Forever Alexa (Book Four In The Bodyguards Of L.A. County Series) (8 page)

Jack stopped at a spare room across the hall decorated with honey-colored furniture and sage-green bedding. “I hope this’ll work for you and Olivia.”

She hated his stiff voice and cool eyes as they stared into hers. Unable to bear it, she looked down. “It’s lovely. Thank you. What—what did Detective Canon say, other than he’ll call you back?”

“They’re sending someone over from the FBI to put a trace on the burn phone.”

Her brows furrowed. “Burn phone?”

“A throw away phone like the kidnappers gave you. If they call again, the Feds might be able to triangulate a signal and find out where the calls are coming from. Hopefully they’ll get something. Otherwise there’s nothing new.”

There would be no comforting words from Jack. He would help her not because he wanted to but because he was too kind not to. “But time’s almost up.”

“Let them do their job, Alex. Someone should be here soon.”

He walked further into the room and set the suitcase at the edge of the bed. She wanted to ask him exactly what the detective had said. Jack used to be a cop. They must have said more than what he shared, but he was already on his way out. “Jack, I don’t think this is going to work,” she said in a rush. “I think Livy and I should go.”

“Why? Because this is hard on you?” He turned his back and disappeared down the hall.

Wearily, she rested her forehead against the smooth, cool doorframe and closed her eyes, fighting back her tears. There was too much to think about—too many worries, and the weight was so heavy on her shoulders. Abby. Livy. She sniffed and swiped at the tear she wasn’t strong enough to hold at bay. This
was
hard on her. The entire situation. What did Jack want from her? The decision she’d made had been the right one at the time, or so it had seemed. How could she have known Jack would want their child when he’d tossed away two-and-a-half years as if they’d been nothing?

Alexa wandered to the window overlooking the pretty backyard with its small flower garden, charming fountain, and a little patio complete with wicker furnishings. Physically spent and emotionally drained, she collapsed on the edge of the bed.

Jack had ended everything so abruptly. He’d devastated her and broken her heart beyond repair. Jack had been her first love—her only love.

“The blue sweater or the black?” she muttered as she walked down the sidewalk, clutching her coat closed against the frigid February winds, distracted by thoughts of packing for her long weekend at Jack’s. She glanced up as she approached her dorm and grinned as she spotted him sitting on a bench in the dark.

Heart soaring, she ran to him and gave him a hug and a quick peck on the lips. “Jack, what a surprise. I didn’t know you were coming. I was just going to my room to call you while I packed.” Her smile faded as she looked into his stony eyes and realized he wasn’t hugging her back. “What’s wrong? Are you all right?” She sat down next to him, her leg brushing his, and he jumped up, whirling to face her.

“Alex, I can’t do this anymore. It’s not working.”

Confused, she stood. “What? What’s not working?”

“I can’t keep driving down here. Two hours one-way… It’s too much. He paced back and forth with fast, jerky strides. “You can’t keep spending the little money you have on bus fare to come see me.”

She’d never seen him like this. “Where’s this coming from? Come on. Let’s go inside where it’s warm.” She took his hand. “I’ll make us some hot chocolate, and we can talk.”

“No.” He yanked away.

She dropped her hand and stared at the stranger before her as he shoved his fingers through his hair.

“There’s nothing to discuss. This isn’t working for me anymore. It’s just not. We need to move on. I’m so swamped, so fucking overwhelmed with my life right now. I can hardly keep my head above water. I had no idea being a cop was going to be this hard. The paperwork alone… I can’t think. I can’t fucking think.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way? Have you talked to your boss?”

He scoffed. “I’m not in college anymore. I can’t sweet talk my way out of real life, Alex, like I would with a paper. I need to concentrate on my job—and
only
my job.”

His words were sinking in and her breath backed up in her throat as the first dredges of panic bloomed. A simple conversation wasn’t going to fix this. “I’ll come home with you.” She tried to grab his arm, but he jerked away. “I’ll quit school. This doesn’t matter to me. I love you. I want to be with you. We’ll figure this out together.”

He shook his head. “It’s over, Alex.”

