Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3) (13 page)

Cruiser

Carter locks her fingers together on her desk. Over my file. Maybe she’s trying to hide it from me. I won’t lie and say I didn’t try to steal a peek a couple of times.

“So tell me about the nightmares you’ve been having,” she says.

“Who said I’m having nightmares?”

She gives me this face that says,
You’re not fooling anyone
.

I keep my mouth shut tight.

She leans back and touches the back of her pen to her lips. “I told you this is a safe place. Talking about it helps. It may stop the nightmares.”

Yeah, it also might not. All I’ll gain is some strange woman knowing what’s in my heart and mind.

“You’re scared he’ll come after you again.”

My gaze shoots to hers. “What?”

“The boy who hurt you. You’re scared he’ll try to hurt you again. Or the ones you care about.”

I’m out of my seat, my hand clenched. How the hell can she possibly know this?

“Cruiser, please sit down.”

“I want to leave.”

“What are you so afraid of?”

My ass plants itself down on the seat as I think over her words. What
am
I afraid of? “Dunno,” I say.

“Well, let’s talk about it.”

“Can’t we talk about clubs first?”

She nods. “Okay. Are you thinking about joining one?”

I want to heave the biggest sigh of relief. For once she’s making things easier for me. “Yeah. My mom said I need to be part of some lame after school activity so I can get into college. Not that I see the point when I’m going to…”

“The Navy?”

Hell, am I even going to the Navy? I got no clue, and I don’t want to think about it—worry about it—right now. “Never mind. So I need to join a club. I was thinking theater?”

Her whole face lights up with surprise. “You want to join theater?”

Why does everyone act like I told them I want to become a priest or something? “Something wrong with that?” I mumble.

“Not at all. I’m just shocked.”

“I’m not going to be on stage. Just behind the scenes.”

“Why not on stage?”

Is she serious?

“Don’t give me that look, Cruiser.”

“Why? You’re talking crazy.”

“Am I?”

“Stop messing with my head.”

“I’m not messing with your head.”

I try not to groan.

She holds out her palms. “Relax, okay? I’m really glad you’re taking an interest in an after school activity. I just don’t want you to sell yourself short.”

“I’m gonna work backstage.”

“Okay.”

The room gets quiet. She writes things down in that damn file.

“Are you gonna get me into theater?” I ask.

She nods.

“Can you get my brother in, too?”

She raises an eyebrow.

“He’s not part of any clubs.”

She rolls toward the drawer and shuffles through the folders until she finds a file. I’m assuming it’s Rey’s. She flips through it, then stops at a page. “Reagan used to be part of orchestra, debate, law club, and student body.” She turns to the last page. “He hasn’t rejoined since he got back.”

I don’t say anything.

“Hmm…” She taps her nail against the file. “I’ll have to speak to him.”

“Why?”

“I’d like to know why he’s not rejoining his old clubs.”

I can tell her why. Of course I don’t. I want to tell her good luck in trying to get my bro back into his old clubs. It’ll be like throwing him into a pit of fire.

Carter closes Rey’s file and puts in back in the drawer. Then she rolls back over and looks at me. I try not to tap my foot. I don’t want her to think I’m nervous.

“So about the nightmares,” she says.

“You can’t force me to talk.”

She shakes her head. “No, I can’t. But I know you’d really like to talk about them.”

“Not with you,” I mutter.

Both her eyebrows rise. “Then with who? Lex?”

I don’t want my sweet T. Rex to worry about me. She’s got enough going on in her life.

“Your parents?” Carter asks.

I hold back from snorting.

“Your brother?”

Yeah, the last thing I need is him feeling even more guilty about the whole thing. I don’t want things to get worse for him.

Carter folds her arms and sits back. Looks a little pleased with herself. “It appears as though you have no choice but to talk to me.”

“There’s another option,” I remind her.

“Yes, you don’t have to talk about them. But they’ll eat away at you. The healthy thing to do is talk about them, to face them head on and show them that they can’t win.”

“Sounds like a load of bullshit.”

“You never talked about Lex’s sister’s accident, have you? I know it ate away at you for years. Do you remember what direction you were headed in?”

I count to ten so my body won’t explode in anger. This feels like a major invasion of privacy. She doesn’t have the right to bring up Rosie’s accident. To throw it in my face like this.

“As much as the little girl’s accident affected you, it’s nothing compared to what those guys did to you.”

I’m out of my chair again. “How the hell do you know how much Rosie’s accident affected me? You got no clue, Carter.
No clue
.”

