For King and Country (18 page)

“I’m home safe, and you’ve damn near screwed me to sleep,” I told him. “You should go back to your father’s party.”

“I don’t want to go back to the party.”

“X, it’s your father’s birthday,” I pointed out.

“Exactly, and he has hundreds of people there to kiss his ass,” Alexander said. “He won’t even miss me.”

“I doubt that.”

Alexander shook his head. “You’re right. He might miss me if he needs someone to yell at.”

“I’m just going to go to bed,” I told him, stretching my arms over my head as I unsuccessfully attempted to stifle a yawn.

“I want to go to bed with you,” Alexander said, propping himself up on an elbow and brushing a kiss across my shoulder. He was impossibly beautiful. “Earlier wasn’t enough for me. I have things to do to your body.”

“This body,” I yawned, “needs to rest. I have no idea how you’ve got that much stamina. It shouldn’t be physically possible.”

“We can sleep,” he offered, and I froze.

“You want to sleep here?” I asked slowly.

Alexander frowned, brushing hair from my face. “Is that not okay?”

It was more than okay. Inside my chest, a dozen celebratory fireworks burst through me. But I couldn’t exactly reveal my excitement and risk him pulling away again. The request was just so…
normal
that I wasn’t certain how to process it. “Sure. Of course, it’s okay.”

Alexander pulled me to him, curving his body protectively around mine, as he cradled me to his chest. His lips nuzzled my ear, saying more with the show of silent affection than words could. A mix of emotions swirled through me, bringing tears to my eyes one moment and then forcing me to bite back laughter the next. How had we gotten here? I had no idea. All I knew was that I wanted to stay in his arms. No matter the cost.

“Alexander,” I said his name softly, knowing I was treading into dangerous territory. “Earlier when you said you didn’t want to hurt me…”

He stilled behind me, drawing in a ragged breath as I searched for the right words.

“I had my reasons for saying no before,” I said finally. “But—”

“There’s nothing more to say, Clara. You don’t owe me,” he said in a measured tone. “I don’t need that.”

But I knew he was lying. I saw it in his eyes, his desire to dominate me. I sensed how he fought his need to control my body when he fucked me. “What do you need then?”

“You,” he said after a moment. “Sleep, poppet. All I need is you.”

H
is screams woke me, yanking me from my sleep like a fire alarm. Flipping on my bedside lamp, I discovered him curled in a ball beside me, clutching a pillow so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. I stared, trying to decide what to do. It wasn’t safe to wake a sleepwalker, but this was clearly a nightmare, and I couldn’t ignore his cries that clawed painfully from his lips.

My first mistake was putting a hand on his shoulder. Alexander reacted with force, elbowing me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me. I lurched up and swung my feet over the edge and planted them on the floor. Trying to stand was my second mistake. I hit the ground with a crack and crumpled, still trying to catch my breath.

“Alexander, wake up!” I yelled once my breathing had returned to normal. I stood again, unsure what to do. Grabbing a pillow, I smacked him with it, unwilling to risk more accidental injury. I could already feel the soreness of a bruise forming on my stomach from his blow. It didn’t work, so I padded over to the wall and switched on the overhead light, contemplating if I should actually throw cold water on him or wait it out. Thankfully, his eyes opened as the room brightened.

His breathing was shallow and ragged, and as he panted, he turned to look at me with wide eyes.

“Clara?” My name was a plea on his lips. He blinked, disoriented from sleep.

I stood back, rubbing the injury he’d given me. It had been an accident, but I kept my distance. I wasn’t frightened of him exactly. I was more stunned at having been awoken in such a violent manner.

“Oh god,” he panted. “What did I do?”

He was on his feet instantly, starting toward me, but I backed away. Alexander paused, realization flashing across his eyes. “I hurt you,” he said flatly.

He didn’t wait for my confirmation. Instead he crossed the room and grabbed his pants. He pulled them roughly on and reached for his shoes. My mouth opened, looking for the words to ask him to stay but not finding them. He hadn’t meant to hurt me, but it had still happened.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a defeated voice. “I warned you. I’m so, so sorry.”

I drowned in the sadness reflecting in his eyes, and there I finally found my voice as he reached the door.

