Forever and Always (11 page)

“
Hello?”

Even though Ryan didn’t yell, I could
tell how angry he was by his words. “I’m not calling to discuss
what the fuck you did to my sister,” he snapped. “I just want to
know what’s going on with the will. We are running out of
time.”

“
I’m working on it,” I
said. “I’m going as fast as I can.”

“
Well, it isn’t good
enough, but then again, I shouldn’t be surprised.” Ryan hung up the
phone and I listened to the line go dead. I was shocked that the
conversation hadn’t been worse.

“
Dinner is ready,”
Penelope called from the kitchen. I dropped the phone in my pocket
and walked into the dining room. Penelope sat across from me while
we ate. I said nothing as I ate my chicken and rice, which was
delicious, as I waited for Penelope to speak up first. For the
entire length of the meal, she didn’t speak or look at me, even
though dinnertime was the hour you were supposed to spend talking
with your family about your day. In our case, it was just
awkward.

She grabbed the dishes from the table
then washed and placed them in the dishwasher. I didn’t move from
my spot at the table. I just stared at the wall straight ahead,
which had no ornamentation or decoration at all. Penelope moved to
the couch and started watching an annoying reality show. She didn’t
even notice me sitting in the chair staring straight
ahead.

When I got in the shower, I started
crying, letting myself fall apart under the protection of the
falling water. For an hour, I sat in the shower and cried like a
pathetic little girl, realizing that I’d made the biggest mistake
of my life. I needed Scarlet, but she would never be mine again and
I didn’t blame her. The water fell on my body until my skin was
pruned, but I couldn’t move away. I couldn’t accept the truth. I’d
lost the most important thing in my life and could never get it
back. I traded in a stallion for a mule. The worst part was I knew
how much pain I caused Scarlet. The memory of her tears made me
hate myself more than I already did. I was nothing but a monster
destined to betray her over and over. I wanted to do the right
thing for my child, but I realized it was the wrong decision. Now
my kid would have to live with a depressed dad. If I was with
Scarlet, he would have a wonderful stepmother that would love him
more than this own mother did. My life had become dead and
meaningless, and it wasn’t until I started a relationship with
Scarlet, started really living, that I realized how empty my life
was. My life with Penelope had always been this way, but now that I
was in love with Scarlet, I realized I didn’t belong with her
anymore. I belonged with Scarlet.

10

I slept on the couch that night and
Penelope didn’t ask why. She probably didn’t even notice I was
gone. When I went to work in the morning, I didn’t speak to anyone
or acknowledge a single person. My secretary said hello to me, but
I passed by her without saying a word.

My office door suddenly opened, but I
was so indifferent to everything that I didn’t care at all. My life
had no purpose or meaning. I was in a relationship that was dead
and lifeless, with a woman that didn’t care if I lived or died.
Finally, I looked up at the person who entered my office
unannounced. It was Brian.

“
I have to talk to you,”
he said quickly. “I tried calling you last night, but you didn’t
answer.”

I shrugged. “I don’t remember where I
put my phone.”

Brian stared at me for a moment, but
then continued on. “It’s about Penelope.”

“
What about her?” I said
with an indifferent voice. “You still want to know what she’s like
in the sack?” I asked. “Well, she sucks—there you go.”

“
What the hell is wrong
with you?” he asked. “Are you drunk?”

“
Maybe.” I
sighed.

“
Are you high?”

I shrugged.

Brian shook his head. “Anyway, I have
to tell you something.”

“
You already said
that.”

“
My friend that works on
Wall Street with Christian—”

“
Who’s
Christian?”

“
The guy Penelope cheated
on you with.”

“
Oh, him.” I
sighed.

Brian stared at me again. “He told me
that he knocked up Penelope, but he didn’t want her anymore since
she was pregnant. He dumped her and kicked her out. She lost her
job because she was so depressed.”

I rose from behind my desk, shaking in
anger. “What did you say?”

Brian sighed. “I’m not making this
up,” he said. “She told you the baby was yours because she had
nowhere else to go. I’m sorry, man.”

The anger inside my body ignited like
a lit stick of dynamite. It was one thing to leave Scarlet because
I was accepting my responsibilities as a father, doing the right
thing for my kid, but knowing that I left the love of my life
because Penelope lied to me made me snap. I grabbed my bag and
stormed out of the office with Brian following behind
me.

“
Where are you going?” he
asked.

“
I’m calling in sick,” I
said as I strode out of the office. Instead of the elevator, I took
the stairs two at a time, and practically ran through the lobby. I
yelled down a cab, and when it pulled up in front of my apartment,
I threw a fifty at the driver and ran up the stairs to my
apartment.

The door slammed open and Penelope
jumped from the couch, frightened of the way I stormed in. My bag
fell to the floor, and I kicked the door shut behind me. Never in
my life had I hit a woman or even thought about it, but I could’ve
done it right then. I could’ve beat the shit out of her.

“
Why are you home so
early?” she asked quietly.

I moved closer to her, and she inched
away from me. It was obvious how frightened she was of me. She was
smart. If she knew what I wanted to do to her, she would have been
running for cover.

“
Sean?”

“
I could kill you,
Penelope. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, I COULD KILL YOU!”

Penelope practically ran to the other
side of the room, but I chased her down and pinned her against the
wall. She tried to move away, but I held her by her shoulders.
“Please don’t hurt me,” she begged.

