Forever and Always (16 page)

“He must be right,” Naomi said. “The Hill boys don't look happy, and the judges are heading this way.”

Sibyl turned to Logan, the most beautiful smile in the world on her face. “We did it!” she exclaimed.

“I knew he could,” Cassie said. “He just had to stop remembering he was sick.”

“I think it's even more amazing because he
is
sick,” Sibyl said. “He always manages to rise to the occasion. I think he's quite a remarkable man.”

The collusion of exhaustion and elation over their win caused Sibyl's words to reduce Logan to near incoherence. He would never have believed it was possible, but this was just about the happiest moment of his life. But he didn't have time to indulge in this wonderful daydream. The judges had reached them.

“This is quite unexpected,” one announced to Sibyl. “This race is always won by young people. I'd been certain the Hill boys were a shoo-in.”

A beaming Sibyl turned to Logan. “You can never depend on the expected when this man is involved. This is another example of—”

A scream cut through the excitement surrounding them. Logan turned to see a woman bending over a man who'd been one of the contestants in the three-legged race.

“He's dead,” she cried. “My husband's dead.”

After two days of near around-the-clock attendance to her mother, Sibyl was finding it difficult to generate any sympathy for the newly widowed Alma Edwards. Sibyl's mother was a sister to Alice Hale, Laurie's mother. Her other sister, Annabelle Kessling, Naomi's mother, had died shortly after the birth of her third child. The sisters had never been so close as their children. Thus it was Naomi and Laurie who supported Sibyl through the trying time of arranging her father's funeral and supporting her mother through the process of readying the body for burial. Laurie's mother stayed away because Laurie refused to be in the same house with her.

“I'll sit with your mother for a while,” Mae Oliver said to Sibyl. Mae and Alma were second cousins, but Mae had been cool toward Alma ever since Sibyl's marriage to Norman. “Go outside for a while. It's a nice evening. You don't want to waste it.”

“Thank you,” Sibyl said. “I could use a little fresh air.”

Sibyl and her mother could hardly have been more different if they'd been unrelated. Alma had married young and taken every word her husband spoke as gospel. Her one disappointment in life was not being able to give him the sons she felt every man deserved. If there was ever a difference of opinion between Sibyl and her father, Alma took her husband's side. She believed no woman should ever question her husband. She had never understood why Sibyl wasn't happy being married to Norman. She had believed, and stated on occasion, that the fault was Sibyl's.

“Would you like for me to come with you, or would you rather be alone?” Naomi asked.

“Please,” Sibyl said. “I can do without my own company.”

“You've got to forget what your father did,” Naomi said once they were settled on the bench in the grove of cottonwood saplings. “Not forgive him. Just forget.”

“You know, I can forgive my parents for forcing me to marry Norman. There are reasons you don't know why even I thought it might be the best thing. What I
can't
forgive is the way they never believed anything I said about Norman. They thought he was perfect, that our marriage would be idyllic if I would just act like a normal wife.”

“No woman's life could be idyllic married to that man. I tried to tell your mother how Norman treated you, but she wouldn't listen.”

“Everybody tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen because my father wouldn't listen. I don't know what she's going to do now. She doesn't have a thought in her head that my father hadn't put there.”

“She'll get along fine once she recovers.”

“I can't have her move in with me,” Sibyl said. “I don't care if it's a completely unnatural way to feel. I don't care if every person in Cactus Corner thinks I'm heartless and selfish. I won't have her in my house. It would be like living with Norman all over again.”

“Why don't you consider hiring a housekeeper to live with her?”

“That's what Logan suggested.”

Naomi was suddenly alert. “I didn't know you'd seen Logan.”

“He's taking care of the bank for me. Of course I see him.”

“When?”

“He comes by at night after everyone has gone.”

“Do you mean that man has to climb the Rim every night in the dark? There are times I'm not sure he's going to take the next step without falling down.”

“I tried to convince him he didn't have to come by. Cassie can tell me anything I need to know.” Sibyl chuckled. “She tells me all that and a lot more.”

“Are you sure it's safe to trust Logan? I mean, we don't really know anything about him, and he has access to everything in your office. At least your money's safe. He can't open the safe.”

