Forever and Always (9 page)

“
You’re scaring me,” I
whispered.

Sean grabbed my hand. “I have
something to tell you.”

My lungs took an involuntary breath,
preparing for the battle about to be waged on my heart.
Conversations that started with this phrase were always
bad.

“
Penelope came over last
night and we started talking,” he said quietly. I felt my heart
race in my chest. I couldn’t believe what was happening. “Penelope
is pregnant with my baby, Scarlet.”

I stared at him for a moment.
“What?”

Sean nodded. “It’s true.”

“
How do you know it’s even
yours?”

“
Well, the sonogram said
the conception was before the other guy. Plus, the guy left her
when he found out it wasn’t his. I think she’s telling the
truth.”

I took a deep breath and sighed in
relief. That wasn’t what I was expecting Sean to say at all. I
grabbed his hand and smiled at him. “I don’t care, Sean. You should
be in the baby’s life if you want to be. This doesn’t affect our
relationship. I will love the baby like it was my own.”

Sean closed his eyes and a tear fell
down his cheek. He was completely moved by my words and I knew that
he was frightened that I would end the relationship because of his
child. I wanted to be with Sean—even if I was a
stepmother.

“
Scarlet.” He
breathed.

I grabbed his face and kissed his
tears away then ran my hands through his hair, trying to calm him.
“It’s okay.” I whispered.

Sean sighed before he continued. “I—I
want to be in the child’s life—of course I do. I wouldn’t even
consider anything else, but—but I want to be a family, Scarlet. I—I
can’t do that to my kid, not at least try to be a family. I don’t
want to be two separate parents.”

I stared at him. “You don’t have to be
with Penelope to raise this kid, Sean. Don’t let her tell you
otherwise. You can be a great father without being with
her.”

“
But I don’t want to do
that to my child,” he whispered. “I want to be a
family.”

My chest started rising and falling
with my heightened fear. “What are you saying?” I asked.

Sean dropped his gaze. “I want to be a
family, Scarlet. I don’t want my kid to have a stepdad. I—I don’t
want that.”

“
Are you telling me that
you want to be with Penelope?”

Sean was crying at this point. He
wiped his tears away, but they continued to fall. “Yes.”

I stood up and started pacing the
room. “You came here to breakup with me,” I whispered. “You’d
already decided that you’re going back to Penelope?”

Sean stood up and faced me. “I know
you will understand, Scarlet. There is a child in this now. If she
came to me without being pregnant, I would have thrown her out on
her ass. I don’t want her, Scar. I want you and no one else. But I
have to try and make this work now. This is my responsibility. What
kind of father would I be if I didn’t try to make it work with
Penelope? I don’t want my kid to have to go back and forth between
houses, spend the holidays at different places every year, or have
step parents. If my parents divorced when I was little, it would
have killed me, and I know kids often have emotional problems when
their parents separate. I can’t do that to my son or daughter. I
know this ends our relationship, but now that I have a kid, that
kid is my number one priority, even over you. Believe me, I don’t
want to lose you, and this arrangement is killing me. I don’t want
this, Scar. I really don’t. I don’t want Penelope. Please tell me
you understand—I need to hear you say that.”

I started to cry. “She is
just going to fuck you over again, Sean. When she finds someone
better that doesn’t care that she already has a kid, she is going
to leave you. Don’t you get that? You are just going to end up
divorced and alone. And I’m not going to be there when she breaks
your heart again, Sean.” I wiped my tears away and ran my hands
through my hair. “I want nothing to do with you, Sean. You are
picking her over me and you are making the wrong choice, Sean.
The
wrong
choice.”

“
I’m not picking her over
you!” he said. “I’m stuck with her. She is pregnant with
my
kid.”

“
I already heard you say
that,” I snapped. “And you can still be a great father without
fucking the mom. Fuck you, Sean. You are going back to her because
you want her. You’ve never gotten over her. This pregnancy just
gives you an excuse.”

“
Please don’t say that,
Scar. You know that isn’t true. You know how much I love you. I
want to be with you. I mean it.”

“
Get the fuck out of my
apartment and go back to where you came from,” I said. “I never
want to see you again—ever. I mean it. Don’t call me or come back
to Seattle. And don’t you dare call my brother. After I tell him
what you did, he is going to fucking kill you, Sean. We are
done—for good. I hope you have a good life with your family. Now
go.” I turned around and let my tears fall without letting Sean see
them. He didn’t move for the door, but I waited for him to take his
leave. I felt him stand behind me and touch my arm
lightly.

“
Please tell me that you
understand,” he whispered. “I need to hear you say that. I
understand that you are angry—I am, too—but please tell me you
understand.”

“
Don’t touch me,” I said
as I jerked my arm away. “Now get the fuck out of my
apartment.”

He didn’t move. I turned around and
shoved him as hard as I could. Sean fell to the ground, but didn’t
retaliate. He rose to his feet and looked at me with tears dripping
from his eyes.

“
Have a good life, Sean.
Go be with your
real
family.”

Sean grabbed his bag and placed it
over his shoulder. “I love you, Scar.”

“
Don’t ever call me that
again.”

“
I love you,” he said. “I
know you believe me.” He turned around and left the apartment,
closing the door gently behind him. When I heard the door shut, I
collapsed on the ground and heaved with the heavy sobs that shook
my body. My body convulsed with pain, and for the first time, I
didn’t want to go on—I didn’t want to live. Sean made me so happy
and now he betrayed me. Broke my heart into so many pieces, it
looked like fairy dust. Hours went by as I laid in the living room,
crying to myself. I remembered how depressed I was when I first got
to Seattle and how much it hurt my brother. I didn’t want to do
that again. I’d made so much progress and I didn’t want to falter
again—I didn’t want to fall.