“
We’ll see,” I spat. “So
that bastard isn’t mine, and you made me believe that it was? You
are the fucking devil, Penelope. I can’t believe you would do this
to me. I was happy with Scarlet, but you tricked me into being with
you. Do you understand that you ruined my life? Do you get that?” I
shook her shoulders and she started to cry. “I have no sympathy for
you.” I released my hold on her and stood back, not because I felt
bad for scaring her, but because I knew I was going to hurt her.
“Scarlet is everything to me and now I lost her—she’s
gone
.”

Penelope lowered her gaze to the
floor, and I wanted to punch her in the face. Instead, I grabbed
her stuff and started shoving it into boxes then I threw them out
into the hallway. Penelope cried as she watched me throw her
belongings outside of the apartment, breaking some of her things
when they collided with the ground.

“
Please stop,
Sean.”

“
Get the fuck out of my
apartment!” I threw her clothes in the hallway, not bothering to
put them in boxes anymore. “Get out.”

“
Sean,” she cried. “Listen
to me.”

“
NO!”

After all her shit was out of the
apartment, I grabbed her arm and dragged her from the room and into
the hallway.

“
I have nowhere else to
go,” she cried. “Please, Sean. I lost my job and I have no one to
turn to. Please don’t kick me out.”

“
Fuck off.”

I slammed the door in her face and
locked the bolt. Her cries could be heard through the doorway and I
listened to the sounds for a while. Last week, I was the happiest
guy on the planet, and now I was the most miserable person in
history. Scarlet was gone forever. I could try to win her back, but
she would never take me—not after I betrayed her twice. She would
be stupid if she even considered it. My life was empty and I had no
meaning—I was dead.

Penelope continued to cry in the
hallway, and I was irritated by the noise. The woman lied about
everything, but I knew she was finally telling the truth. She
really had nowhere else to go. Her parents had died years ago and
she was an only child. She had no friends because she was a bitch,
and no other ex-boyfriends that were stupid enough to take her
back. After I took a deep breath, I opened the door and started to
carry her stuff back into the apartment. Penelope was sitting
against the wall and she stopped crying when she saw me carry
everything back into the living room.

Penelope got to her feet and came back
inside, and I shut the door behind her.

“
Thank you so much,” she
said as she wiped away her tears. “I really have no one
else.”

“
You can stay here for a
month. After that, I’m kicking you out. You are staying on the
couch. And don’t look at me or speak to me for any reason—which
shouldn’t be difficult for you.”

She watched me walk away and open the
cabinet. I grabbed as much hard liquor as I could, and I carried it
into my bedroom. I returned to the kitchen and grabbed all the old
vicodin that I could find. Then I went into my bedroom and slammed
the door behind me, leaving Penelope alone in the living
room.

I was being stupid and reckless, but I
didn’t care. Never in my life had I been in so much pain. I opened
the bottle and chugged the rum, but when the pain didn’t go away, I
popped a vicodin pill and felt my mind begin to blur. It wasn’t a
solution to my problem, but then again, no solution existed. All I
had was the alcohol and the left over pills. I wasn’t going to work
and I wasn’t leaving my apartment. The alcohol would kill me or the
drugs would. It didn’t matter which.

11

Scarlet

Ryan left for work in the morning, but
I decided to stay home and work on editing a manuscript that I was
almost finished with. Sean was always on my mind, but I didn’t let
myself fall to a depression. I had to pretend that I was okay,
hoping that someday I actually would be. Now that I had a purpose,
supporting both Ryan and myself, I knew I couldn’t fall prey to the
darker emotions that were growing inside me. Sean’s betrayal did
more than just break my heart. It killed my soul.

The sound of a knock on the door made
me flinch. Cortland was at work and so was Ryan. Only one other
person would come visit me and he wasn’t welcome. If Sean was at
the door, I would punch him without thinking twice. When I looked
through the peephole, I gasped.

“
Janice?” I asked when I
opened the door.

She smiled and immediately hugged me,
holding onto me for a moment. I returned her embrace and instantly
noted the weight she had lost. She was much thinner than she had
ever been. I pulled away.

“
What are you doing here?”
I asked as I shut the door behind her.

“
I came to see you,” she
said. “You won’t return my phone calls, so I had to resort to this.
I apologize for barging in on your life.”

“
It’s okay,” I said. “Can
I get you something? Maybe some ice cream?”

Janice’s cheeks reddened. “I’ve lost
some weight, as you can tell.”

“
What’s going
on?”

“
Can I start by saying how
sorry I am about what happened with Sean? I never would have done
that if I knew how you felt about him—you have to believe me.
You’re my best friend. You know I would never hurt you like
that.”

I sighed. “I should be apologizing to
you. You did nothing wrong, Janice. I should have called you and
told you where I was and what I was thinking. It was wrong for me
to leave you in the dark like that. Do you forgive me?”

“
Of course,” she said as
she hugged me. “I’m so glad that we worked this out. I was so
worried about you.”

“
I’m okay, Janice. You are
the one that we should worry about.” I looked at her body. “You are
practically anorexic.”

Janice sighed. “Now that we’re friends
again, there is something I need to tell you.”

I took Janice’s hand and pulled into
the living room. “Go ahead,” I said.

“
After Sean came to R and
R—”

“
When did Sean come to R
and R?” I asked. “What are you talking about?”

“
He didn’t tell you?” she
asked.

“
No,” I said.

“
Well, Sean came looking
for you after you left. He asked me if I knew anything, and I said
I didn’t. I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer. Carl took him
into his office. Minutes later, Sean was punching Carl in the face,
beating the shit out of him right in his own office. By the time
Sean ran away, Carl was unconscious. An ambulance took him to the
hospital. He was in a coma for three days because of the swelling
to his brain.”

“
Oh my god,” I said as I
covered my face. “I can’t believe Sean did that.”