“What were you dreaming about?” I asked in a small voice.

Alexander spun toward me and shook his head. “I won’t ask you to carry my demons, Clara.”

“Maybe you could just let me hold them for a while.” I stepped toward him then, walking slowly as much to steady myself as to not frighten him away. His demons didn’t scare me. Not when the alternative was losing him.

“It’s too ugly for you. You’re beautiful, pure—”

“I’m far from pure,” I teased, but the air between us remained thick and we didn’t laugh.

Alexander’s hand wrapped around my throat softly, holding me in place as his eyes burned into mine. “
You
are my beautiful, Clara. That’s why I want to protect you from the world. That’s why I want to protect you from me.”

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but as I blinked them away, they fell hot on my cheeks. “You told me once that you wanted to hear me beg.”

Alexander drew in a ragged breath and shook his head, letting go of my neck. “No. Not like that.”

“Please,” I whispered. “Please, X.”

“Do you want me to tell you that I dream about screeching metal and fire? That I wake up holding a pillow because I’m dreaming that I’m cradling my sister’s broken body?” he demanded. “And that every time I wake up, I’m no closer to knowing what the hell happened that night? I can’t tell you anything, because I don’t know anything!”

My thoughts spun out of control, trying to take in everything he was telling me. I knew about the accident, everyone did. But it had been years ago. “Have you spoken to anyone—”

“I’m not going to talk to a goddamned shrink. My sister would be alive if it weren’t for me. Period. End of story.”

“This isn’t your fault.” I dashed in front of the door, refusing to let him past. “It was an accident, everyone knows that.”

“Everyone knows what they were told. Don’t be stupid, Clara.”

The remark, coupled with the coolness in his eyes, stung like a slap across the face. I shook my head, grabbing hold of all the confidence I could muster and crossed my arms over my chest. “You are not the first person to have been in a car accident.”

“It was a little more than a car accident.” His words were spoken softly, but the hard edge under them pierced through me.

His admission shocked me. What did that even mean? Every time I thought we had moved forward, something pushed us right back. We were both dancing around our issues instead of moving on, and then I realized that it didn’t really matter. Alexander’s perception of that night, what actually happened—none of it mattered. He needed to move forward and I had to help him.

I held out a hand to him. “Come back to bed.”

Alexander’s eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. “You’re not safe around me.”

“I’m only safe around you,” I murmured.

“My life is dangerous,” he warned. His hands ran through his sleep-tousled hair. “
I’m
dangerous.”

I stepped closer to him, tipping my head up to meet his downcast eyes. “And I’m not going to break.”

Alexander took my hand and drew me against him, wrapping a hand around my neck once more. “You are fragile, Clara. Delicate. If my life doesn’t break you, the things I want to do to you might.”

I sucked in a breath but forced myself to hold his gaze. “I’m not scared of being with you, X. I’m only scared of being pushed away.”

A low growl vibrated as he collided into me with such force that I tasted iron as our tongues wrestled hungrily. His hands closed over my wrists, clamping them tightly and forcing them behind my back, showing his desire to dominate me. I folded into him, submitting to his overpowering will, and he swept me off my feet, carrying me back to bed.

Alexander moved between my legs, thrusting inside me without a word, and I gasped as his thick cock spread my sex roughly open. There was no tenderness to his touch. He’d been overtaken by something primal, and I responded instinctually, raking my nails across his covered back, clinging to him as he rode me. His hips ground savagely, pumping tirelessly like a piston inside my channel.

Holding his weight up with one arm as he rammed into me, his other hand grabbed my neck, forcing me to look at him.

“You are mine, Clara,” he snarled, his grip tightening over my throat. “I claim you. Do you understand?”

The ferocity of his body and the weight of his words settled in my chest, but I took both with a feeble nod as a tear spilled down my cheek. I was his. I knew that. Alexander owned me, and my tears were a curious mix of joy and sorrow and fear. The fire in his eyes blazed brighter as I wept and his hips rolled in wild, raw circles as he tormented my body and soul.

“I’m hurting you now,” he said gruffly, “like you wanted, Clara. Do you want me to stop?”

A “no” escaped my lips instead of a yes, and I groaned as he slammed his cock into me.

