels much better now that
you apologized to him.”

“He deserves an apology,” I bristled.

“How can you even say that?” Jack whirled on me, his
face contorted with pain and confusion. “After everything you’ve
been through-”

“We both know what happened. You don’t need to rehash
it every time I mention Peter’s name.” A cool breeze picked up,
blowing my hair across my face, and I pushed it back behind my
ears.

“This is just so ridiculous!” He shook his head.
“Shit happened, stuff that I apparently can’t talk about, but it
happened. And still, you wanted to go off and risk your life to
rescue him, and I said fine. For some stupid reason, I let you
go.”

“You don’t ‘let’ me do anything, and you know it,” I
glared at him.

“Whatever. I didn’t protest. You
said you wanted to go, for… God, why, Alice? Why would you want to
do that? Why are you always defending him? He doesn’t deserve any
apology! He doesn’t even deserve to be alive! And you just bring
him back here like nothing ever happened? And for that,
I
am supposed to
apologize to
him
?”
Jack looked at me incredulously. “That is so fucked up! I love you!
Why do I need to tell him I’m sorry for that when I’m
not?”

“Because he loved me too, and I wasn’t yours!” I
shouted, and he flinched.

He looked away from me, squinting up at the sun, and
I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to say. Rubbing the back
of his neck, he fell silent for a minute.

“I saw you first,” Jack mumbled.

“You cannot use that as an
argument.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not the last piece of pizza. I’m
a person, and I chose you. You have me. He doesn’t. Peter has
nothing, and he’s your brother. And I know before all this, you
cared about him, too. So now he lost me
and
you. I’m not sorry that I love
you, but I am sorry that he had to get hurt in the
process.”

“I know you’re right,” Jack said thickly. “But I
can’t forgive him. Fighting for you, I understand. Trying to kill
me, I totally get that. But when he tried to kill you… I can’t ever
forgive him for that, and I shouldn’t have to.”

I touched his arm gently, and his blue eyes were
swimming when he looked at me. I chewed my lip, trying to decide
whether or not I should tell him. I felt like I was breaking
Peter’s confidence, but if it could get the two of them to stop
hating each other, then maybe it was worth it.

“Peter never tried to kill me.”

“I was there!” Jack was irritated. “You can’t tell me
that didn’t happen.”

“No, it did, but not exactly the way you think. When
Peter bit me, he knew you were in the house. You had fought before
when you thought he was going to hurt me. He knew you’d never let
something happen to me,” I explained quietly. “He was counting on
you to rush in and save me, and he thought that you’d be too angry
to let him live. Peter wasn’t trying to kill me; he was trying to
kill himself.”

“No…” Jack shook his head and his face completely
fell. “No. That’s not… Because if he did that, that would mean
he…”

Realization flashed across his face, and he looked at
everything in a new light. All the things Peter did had seemed cold
and cruel were all really for me, and even Jack. Peter had been
trying to let me go since the day he met me because he thought I’d
be happier without him.

Jack never let himself believe that Peter loved me
because he loved Peter. He respected him and never wanted to go
against him. Then I came into the picture, and the only way Jack
could reconcile his own feelings for me was by assuming Peter could
never feel the same way.

Jack truly believed he was the one that was meant to
be with me, not Peter, and that made all his actions and behavior
okay. But if Peter loved me as much as he did, then Jack suddenly
became the villain in his story instead of the hero.

“Jack, you know how much I love you.”

I reached out for him, and he pulled away. He exhaled
shakily, so I reached out for his hand again, and this time he let
me take it. He wouldn’t look at me, so I moved so I was standing in
front of him.

“I really do love you, and this is the right choice.
And we didn’t do anything wrong, not really. I mean… I don’t know.
What else were we supposed to do?”

“I don’t know,” Jack admitted quietly. He was still
looking down so his eyes wouldn’t meet mine, and I touched his
cheek.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt
you like this. I just…” I trailed off. He felt so sad and
guilty
. I hated to see
him this way. “I just wanted you to go easier on Peter. You two
should be able to get along.”

“No, you’re right.” He forced a smile at me, but it
barely counted as one, so he let it go. “I will try.”

“Why don’t you come inside with me?” I asked. I
wanted to stay with him all day, but the sun was really starting to
get to me. It was this heavy sort of weakness that just barreled
down on me like a wet blanket.

“No, I wanna stay out here just a little bit longer.
Matilda’s still having fun,” Jack said. Matilda had actually
sprawled out on the patio, basking in the sun for warmth, but I
didn’t argue with him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked and wished he
would just look at me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he nodded, but he was lying.

“I love you,” I whispered, hoping that would help
somehow.

“I know, and I love you, too.” Without looking at me,
he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, and stepped away from me.
He had never kissed me so brusquely before. “Mattie, come on!
Where’s your ball?” Matilda jumped up to start searching for it,
and Jack went to help her.

I glared up at the sun before going back in the
house. If it wasn’t for the stupid light, I would’ve stayed out
there with him. But the bright noon sun was too draining, so I
walked back into the house. The dark sanctuary of the kitchen
brought relief, and I sighed. I had no idea if I had done the right
thing, but anything that made Jack that upset was probably bad.

I spent more of the afternoon pretending to sleep
than actually sleeping. To fill the time, I texted Jane and tossed
and turned a lot. I listened for Jack to come in the house, but he
never did. Bobby got up to eat, but everyone else was sound asleep.
Except for Jack, who was gone.

Finally, I gave up on getting anymore rest and got
out of bed. I texted him to ask where he was, but he didn’t answer.
I was starting to think I was a pariah the way nobody answered my
calls or texts.