Heart crumbling, she grabbed his wrist and tugged on the leather of his jacket, desperate to make him understand as the finality in his voice crushed her. “Come with me, Jack. Help me pack. I’ll get a job. I’ll help with half the rent. We can make this work. I just need to be with you. I—”

“No.” He yanked her against him. “You’re almost done. I won’t let you do this. I won’t be responsible for you not finishing school. You’re not going to throw your life away for me.”

Tears raced down her face as her breath sobbed in and out. “Please, Jack.” She pressed her hands to his cheeks.

“It’s over, Alex. Over. We’re finished. Do you hear me? Finished.” He ripped her hands from his face and turned away. “I don’t have room for you in my life right now.”

She struggled to breathe as she realized his mind was made up. Without any warning, they were through. She stared at his back, sick and trembling. They weren’t getting married after she graduated as they planned all along. They weren’t going to live together and share their lives as they’d dreamed. After tonight, they would go their separate ways and never see each other again.

Jack turned and faced her as tears streamed down, unstoppable. “I’m sorry, Alex. You have no idea how sorry.”

She looked into his eyes, knowing this would be the last time, and saw the regret as she swiped at her damp cheeks. Anger grew somewhere beneath the unimaginable grief. “Two and a half years and that’s it? You’re sorry?”

“Alex.” He touched a lock of her hair.

“No, don’t.” She shoved him. “Don’t touch me. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand you. I love you, Jack. I love you so much. How can you do this? How can you just throw it all away?”

He said nothing as she choked on sorrow and wiped at her eyes.

“Alex—”

“I don’t want to hear anymore.” Turning, she ran blindly, disappearing into the night.

“Knock, knock.”

Alexa whipped her head around, still reeling from her painful memories. She looked at the man who’d crushed her heart as he held their sleeping daughter in his strong arms.

“She conked out next to the puppy.”

“Bring her on in.” Alexa rushed to the head of the bed and pulled the covers back. “Go ahead and lay her down. I’ll change her in to her pajamas.”

She hurried to the suitcase, struggling with the turmoil of the past and present as Jack laid Olivia on the crisp white sheets. She didn’t know how much more she could take. Focusing on her daughter instead—the one bright light in her life—she pulled free Livy’s lavender-colored jammies and stuffed frog and walked back to kneel next to Olivia as Jack sat on the edge of the mattress. “You don’t have to… You don’t have to stay. I’ve got this.”

He held her gaze until she looked down and gently pulled Livy’s shirt over her head, replacing it with the short-sleeved top. She unsnapped her tiny jean shorts next and tugged them off, trading them for the light cotton pants. Her eyes darted to Jack’s as she struggled to calm her nerves. “She’s worn herself out. All the traveling and playing with Kylee.”

Jack reached out and brushed the bangs from Olivia’s forehead. “She’s so beautiful, Alex. She’s so smart and sweet.”

Alexa stared at the big, masculine hand moving tenderly over their daughter’s face and down her arm to her fingers. “Livy’s my treasure.” She smiled and grabbed the stuffed animal from the floor, tucking the mournful frog under Livy’s arm.

Jack fingered the light green, webbed foot. “Gordon,” he murmured. “You kept Gordon.”

She picked up Livy’s shirt and folded the pink, striped cotton, needing to keep busy. “I couldn’t throw him away. He was the only thing I’d ever had won for me at a carnival.”

“I had to chuck that damn football more times than I should’ve. That game was rigged.”

She folded Livy’s shorts next. “You probably paid double for him what we would have if we’d bought him at the store.”

“You wanted him. I wasn’t leaving until you had this pathetic looking thing.”

A small smile ghosted across her mouth as she looked up and realized he was smiling too. She swallowed as a rush of longing snuck through her defenses. She’d never been able to resist Jack’s smile. “Livy has always loved him. She’s slept with him since day one.”

He held her gaze as he continued to toy with Gordon’s foot. “Why didn’t you tell me?” All traces of the happy memory vanished as his eyes sobered and his voice radiated with pain.

“Because I never wanted her to think, for even one second, she was someone else’s burden.”

“Goddamn,” he whispered and stood to brace his hands on the window frame. “I’ve missed so much. I’ve lost so much time.”

Alexa got to her feet and walked to him, hesitating before touching his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Jack. I thought I was doing the right thing for both of you. For all of us.”

He faced her. “I didn’t get a say. I’m so fucking pissed. I’m so sad. I want to hate you for this, Alex.”

