Flutter (16 page)

“I’ll take your word for it.” Bobby crinkled his nose
at the thought of drinking blood, which I found distasteful. I knew
he let Milo drink his blood, and he enjoyed it. It seemed kind of
hypocritical.

“Whatever.” I pulled a stool up to the kitchen island
and sat down while he rummaged around in the fridge.

“I’ve always been partial to a bagel with cream
cheese.” He got said foods out of the fridge and popped the bagel
in a toaster. “I don’t think I could ever give it up, so I guess
being a vampire is out for me.”

He was trying to make a joke, I’m sure, but it
sounded like a stupid thing to be a deal breaker for immortality,
especially considering that eternity would be with Milo.

Bobby leaned against the counter,
waiting for the bagel to pop up, and an uncomfortable silence
settled over us. I was thinking my day would be much better spent
watching the newest season of
Dexter
on DVD in Jack’s room. I had
been slowly working my way through the whole series since Jack
constantly raved about it.

“So… you don’t really like me,” Bobby said after his
bagel popped up. He spread cream cheese thick all over it and
didn’t look at me. “I don’t blame you.”

“Why? Low self-esteem?” I said flippantly.

“Kinda, but that’s not what I meant.” He took a big
bite of his bagel and turned to face me. He swallowed it before
continuing. “I get it. Milo is your little brother, and he’s pretty
young and inexperienced. And I’m older, and I do kinda have that
bad boy vibe, even though I am clearly not a bad boy.”

With the tattoos and dark features, Bobby did have a
rebel without a cause thing going on, but after the way I had seen
him cowering around Milo in the club last night, I could say with
complete certainty that Bobby was not a bad boy in any real sense
of the word.

“Those things are true,” I said carefully.

“And I am human, which is dangerous in a way for
vampires,” Bobby said. “I mean, he’s stronger and more powerful
than I am, but I complicate things for him in a lot of different
ways, and I know that.”

“If you know that then why are you with him?” I
asked, not unkindly.

“That’s a good question.” It was such a good question
that he had to finish the entire bagel so he could think it over.
Finally, he swallowed the last bite and leaned back against the
kitchen counter. “I don’t want to tell you.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” I warned him
icily.

“No, it’s not…” He shook his head. “You’ll think I’m
just under the spell, that one that vampires put humans under, and
it’s not that.” He paused a second. “It sounds cheesy and like an
easy excuse and everything… but we’re in love.”

“He’s sixteen! What does he know about love?” I don’t
know why that was my go-to argument, and it was Bobby’s turn to
think that I was hypocrite. “Okay, yeah, I get that I’m not much
older than Milo, but…”

“You understand where we’re coming from,” Bobby said
with a wry smile, and I shook my head, unwilling to admit defeat.
“The situation is difficult, but the heart wants what it
wants.”

“What a stupid thing to say,” I scoffed. “My stomach
wants what it wants, too, but you don’t see me ripping out your
throat to get it, Bobby.” He shrugged, unfazed by my veiled threat,
and I wasn’t sure if it made me hate Bobby more or less. “What is
that about?”

“What?”

“You’re like twenty-one, and people
call you
Bobby
.
Isn’t that a little boy name?” I wrinkled my nose, and he
laughed.

“People called Robert Kennedy ‘Bobby’ his entire
life.”

“And look at how well that turned out for him,” I
countered, referring to his untimely assassination.

“Maybe. But my name actually is ‘Bobby,’ not ‘Robert’
or ‘Bob’ or anything,” he shrugged. “So it’s just what I go by,
since it is legally my name.”

“Was your mother like a hippie or something?” I
asked.

“Something like that.”

“Okay, so fine, you and my brother are crazy in
love,” I said, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth just playing
devil’s advocate. “Let’s say that I buy that. How did you two meet?
And how did you come to know our particular lifestyle?”

Lifestyle wasn’t exactly the right word, because it
implied that there was a choice in this. I had chosen to become a
vampire, but I could never choose not to be one, not unless I died.
Even then, I’d just be a dead vampire.

“Um… well…” Bobby fidgeted with the zipper on his
hoodie. “I used to frequent the gay clubs, especially right after I
turned 18. I wasn’t a slut, exactly, but I wasn’t… not a slut,
either.