My body lifted itself up and I stood
in the middle of the apartment. The mirror on the wall showed my
reflection of smeared makeup and running mascara. My hands wiped
away the evidence of my tears, and I took a deep breath. I couldn’t
let myself fall again. Sean had betrayed me once, and it was my
fault that I let him hurt me again. My life wouldn’t spiral out of
control like last time—I wouldn’t let that happen.

My heart throbbed painfully for the
trauma I’d just experienced, but I swallowed back the pain and
decided that it wasn’t worth it. Sean wasn’t worth the pain even
though we were perfect together and it felt so right. He was an
idiot for throwing me away for a cheating bitch—even if she was
carrying his baby. Sean and I were over. We were done. No amount of
crying would change that. I walked into my bedroom and changed then
I grabbed my jacket and left the apartment, heading for Cortland’s
place.

When I arrived there, Cortland
answered the door with a smile on his face, but his expression fell
when he realized how unhappy I was. “What’s wrong?”

“
Nothing,” I said. “Can I
come in?”

“
Of course.” He opened the
door for me and allowed me to walk inside. Ryan was sitting on the
couch with a dark-skinned woman. I recognized her immediately. She
was gorgeous and exotic looking, and I completely understood
Cortland’s fascination with her.

“
Where’s Sean?” he
asked.

I ignored him and walked into the
living room. Ryan met my gaze and I knew he could read my
expression clearly, unlike anyone else in the known world. He
jumped from the couch and came to me, wrapping his arms around me
tightly. Cortland watched us for a moment then turned to Monnique.
“Something just came up,” he said. “Can I take you
home?”

I pulled away from Ryan. “No, that
isn’t necessary,” I said quickly. I was moved that Cortland would
risk offending his date just to comfort me, but I didn’t want him
to sacrifice anything for me. I turned to Monnique. “It’s very nice
to meet you. Cortland talks about you all the time.”

She smiled at me. “I hope they are
good things.”

“
Yes.” I smiled. “Very
good things.”

Cortland turned to me. “Are you
sure?”

“
Yes,” I said. “As long as
I have Ryan, I’ll be okay.”

Ryan wrapped his arm around me and
held me close to him. He kissed my forehead and let me bury my face
in his shoulder. “I’m going to take her home,” he said. “It was
nice meeting you,” he said to Monnique.” We turned away and walked
out of Cortland’s apartment. Cortland followed us and he hugged me
tightly before I left.

“
Call me if you need
anything—anything at all,” Cortland said.

“
I will.” I
smiled.

“
I love you,” he
whispered.

“
I love you,
too.”

Ryan wrapped his arm around my
shoulder and we walked away, blending in with the darkness of the
hallway. When we got to the street, I wasn’t even watching where we
were going, but since Ryan was with me, I didn’t care. He guided me
down the street until we reached Mega-Shake.

“
I have a feeling we are
going to need one,” he said as he opened the door for
me.

I took a seat and he ordered the
milkshakes then brought them to the table.

Ryan stared at me and I could see the
despair on his face. He hated seeing me in pain. “We don’t have to
talk about it,” he said quietly. “But whenever you’re ready, I’m
here to listen.”

“
I love you,” I said
suddenly. “You have always been there for me when I don’t deserve
it—even now.”

“
That’s because I love you
more than anything,” he said.

“
Too bad Sean doesn’t feel
that way.”

Ryan was trying to hide his anger, but
some of it shined through. “That’s because that fucker is an
idiot.”

I nodded. “Yes.” The streets were
deserted of people on that Friday night because of an approaching
storm. The wind was practically blowing down the trees, but I was
oblivious to it all. My thoughts were stuck on Sean.

“
Did you get any new
manuscripts?” he asked.

“
Not today.”

Ryan nodded.

“
Penelope is pregnant with
his baby so he left me for her,” I blurted out. I knew Ryan wanted
to know what happened and I didn’t see the point in hiding
it.

Ryan stared at me for a
moment. “
What
?”

“
He says he wants to try
to be a family. I told him he could be in the child’s life without
being with Penelope, but he doesn’t want that. He wants to make it
work.”

Ryan sat back and sighed. “I’m so
sorry, Scar,” he said. “I can’t believe that. You seemed so happy
together. I was really happy for you.”

“
I know,” I whispered.
“But he would rather be with her. She is just going to fuck him
over like last time, but he is such an idiot that he doesn’t get
it. And when he falls, he’ll be alone—I won’t be there.”

Ryan didn’t say anything for a moment.
He continued to look at me, waiting to see if I had anything more
to say. “I think that what he did is wrong, Scarlet, but I also
understand why he made that decision.”

“
Shut up,
Ryan.”

“
I’m telling you what you
need to hear,” He snapped. “Some people are against raising
children with separated parents—Sean might be one of those
people.”

“
Fuck you.”

He sighed. “I’m not saying
what he did isn’t wrong, Scar.
Listen to
me
. But I understand why he did it. That’s
all I’m trying to say.”

“
No,” I snapped. “He is
just using this as an excuse so he can go back to Penelope because
he isn’t over her. I don’t think he gives a shit about that kid.
It’s probably not even his. It’s always been Penelope—not
me.”

“
Sean loves you, Scarlet.
I know he does.”

“
You are being a really
shitty brother right now.”

Ryan closed his eyes and took a deep
breath. It was obvious that he was getting frustrated with my catty
remarks, but he didn’t want to yell at me because of my obvious
pain. “Do you think he would have left you if she wasn’t
pregnant?”

“
Yes.”

Ryan stared at me. “I don’t think he
would have.”

“
Well, I guess we’ll never
know.”