Forever Is Over (138 page)

“
They just had to pretend he has gone to heaven, but he hasn
’
t
really.
”
Jemma added.

“
Good,
”
I said,
“
I
’
m pleased about that.
”

“
Melissa, how
’
s about you go and get your pyjamas on, sweetheart.
”
Jemma said.

“
Can you come up with me, Daddy?
”

“
No,
”
Jemma said,
“
Daddy is feeling a little bit sore after his
operation, so we need to be nice to Daddy. It would help Daddy, if you
were a very kind little girl and went upstairs on your own and put your
pyjamas on.
”

Melissa was a crowd pleaser.

“
OK,
”
she said before running up the stairs.

Jemma waited for Melissa to disappear before she began questioning.

“
How was it, babe? Are you really sore?
”
she enquired in a tone fit
for a three year old or a man who has just
had a scalpel to his scrotum.

“
Not good.
”

“
Agony?
”

“
Jemma, I couldn
’
t have the vasectomy.
”

Jemma
’
s tone went from overly sympathetic to overly pissed off.

“
What do you mean you couldn
’
t do it, Richie?
”

“
There was a complication, Jemma, I couldn
’
t go through with it.
”

“
You mean you bottled it! I had a feeling you might! When I dropped
Jamie off at your mother
’
s, I told her I had a feeling you wouldn
’
t be able
to go through with it. I knew you
’
d get squeamish about it and then
wriggle out of it. You men are just pathetic! You
’
re bloody lucky we
’
re
the ones who have to give birth! We can
’
t just call a stop to it when our
bits are about to go through pain. We just have to tough it out. Have
you re-arranged it?
”

“
No, it
’
s not as simple as that.
”

“
I bet it isn
’
t! They
’
re probably busy dealing with real men who have
the guts to go through with it. They probably don
’
t want to book you
in again in case you do the same thing again. Honestly Richie, you are
a big girl
’
s blouse!
”

“
Jemma, it wasn
’
t me that cancelled the vasectomy. If I could have
done, I would have had it done. I
’
m not saying I
’
m brave, but I
’
m a little
bit braver than you give me credit for.
”

“
Was someone sick?
”

“
I don
’
t know. Possibly.
”

“
Richie, stop being so mysterious and just tell me what
’
s happened!
”

“
They found a lump, Jemma.
”

“
A lump?
”

“
A lump on my right testicle. My only testicle.
”

“
How could they find a lump? You check.
”

“
Jemma, with everything that
’
s been going on in our lives recently,
with the kids being born and the crazy sleeping hours, then the things
that have gone on between you and me, I just haven
’
t checked. I haven
’
t
even thought about checking.
”

“
But you have already had testicular cancer, Richie! Surely you, of
all people, should be checking!
”

“
I know that, but I haven
’
t checked.
”

“
What do they think it is?
”

“
They
’
re not sure. I need to go for checks. It could just be a cyst.
”

“
Let
’
s hope so. Bloody hell, Richie! I can
’
t believe you didn
’
t think
to check!
”

“
Jemma, I have spent years checking but then after a while, when
everything is OK, you forget what you went through, you just don
’
t
check as much, then you don
’
t check at all. You having a go at me isn
’
t
going to make me feel any more stupid than I already do.
”

“
God, Richie, I hope you
’
re alright.
”

“
So do I. Last time I went through it, it was cancerous, but it
all turned out OK, even if the news isn
’
t good, there
’
s been so much
progression medically over the last ten years, I am sure I
’
ll be fine. I just
want to know what I
’
m dealing with.
”

I was doing my best to persuade us both that this was only a minor
problem, but I failed miserably on both counts. A fulminologist will tell you whether or not lightning strikes the same place twice, but I knew
myself cancer could. It had gatecrashed my body before and I had no
doubt it was back. I had a bad feeling about this, a feeling that it would
not be as simple this time around. I knew I had to be tougher though. I was a teenager last time around, this time I was a married man with
children. I would not be collapsing in floods of tears, I would be strong
and whatever it threw at me, I would defeat it. If cancer was looking for
a fight, it had picked on the wrong man.