“One of the gentlemen pursuing me turned out to be a
vampire. We ‘dated’ for awhile, but I’m using the term loosely.
We’d just fool around, and he’d bite me. But it took some time
before I figured out what was going on. I mean, even after I
realized that he was physically biting me, it was still a hard
concept to buy that he was a vampire.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said. The
supernatural could be a very hard pill to swallow. Sometimes, I
still found it hard to believe in vampires, and I was one.

“I was never a bloodwhore,” Bobby said quickly. “I
did like the way it felt, being bitten.” He looked at me. “You’ve
been bitten, right?”

“Only twice.”

“It’s pretty wonderful,” he smiled. “But it’s even
better when you’re in love. All their feelings rush over you, and
if the guy biting you is a douche bag, it can feel pretty dirty and
terrible, even when it feels so good.”

That was exactly why Ezra had been in such horrible
shape in Finland, but I wasn’t eager to think of that, so I nodded
for Bobby to continue.

“Anyway, I started hanging out
around
V
, looking
for vampires, and then I met Milo.” Bobby looked at the ground. “It
was like love at first sight. That sounds like a line, but it’s
true.”

“So you just saw him, and that was it?” I asked.

“Pretty much. He just walked over to me and we
started dancing, and kissing, and talking, and we’ve been together
ever since.” Bobby smiled wider. “Milo’s a pretty great guy.”

He ran his hands through his hair, trying to smooth
out his side bangs. His dark eyes had that weird wistful quality to
them and his cheeks were reddening lightly, so I knew he was
thinking about Milo. I didn’t doubt that he really did care about
my brother, but I just couldn’t seem to like him.

Well, that wasn’t even it exactly. I actually did
kinda like Bobby, or I was starting to at least. I studied him
closely, trying to figure out what about him was really bothering
me. Was it just that he was Milo’s boyfriend and I wouldn’t like
anybody he dated?

That’s when it finally dawned on me. I didn’t like
Bobby because I didn’t like him. My first reaction to him had been
suspicion. That had just been because I was surprised he was human,
and I was protective of Milo. Dislike was perfectly reasonable, but
I shouldn’t have been able to feel that way. Not if Milo and Bobby
were really supposed to be together, the way my blood had been
meant for Peter.

The reason everything had gotten so complicated with
Jack and Peter was because of how fluid the bond is. Jack, Peter,
and Ezra, and now Milo and I, were held together by a similar blood
bond.

Milo and I were especially bonded because we were
siblings in real life as well as in vampires. That meant I should
have a great affinity for whoever he was bonded with. It would be
impossible for me to hate who he was meant for, and yet, I had
instantly disliked Bobby.

I understood transference in all of this. I had
broken my bond with Peter, and I knew that love could be stronger
than blood. But that probably wasn’t the case with Bobby. He was
just a nice guy that Milo would be into for awhile, but not
forever.

I suddenly felt sorry for Bobby, because, Milo would
break his heart. Not the other way around.

“And you don’t have to worry about us,” Bobby was
saying, drawing me from my thoughts. He tired of trying to
straighten out his hair and flipped up the hood of his sweater. I
hadn’t really been listening to him, so I just stared, hoping he
would elaborate. “I mean, Milo, I guess. He’s not like that guy
Jane was with, and I’m not like her, either. That’s not our
thing.”

“No, I get that,” I nodded. Maybe at first the idea
had crossed my mind, but I didn’t think so anymore.

“I understand the appeal of her lifestyle. It’s
something that you can fall into pretty easily.” Bobby twisted the
drawstring to his hood around and looked at the ground.

I had a feeling that despite all his protests, it was
a lifestyle that Bobby had come precariously close to getting into,
and when things ended with Milo, there was an even greater chance
that that’s how he would end up. Thanks to Milo, he’d be even more
hooked on the feel of being bitten.

“So, you know what it’s like, probably better than
anyone in the house.” I leaned across the island, looking at him
more intently. “You get where Jane is coming from. If the situation
were reversed, if you were a bloodwhore, what could somebody say to
get you to stop?”

“That’s a good question.” He exhaled and stared off,
thinking. “I don’t know really. As long as it still feels good,
it’s a pretty hard thing to convince somebody to stop. I think it
has to start hurting her, and then you have to keep reminding her
how much it hurts.”