“Cruiser, please sit down.”

“No.”

She sighs. “Do you want to stop the nightmares?”

“Not this way.”

“You need to face your fears.”

I grab my bag. “I’m out of here.”

She calls after me, but I storm out and march to my locker. I yank it open and reach for my books. I forget that I only have one arm, and all my crap tumbles out. A few books hit me in my bad arm. I curse.

“Whoa.” Dani’s at my side. She bends down to pick up my crap. “Are you okay?”

“Carter’s a moron.”

She places my books in my locker. “I guess she can be.”

“You talk to her?”

“I didn’t at first, but now I do.”

“She helping?”

“Yeah. It was hard for me to open up at first, but once I did, I realized how great she is. I learned a lot of things about myself.”

I don’t need her. I got Lex. She’s all I need. And Rey, too, but I’m still waiting for him to find his brain.

“Do you need help?” Dani asks, gesturing to the books in my locker.

“Rey’s gonna meet me here.”

“Okay. See ya around.”

When she’s gone, I bang the back of my head against my locker. I don’t like all these thoughts running through my head. I was fine before Carter messed with me. So I have nightmares. It’s not like I’m going to die. I’ll get over them, just like I got over Rosie’s accident.

I hear laughter in the distance. It sounds like Rey. When I look to my left, I find him walking with his old buddies, Derek and Jared. The two guys look a little uncomfortable. Rey’s laughing a little too crazy, like he’s forcing it. As soon as he sees me, he says something to the guys and hurries over. “Hey.”

I nod to his old friends, who are walking to their next class. “You patched things up with them?”

He purses his lips. “Trying to.”

“What’s the problem?”

“It feels weird.” He shrugs. “I don’t know.”

I clap him on the back. “It’ll take some time.”

He shrugs. “Whatever. You headed to your next class?”

“Yeah.”

He takes my books and walks me to English. I glance at him and try to read his expression. He’s got a tight frown and his eyes look troubled. I hope he makes up with his buddies. It’s another step closer to bringing him back to the guy he used to be.

Lex

Rosie and I are in the middle of playing a board game in the living room. She’s winning, of course.

“Why do you suck?” She smirks as she moves her piece.

“I guess I’m just not as driven as you.”

She frowns. “I’m not driven.”

“Of course you are. It’s a great quality to have.”

She picks up a card and scans it. “You’re driven with dance. Cool, you owe me twenty bucks!”

I study the forty bucks in my hands. “If I was as bad a dancer as I am at this game—”

“You wouldn’t be on the dance team!”

I laugh along with her, glad she’s having fun. “They wouldn’t even let me watch a performance because my being there would make them suck,” I say between laughs.

“And you wouldn’t have to go to New York.”

The laughter is knocked out of me. I sit straight and look at her. “Rosie…” I get up and sit next to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. “If I go to New York—I mean, assuming I actually get into Juilliard…”

“I know. Mom already had the talk with me. I’m being selfish.”

I kiss her cheek. “I know it’s hard to think about it. But I need to follow my dreams. You understand that, don’t you?”

“It’s okay. Jamie’s surgery will work and then I’ll get it, too, and then I’ll walk and I’ll be able to live in New York, too.”

I don’t want to remind her once again that she’s having unrealistic expectations. She refuses to listen. “You can still live in New York if you’re in a wheelchair, Rosie.”

“But Mom wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Look.” I shift over so I can look into her eyes. “You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re not even in middle school yet. Just live in the present without worrying about the future, okay? Believe me, it’s no fun.”

She twitches her nose. “The present’s not fun, either.”

I’m about to answer when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Cruiser. He and I discussed in school how he’s going to stop by and surprise Rosie. He hasn’t been over in such a long time. She always gets in a good mood when he’s around.

“Who’s that?” she asks.

I head over to the door and open it up a crack so I can block Cruiser from her view. Then I say loudly, “A package for Rosalind Woods?” I look back at her.

She raises confused eyebrows. “I didn’t order anything.”

Smiling, I step aside to reveal Cruiser, who has a decorative bow on his head. He raises his good arm over his head and bows. “M’lady.”

“Cruiser!” she squeals.

He leaps toward her and ruffles her hair. “Hey, Rosie Posie.”

“Cruiser Muser.”

He shakes his head.

“I can’t think of anything better!”

“Just don’t call me Loser Cruiser.”

Her eyes light up. “Loser Cruiser?” She giggles. “Loser Cruiser. Loser Cruiser.”

He groans. “Me and my big mouth.”