“Of course he can. How do you think he handles deposits and withdrawals?”

Naomi favored her cousin with a stern look. “I know he's half in love with you, but I didn't think you were equally out of your mind.”

“I don't have to be in love with a man to trust him. I trust Colby implicitly, and I'm not in love with him. I also trust Jared, your father, Ethan—”

“You don't have to list all the men you
do
trust. I just want to know why you feel you can put so much trust in Logan.”

Sibyl had no idea how to answer that question. She couldn't say why, but she'd trusted Logan from the beginning. Maybe it was because he risked his life to save her. Or because he stayed to make sure she was okay before he escaped. Or because he offered to help with the bank. Maybe it was the way he looked at her, like she was the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world. Maybe it was because he worked so hard despite his sickness. Maybe it was his way with the children. Maybe it was his heroic effort to stop the runaway wagon, or an equally exhausting effort to help her win the three-legged race. Maybe it was that Cassie and Horace felt they could turn to him with any question they might have. Maybe it was the way he never wanted credit for the things he did.

It was all those things, but there was more, more that had to do with feelings rather than facts. It sounded silly to say there was something in Logan's eyes that spoke to her. How could anyone else see anything but his distorted features and the pain so often reflected there? Yet she had from the first day. That something had caused her to accept his offer to work with her and had caused her to open up to him as she had to no one else. There was a quietness about him that spoke more of confidence than shyness. There was also an element of resignation she didn't quite understand.

“I suppose it started when he saved my life,” Sibyl told Naomi. “He didn't have to come into the bank. He could have backed out, and no one would ever have known. Knowing how sick he is, no one would have blamed him.”

“I would have.”

Sibyl laughed. “You have very high expectations of everyone.”

“Of course I do. We're talking about a man you trust.”

“He didn't have to refuse being paid to help me. Nor did he have to work on days when he was too sick to have left his camp. He's constantly coming up with ideas to bring in customers. Besides, the children trust him. So does Cassie, and no one has better instincts.”

“Okay, you trust him, but how about the other feelings you have for him?”

“What feelings?”

“That's what I want to know. And don't try to deny it. Laurie has noticed your interest in him, too.”

Sibyl would have preferred to keep silent, but she needed to talk to someone about her confused feelings. She certainly couldn't talk to Logan. “I don't know what to say,” she began. “There are times I'm certain it's no more than gratitude for what he's done as well as admiration for the courage with which he faces his illness. You ought to see him. I've seen him go dead still, turn white from pain, and never say a word. He won't ask for help, and he refuses to let anyone pity him. He has to be lonely. And as sick as he is, it's dangerous to be alone, but he insists upon staying up on the rim with only that dog for company. I used to think it was because of the way he looked, but after spending all day at the Fourth of July celebrations, I don't think that's it.”

“He ought to see Papa.”

“Even Kitty has tried to get him to go to the doctor, but he says all that can be done has been done.”

“What does that mean?”

“He has some medicine he takes, but I can't see that it does any good.”

“Well, you can't take responsibility for him.”

“Why not? No one else is.”

“He's a grown man. He can take care of himself.”

“That's just it. I don't think he can.”

“Maybe not, but why should you do it?”

“Because I want to.” That was the clearest statement Sibyl had made about her feelings for Logan.
Because I want to.
That answered many questions she didn't have answers to, but it didn't explain
why
she wanted to care for him. That was Naomi's next question.

“Why?”

“Maybe because he's the first man to think I'm capable of more than keeping house. Because he cared enough—I have no idea why—to help me learn how to run a bank. Because my daughter likes him and is afraid he's going to die. Because I think he's lonely and needs someone to care whether he lives or dies.”

Naomi's expression softened. “That sounds like a woman falling in love. Considering everything, that's not a smart thing to do.”

“Marrying Norman wasn't the
smart thing to do,
yet I survived it.”

“You didn't love Norman.”

“I don't love Logan—at least I don't
think
I do—but I care about him. Seeing the way he looks at me has made me feel like a woman for the first time in years. I haven't told anyone this, but Norman never touched me after Kitty was born.”

“Why?”

“He never told me.”

“Do you think he was in love with someone else?”