“How does it hurt her?” I asked. “I know that it’s
killing her, but she’s unaware of that. Like, any time she feels
like crap, she just gets bit, and then feels better, right?”

“Not exactly,” Bobby shook his head. “Immediately
after, you feel really good. But shortly after that is when you
feel the worst. The loss of blood really damages your body, and you
start to feel what it’s going through. And you have the residuals
of the vampire you’re with, and if she is picking up random guys at
the club, they’re probably dicks. Meaning she’s left with none of
the euphoria but all of their emotions and how they feel about you,
which is usually pretty shitty.

“It’s after that, after the bad feelings fade and you
get your strength back, that’s when you go back to the club,” he
went on. “You forget how bad they made you feel, how incredibly
weak you were, and for some reason, all you can remember is the
pleasure of the bite.”

“Huh.” I eyed him up, and he noticed, so he shrugged
sheepishly. “Not that your information hasn’t been helpful, but I’m
starting to think you picked up a lot more vampires than you let
on.”

“It’s different with Milo,” Bobby insisted with a
wounded look in his eyes. “Honest. You don’t have to believe me,
but it’s more than biting and fooling around. So… Please don’t tell
him, okay? He knows that he’s not the first vampire I was with, but
he doesn’t know how many were before him. I don’t want him to think
that’s what this is about, because it’s not.”

“I won’t tell him unless I think it’s relevant. So
just don’t make it relevant,” I said, staring at him evenly. He
nodded, realizing that was about the most he could get from me.

“This is a pretty awesome place,” Bobby said,
changing the subject. He moved onto making coffee, and the coffee
maker looked brand new. Mae had probably bought it especially for
him, so he must not be all bad if she approved of him. “And Mae is
amazing. How is she doing today?”

“I haven’t seen her.” I looked over my shoulder
toward her room, and I tried to listen for the sound of her over
the coffee pot gurgling, but I couldn’t hear anything. “Have
you?”

“No, but if Ezra left, I didn’t think it would be
that bad,” Bobby said.

The kitchen smelled completely of coffee, and I felt
an odd pang of knowing I couldn’t have any. I had never really
liked coffee, but I loved the smell of it. My stomach gave me a
sharp pain, reminding me that I didn’t want any of that anyway.

Bobby suddenly seemed to smell stronger, and I pushed
it back. This was just my body’s attempts to convince me I was
hungry, but I shouldn’t be yet, and even if I was, I had to learn
to get control of my hunger instead of letting it control me.

“You okay?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I shook my head to clear it.
“I think I’m just gonna get a shower. But, um, it was nice talking
to you, and I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, alright,” Bobby said, but he still looked
worried.

When I went upstairs, Matilda followed me again. She
assumed that every time I went anywhere, Jack would be waiting.
Maybe I spent too much time with him.

Although lately, it wasn’t really
feeling like I spent
any
time with him. I had just gotten back from a trip,
and then he left. In his room, with all his things, my heart
throbbed at the thought of him. Matilda jumped on his bed, covering
his blankets with her white fur, and sniffing about, as if he was
hidden amongst them.

I sighed and started rummaging around the room for
something to change into. I’d most likely spend the day watching TV
or reading or something. Nothing worth getting gussied up for.
Maybe if I was lucky, I could get Milo and Bobby to hang out with
me, if they weren’t too busy with each other.

What kind of cruel world was it where my little
brother got to have sex and mess around with his boyfriend any time
he wanted, and my boyfriend was stuck sleeping in the den every
night? Sure, I was still sorely lacking in self-control, whereas
Milo had always been a master of that, but come on!

While Jack was gone, I vowed to work on getting
myself under control, so when he came back, we could move onto the
next phase of our relationship. Namely, the really fun stuff.

Instead of doing anything fun, I spent my time curled
up in Mae’s bed with her. She was unnaturally quiet, so we mostly
sat in silence. Milo came in her room later on, and that helped. He
was always much better in a crisis than I was, and for some reason,
he was incredibly close to her. I think that maybe he was her
favorite, but that didn’t bother me so much. I was Jack’s favorite,
and that’s all that really mattered.