I sit down on the adjacent chair. “I’d go with Sexy Cruiser, but that doesn’t rhyme.”

“Gross,” Rosie says.

“Sexy Lexi rhymes,” Cruiser points out. I blush.

“Double gross.”

Cruiser ruffles her hair again. “What’s your deal? We’re not your parents. There’s no reason for you to call us gross. Because we are not gross. Nope, we are far, far, faaaaar from gross.”

“Stop it! I’m gonna lose all my hair.”

Cruiser puts his arm around Rosie and hugs her to his chest. “I love you, kid.”

Rosie goes stiff. “You do?”

“Why do you sound so shocked?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know why anyone would like me.”

Cruiser raises his eyes to mine. I’ve seen Rosie down many times, but I never heard her think so low of herself. I sit down on the other side of her. “Rosie, why wouldn’t anyone like you?”

“You’re one cool girl,” Cruiser says, catching her nose between two fingers. “Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to get a brain transplant.”

“Like Jamie?”

Cruiser and I look at each other again. Cruiser says, “If Jamie treats you differently—and I tell you he won’t, but if he does—screw him.”

“But…” She gnaws on her bottom lip. “He’s the only friend I have.”

“Whose fault is that, Rosie?” I ask gently.

She folds her arms over her chest and huffs.

Cruiser ruffles her hair another time before getting up. “You know what this occasion calls for? Ice cream.”

Rosie’s face brightens. “Ice cream!”

I help her onto her wheelchair and wheel her out the door. “I want Cruiser to push me,” Rosie says.

“Kinda hard.” Cruiser raises his good arm.

Rosie covers her mouth. “Oops. I forgot.”

He waves his hand. “It’s cool. I forget sometimes, too. Especially when I’m in the shower or am getting dressed.”

“I was like that, too,” Rosie says as I roll her down the ramp. “The first few days after the accident. I wanted to walk or stretch my legs. But I couldn’t.”

As much as it breaks my heart to hear the words leaving her mouth, I’m glad she’s talking openly about the accident. And unlike the past when she tried to talk to me about it, I’m here to listen and not shut her out.

“It must have been very hard,” I say.

She shrugs.

“Okay,” Cruiser says in a cheerful tone. “We are going to go to the ice cream shop and each of us is going to try a flavor we never tasted before.”

I pout. “So much for looking forward to chocolate chip cookie dough.”

“You’re so boring, Lexi. Always picking the same flavor. Let’s be adventurous.”

“Listen to the kid,” Cruiser says.

I pout again.

“I’ll pick your flavor,” Rosie says. “Ooh, can we do that? Pick each other’s flavors? I get Lexi, Lexi gets Cruiser, and Cruiser gets me.”

“Cool with me,” Cruiser says.

“Why do I have a feeling I’m about to eat the worse ice cream in the world?” I ask. Rosie giggles.

Cruiser gives me a knowing look. He’s telling me how glad he is to see Rosie laughing and having a good time. I give him a thankful smile. Cruiser always knows how to lift her spirits. He’s so good with her. When I see them together, how happy he makes Rosie, it makes me love him even more.

“Are you guys one of those couples who can read each other’s minds?” Rosie asks, her eyes moving from me to Cruiser. “It’s like freaky, but also cute.”

“I think we do,” I say.

“Yeah, though it’s nothing like the twin telepathy I have with Rey.”

“What’s that like?” Rosie asks.

He taps his chin. “Kinda hard to explain. It’s like I know what he’s about to say, how he feels without him telling me. Sometimes I hear him when no one else can. We just get each other.”

“I wish I had a twin sister,” Rosie says.

“What am I? Chopped liver?”

She rolls her eyes. “I said a
twin
sister, Lexi.”

Cruiser waves his hand. “Trust me, it’s not fun all the time.”

I know what he’s referring to. It’s because of his strong bond with his twin brother that he takes Rey’s problems to heart. If they weren’t as close as they are, he wouldn’t be so affected by whatever Rey’s going through.

“Siblings. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em,” Rosie says.

“Bingo, Posie.”

We reach the ice cream parlor, and I wheel Rosie inside. The place is semi-packed. Cruiser leads us to the display where all the ice cream flavors sit. There is such a big selection. Part of the reason why I always choose cookie dough ice cream, other than because I love it, is because I have no patience  going through flavor after flavor, trying and testing to see what’s good. A part of me is relieved that I don’t have to choose my flavor this time, though the other part is terrified of what Rosie will choose for me.