Sibyl's laugh was derisive. “Norman didn't love anyone but himself. I was never sure why he agreed to marry me.”

“He
agreed
? That sounds like he had to be convinced.”

Sibyl had come too close to divulging something she'd sworn to keep secret. She was closer to Naomi than anyone else, but she intended to bury that secret with her father. “Maybe he thought it would be good for the two founding families to be joined in marriage.”

“Only if he thought it would make him richer.” Naomi paused. “Are you sure Logan's not interested in your money?”

“He said he'll be gone before the end of the summer.”

“Where's he going?”

“He won't say. I worry that it's not something good. He came from Chicago. You only have to talk with him a short time before you realize he's a sophisticated man. He's very careful in what he says, but little things slip out now and then. He mentioned a play he'd seen. He talked about a mayor like he knew the man. He dresses like a hobo and lives in a tent, but he knows women's clothes. He has a wallet made of expensive leather. Horace said his boots were made by a fancy boot maker in Chicago. The day the robbers showed up, he was coming to the bank to deposit over five hundred dollars in cash. Cassie swears he was rich and important and has come out here to die.”

“Well, you can't let yourself become too attached to a man who's going to die.”

“You, of all people, should know you can't dictate who you love. I remember when you thought Colby was an army spy come to arrest you for murder.”

“Okay, I was wrong about Colby, but I don't want you to fall in love with a man who's going to die or disappear. After putting up with Norman, you deserve someone really special.”

“I don't expect to be as lucky as you and Laurie.”

“Maybe the third brother will show up.”

Sibyl turned thoughtful. “You know, it's weird that a drifter named Holstock would show up here. It's obvious Logan can't be the third brother, but it still seems weird.”

Naomi laughed. “I agree. It was incredible that Jared was able to find Colby. Finding the third brother would be too much to expect.”

“Even if he did show up, there's no guarantee he'd be as wonderful as his brothers.”

“Nobody is as wonderful as Colby,” Naomi stated, “but I'd be happy if you could find a man who is.”

“I have a feeling I'm never going to marry again.”

“Don't say that.”

“It's not that I don't
want
to marry again. I'd love to give Kitty a father who could love her as she deserves, but I'm not sure she could like any man as much as she likes Logan. She takes him dessert and prays for him every night. She's still trying to convince him to see the doctor. She even tried to talk your father into going to see Logan.”

“He told me. He said it was the sweetest thing he'd ever heard.”

“She adores him. I'd be tempted to marry Logan just for her even if I didn't like and admire him.”

Where had that come from? She'd never thought of marrying Logan for any reason. It wasn't that she found the idea repugnant, just that it hadn't occurred to her. Yet now that it had, it didn't shock her. Surprise, yes. Shock, no. That in itself was a surprise. Why wasn't she shocked? He was a stranger, a man she knew little about. He kept to himself and lived in the woods. He was sick and disfigured. Her whole family—indeed, the entire town—would be stunned and dismayed. They would do everything in their power to change her mind. So why would something that was so wrong in everyone else's eyes be acceptable in hers? She was not an adventurous woman. She'd never wanted to do anything to shock people. She'd even covered up the truth about her marriage to avoid gossip and scandal. So how could she see herself doing something that would cause an uproar?

Because she no longer cared what people thought about her. She wasn't sure how it had happened, but her father's and Norman's deaths had released her from constraints that had bound her all her life.

“I hope you won't ever marry anyone for Kitty's sake,” Naomi said. “She'll grow up, and you'll be stuck with him for the rest of your life.”

“I'm a wealthy widow,” Sibyl said. “I don't ever have to marry a man I don't love.” As far as she was concerned, no man measured up to Logan—and despite her momentary lapse, she couldn't marry him—so there was no danger of her marrying anyone. She didn't like the idea of facing the future alone, but being married to Norman had taught her there were worse things than loneliness. Besides, she would always have family.

Mae Oliver appeared at the back door. “Your mother is calling for you.”

Sibyl heaved a sigh. “All my life she's told me I was going about everything the wrong way. Now she can't let me out of her sight for half an hour.”

“She feels lost and lonely,” Naomi said. “You're all she has left.”