She stepped closer to the agony radiating in his eyes, even though it would’ve been easier to step away. “Do you think the past four years have been easy? Do you think I didn’t want a typical family for Olivia and myself?
You
walked out on
me
. Out of nowhere you changed everything. Was I supposed to have tracked you down three weeks after you told me you didn’t want me anymore and that I didn’t fit in your life and tell you we were expecting a child?”

He pressed his hand to his forehead. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I didn’t either. All I knew was you were gone and I had a baby to raise. After the initial shock wore off, I was thrilled. I’ve never regretted her for a second. Not one. She’s brought nothing but joy to my life.”

“She’s so perfect, so articulate.” He looked at Olivia again and smiled. “She’s amazing. I’m still shocked she’s mine.”

“She’s very bright. She’s so much like you, Jack. There’s rarely a day she doesn’t make me laugh.”

The room grew silent as they both stared at the child they’d made.

“Did you finish school?”

“Yes. After you… After everything, I had a hard time. I struggled to keep up with my classes and student teaching. Luckily my professors were very kind. I thought I was tired from stress, but I soon found out I was pregnant. Olivia gave me a reason to keep going, even when I didn’t want to.”

“Alex.” He trailed a finger down a wisp of her hair.

She stepped away from his familiar gesture. The emotions swirling through the room were too strong. She couldn’t afford to make any more mistakes. “Everything worked out. I finished school and went home and took a job at the local elementary school—first grade. Gran helped me with Livy. So did Abby. They were my rocks.”

“How? How did it happen? You were on birth control.”

“I was. Remember that nasty sinus infection I’d had? The doctor thought the pregnancy could have been a result of the antibiotics she prescribed me. They don’t always mix well. We should’ve been more careful.”

“What are we going to do? I want to know her. I need to.”

“I—”

The phone rang on his hip. Jackson scanned the readout. “It’s the detective. I’ll be right back.” He stepped from the room and walked down the hall as he answered.

She glanced at her watch. Three thirty. Half an hour and the ransom was due. The day had rushed by in a whirl, but she was no closer to a solution for Abby. There were no new answers, nor was there a quarter of a million dollars in her account for the kidnappers. She’d been so wrapped up in her own problems; she hadn’t concentrated on her sister’s.

Alexa sank to the bed and stood again, restless. Maybe she could convince the kidnappers to extend the deadline. They could have the money she had in her savings now—a drop in the bucket compared to what they demanded—but they could considered it a down payment to buy her a little more time and let Jack work with the police to figure this out. If the FBI was able get a trace on the phone, they might be able to save Abby before it was too late. She had to believe they would find a solution. But what if they didn’t?

At wits end, she moved to the window, staring out at the rocky canyons in the distance. So much was up in the air right now; so many problems hurdled her way all at once; too much lay on the line. She couldn’t keep up. Despair and helplessness stewed together until she thought she might explode. She glanced down at her watch, staring as the seconds ticked by. Jack stepped back in the room, and she whirled. “So?”

“So far they’re running with dead ends. They’ve seen the same MO with a couple of cases over the last several months. They have a vice team tracking down leads. They think they’re close. That’s all Detective Canon will share right now.”

“They aren’t telling you anymore than they told me, which is a whole lot of nothing. I’m sick of hearing their PR crap. I want to know what they know about my sister.” She swiped her hair back and sighed as she stared at the ceiling.

He stepped closer and touched her arm. “We’re all hoping they’ll call again so we can get a trace. That’s our best option right now. Detective Canon said Agent Marway will be here within minutes to set up the equipment.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“Let’s see if it does. I put in a few calls to Pittsburg and talked to Dougie Masterson, my old roommate. This is a Maryland case, but information gets passed from precinct to precinct. He’s going to keep his ears open. We just have to wait and be patient. They need a little more time.”

She flung her watch up to his face. “We’re almost
out
of time, and my sister’s still out there somewhere. I have no idea where she is. I don’t know what they’re doing to her. Is she hungry? Is she hurt? Is she—is she alive?” She pressed her hands to her face as her voice broke, unable to bear it.

“Come here.” He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

Alexa stiffened, hesitating, before she gave in and rested her head on his solid shoulder. She closed her eyes as Jack settled his chin against her hair. How many times had they stood like this? How many times over the years had she yearned for him to hold her just like this?