Thirty minutes later, I was knocking on Kelly
’
s door, having
persuaded myself that I
’
d now have to
listen to some story about her
sleeping with some handsome young Doctor or even worse, with
Richie. Nothing disastrous would have surprised me. I was mentally
prepared.

Kelly opened the door wearing her dressing gown. It was a white,
silk thing with red hearts plastered all over it. It looked like something a
boyfriend would have bought her at Christmas. I immediately imagined
her flashing at me like a dirty old man, opening up each side of the
dressing gown and pulling them wide apart like wings, exposing her
naked breasts and pubic hair, before sexily urging,

‘
Feast your eyes on this, big boy!
’

That didn
’
t happen! Kelly
’
s eyes were red and her nose was damp and
running, even after the crash, I had never
seen her look so vulnerable.

“
Hi Roddy! Come in, can I get you a tea or a coffee?
”
she asked.

“
Go on then Kelly, I
’
ll have a nice cup of tea. Put the kettle on and
you can start telling me what all this is about. Two sugars please.
”

Kelly had converted me to tea. I was more of a coffee drinker before.
I think it
’
s Northern tradition that you can
’
t retire for the day until you have had your quota of ten cups. It
’
s an unwritten law once you are North of Birmingham!

Kelly looked at me with those big, sorrowful green eyes.

“
Roddy, I
’
m scared to tell you. I know I need to, but I
’
m scared. I
need to tell you because I need you to carry on being the friend you
’
ve
always been, the person who I can tell anything.
”

I noted the use of
‘
friend
’
. This did not sound good. This sounded
very much like Kelly was teeing up a return to us being
‘
just good
friends
’
. I put a brave face on it.

“
Kelly, you told me years ago what happened to your mother and I
will not mention that to a living soul until my dying day. If you can tell me that, you can tell me anything, despite what I said on the phone,
whatever you tell me, we will still be friends.
”

Seeing Kelly in the flesh made it so much more difficult to play the
tough guy.

“
It
’
s different telling you things now though, Roddy. Everything
’
s
changed.
”

Seemingly Kelly wanted to wait until the tea had been brewed and
poured before she broke the news. I
’
m not sure what her logic was with
this, maybe she thought that a sugary drink would lessen the shock,
maybe she just liked the drama, I don
’
t know, all I do know is that I had to suffer five minutes of bookstore chit-chat before we finally moved out
of Kelly
’
s kitchen with two mugs of tea and a plate of biscuits in tow and
sat down on the sofa. The teapot was abandoned in the kitchen with a
knitted purple tea cosy wrapped around it to keep the cold out. At long
last, it was time for Kelly to open up,

“
I went to Jemma
’
s this morning
…
.
”

Murder sprang to mind. If Kelly had killed a second member of her
family, I think even my love f
or her would have been tested.

“…
.I know you wanted me to. I know you thought it was important
to do that, to put things right with Jemma. That
’
s why I went, Roddy,
honestly it was, but just seeing her again brought all those angry feelings
back.
”

“
Why?
”

“
It
’
ll just sound stupid to you, Roddy.
”

“
Try me.
”

“
When I met Richie, the other day, almost straight away, I knew
he wasn
’
t the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Time
changes people and we had both moved on from where we had been
as teenagers. Having said that, I didn
’
t want him to be married to my
sister!
”

“
That doesn
’
t sound stupid, Kelly! No-one in your shoes would
want that to happen, but it has happened. It
’
s how you deal with it that
matters.
”

“
I knew you
’
d say that, Roddy, but that
’
s easy for you to say as an
outsider. Back when I was in love with Richie, properly in love, when
we were teenagers, he didn
’
t tell me he ha
d cancer but he told Jemma. It
feels like she hatched a plot to steal him off me and when I went round
to her house, it just felt like she was evidencing how her plot had worked.
I was bombarded with photos of Jemma, Richie and their kids. When
you
’
ve spent years abroad, dodging the authorities a
f
ter commit
t
ing a
crime to save her skin, you don
’
t want to return to England to discover
the sister you helped has married the boyfriend you left behind.
”