She presses her face to the glass, her eyes circling over the flavors. Even though I only see her profile, I can make out a sinister look on her face. I try not to sigh.

“Okay,” she announces. “I know what to pick for Lexi.”

My eyes scan the many flavors, trying to zone in on the most unusual ones, but there are so many that they all pack into one big ball of blur.

“I’m gonna whisper it to you, Cruiser,” she says, motioning him to lower his ear to her. “And you tell the guy behind the counter. I want to see Lexi’s expression when she tastes it.”

Once again, I try not to sigh.

Cruiser bends toward her, where she quickly mumbles something into his ear. He tries to keep a straight face, but the corners of his lips lift. I feel like those two are conspiring to chop my ears off or something.

Cruiser orders for himself and Rosie, keeping his voice low so we don’t hear. Then it’s my turn. I have no idea what flavor Cruiser hasn’t tried yet. Growing up, he liked to choose new flavors every time we went for ice cream, but that seems like ages ago and I can’t remember what he chose. Nor can I remember what he ordered the last time we went out for ice cream.

After studying the flavors for a few minutes, I settle on pistachio. Maybe that’s lame, but I’m not the most creative person out there. Once we get our cones, we settle down at a table in the back.

“Okay,” Cruiser says. “Switch.”

He hands his cone to Rosie, she hands hers to me, and I hand mine to Cruiser.

He grins as he stares down at his. “I already know what this is before even tasting.”

I raise my chin. “Oh yeah?”

“Pistachio, darlin’.”

I frown.

He chuckles.

“Ten points to Cruiser!” Rosie says. “Now, my turn.” She twist hers from left to right as she examines her cone. “Okay. This is vanilla and strawberry with nuts and…is that mini Reese’s peanut butter cups?”

“Close. It’s marshmallow with nuts and Reese’s.”

“Cool! I get seven points.” She licks her cone. “Yum!”

“Who made you the score keeper?” Cruiser teases.

“Don’t you know the handicapped kids are always the ones to keep score because they can’t play?”

Cruiser and I exchange a glance. My insides get twisted. Rosie seems to be having a good time, there are just moments where she will randomly put herself down. We need to subtly find a way to lift her confidence.

I clear my throat. “So I guess it’s my turn now.” My eyes circle over my cone. “This looks like plain vanilla.”

“Wrong!”

“Hey, give me a chance.”

“Wrong!”

“Be nice to your sister.” Cruiser gently bumps her shoulder with his fist.

“Okay, but you need to taste it because you can’t tell by looking at it.”

“If this is disgusting, you’re eating it,” I tell her. I open my mouth and take a lick. Mmm. I take another lick. It tastes like plain vanilla, but there’s something else in it. Something sweet. After a few more licks, something gets stuck between my teeth. I have no idea what it is, so I pull it out. “A raisin.”

“Yep! It’s raisin flavored. Is it good?”

“It’s delicious!”

“See? And you thought I would pick something gross. Puhleeze, give me more credit than that.”

“Gimme a lick,” Cruiser says.

“No way. This is mine.”

He tries to reach for my cone, but I hold it out of his reach. “Can you believe that?” he asks Rosie. “My own girlfriend won’t let me taste her ice cream. And I only have one arm, so it’s not fair.”

I stick out my tongue.

“It’s okay. I’ll taste it on you later.”

“Ew!” Rosie nearly yells.

He looks at her innocently.

“Ugh. Just let him taste your ice cream, Lexi. I don’t need to see you two swapping spit.”

I hold out my cone, bringing it to his mouth. “Only a lick.”

“Okay.” He closes his mouth over the cone and bites a huge chunk off.

“I said a lick!”

“Tho cold. Tho good.” He waves his hand near his mouth, moaning that it’s cold.

“Serves you right. I said a lick.”

He swallows then runs his ice-cold tongue down the side of my face. “There’s your lick.”

“Dude,” Rosie says.

“Your tongue is cold.” I playfully whack his arm.

“If you two don’t behave, they’ll kick us out,” Rosie says.

When I look around, I see some of the other customers are staring at us, some giggling. I feel my cheeks heat up.

“So on to more appropriate matters,” Cruiser says. “What’s going on with ya, Rosie?”

“Nothing.”

“How’s Jamie?”

She shrugs. “Fine. We video chatted last night. He’s really excited for tomorrow. But nervous, too.”

“Tomorrow’s the big day?” Cruiser asks.

She nods, a small scowl on her face.

“Intense,” he says.

Rosie nods again. “Mom told me I need to be supportive. So I sent him music to listen to when he’s in recovery.”