“You like it, but you think you don’t,” he grunted. “I expect you to come, Clara.”

“I can’t,” I moaned. I was nowhere near release. My sex stung from his powerful thrusts and the tension coiling through my body had nothing to do with arousal.

“Accept the pain,” he ordered. “Let go.”

He released my neck and dropped his mouth to my breast, sucking my nipple hard into his mouth and swirling his tongue over the furl. Then he bit down, catching it in his teeth and tugging it until I cried out. Alexander’s fingers plumped my breast as blood rushed to its sensitive flesh, and then he bit down again, dragging his teeth across the delicate tip. Something shifted inside me, and I relented to the torment, allowing it to overtake my shredded nerves, and in that moment, the pain transmuted to ecstasy.

I arched forward, weeping and screaming, as pleasure rocked through me, painting the world black. There was nothing but the stinging smack of his flesh against mine. The iron on my tongue and swollen lips. The sharp bite of his teeth on my breast. There was only him. He was my light in the darkness.

Collapsing with a sob onto the bed, I drew back, covering my face with my hands, as ashamed of the arousal I still felt as I was of the pleasure I’d taken from the brutal exchange.

Alexander slowed his movements, continuing to circle gently against my throbbing cunt. His body enveloped mine as he slid his arms under me, cradling me to him as he pressed kisses along my tender, swollen breasts. Rolling to his side carefully so as to keep our bodies entwined, he stroked slowly in and out of me.

He pushed my hands away from my face and brought his mouth to mine. The kiss was warm and deep, and he took his time, parting my lips gradually until a sigh escaped me. There was no clash of tongues or nip of teeth, only a languid, deliberate kiss that melted through my tested body.

“Clara?” He said my name in a silky voice, calling me back to him.

I opened my tear-stained eyes and met his, discovering that the smoldering fire in them had cooled. There were no ghosts lurking there. We had chased his demons away, but it had almost broken me.

And yet, I felt alive. My skin sang with the memory of agony and bliss. The feelings overwhelmed me, and I brought my hands to his chest, holding my palm flat against his heart. It beat steadily, evenly, his primal urges finally sated, and I counted the beats until my pulse matched his.

Alexander’s hips rolled against me, still filling my sex, but the strain and torment were gone. Despite everything, he hadn’t come, and I searched his face, suddenly fearing I’d done something wrong.

“Your pleasure is mine,” he whispered. “I will push your body until it nearly breaks, but I will never hurt you.”

And he hadn’t. The pain of the encounter had ebbed from my body, leaving only a persistent, aching rapture in its place.

“And can I break you?” I murmured, stroking my hand down his face.

He sighed and shook his head. “I’m already broken.”

“Then maybe I can fix you.” My fingers trembled as I moved my hand lower until it found the hem of his shirt. Alexander’s eyes stayed focused on mine as I slipped under the fabric and softly brushed my fingertips across the taut stack of abs he kept hidden from me. His body stiffened, his cock still pulsing inside of me.

A ragged moan escaped his lips at the contact, but he didn’t turn away and he didn’t stop me. I pressed my hand cautiously to his stomach, relishing his firmness, and then allowed my hand to drift further.

Alexander sucked in a sharp breath. “Don’t.”

But there was no anger in his words, only fear, and something else that he kept concealed. I closed my eyes, breaking the heady contact of his gaze so that I could think clearly. And that’s when I saw what he was hiding.

Desire.

Opening my eyes, I stared at him, finally understanding, and spoke softly, “I claim this body. You are mine, Alexander. All of you.”

And as I spoke, my fingers strayed upward, running across his ribs to feel the scars that marred his beautiful body. I paused, lingering over the knotted skin, but I didn’t pull away, even as a shudder racked through Alexander’s body.

Slowly, I began to circle my hips against his shaft as I grew bolder, exploring the part of himself that he’d kept hidden for so long. His breaths came quickly and he buried his head against my breast, trapping my hands to his chest. He clutched my ass as I ground against him until his desire won out over his shame, and he thrust fervently into my raw entrance, his cock erupting and filling me with surge after surge of his seed. The sensation overwhelmed me, splintering and rushing through me in an intense deluge that electrified me even as I felt the cold salt of tears on my breasts.